Relocating without significant other.

[Cutebrute]

As someone who has started long distance with his gf of four years in order to take of himself and his career (and to escape MS), I can somewhat relate. We've been long distance for about six months now. Our situations differ in some key ways, as all relationship issues do, but feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this in detail or to gripe about MS with another liberal.

I agree with a few of the other posters here: you need to take care of yourself first, but you don't need to end things if you truly care about your significant other. And hopefully she would understand as well. This is a tough way to go but it is always an option.

 

[PanickyFool]

This is breakup or don't.

 

[Marjorine]

Your relationship probs won't make it through that kind of distance. The four years and still not being sure if she is the one?

Idk. Move. See what happens. But be prepared mentally for the worst. You seem like a good guy. You're 30. And as someone in this thread said, you're at the point where life starts going very fast. Move.

 

[Beardz]

If you leave you already know what you get, a better job, you're gaining something. At the same time you might lose your relationship.

If you stay you don't gain anything and maybe even lose your relationship in the future because of this.

 

[Zoe]

This isn't about the job, it's about long term goals. She's already planted her roots, but this job is giving you the opportunity you've been looking for to do that elsewhere.

 

[Deleted member 12028]

Seems like she is dead set of staying there for life. If you hate where you live now and it's so important to you - you gotta get out. You should talk to her, but it sounds to me like you should make a clean break and move to the new place.

 

[Alwayscrazybacon]

She definitely could, but it's not going to happen. Ive offered help opening a new location while she hired managers to run the current spot. No go, Mississippi is home. She plans to build a house here within a year.

Click to shrink...

One of my best friends biggest regrets was not moving to another town (not even all that far away) when he was offeted a better job with a higher salary and only because his girlfriend didnt want to move away from her mother, she was in her 30's and could drive because it was not that far. He never got that oppertunity again and complains about his job all the time.

 

[kristoffer]

A career isn't everything that's important in life. You should consider how much you treasure your relationship with your girlfriend. Do you think you'll find someone like her again?

 

[BringBackSonics]

It's been four years and your struggling to choose. I think you know the answer. She feels if you leave the relationship is over. She's not going to want to move to follow you unless there is a substantial commitment

 

[chicken_pasta]

I think that long distance relationships that have a shot at succeeding, are those where there's an end to the distance on sight, and a few visits in between. In your case, OP, your GF seems keen on staying where she is, and it seems your career will take you further apart. Do you honestly believe there's a chance you'll end up living in the same city within, say, a year? If not, it's a decision between career and relationship.

 

[Magni]

my main goal has been to get out of Miss. for years now. Problem is, my girlfriend of four years has a fairy successful small business she is running here, and does not want to leave it or her family behind.

Click to shrink...

Those don't seem very compatible with each other. Have you never talked to your GF about wanting to leave Mississippi before this promotion came up?

-

For others who have the same question, it's definitely possible as long as there's a plan in place. Two friends of mine moved to Singapore from Tokyo last year. The girl went first to scope it out, and then depending on how she liked it (and how he liked it when he went to visit her), he would follow her or she would come back. He ended up following her over five months later (they'd originally planned on at most a year apart, with numerous occasions to see each other during that time)

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

Those don't seem very compatible with each other. Have you never talked to your GF about wanting to leave Mississippi before this promotion came up?

-

For others who have the same question, it's definitely possible as long as there's a plan in place. Two friends of mine moved to Singapore from Tokyo last year. The girl went first to scope it out, and then depending on how she liked it (and how he liked it when he went to visit her), he would follow her or she would come back. He ended up following her over five months later (they'd originally planned on at most a year apart, with numerous occasions to see each other during that time)

Click to shrink...

I definitely made it clear I did not want to settle in Mississippi before she opened the business. Ive always been upfront about my distaste for the area, cultute, politics, job market, and schools, but she wanted to take her shot and I respected that. There has been marriage and baby talk, but the mississippi living is what has held me back this entire time.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

As someone who has started long distance with his gf of four years in order to take of himself and his career (and to escape MS), I can somewhat relate. We've been long distance for about six months now. Our situations differ in some key ways, as all relationship issues do, but feel free to PM me if you want to talk about this in detail or to gripe about MS with another liberal.

I agree with a few of the other posters here: you need to take care of yourself first, but you don't need to end things if you truly care about your significant other. And hopefully she would understand as well. This is a tough way to go but it is always an option.

Click to shrink...

Awesome, Ill probably pm you for any advice i may have after i decide what to do. Have tonight to decide.

 

[kagete]

Your loved ones will want to see you grow and spread your wings. Maybe the relationship changes and you can still be friends. Or you could both fight to stay together in a long distance relationship.

My wife and I were long distance for 5 years before we got married. It was difficult and we broke up around the 3 year mark before we got back together again. We only saw each other twice a year and it was just Skype and phone calls between us. She had family to take care of, expensive ongoing education, and a career mapped out for her already. She definitely wouldn't move out and say goodbye to all that for a guy she just started dating. We both worked hard to be better versions of ourselves while far apart from each other. Ultimately she was the one that moved and went away from her comfort zone in order to be with me.

Talk to her OP. Is there that special connection between you that would transcend distance? Will a text first thing in the morning or a quick Skype call before bed still give you butterflies?

 

[Mortemis]

To me it seems like you've made your decision, and are just looking for support to push you to do it.

Go for it OP. If you think this will lead to a better life for you, don't miss out on it.

Do you have a good social network in Mississippi outside of your GF and her family? If you don't, and really hate the place, it'll go really south if things ever get rocky between you two.

 

[GungHo]

Is the 20/25k a significant bump for you? I assume it is at 30, but can't tell for sure.

Do you think you would marry this person if you stayed in Mississippi?

 

[Smitington]

Don't know what you should do OP, but just wanted to give +1 vote for KC. I grew up there, and while I don't live there now, I would never advise people against moving there. Also as long as you live in KC, it's pretty liberal in the heart of the city. It's been growing so much, I hardly recognize it when I go back.

 

[Officer Big Mac]

Ask your gf for a counter offer.

 

[Sulik2]

Take the job, a decent job is incredibly hard to come by in this country, if you have your shot at promotion you need to take it.

 

[Possum Armada]

Really seems like you are looking for permission to move. I say go with that feeling.

 

[tino]

Give the new job a year to find out if the new job or your gf is more important. Maybe things will work out without a breakout. If you can get another promotion in 2 years then it's worth it.

 

[TheMan]

dude, it's mississippi

get the hell out of there at all costs

 

[Chrno]

if you made it clear to your GF that you were not interested in staying in Mississippi and then she went and opened a business in Mississippi and told you she wanted to buy a house in Mississippi then I feel like there's not really a lot to talk about here..

 

[Kisaya]

Leave. I get that it's a difficult decision, but it sounds like theres no compromise in your relationship.

Also, I don't get why family keeps people from not moving. If you have a good relationship with them, it doesn't mean you won't see them forever. Holidays exist.

 

[SugarNoodles]

It sounds like you dont want to live the life that you'd need to in order to stay with your girlfriend.

I think your fear of growing resentment is spot on. Taking the opportunity to move sounds like the best option here.

 

[uncelestial]

I'd leave.

 

[Karateka]

Ive been working a job 30 hours away for 6 mobths and my relationship is great but weve been planning a weddibg and she just landed a job that would let her move here.

In my case if she didnt want to come here I sure as hell wouldnt be here.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

To add a new wrinkle, I was offered a similar job in a town a bit more than an hour away. Unfortunately, Id have to commute daily and still have to live in Mississippi. Theres also a chance they move me anywhere within a few hundred miles each way after I train. Someone said it sounds like I am asking permission to leave, and afer reading my posts back, it does sound like that. I think I have to take the relocation. Going in to work soon, will decide on this mornings coffee. what

 

[Zoe]

To add a new wrinkle, I was offered a similar job in a town a bit more than an hour away. Unfortunately, Id have to commute daily and still have to live in Mississippi. Theres also a chance they move me anywhere within a few hundred miles each way after I train.

Click to shrink...

Don't commute three hours a day to stay in a place you hate.

 

[wenis]

Get out. Look out for yourself my guy. If it's meant to be in the end you guys will find a way or each other down the line.

 

[Deleted member 9486]

Sounds like you need to weigh how important she is to you versus having to live in Mississippi for potentially a very long time. My instinct is to say leave if you've wanted to get out of there, and improve your life, but...

Click to shrink...

That's the question for sure. I'd say it's time to move on if she's likely never willing to leave MS and he seems desperate to flee. As others note, 4 years at age 30 is a long time with no discussion of marriage, kids etc. so it sounds like a move and a fresh start could be a great thing in general. It doesn't seem like she's likely to be the best match they can find, so no reason to put up with living somewhere they hate to keep the relationship going. There are a lot of fish in the sea, and even more so when you get to more populated areas vs. declining rural states like MS.

I defintely empathize with wanting out of a place like MS. I grew up in WV (WV and MS are always worst or second worst is most everything) and couldn't wait to get out. Left for grad school and have been in big cities ever since and couldn't be happier.

 

[Azraes]

So this sounds sort of similar to what a close of mine is pretty much living through. He moved pretty much across the globe to be with her and then it moved from long long distance to short long distance of just a few hours away but they pretty much spent the entire time together when they were here. A couple of years of that and then he's been moved to Germany and in that time she pretty much bought a house here. She supported him and encouraged him to go for the new role. However it has had tensions the last time I heard. That said it's been going on for a year where he's now in Germany and she's in the UK. I know he pretty much majority of his spare time to visit her or they go on holidays together. Seriously speaking if they didn't put in that much work into staying together it's probably doomsville but I know it's not easy for either of them and yeah despite her telling him to go chase his dreams she wasn't happy when he was about to leave. They are okay and have spoken about getting engaged and married but at the same time it's not perfect. I think they've been together 4 years and he's in his 30s and she's in her mid 20s.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

So this sounds sort of similar to what a close of mine is pretty much living through. He moved pretty much across the globe to be with her and then it moved from long long distance to short long distance of just a few hours away but they pretty much spent the entire time together when they were here. A couple of years of that and then he's been moved to Germany and in that time she pretty much bought a house here. She supported him and encouraged him to go for the new role. However it has had tensions the last time I heard. That said it's been going on for a year where he's now in Germany and she's in the UK. I know he pretty much majority of his spare time to visit her or they go on holidays together. Seriously speaking if they didn't put in that much work into staying together it's probably doomsville but I know it's not easy for either of them and yeah despite her telling him to go chase his dreams she wasn't happy when he was about to leave. They are okay and have spoken about getting engaged and married but at the same time it's not perfect. I think they've been together 4 years and he's in his 30s and she's in her mid 20s.

Click to shrink...

Nice to hear a lot of stories about it working out. Before she left for work, she said she supports me in whatever I choose. I feel like I might not get another shot, so I am taking the one I have. Off to Kansas City, MO for me.

 

[uncelestial]

I think you're making the right choice. Kansas City is way cooler than MS and your career is a valuable thing that has to be protected. Best of luck to you.

 

[Violence Jack]

I'm all for anyone wanting to get the hell out of MS as quickly as possible. You have to do what's best for you OP. This sounds like a great step in advancing your career.

One of my exes had a great career opportunity 2 hours away from me, and I wasn't about to leave my great job to go with her to a city that was an unsafe shithole. I told her to go, and we lasted another 6-8 months before breaking up.

 

[Officer Big Mac]

I think you're making the right choice. Kansas City is way cooler than MS and your career is a valuable thing that has to be protected. Best of luck to you.

Click to shrink...

But people in Ksnsas City won't shut up about their bbq.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

Made it official guys. 3 weeks to work out here, then I am on my way. Very excited, very nervous, but I feel it is the right move for me. This is a different topic, but this is part of me wanting to better myself overal. Ive suffered from some social anxiety my entire life, and this job will be a real challenge that I think will be good for me.

 

[Random Painted Highway]

Wow congrats on the decision. Good work pushing yourself, op.

 

[Ultima_5]

It's Kansas City, MO. I have a cheap place to stay there with family until I get on my feet. I dont think it is my final spot, but I'll see how I like it. My goal is to get to a more liberal city with good opportunities.(idk if I should make this a big deal, but it does get tiring being the crazy liberal in conservative towns for so long lol). i realize this is still a very conservative area, but the opportunity is there and it cant be Mississippi bad.

Click to shrink...

I dumped a girl three years ago that I was dating when I moved to KC. I have no regrets. Its a really nice city it's pretty liberal for being in the Midwest and has a nice culture. Enough nice things to do, and isn't to crowded or expensive. If you have any questions regarding KC let me know and I can help you out a bit if you want.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

Wow congrats on the decision. Good work pushing yourself, op.

Click to shrink...

Thanks! I plan to take my mental health very seriously from here on, and I will make plans to talk to a professional as soon as I can to help me out. it is time.

I dumped a girl three years ago that I was dating when I moved to KC. I have no regrets. Its a really nice city it's pretty liberal for being in the Midwest and has a nice culture. Enough nice things to do, and isn't to crowded or expensive. If you have any questions regarding KC let me know and I can help you out a bit if you want.

Click to shrink...

The family I will live with has told me nothing but great things. And man, that would be great. I really need a place to play some pickup basketball when I go.

 

[Azraes]

Nice to hear a lot of stories about it working out. Before she left for work, she said she supports me in whatever I choose. I feel like I might not get another shot, so I am taking the one I have. Off to Kansas City, MO for me.

Click to shrink...

Good luck! Honestly things like these have a way of working out. Hope you've a good move and KC always felt nice the last few times I was there.

 

[Cutebrute]

Made it official guys. 3 weeks to work out here, then I am on my way. Very excited, very nervous, but I feel it is the right move for me. This is a different topic, but this is part of me wanting to better myself overal. Ive suffered from some social anxiety my entire life, and this job will be a real challenge that I think will be good for me.

Click to shrink...

Congratulations! I think you made the right choice. Cheers to your exciting new career opportunity. :)

 

[Zubalon]

Break up with her....if you really loved her this would be a no brainier !

 

[Seirith]

Leave. I get that it's a difficult decision, but it sounds like theres no compromise in your relationship.

Also, I don't get why family keeps people from not moving. If you have a good relationship with them, it doesn't mean you won't see them forever. Holidays exist.

Click to shrink...

Do you really only want to see your family on a holiday? I have a great time with my parents and I enjoy seeing them more than just Christmas and Thanksgiving. As long as they are alive, I will not move away. They raised me and I will be there to help them as they age and need it. I will also see them and do things with them more often than one or two times per year.

 

[Seirith]

Made it official guys. 3 weeks to work out here, then I am on my way. Very excited, very nervous, but I feel it is the right move for me. This is a different topic, but this is part of me wanting to better myself overal. Ive suffered from some social anxiety my entire life, and this job will be a real challenge that I think will be good for me.

Click to shrink...

So will you two try and do long distance or are you ending things?

I hope the job is all you want it to be and more. You are very brave to take the chance.

 

[Deleted member 33887]

Not surprised you decided to make the move, sounds like it is what you wanted. That being said, Missouri from Mississippi is not that big of an upgrade. Kansas City is great though, just try not to let the rest of the state drag you down. Hope you enjoy our not so great state!

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

So will you two try and do long distance or are you ending things?

I hope the job is all you want it to be and more. You are very brave to take the chance.

Click to shrink...

We are going to try and make it work. I plan to scout locations for her business and hope she bites lol. She always pushes me to work harder, says I can do better, and is generally encouraging. It's going to be tough, but I hope we can do it.

 

[Kisaya]

Do you really only want to see your family on a holiday? I have a great time with my parents and I enjoy seeing them more than just Christmas and Thanksgiving. As long as they are alive, I will not move away. They raised me and I will be there to help them as they age and need it. I will also see them and do things with them more often than one or two times per year.

Click to shrink...

I'm biased because of my own personal situation, but even so I wouldn't let my family hold me back from moving and define my lifestyle. If you manage to make both work out, awesome, but if your dream is to live somewhere that's far from your parents... why stop yourself?

 

[Seirith]

I'm biased because of my own personal situation, but even so I wouldn't let my family hold me back from moving and define my lifestyle. If you manage to make both work out, awesome, but if your dream is to live somewhere that's far from your parents... why stop yourself?

Click to shrink...

Why stop myself? Because I love my parents and I want to see them on more than holidays and talking on the phone. I don't like where I live but seeing and being with my parents is more important to me than moving to another state. My parents are a big part of my life. I love going to the Memorial day flea market/vintage car show, eating BBQ and then stopping for ice cream on the way home. I love spending mothers day with my mom and fathers day with my dad. I love getting together with them and my husband for 4th of July fireworks. When my mother had cancer I could bring her food (my dad can't cook) and run errands for her when she wasn't feeling well. When she had an 8 hour surgery I could sit next to my dad so he didn't have to be alone all day waiting for her.

I am very lucky to have great parents who I truly do enjoy doing things with and I know a lot of people don't have that.

 

[FiveHandsMusic]

Hate for the old bump, but as the date closes in for me to leave(Wednesday), I am increasingly feeling doubtful and nervous. Perhaps it is just anxiety for change, but It is getting to me. The girlfriend has been emotional as well as the date closes in.