Married Folk of Era... Where did you find your spouse? And at what age?

[Deleted member 9306]

I'm 22, and I know I'm probably waaay too young to be dating for marriage, but at this point I'm also too tired to date for fun. I just finished turning down/breaking up with a guy who I enjoyed my first date with, because he was getting pretty pushy about sex and wanted to do it with me on our second date. I turned him down because I'm a virgin and honestly wanted my first time to be special, and I wasn't feeling him like that yet. Granted, I should've seen it coming (he was 29), but it still sucks. I try dating guys my own age but alot of them are even more obsessed with sex and just don't match up well with me. I don't know why.

This keeps happening to me, and I've been dating off and on for 4 years. Still never been in a real relationship, nobody's clicking the way I need them to. So I've decided to just stop dating in general until I'm 25 or more likely 27, when I'm hoping people will be more serious and especially less sex obsessed. Until then I'm just going to go back to focusing on my friends and my personal hopes and dreams. Not sure if this is a good idea. Made this thread to try and keep myself hopeful, and to ask people who were married on ERA what their secret was.

So where did y'all meet your spouses? At what age? Did you meet them online, or in person? Is there something I'm doing wrong?

(I know there's a dating era but I thought this warranted it's own thread.)

 

[Xando]

Met my wife during university where she was studying biochemistry and i was studying economic computer science.

I was 23 and she was 21.

 

[Deleted member 9306]

Met my wife during university where she was studying biochemistry and i was studying economic computer science.

I was 23 and she was 21.

Click to shrink...

I'm happy you met her, but I'm beating myself up now. University dating was bunk for me, there weren't too many guys in my department (English) and no matter how many social events I went to I didn't mesh well with anyone. Hell, I even was part of the Black students org on campus and still didn't find any compatible dudes.

Maybe I'm just destined to be alone?

 

[jon bones]

I was 26 or 27, we met at a NYE rooftop party in NYC where we both lived at or near.

We texted for a while after, then started hooking up, then started dating, then moved in together, then got a dog, then got married, then had 2 kids, then bought a house.

Real fairy tale stuff 🥰

 

[WeAreStarStuff]

Met my wife at yoga. I was in my mid 20s, but we didn't start dating until a little after I turned 30. I'm 37 now.

 

[Xando]

I'm happy you met her, but I'm beating myself up now. University dating was bunk for me, there weren't too many guys in my department (English) and no matter how many social events I went to I didn't mesh well with anyone. Hell, I even was part of the Black students org on campus and still didn't find any compatible dudes.

Maybe I'm just destined to be alone?

Click to shrink...

You're still young. I wouldn't worry too much. Just enjoy life (well when covid is over) and you'll find someone that meshes well with you

 

[pikachief]

My wife and I met at 19/18 yrs old at a Christian Bible College lol friends in our second semester, best friends in our third, dating in our forth and married 2 years after that. Been married 5 years since.

we never really dated and tbh we both sometimes regret not having that dating experience but probably cuz we never went through the struggles that come with it.

 

[GYODX]

School. I think we were 6.

 

[Boy]

Met her in Europe while traveling one summer in our early 20s.

 

[Melville85]

Met my wife aged 27 at a temp job in London. I'm English and she's kiwi. We were friends for a few months and then started going out towards the end of her visa term. So I decided to move to NZ with her and haven't looked back since. It's been nearly 8 years and we have two beautiful kids. Couldn't be happier.

She was also my first serious girlfriend. I had lots of insecurity issues with dating and sex right into my mid 20s but moving to a bigger city helped me gain confidence and when I met 'the one' I knew I had to do whatever it took to stay with her.

Luckily for me that meant moving to the safe haven that is NZ!

 

[HylianSeven]

I met her when I was 22 and we both worked on the college newspaper. We started dating after I turned 23 later that year. This was back in 2012.

We moved in together a few months after she graduated in 2014, got engaged in 2016, married in 2018, and had our first child about two months ago.

I couldn't be happier, and our relationship only gets stronger every day. Both of us agree that spending even more time together at home during COVID made our relationship even stronger.

 

[Midramble]

First was high-school SO and married at 19. Second met at a hostel bar in Tokyo and married at 27. Getting past people's sex obsession is hard. It may be why tinder works because people can get the thirst out of the way and if they still build friendships after that tension is out of the way then its a good sign for the future of the relationship.

 

[williamthegoat]

Met my wife at a party at 20, I think. She was my best friends girlfriends sister. He married one, I married the other.

 

[.exe]

Met my SO through mutual acquaintances when I was 20. Got lucky. We didn't really explicitly date though. Just hung out together until it became a relationship.

Maybe don't focus too hard on dating as such, instead just socialize, meet people you enjoy being around and can be yourself with. Easier said than done, of course.

 

[Rocketz]

In college. I think I was 23. Mutual friends in Greek life. She used to hang out with me when I worked the desk at the residence halls.

Will be 10 years this year and married 4 years. If everything goes well out second kid will be here right before our anniversary. Will find out the sex this week.

 

[Deleted member 8752]

Met my wife when I was 31. And I dated a TON. Like I'm pretty sure I've been on over 100 first dates in my life.

It just happens when you and the other person are ready and feel strongly about each other. Don't rush it.

 

[mnemonicj]

At work.
I was 24, she was 21.

 

[Westonian]

Pen pal while I was on my LDS church mission in Russia. My mission companion knew her sister, who suggested I write to her.

We didn't meet in person until April 1999, and were married at the end in July 1999. We were both 22 years old. 21 years and four kids later we're still happily married.

I would lose my mind if any of my kids did that.

 

[Adventureracing]

We met whilst both working together in a rural hospital (stayed in the nursing quarters together). Met in our late 20s, we're friends for a couple of years before going out.

 

[heathen earth]

I was 22, saw her reading a Love and Rockets comic in a bookstore. I approached her and we spent like two hours just talking about comics in the store. Asked her out and we moved in together after about two months, lol. Got married two years later and have been for twelve years now. Some people would probably think that we moved too fast in the beginning, but when you know, you know.

OP, you're still pretty young. It can seem like you're never going to meet anyone at that age, but try to keep in mind that you have a limited perspective on time. I did what you're talking about doing and took about a year and a half between my previous girlfriend and my now-wife, just to figure myself out and understand what I really wanted out of a relationship. I think I was better for it.

 

[Spork4000]

Met my wife when we're both 18, freshman year of college. Not sure what to tell you besides not to get too discouraged and get back out there. I don't think the mindset you're having issues with really changes at any age, don't compromise your principles though, there are dudes out there who are willing to respect boundaries.

 

[nekkid]

22, she was 21. Met at a few parties, were friends of friends.

Married at 26, had our 10th anniversary this year.

 

[Pirateluigi]

My first wife I met in high school but we didn't actually start dating until our mid twenties. My current wife we met online (OKCupid) when she was 29 and I was 32.

 

[WGMBY]

Met my wife on OkCupid actually, we lived in the same city and hit it off immediately. She had just turned 23, and I was 22. We dated for 5 years before getting married and have been married a few years now.

 

[Kazooie]

I met my wife online while I was studying at the university, age 20 when we first met in person; she was 19. It wasn't really intended as a date, we just met after having known online for about a year but really liked each other pretty much instantly. We married seven years later, which is now five years in the past.

 

[The Waistcoat]

Met my wife on tinder the day she had returned to Singapore, I was 32 or 33 at the time and she is a few years younger than me.

My first marriage was when I was 21 so don't feel like you're too young to be thinking about marriage.

 

[Jmille99]

My wife and I worked at the same place. She was 18 and I was a few months shy of 21. Dated a few years and got married when she was 21 and I was 24.

 

[Darth Karja]

Plenty of Fish. I was 21 and she was 22. We've been together 8 years now and married 4 years.

 

[TwntyOneTwlv]

I was 17, she was 16. We met in high school drama club. Dated for two years, was engaged for three, now married for six with a kid on the way.

 

[ronpontelle]

She was a friend of my housemate. We'd been on the periphery of each others lives and met a couple of times before she moved into our shared house.

The night she moved in we stayed up until the early ours, drinking tea and smoking joints and chatting. This carried on for about a month, shared pretty much everything in those conversations, and then we got it on at her 30th birthday party, I was 31. Been together 11 years now, married for 18 months and have a three year old.

Sometimes it feels like we've been together forever, other times I can't believe eleven years have passed.

She can be a pain in the arse, as I can be to her, but she's awesome and luckily she thinks the same about me. We've had our ups and downs, pretty much exclusively from external stresses - because of that I think we can handle anything life throws at us. Ultimately it makes us stronger.

We're very different on the surface, which balances out really well, but ultimately our deep seated beliefs and what we want from our lives and how we want to live them, are perfectly matched.

 

[Kazooie]

Maybe I'm just destined to be alone?

Click to shrink...

My wife was my first partner ever and I also didn't ever have a date before. Though it felt like that at times before I met her, no one is "destined" to be alone.

 

[kierwynn]

Met my husband on a video game and I was like 26? We've been married for 4 years and have a monster baby lol

 

[WestEgg]

For what it's worth, I spent my 20s having unfulfilling, short term relationships that always felt more out of obligation than actual attraction. When I was about 25, I met a girl who I was immediately drawn to, but she ended up not being interested in that way. We still became best friends.

Six years later, she had been experimenting with dating around and wasn't having much luck, and eventually admitted to me that she judges every guy she goes out with against me, hadn't found someone she liked more, and asked if I would be still be interested in going out sometime. I had long given up the idea of that happening, but had been low key carrying that flame since we met, and of course agreed.

We aren't married as of now, so it's not a perfect answer for you. Even with a few personal issues on both sides, we're still currently in the best relationship either of us has had. All of this didn't happen until I was 31, and it came from a place I didn't expect. You're still really young, trust me when I say there's time and it may happen when you least expect it.

Edit: just realized I didn't say where we met. It was at a GameStop, when we were both trying to get a Ness Amiibo. The servers crashed and we ended up having to wait an hour to get our orders in, giving us time to talk. I actually asked for her Wii U friend code instead of her phone number at first because I was that awkward/nervous about it.

 

[Reckheim]

met when we were 22 at a concert.

 

[tormented]

We were both 24 when we met on the good ol' Internet. Got married at 28. Much younger than I anticipated given that I spent my early 20s in a string of FWB relationships that went nowhere.

 

[sphagnum]

Online, I was 22, she was 21. That was 9 years ago and we got married 2 years ago.

 

[Neutral_Jump]

We were both 20 when we met. We were both in bands playing a show at a small all ages venue. My bandmate and I were recording a lot at the time so we invited her and her band to make a split with us.

The split happened, as did a split with my current gf at the time. 13 years later and we've been living together for 11, have had a dog for 10, have played in many bands together and just recently got engaged earlier his year. Probably no kids, but never say never.

Everyone has a different path.

 

[ronpontelle]

I'd also only had two relationships before we met when I 31. One was just after high school for a couple of years that dragged on and off until I was 23; and the was basically lots of fucking with a 19 year old I met on the bus when I was 28.

Ahh, MSN Messenger...

 

[Servbot24]

I'm engaged. We met on OKCupid when we were both 29, been together ver 2 years now. She was divorced for 2 years when we met, I have never been married.

 

[Deleted member 36578]

Met my wife at age 38. Her 33. Neither is us had been married before, both longest relationship prior to ours was 3 years long. Don't ever give up on love or life. You never know who you'll meet, in our case at a friend's get together.

 

[wolfshirt]

I'm 22..... I try dating guys my own age but alot of them are even more obsessed with sex and just don't match up well with me. I don't know why.

Click to shrink...

Boys your age want to have sex as much as they breathe air--their virility is quite literally off of the fucking charts.

You just need to keep dating, go through the bullshit until you find someone who makes you feel sexually comfortable, perhaps before thinking about a life partner.

 

[Jellycrackers]

During college, I was 22 and she was 21. She got an internship with the TV News station at which I was working part time! I was assigned to train her and we just instantly connected.

 

[III-V]

We were both 20, we then married at 25. We met going out with some friends to this strip that has a lot of bars and dance clubs. We ended up chatting, dancing, and then spending the whole night together walking by the bay. Although we were from different cities, we had mutual friends or acquaintances in each of each others hometowns. We never split up, or even spent much time apart from each other. I got really lucky and have always been happy.

 

[Biggersmaller]

We are both from the Minneapolis area. I met my future wife in a suburban high school, but we didn't date then. She actually set me up with her best friend since childhood. My relationship with her friend ended after graduation. We then attended the same college in SE Minnesota and began to date. My high school ex stopped being friends with us both at that point. We broke-up when she went abroad to Ireland to finish school. Not a big deal. Neither wanted to have a LDR in college. We remained friends. Dated others. A few years after graduation we both broke-up with our SO at the time and began to date each other again. Got married a year after that. We're both 37. 11 years married now with 2 sons.

 

[Deleted member 11976]

I was 23, she was 21, we met at a special interest club at our university. We got talking outside of club activities, went on a date when we knew we were mutually interested. 9 years later we've had a few apartments together (moved in after 6 months of dating) and just got married this year.

My advice is be patient with yourself OP, especially with the pandemic because it complicates dating. I joined clubs at my university to try new things and me meeting my now-wife was just a happy coincidence since I wasn't really looking to meet anyone romantically at the time. When the pandemic is over, my recommendation would be to try the same thing: try new things you might enjoy and if you meet someone, that's great, but if not, hopefully the activity you're doing brings you joy all the same.

 

[Dremorak]

Met my wife at high school, when we were 13.
We were best friends from then till around 18 we started dating, got married at 21.
Kind of young, but we had known each other for 8 years at that point.
We had our 10 year anniversary a few months back.
We've got 2 kids, 2 cats, 2 fish :P

 

[meowdi gras]

Khutulan, can I just say that, as a woman dumped earlier this year by her oversexed boyfriend for "not putting out", I relate so much to your OP? 🙄

Anyway, I'm technically still married (as far as I know) to my estranged spouse from a long while back, but would rather not go into that whole deal. Sorry.

Fake edit: Ok, let's just say it was moonlighting at the grocery store, where we became friends, then by serendipity(?) met up again over a decade later when I was moonlighting at a movie theater and then became romantically involved. We still love each other, but like every other relationship I've been in, I ignored incompatibilities. Marriage was definitely a mistake for us.

Second fake edit: Don't ever settle or become someone you're not for the sake of a relationship. It's not worth it. Always be true to yourself and your needs. This I've learned, the hard way!

 

[Seirith]

I met my husband on Yahoo, at the time when you had a Yahoo email you could also make a profile, his said he was from NY and that he liked "Animals, anime and video games" so I decided to message him. It turned out he liked about 15 minuets away from me. I was 14 turning 15 soon and he was 18. We met at the local mall and then started darting when I was 15, got engaged when I was 18 and got married when I was 21. We have been together 22 years now, married 14.

 

[Deleted member 5028]

Met at a bar through a mutual. She was 20, I was 24. That was 15 years ago and we have been married 3 years now. No breaks or anything. Just took time getting there.

 

[Deleted member 4367]

College at one of my roommate's crappy frat parties. We bonded over the complete lack of beer. At a frat party. I was 20 and she was 18.