It's not really even appropriate to have this conversation in this thread because she clearly didn't want it if you read the statement.
-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
Melanie Martinez Accused of Rape By Former Friend, Denies Allegations in Statement
- Thread starter Deleted member 835
- Start date
I literally gave them an out, a chance to explain themselves. "Surely you didn't mean <rapey, creepy thing>, but instead you meant to say <something about affirmative, enthusiastic consent>, right?"
And their answer was to say "well not really" and double-down on their gross, rapey rhetoric. So yeah.
No one said otherwise. The problem arises when you have people arguing that if there is no struggle/not saying "no" is the same as consent.
(I do like how you describe "typical" sex encounters with women, though, like all sex acts or encounters start out that way or something... lol)
Who are you speaking to?
Where in my post did I imply lack of response is consent? Reciprocation is written right there and without a positive response one wouldn't continue.
I'm not saying there isn't... but I also know if she's dropping her panties and you go "So, I guess that means you want to have sex?" isn't going to ruin the mood (and bonus points you might get a good hearted laugh which is always a nice way to score points during foreplay)
It was that, and they started only replying to each other's posts and dodging discussion.
Again, you are not infallible. Why is this so hard?
Not reciprocating emotion or physical contact, a demeanor that suggests irritation, fear, etc., sounds of discomfort, no response when asked if they're okay. A bunch of things. As I said, I personally feel comfortable still asking if the person is okay even if the person is reciprocating and seems to be enjoying the moment.
True.
The shit is sickening. Girl repeatedly said no for two days and several hours and all the action happened in one direction (the molester performed oral and the molester used a toy on the victim)
It's clear as day that rape occurred. That is if this statement by the accuser is true and there is no reason to believe otherwise.
I get what you are saying and honestly it's good that you ask if there is even a smidge of doubt.
I'll never get what's wrong with just asking "wanna fuck?" Or "are you into this?"
Like, I've had a LOT of sex, guys. Asking for consent has literally never ruined the moment .
Even the fear of this is hilarious. "I'd ask for consent but I might not get laid if I do!"
Like, I've had a LOT of sex, guys. Asking for consent has literally never ruined the moment .
Even the fear of this is hilarious. "I'd ask for consent but I might not get laid if I do!"
Also agree with this. If your fear is that asking for consent will ruin your chances of getting laid, then that itself seems problematic as it means you're willing to circumvent a decent gesture just to get it in. That's... odd.
I mean this is hugely different from ya know... "Not struggling" or "Not saying no" which was the topic being argued.
Ok? There are a billion different things you could say instead.
I don't know what's so douchey about saying that though.
My wife doesn't seem to mind :)
But obviously there are other ways to phrase it. That said, it's pretty clear you understand this whole situation. I was more up in arms about the people who literally just said "She didn't struggle so that must mean yes." True, some women may act like that and be fully consenting, but simply asking "You okay if I keep going?" takes like half a second and then there is no room for doubt.
Realizing you were already banned for this post, I wanted to reply anyways since it elicited such a rise out of me. I ask my *wife* if she wants to have sex. Indifference results in us both going to sleep. We've been married 18 years.
To be clear, yes you should have explicit consent. Always. Asking "Are you comfortable with this?" or "Do you want to do this?" is not a heavy lift.
Good job pointing out what I asked for. If a discussion is not your intention don't respond.
Yeah I get that. Sorry for saying douchey initially as that was not the write word to use.
Can I kiss you? Are you okay? Whats wrong?
Nobody wants to ask those questions, it runs against passion, romance and masculinity.
That being said with how many people are devoid of social normalcy now it might be needed.
This discussion is a bit weird for me as I don't equate the chance of not having sex with the chance I might not have consent.
Yeah, and no one did ask those questions. That's why an exorbitant amount of women can claim they were raped.
The priority is the same. More concerned with getting laid than getting consent.
Do the people saying asking ruins the moment have any anecdotal evidence of it actually ruining a moment?
Hahaha. No it doesn't.
If I ask my fiancé "are you ready for daddy's big dick?" it's certainly not gonna turn her off.
Seriously, it can be as simple or silly as "you ready?" or "you want me inside you now?" or "DOST THOU DESIRE THE D?" Whatever language your partner is comfortable with, if they want to do it with you it won't be an issue.
"Oh no, they care about my well-being and want to make sure I'm all right! Sex cancelled."
I've heard some women say that a guy asking for "permission" before a kiss is a huge turnoff so on that I'm a bit on the fence and not sure what's the right thing. They're like "if I don't want it I'll let you know but if you ask I'll definitely not want it. For more sexual things it's incredibly easy to ask in a way that makes sense and won't ruin the moment.
Fiance? Who is talking about an already established relationship?
Certainly doesn't turn me off either.
Peeps, just ask. It ain't difficult.
Lol. Maybe you should instead read the OP and think about your optics. Bonus points for not understanding my posts, too.
As has been addressed, non-verbal consent can and does also exist. Groups like RAINN even acknowledge it. Clear and enthusiastic body language is ok. What isn't ok is assuming that as long as she's not saying 'no', then you're good.
This is oversimplifying it a bit. Would make just about everyone with an active sex life a rapist.
If my girl says it's too much I ask if she wants to keep going. I get what you guys are saying.
I think I was more shocked by the insinuation if you don't clearly ask and get a verbal yes that it's rape. I understand now that I just misinterpreted the discussion.
It should be taught that way no doubt.
I think I was more shocked by the insinuation if you don't clearly ask and get a verbal yes that it's rape. I understand now that I just misinterpreted the discussion.
It should be taught that way no doubt.
Because those women are programmed to think that the man needs to be the aggressor. No, you, as a man, need to make sure the woman is ok with every step. She may be comfortable with some things, but not so much others. Doing something she doesn't like?
Guess what you are.
Plenty of people in this thread? You should still be aware that you have consent within a relationship.
Those things should of been defined by people early on, communication is key to a healthy sex life.
How do you know if a person is the kind of person that just "shuts down" when afraid?
What kind of demeanor "suggests" irritation, fear, etc?
How do you know if a person is the kind of person that freezes up and makes no sound or movement when afraid?
Re: the last question- asking if they're okay is exactly what people argue for.
Toxic masculinity, maybe.
Ugh, knowing a man respects women as people with agency is just such a turn off. I HATE decent men.
Why can't it be that simple? How else would you end this bullshit?
Christ, I have to sign to waive rental car insurance.
Yet, making sure you're not raping someone with a simple question is too much to ask?
We really are in a patriarchy.
I dont mariah even made a peep about the allegations did she? maybe thats part of why it never was made a story
neither had Melanie Martinez
not getting call out on it isn't the same thing as not doing anything wrong
im not trying to say anything about you, just that that argument flies in the face of the exact thing this thread is about
Nigga I swear to god if you call yourself daddy
Real men get called Zaddy
Huh? Being in a relationship isn't an all-access pass. You still need consent every time you have sex with your significant other.
Er, no.
Maybe you should reply directly to my post as you've yet to highlight where in that post I implied a lack of response is consent. As you've struggled to do that then your maybe your optics are the issue.
Of course thats not what I meant, more talking about fetishes and how they intercept with your social norms.
This thread really goes to show how some people will be willfully ignorant in spite of the obvious evidence.
Really, this is all that needs to be said.
Really, this is all that needs to be said.
It all comes down to the situation.
If she hands me a condom and opens her legs, is hearing "YES" still necessary after that point?
Then there's relationships... You know someone and communication can be through body language without a word being said.