Fuck. I am so sorry for bringing that all back.
I can't imagine going through that.
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Reverse information on “ They Didn’t Have Children and, Most Said, They Don’t Have Regrets”
- Thread starter Deleted member 17092
- Start date
I can't imagine going through that.
Well yes my perspective would shift if the population of humans on earth were in decline.
This makes me sad actually. Having a kid made me like all kids a lot more. They're so much more likeable than adults!
OP
OP
I have to be the one controversial yet brave individual yet again and say, actually, humans are good, children are humans and thus good, human extinctionists need to get therapy, and any argument for human extinction or a general decline in human population is an argument for you, yourself, getting off the internet and in general ceasing to consume absolutely any of nature or society's benison and yet YOU'RE STILL HERE so I guess you meant those OTHER humans you don't like very much should be the ones to stop existing, huh?
Personally I wonder if there's any good substitute for creating a loving family that cares for each other. Who wants to be old and lonely?
OP
OP
My wife and I don't want kids and we are having the time of our fucking life. Plus, it's environmentally conscious!
Something like that happened to me. It's kinda like when you move out to live on your own, and then growing up real fast when you realize that if you leave something undone, the person who has to deal with it afterwards is you. Being the primary caregiver for a kid makes you grow up real fast.
Having a kid really drove home that a lot of things are up to me, because until a certain age, the kid's entirely reliant on the quality of your care. If you fuck up or miss something and the kid suffers, that's not the kid's fault - it's yours. The added burden or responsibility is huge, and you start to really check your behavior at a level you never had to before. No matter how much you want to do something or say something, you have to remember that the kid comes first, and that doing something just to make yourself feel better may not be what makes your kid feel better.
The emotional attachment is also something very different because having a kid is sort of putting your heart out there. It's emotional vulnerability in a way that you haven't experienced before. You love the kid, but the kid is so much more vulnerable than any of your loved ones. You can take care of yourself. Your friends, family and SO can probably all take care of themselves for the most part. But your kid? A young kid is way more vulnerable, and because you can only reasonably teach and protect your kid so much, that's scary.
That vulnerability is probably why a lot of media scenes surrounding parenting hit a lot harder to me now than before. Movies and such love to do shit like having a kid separated from their parents because of war or something, and until I had a kid, I just saw those things as just another movie scene. But now that I have a kid, it does hurt more to see those things because it's so easy to picture my own kid in those situations.
I mean I want kids but If I ever raised them to be this sanctimonious then I might then go into the op kid regret column
someone in another part of the world flying once every couple years or so to see their family,doesn't mean they have to admit they don't care if they otherwise try to make an effort to reduce emissions in their daily lives. that's some impossible standards shit right there.
I've just noticed you made the utopia video post so not much understanding to be gained here tbh if you think that guy isn't the antagonist
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It would be a terrible regret to have but you know what's worse? Having a kid just in case you might regret not doing it later.
I'm totally sure I don't want kids, I can't see that changing. My worldview is such that I see kids as an imposition on my time/money/energy, so while it's possible I could regret it on my deathbed when I potentially die alone, I honestly hope I get enough life experience out of my free time/money that it's worth it.
Plus having a kid is no guarantee they're gonna stick around after 18 years. And the whole "but who will care for me as an old man?" argument just seems super damn selfish.
I'm totally sure I don't want kids, I can't see that changing. My worldview is such that I see kids as an imposition on my time/money/energy, so while it's possible I could regret it on my deathbed when I potentially die alone, I honestly hope I get enough life experience out of my free time/money that it's worth it.
Plus having a kid is no guarantee they're gonna stick around after 18 years. And the whole "but who will care for me as an old man?" argument just seems super damn selfish.
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This is not downplaying you but all of this to me personally sounds horrible and just reading it gives me so much anxiety.
That's understandable. It is a huge, lifechanging amount of responsibility, and it is hard to shoulder at times. IMO it's totally okay to decide that's not your thing.
My kid was planned and I knew these things on paper before the kid came out, but still wasn't really ready for it when it actually happened. But then you grow into it because, well, you have to. You do it for your kid.
I tried to give a less negative description of life with kids earlier in the thread here.
Some of you are so condescending lol
"You don't know what it's like havingkids and it's a more fulfilling life all around"
like... you don't know what it's like to happily not have kids across a lifetime either
"it takes a selflessness not everyone has"
as if having a kid isn't done for selfish fulfillment and doesn't fuck over resource impact
"You don't know what it's like havingkids and it's a more fulfilling life all around"
like... you don't know what it's like to happily not have kids across a lifetime either
"it takes a selflessness not everyone has"
as if having a kid isn't done for selfish fulfillment and doesn't fuck over resource impact
I'd be really surprised if this study shows what you want. i.e. you seem desperate for someone to scientifically prove that having kids is awful and most people regret it. I... doubt most of them do.
If you strip all of the sentimentality out of it, what you're missing is help when you're in your 80s and need to downsize and making those late-life transitions. You'll have to navigate that stage alone. My grandparents would have had a much more miserable existence at that stage if they were childless.
Granted, robots or something probably by the time we get there if we haven't hit civilizational collapse from climate change, so eh.
Granted, robots or something probably by the time we get there if we haven't hit civilizational collapse from climate change, so eh.
Your OP is literally bragging about travelling to Europe and driving nicer cars.
I can understand why people don't want to have children. I had some similar thoughts when I was younger. As I got older, I changed my mind, especially after interacting with my friends' kids. I also feel that, whatever my issues with life and with the world, I'm glad that I was born, and I want to give that chance to another person, raising them in a loving and caring way to be the best person they can be.
ZOONAMI
TIME Magazine has a whole hub of articles about the subject http://ideas.time.com/childfree/
TIME Magazine has a whole hub of articles about the subject http://ideas.time.com/childfree/
the OP literally asked for parents to give their opinion on whether it was worth it to have kids of course they're going to say they think their choice was right
I don't have kids but I plan on having 1. I'll guarantee that my partner and I will still have a smaller carbon footprint than 99% of people in developed countries and we'll be raising our kid to do the same.
There seems to be this warped idea that just not having a kid means you're doing your part to stop global warming which couldn't be further from the truth.
I'm 31 and within the next 5 years I expect most of my close friends to have children. It'll be the most interesting/transitional period of my friendships, and I'm expecting much of them to taper off as their priorities obviously shift while I probably do pretty much the same thing as always (playing shittons of video games/watching movies/pub/travel/gigs).
"I care about the future of the human race and the environment, but deliberately engage in a wide range of behaviours that I know to be damaging to both" is a hypocritical position and should be called out as such.
He is obviously the antagonist. The reason that's horrific is because he started with a seed of truth and then took it to a horrific violent extreme. I'm not advocating for murder or mass murder.
I was being reductive with just focusing on diet and flights, but yes I think it's great if you're seeking to keep your carbon footprint as low as possible. Lots of people don't do this, and breed kids that will also not do this.
Not having kids is certainly one way to avoid exacerbating global warming, but yeah its not the only one.
If I don't have kids, I'd probably get so fucking bored. That's just something I want to experience to see how I'd do at it. Like...could I raise an awesome human? Hanging out with just your wife until you die sounds like it might get boring eventually.
i'm almost 50, have 3 kids who are grown and 2 have kids of their own. My youngest sister is early 40s and never had kids, she's always been super focused on her career and loves traveling and the finer things in life. Sometimes she deeply, deeply regrets not having kids by now and other times she is happy to be free so I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.
I do think about my parents and how they really appreciate having a LOT of family around all the time, people to spend time with, etc. I think about how i'll hopefully have a lot of grand kids around to spend time with in the last decade or two of my life. I'm definitely reaching an age where travel and stuff like that just isn't as appealing anymore, I've seen everything and done a lot and like staying at home and doing my hobbies and living a routine (which has its downsides I'm sure).
I think ultimately you really have to be comfortable with whatever decision you make, and try not to regret too much the path not taken. I think most people end up in one of four situations in the last stage of their life:
- having great kids you can spend time with and who are good to you
- having shitty kids who just see you as money vaults and treat you badly (of course some parents do this too but I'm assuming most people here aren't assholes)
- having no kids but friends who are basically family and you spend quality time with. Volunteering is a great example of this.
- having no kids and not many friends and being alone in a retirement home pining for human companionship
While there are no doubt variations of these 4, ultimately either basic choice - kids or no kids - can lead down to a good or bad path, and while you can try to control some of it a lot of it is out of your control especially as you get older.
I do find it fascinating how we spend so much of our time doing everything we can to deliberately avoid thinking about our future in the long term. We may meta-think about having enough retirement money, where we may live, when we may retire, etc but don't spend enough time thinking about the quality of life we may have, and being realistic about what it may look like.
I do think about my parents and how they really appreciate having a LOT of family around all the time, people to spend time with, etc. I think about how i'll hopefully have a lot of grand kids around to spend time with in the last decade or two of my life. I'm definitely reaching an age where travel and stuff like that just isn't as appealing anymore, I've seen everything and done a lot and like staying at home and doing my hobbies and living a routine (which has its downsides I'm sure).
I think ultimately you really have to be comfortable with whatever decision you make, and try not to regret too much the path not taken. I think most people end up in one of four situations in the last stage of their life:
- having great kids you can spend time with and who are good to you
- having shitty kids who just see you as money vaults and treat you badly (of course some parents do this too but I'm assuming most people here aren't assholes)
- having no kids but friends who are basically family and you spend quality time with. Volunteering is a great example of this.
- having no kids and not many friends and being alone in a retirement home pining for human companionship
While there are no doubt variations of these 4, ultimately either basic choice - kids or no kids - can lead down to a good or bad path, and while you can try to control some of it a lot of it is out of your control especially as you get older.
I do find it fascinating how we spend so much of our time doing everything we can to deliberately avoid thinking about our future in the long term. We may meta-think about having enough retirement money, where we may live, when we may retire, etc but don't spend enough time thinking about the quality of life we may have, and being realistic about what it may look like.
My 53 year old Uncle has a 3 year old. This is an adult horror movie scenario for me
I know for a fact that my mom would have been so much more successful if she didn't mess up and have me. My parent's did well enough still, but I always hear how smart she was as a kid. She's still smart and has a very demanding medical job, but she had me at 19, then my brother 3 years later and I'm sure that slowed her down. She had to wait to do that stuff. My father was just a welder, and died to cancer (smoked), she was the brains.
Hahah @ anyone who includes retirement planning as one of the motivations to have kids...
You should not place that kind of burden on your children.
I don't think anyone should be condescending about it since kids aren't for everyone, but there's a difference here. You can easily simulate life without kids because in a lot of cases that's where you are before you have kids and can compare how things were before and after. The reverse situation isn't as easy to simulate or experience.
Before kids I'd say I never want a vasectomy because I might have to re-populate the Earth one day, after having kids you realize the vasectomy is so you can never inflict what you've done on the Earth again.
I look forward to that stage because things with my 3 month old son have been an absolute nightmare. I don't regret having him, but it has been harder than I even imagined (and I knew it would be difficult). Constant crying, worry about getting a fever the first 2 months, trying different formulas if not breastfed, dealing with reflux issues, only sleeping in 30 minute stretches during the day, etc. It's been hell.
OP
OP
no, I'm happy if a study supports that and it honestly seems surprising there don't seem to be any serious studies either way
I always feel like I was raised in a different world when I read some of the posts about people wanting kids so they'll have someone when they're older. My sister and I (my parents' only children) live half the country away from our parents. Neither of us has any desire to ever move back to the state my parents live in, and my parents are living in "the house they'll die in" so I don't foresee them moving either. My parents have even expressed that they would not be comfortable with either of us making major life sacrifices for their sake.
I guess we'll "be there" for them, in the general sense, but I don't know if we'll regularly see them more than a few times a year.
Kids are great. People that don't have them don't understand how funny they can be. My daughter is 5 and she cracks me up daily.
If you don't want them fine - everyone is out here just living their life. But I definitely give side-eye to that class of people SO vehemently against having kids. I find that weird. Kids are just little people. We all were one. Treat them with respect and you're like... halfway there.
There's definitely times that are hard but the people in my social circle that don't have them sound more self-absorbed and selfish and spend a lot more time thinking about and talking about themselves. I think having kids forces people to open up to the world and pay attention, since they have another generation at stake.
If you don't want them fine - everyone is out here just living their life. But I definitely give side-eye to that class of people SO vehemently against having kids. I find that weird. Kids are just little people. We all were one. Treat them with respect and you're like... halfway there.
There's definitely times that are hard but the people in my social circle that don't have them sound more self-absorbed and selfish and spend a lot more time thinking about and talking about themselves. I think having kids forces people to open up to the world and pay attention, since they have another generation at stake.
Nothing humbles you quicker then being responsible for raising a child,
"but I'll have to drive a less desirable car" is really not something you want to hear from a potential parent (or anyone in their 30s for that matter).
I'd love to be bored heh
How old is your aunt?
Methinks you'll have a very hard time finding a parent come out and say "Man, I wish my kids were never born!"
And yes, there is something very satisfying to raising children. Does it come at a cost? Of course, every time you have to think about someone other than yourself, it'll be challenging and tiring and it will mean you have a lot less time and money for yourself. But you're creating a new human that is a mix of you and your significant other. Doesn't that sound amazing? Personally, I felt kinda down after I finished college, because I felt my best days were behind me. Gone were the days of parties and just hanging out with friends because we had nothing to do. I had lost my hair and was starting to age. I felt like the exciting part of my life was over. But when I had my son, I started living through him. I see him discovering the world and experiencing things for the first time. He's 50% me and I get to basically start over. It's incredibly rewarding. I'm tired and I love it when I can get a break, but it gives new meaning to my life.
To each their own, but the days where only thinking about myself was fun ended when I finished college. I was getting no enjoyment from getting older and my world still revolving around myself.