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OP
OP
MegaManTrigger
Oct 26, 2017
8,734
Now in regards to Projared, the focus on condemning him for cheating is weird and kind of pathetic given how it's not even close to the worst thing he's done. Like who gives a shit when he's tricking underage fans into sending nude pics to him.

That's not the point of this thread at all, Nowhere did I say that this thread should act as something to be used to condemn ProJared. I said that this was inspired by that thread because all the arguments coming out of it makes no sense. And this isn't a ProJared-specific issue. There are many times where someone on Resetera will post about cheaters and they will either be defended or rightfully lambasted.
 

Nilou

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,715
Can't be cheated on by a guy if you can't find a guy to ever want to be in a relationship with you first for them to cheat on you with another woman :'(

Cheating is awful though always.
 

Roubjon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,306
If someone feels stuck in a miserable relationship and in a brief moment of bad judgement end up cheating on their partner, maybe that could actually push them towards splitting up. Helping both of them in the long run.

Obviously there are healthier ways to end relationships but people are flawed and often afraid.
 
OP
OP
MegaManTrigger
Oct 26, 2017
8,734
OP, what do you think of people who forgive their partner for cheating?

Personally I could never do that, because that line was crossed and I will forever be questioning the significant other's motives and trust. And that's not a healthy place for me to be so I would rather just move on.

Frankly, I really don't understand how anyone could stay with someone who crossed that line. And part of me thinks it's because people have the tendency to be afraid of being single that they'd rather stay with someone, even if they're a crap person for what they have done.
 

Nanashrew

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
6,328
No, this kind of attitude that you know the ins and outs of everyone's circumstances and get to crucify them for actions that effect a severely limited number of people - who you do not know - is what needs to stop. Seriously.

If you want to drag projared because he's a pedo, absolutely. And if you want to be like, well he's a dick because he cheated on his wife, sure. But the level of vitriol that comes out of these types of discussions here is circus-grade.
In the case of ProJared, he tried to make Heidi sign an NDA, tried to turn his friends against her to make it look like she was the unstable one, and overall has just tried to silence her which is all emotional abuse.
 

Deleted member 25606

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 29, 2017
8,973
Im glad this thread was made since Ive followed the whole other thread but had nothing to add and didn't want to derail since the cheating shouldn't be the focus of that scandal anyways but since this thread was made.

Maybe one or two were downplaying/defending it but that's not the point people were trying to make. The point is while cheating is bad and there is no way to bend that the circumstances, reasons, reactions, feelings, etc in a relationship that can lead to it are not black and white, until Heidi started sharing and everything unraveled we didn't know the details, and infidelity is not really our business to judge on was the point. You can think cheating was wrong and someone was wrong to do it without condemning them and acting like they are the worst scum in the world since you were not in that particular relationship. That's the point they were trying to make.

The other thing that concerned me was the caping for holly up to and including a couple of people saying she was blameless and it's all Jared's fault. Seems like an overcorrection of blaming the other women. It takes two to tango and at least in the affair Jared and Holly share equal blame.
 
Oct 25, 2017
3,231
Had a friend that cheated on her husband. Turns out her husband was abusing her. Apparently she was in the wrong because it's black and white.
 

Azriell

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,110
Like of course there are exceptions to every rule. But yeah most of the time, fuck cheaters. It's one of the biggest forms of betrayal and entirely inexcusable in the most common context.

Of course some people don't care so much about being cheated on. I don't claim to understand those people. I'd have a hard time being in a relationship with someone who didn't take cheating as serious as I do.
 

Siggy-P

Avenger
Mar 18, 2018
11,869
That's not the point of this thread at all, Nowhere did I say that this thread should act as something to be used to condemn ProJared. I said that this was inspired by that thread because all the arguments coming out of it makes no sense. And this isn't a ProJared-specific issue. There are many times where someone on Resetera will post about cheaters and they will either be defended or rightfully lambasted.

The first sentence in the OP mentioned people defending Projared in the other thread. That context is important is that affects why the people you're complaining about posted like they did.

Now that aside, you've created this thread with a pre-determined bias you're presenting as fact. There are numerous situations anyone can imagine were someone may want to cheat, from facing severe ostracisation for divorce to seeking revenge or a lack of sexual or emotional satisfaction due to neglect or being abused.
 
Mar 29, 2018
7,078
Yeah.

I think many people are not wired for monogamy and thus "cheat" frequently

But that doesn't really mean anything when you've entered a pact/agreement with someone not to cheat and you do it anywah
 

MagicDoogies

Member
Oct 31, 2017
1,047
See this is why I agree with a growing number of websites that have opted to instantly block threads revolving gaming celebrities when the topic is is something like cheating.
That's not because I support it or think it should be hand-waved away. It's specifically because it's such a private and personal matter that once the dirty laundry gets aired out it becomes the millennial version of the fucking tabloids.

The only thing noteworthy of the ProJared scandal that NEEDS to be talked about publicly is that he's yet another Youtube/New Media star that uses his fame to exploit his underage fans for sexual gratification. OR if they aren't being predatory pedophiles, they are dropping their 80 page manifesto about how they are part of the White Ethnostate movement and encouraging underage fans to do the same.

The dick pics, CommanderHolly, sexting, drama, all that shit has no business being reported on a gaming news site.

With that being said cheating is wrong, and in general it's so much easier to talk about it, have your final spat and break up than build up this house of lies that comes crashing down and permanently ruins your reputation among family and friends.
If it becomes a topic of 'it's complicated' than honestly that's when I choose to bow out because at this point I'm putting my two cents into a tangled mess that I don't have the full context or story of.

EDIT: You know what, I'm pretty mad that the fucking marriage crumbling came out as it did. There is SIGNIFICANTLY more focus on ProJared cheating on his wife than the actual damning thing of him sending snapchats a minor(s). If he is to ever come back from this, that's gonna be his fucking saving grace.
I've already seen the drama reach non-gamer twitter and it's now officially known as 'Gamer dude cheated on his Elf Wife and his dick is a mushroom top' debacle. NOTHING about the underage soliciting of nudes and sending dick pics. And believe me there are a lot more people who will forgive and forget cheating drama.
 
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Oct 30, 2017
151
queens, ny
My mom was treated terribly by my dad who abused physically and mentally. Get the fuck outta here with your there is no excuse to cheat self righteousness.

Get over feeling like you have a lesser dick maybe.
 

SpecX

The Fallen
Oct 30, 2017
1,824
Cheating is a big no-no in relationships & marriages. I don't care what happens.

And making excuses on why you cheat never justifies it, not even revenge cheating. Either you work out whatever problems you have together like real men & real women do, or you break up with each other (or divorce each other, if you're married) & move on.
My exact feelings on it. I have a few people I talk with who thinks it's ok to cheat cause the relationship they're in is bad. If it's that bad, even if u have kids, work towards fixing it or ending it. Cheating should never be an excuse.
 

Big One

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,277
I mean it isn't irredeemable but it's still a really shitty thing to do. The only reason people argue otherwise cause a LOT of people cheat and try to keep it a big secret. I did in high school and I regret every moment of it.
 

AnansiThePersona

Started a revolution but the mic was unplugged
Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,682
If you cheat on your SO with someone who is close friends with both of y'all and you are friends with her SO... it's black and white. That's 100% unforgivable.
 

¡ B 0 0 P !

Banned
Apr 4, 2019
2,915
Greater Toronto Area
If you want to be involved in an open or polymorphous relationship then do so! Just don't promise someone else a monogamous relationship only to stab them in the back and cheat on them. That's a shitty selfish move.
 
Oct 25, 2017
8,354
Gordita Beach
for the most part its shitty and my opinion of it being shitty really doesn't matter

the projared stuff with his infidelity is big ol bag of who gives a shit, the more pressing thing is him acting like a 70s rock star and trying to bang naive teenagers
 

Hey Please

Avenger
Oct 31, 2017
22,824
Not America
Barring certain exceptional circumstances (well, I can only think of one which is abusive relationship) cheating is an absolute no-fucking-go.

As someone who has seen it happen to friends and have been personally deeply affected by it, I do not abide cheaters.
 

Mars

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,988
What if you make it clear there is a good chance you might cheat beforehand? ...should it involve a waiver or something?

That lame joke aside, I'm can't 100% agree at least with the fact that it means you're a "bad" person or shit like that. It isn't as black and white as ERA likes to make pretty much most subjects seem like.
 
Oct 25, 2017
41,368
Miami, FL
interesting that anyone would defend cheating when everyone in this thread would put it right at the top of the list of things that would crush them if they found out their SO was up to no good. It's not just awful because you're lying to someone, but you're potentially breaking their self-esteem, self-confidence, and ability to trust others in the future. Just because you were selfish.

What if you make it clear there is a good chance you might cheat beforehand? ...should it involve a waiver or something?

That lame joke aside, I'm can't 100% agree at least with the fact that it means you're a "bad" person or shit like that. It isn't as black and white as ERA likes to make pretty much most subjects seem like.
Yea, you might or might not be a bad person. But you're probably a selfish person.
 
OP
OP
MegaManTrigger
Oct 26, 2017
8,734
My mom was treated terribly by my dad who abused physically and mentally. Get the fuck outta here with your there is no excuse to cheat self righteousness.

Get over feeling like you have a lesser dick maybe.

Abuse is an extreme circumstance. I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about people who willingly go behind their back because they aren't man/woman enough to tell their partners that they're not getting what they want out of the relationship.

But ofc, keep that energy that someone bagging on cheating must mean they have a small dick. That makes soooo much sense. What a clown thing to say.
 

TaySan

SayTan
Member
Dec 10, 2018
31,692
Tulsa, Oklahoma
EDIT: You know what, I'm pretty mad that the fucking marriage crumbling came out as it did. There is SIGNIFICANTLY more focus on ProJared cheating on his wife than the actual damning thing of him sending snapchats a minor(s). If he is to ever come back from this, that's gonna be his fucking saving grace.
I've already seen the drama reach non-gamer twitter and it's now officially known as 'Gamer dude cheated on his Elf Wife and his dick is a mushroom top' debacle. NOTHING about the underage soliciting of nudes and sending dick pics. And believe me there are a lot more people who will forgive and forget cheating drama.
Yup it's so sad this is getting the attention. He's probably getting off scotch free.
 

SpaceCrystal

Banned
Apr 1, 2019
7,714
If you cheat on your SO with someone who is close friends with both of y'all and you are friends with her SO... it's black and white. That's 100% unforgivable.

What about cheating on your SO with a member from his/her family?

Cheating on your SO with his/her friend is bad enough. At least the SO can easily ditch his/her friend for that. With the SO's family member? That's even worse.
 
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Siggy-P

Avenger
Mar 18, 2018
11,869
Abuse is an extreme circumstance. I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about people who willingly go behind their back because they but aren't man/woman enough to tell their partners that they're not getting what they want out of the relationship.

No.Your OP is about how you think there is no possible scenario in which cheating could ever be justified.

To quote you: "But there isn't any nuance to cheating. It's about as black and white as it can get."

Edit: removed the hyperbolic statement at the bottom here because apparently I have to much faith in posters on this site.
 
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Plotinus

Member
Oct 30, 2017
348
I just kinda skimmed this thread, and for about 20 posts I thought it was about cheating at video games, and that some streamer lost a relationship of some kind because of cheating at video games. I just had this nagging feeling of confusion.
 
OP
OP
MegaManTrigger
Oct 26, 2017
8,734
No.Your OP is about how you think there is no possible scenario in which cheating could ever be justified.

To quote you: "But there isn't any nuance to cheating. It's about as black and white as it can get."

Since you're going to hold me to my words, I also stated the reasons why it's black/white focusing specifically on the ramifications of the cheater on the unknowing person with the assumption that we're talking about a traditional relationship. With abuse, that logic goes out the window because 1) the relationship is no longer traditional, and 2) the victim already had major ramifications dealt to the them ranging from emotional and/or physical abuse before taking escalation into account. Even then, cheating is risky because of the unpredictability of the abuser's behaviour. What if the abuser decides to kill the cheater? That's a likely possibility and why people who are in abusive relationships should prioritize seeking help as opposed to cheating.

No one on Era has ever or will ever try to defend cheating in a healthy relationship.

Go read the ProJared thread then. Like we know he was a scumbag, cheated on and treated Heidi with disrespect, and yet, that doesn't stop people from defending his behaviour by saying "wE'LL tHaT'S nOt OuR BuSInEsS"/"CHeAtInG iS NuANcEd."
 

Siggy-P

Avenger
Mar 18, 2018
11,869
Go read the ProJared thread then. Like we know he was a scumbag, cheated on and treated Heidi with disrespect, and yet, that doesn't stop people from defending his behaviour by saying "wE'LL tHaT'S nOt OuR BuSInEsS"/"CHeAtInG iS NuANcEd."

That's because (I would assume unless specified otherwise) people don't care much about the cheating there given the child porn stuff. And realistically we don't know why he and Holly cheated so it's unreasonable to make a balck and white judgement on that with litteraly just Heidi's point of view.

Granted though probably for shitty reasons given that he's the sort of guy into child porn and all the NDA stuff.
 

astro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
57,235
Personally I could never do that, because that line was crossed and I will forever be questioning the significant other's motives and trust. And that's not a healthy place for me to be so I would rather just move on.

Frankly, I really don't understand how anyone could stay with someone who crossed that line. And part of me thinks it's because people have the tendency to be afraid of being single that they'd rather stay with someone, even if they're a crap person for what they have done.

You're projecting so much here. If you're talking about unhealthy things, that's one of them.
 
OP
OP
MegaManTrigger
Oct 26, 2017
8,734
That's because (I would assume unless specified otherwise) people don't care much about the cheating there given the child porn stuff. And realistically we don't know why he and Holly cheated so it's unreasonable to make a balck and white judgement on that with litteraly just Heidi's point of view.

Granted though probably for shitty reasons given that he's the sort of guy into child porn and all the NDA stuff.

Even if they don't care as much, that didn't stop the few from saying stupid shit like that. Also, even if Heidi is the only perspective, why would you ever consider the judgment of a man who had no problems lying and exploiting his younger fanbase into sending child porn and coercing sexual behaviour from them? We're talking about a man who had no problems taking advantage of children to get off. By default, he should not be considered at all. Like, with Heidi, she stands out as the person who you can at least give the benefit of the doubt to considering we have a paper trail and then some of ProJared's behaviour and lying about his relationship status.

Cheating isn't a crime. Sending nudes to underage girls is.

Where did I say that collecting child porn isn't a crime? Again, like I said to the above post, even if cheating dialogue was less emphasized (and rightfully so), that didn't stop some of the clowns from defending ProJared's cheating behaviour given what we know about what he did, the amount of manipulation and emotional abuse he inflicted onto Heidi and underaged girls.
 

Mammoth Jones

Member
Oct 25, 2017
12,377
New York
I mean, ideally it should never happen but it's also a part of growing up. So to me it's one thing if you're young and dating and just having fun, not trying to get married and shit happens. But it's on a whole other level when you've built a life together and put in years and years and years it's super fucked up to waste someone's life, their time like that.
 

dudefriend

Banned
Apr 27, 2019
416
My mom was treated terribly by my dad who abused physically and mentally. Get the fuck outta here with your there is no excuse to cheat self righteousness.

Get over feeling like you have a lesser dick maybe.
Sorry dude. My dad was also shitty to my mom but not to the extent of physical abuse but it still hurt all the same. Cheating is a lowlife thing to dofor sure.
 

fallingedge

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,837
Based on what? Just saying that it's not black-white is not enough.


could be in a situation where they have kids and they can't break up due to not being able to financially support themselves independently
or really just any case where they want to get away but can't, where it isn't as easy to just leave

obviously, the best is a full break and go about your ways but that cannot always happen

curious as to your age OP and dating history
 
Oct 30, 2017
151
queens, ny
Abuse is an extreme circumstance. I'm not talking about those people, I'm talking about people who willingly go behind their back because they aren't man/woman enough to tell their partners that they're not getting what they want out of the relationship.

But ofc, keep that energy that someone bagging on cheating must mean they have a small dick. That makes soooo much sense. What a clown thing to say.

Cheating is a matter of insecurity. People are generally cowards, and would rather keep the status quo. I've been cheated on while on my deathbed, yet I'm not gonna treat the person like they deserve to be stoned. Cheating sucks, but this hyperbole of it being such a fuckin' crime is ridiculous. Get over yourself. Cheating happens. By terrible people and by good people. This moral superiority complex is unbearable.

And no I've never cheated, and when I was a 15 year old thought my mom was terrible for cheating. I understand it hurts, but it doesn't make a person a irredeemable.
 

Wazzy

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,070
People who cheat are narcissistic so it isn't surprising they want to downplay it.

If you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship then don't be. There is this thing called open relationships. People in monogamous relationships shouldn't have to be scared of contracting STD's because their partner are scum.
 

whytemyke

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
3,795
Yeah OP... Cheating couples are really none of your business. Trying to take some moral stance on other people's relationships makes you sound like a child. And I don't mean that to be offensive but the idea that you get to cast judgment on what two other people are going thru just because of your value system is really kinda shitty.

I wouldn't personally cheat but I also wouldn't judge others for it unless I knew the details. You never know what other people are going thru.
 

TaySan

SayTan
Member
Dec 10, 2018
31,692
Tulsa, Oklahoma
Even if they don't care as much, that didn't stop the few from saying stupid shit like that. Also, even if Heidi is the only perspective, why would you ever consider the judgment of a man who had no problems lying and exploiting his younger fanbase into sending child porn and coercing sexual behaviour from them? We're talking about a man who had no problems taking advantage of children to get off. By default, he should not be considered at all. Like, with Heidi, she stands out as the person who you can at least give the benefit of the doubt to considering we have a paper trail and then some of ProJared's behaviour and lying about his relationship status.



Where did I say that collecting child porn isn't a crime? Again, like I said to the above post, even if cheating dialogue was less emphasized (and rightfully so), that didn't stop some of the clowns from defending ProJared's cheating behaviour given what we know about what he did, the amount of manipulation and emotional abuse he inflicted onto Heidi and underaged girls.
I just have a hard time caring about what consenting adults do in their spare time. It doesn't mean it's a good or the right thing to do, but i don't know their personal lives. Underage girls being abused is no question wrong and actually illegal. So no wonder the focus should be put on that.
 

apocat

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,100
As someone who has dealt with being cheated on and has remained in the relationship:

This thread sucks.

Cheating can have nuance and doesn't have to be an automatic end to a relationship despite how incredibly painful it is. It depends on the relationship and the factors that led to the cheating. And easy as it is to say, "well the cheater should've worked it out with the partner, or they should've just broke up with them, or they should've stopped themselves" or whatever, people are not always entirely rational. Sometimes people act based on pure emotion and make mistakes.

As someone who has never cheated on anyone, and who has been cheated on, I completely agree. Human relationships are far too complex and messy for these black and white blanket statements to be anything else but excruciatingly naive.
 

LL_Decitrig

User-Requested Ban
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
10,334
Sunderland
It's time for people to stop defending cheating.

Okay, I'll step up.

Qualifications: married for 34 years, more than half of my life. Two kids. Marriage is as solid as a rock.

I simply don't recognise my commitment to my loved one to be an exclusive sexual contract. Never have. This is mostly theoretical, because in practice I've always been self-sufficient sexually, even before I met the love of my life. I've had two major crushes during my marriage, neither of which came even close to rivalling my relationship with my wife.

I'm probably a bit unusual, to be honest. I don't seem to have an inbuilt road map for human relationships, so everything I hear about being married just sounds weird and wrong. So take it how you will: for some of us, sexuality is divisible and not even a major part of the long term pair bond that characterizes our most satisfying human relationships.
 

Prolepro

Ghostwire: BooShock
Banned
Nov 6, 2017
7,310
It just doesnt make sense to me why anyone would do it, but Ive never been in that situation, so who am I to say.
 

VisualHeretic

Banned
May 2, 2019
38
No one will ever admit it but men were built to have multiple partners. We're only told to do otherwise because of this new social construct and are made to feel ashamed of doing what we naturally do.