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Stupid customer “jokes that never not get old

Aaron

Aaron

I’m seeing double here!
Member
Oct 25, 2017
18,077
Minneapolis
Yes I just double negative'd that title.

Anyway I saw this comic and it spoke to me:

76647942_10101204384827097_7712842853579227136_o.jpg


I put "jokes" in quotes because there were absolutely people like this during my stint in customer service who would say stuff like that, then be like "no really, it's free, right?"

The only thing that would make that comic better is if the customer tried paying with a $100 bill, and then did NOT say "I just printed that off this morning HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" when the cashier checks it with a marker and holds it up to the light and that whole business. You'd have those chucklefucks and then you'd have the people who legitimately got offended by the cashier checking the bill. Relax, boomer.
 

Deleted member 4367

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
12,226
When you are wheeling around a keg, 100% of the time some random asshole will say his car is right over there.
 
Speevy

Speevy

Member
Oct 26, 2017
19,563
It was sitting there on the rack that said $9.99.

"That must mean it was in the wrong place."

Oh, I understand.
 

sHitman

Banned
Dec 17, 2017
315
Do you need a receipt?

"Only if I can use it for tax deduction hahaha"

never heard that shitty joke before.
 
DeepSearch

DeepSearch

Member
Oct 28, 2017
343
Florida
I work at an antiques mall. The amount of old folks who drop serious money on big, heavy furniture only to cheap out and not hire a professional mover for an extra $50-100 inevitably leads to our most hated "joke." Their minor celebration as we wedge the piece Into their undersized vehicle, the dawning horror as they realize that not only can they not lift it themselves, they'll also have get it out/bring it inside/carry it up stairs, and then the punchline:

"So this means you guys are coming home with us to help, right? *Hyuck Hyuck Self-Important Boomer Noises* Every. Single. Day.
 
Morlas

Morlas

Looking for a better cartoon show.
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
73,357
A bit of advice. Never try to make a joke to a cashier that has to do with their job. Chances are they have heard it at least a million times and never found it funny in the first place.
 
MrCibb

MrCibb

Member
Dec 12, 2018
5,349
UK
Morlas said:
A bit of advice. Never try to make a joke to a cashier that has to do with their job. Chances are they have heard it at least a million times and never found it funny in the first place.
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Are you telling me when they're scanning the strawberries not to say "You're berry good at this"? Are you sure, because it's hilarious.
 
Rag

Rag

Member
Oct 30, 2017
3,926
I'm a stone engraver, and I swear to fuck that nearly every customer pulls the 'you spelled it wrong' joke. I've been at it so long that I don't feel that mix of adrenaline, panic and dread that I used to feel, but it still hasn't ever gotten to where I think it's a funny joke.

edit: I forgot about all of the shitty rock puns people make. "You guys rock!", "Rock on!". Around 10 years ago my dad made a little stone to go by our door that said "Nothing Is Etched In Stone". For years after that, about half of our customers would stop on their way out the door, read the rock aloud to themselves, and then chuckle. I eventually threw it in the dumpster because I got so tired of hearing people say the exact same thing and then chuckle in exactly the same way. It's disheartening when your job starts to make you see people as a collective irritating hivemind making the same mistakes and the same annoying jokes over and over again to a point where you no longer see them as individuals, and you're just irritated that this shapeshifting demon that keeps coming into your store can't write some new material.
 
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Temascos

Temascos

Member
Oct 27, 2017
12,712
I used to work at a well known historical attraction just outside London that features a maze.

The amount of times I heard "Oh, you'd come and rescue us right?" HEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

Off you fuck old people, get stuck in there until closing time for all I care. Unless there's an emergency you can show your ticket or bugger off.
 
R2RD

R2RD

▲ Legend ▲
Member
Nov 6, 2018
2,834
is there anything else I can do for you?
"Can you give me the lottery winning numbers, X amount of money, wife/husband?
It was so akward to "laugh" at those when I worked at a call center.
 
kcp12304

kcp12304

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,002
Can I get a scratch ticket?
Which one?
The Winner
*fake halfhearted chuckle* while I die on the inside
 
Morlas

Morlas

Looking for a better cartoon show.
Moderator
Oct 25, 2017
73,357
Also before you come in and ask when the place closes look on the damn door that's where it usually is.
 
Soma

Soma

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,116
San Francisco
I was working and having a conversation with a guest. Somewhere during the conversation he says "Let me show you my pride and joy" and pulls this picture out of his wallet:

hPgdkJM.jpg


I'm easy to please and was probably sleep deprived but I got a kick out of it so I gave him a shot of something cheap on the house.

It's just the very specific type of dad joke that I appreciate lol
 
Xelan

Xelan

One Winged Slayer
Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
765
"You sound so different in person" due to the fact that my coworker who is taking orders (while I collect the money and hand the orders out) over a headset has a higher pitched voice than I do.
 
HardTimesFamilyPride

HardTimesFamilyPride

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,055
Appalachia
Working in toys I would constantly have to tell grown adults to get off of toddlers' bikes and hear "Oh I'm just testing it out!"
Morlas said:
A bit of advice. Never try to make a joke to a cashier that has to do with their job. Chances are they have heard it at least a million times and never found it funny in the first place.
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Even outside of cashiers, if you think of a joke to say to a service industry worker it's probably safe to assume that at least ten other people have thought of that same joke and said it to that same person in that same day
 
DopeyFish

DopeyFish

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,962
the worst one was always when you're working and you're on your knees and an old senior would roll by and say "say one for me while you're down there"
 
Trisc

Trisc

Member
Oct 27, 2017
6,498
Soma said:
I was working and having a conversation with a guest. Somewhere during the conversation he says "Let me show you my pride and joy" and pulls this picture out of his wallet:

hPgdkJM.jpg


I'm easy to please and was probably sleep deprived but I got a kick out of it so I gave him a shot of something cheap on the house.

It's just the very specific type of dad joke that I appreciate lol
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This one I like. It's cute, I haven't heard it before, and I know exactly the kind of folks who'd find it funny.
 

softfocus

Member
Oct 30, 2017
903
Work in a pharmacy, customer has more than 3 medicines on their prescription: "I'll be able to open my own pharmacy with these, hahaha"
"You can probably hear me rattling as I walk away"

When you don't have their medication on hand: "I guess I'll just die" No Linda, just don't eat shit this weekend and you'll live without your bleeding Zantac!
 
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
9,176
On the flip side, when I was a cashier many years ago, and the state quarters were coming out, every time I gave them change and they had pennies I'd excitedly remark OH you got one of the new California state pennies!!!

They'd look for a good while trying to find it.
 

Deleted member 9479

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
2,953
"Hi I'm Jane and I'll be your server this evening."

"hi I'm Mike and I'll be your eater!"

followed by..

"how was everything?"

*dad makes doe-eyes at his empty plate*

"it was awful!"

Dammit dad.
 
HardTimesFamilyPride

HardTimesFamilyPride

Member
Oct 26, 2017
8,055
Appalachia
ClickyCal'

ClickyCal'

Member
Oct 25, 2017
60,611
When I worked at target years ago, ryan gosling brought like 15 milkyways up. I tried scanning and it didn't work. He joked around saying it was electrical infetterance.
 
Secret Squirrel

Secret Squirrel

Member
Jul 19, 2018
1,203
For a long time I worked for a meteorological company. Every day, without fail, someone would email us this and say something like 'this does a better job than you lol!!1'.

Good stuff.

xbtrsh9qrw401.jpg
 
melikefishnchips

melikefishnchips

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,680
I used to be a cashier at Victoria's Secret and a guy and his friend came to my register and says I need that employee discount. I took that to mean he worked for the company. Only managers are allowed to ring up company employees using their discount. He watches me as I tell him I need to get a manager and then I call over the walkie for one. I ask him and his friend to stand to the side until a manager comes while I ring other customers. Manager took about 5 minutes which is a long time when you have a customer waiting and just staring at you. Manager shows up, asks who's the employee, I point to the customer. Him and his friend dead ass look at me and say I'm not an employee, I just need that employee discount and they have a nice chuckle while my manager side eyes me for wasting her time. Fuck off...
 
Doc Laserstein

Doc Laserstein

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,639
My dad lives for restaurants that offer a choice of soup or salad so he can reply to "would you like soup or salad?" with "of course, I'd love a super salad".
 
ClydeBonFrog

ClydeBonFrog

Member
Apr 17, 2018
295
When ever I would check bills to see if they were fake.

Hey, man I just printed that, hahaha. Trust me you aren't the special comedian that came up with that one, I've only heard it about a million times.
 
Ziltoidia 9

Ziltoidia 9

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,162
I do a lot of photography and video work. I always get the "can you make me loose a few pounds?"

I hate it because there is no good response.
 
Wishbone Ash

Wishbone Ash

One Winged Slayer
The Fallen
Oct 29, 2017
4,040
Michigan
I'm not really in the service industry or retail, but whenever I'm working on a ladder or scissor lift I constantly hear "really moving up in the company!" or similarly stupid jokes
 
BarrBarr

BarrBarr

Member
Oct 25, 2017
737
Faiz said:
"how was everything?"

*dad makes doe-eyes at his empty plate*

"it was awful!"

Dammit dad.
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My dad says this every time that we go to a restaurant, I hate it every time especially after working in the service industry as long as I have.

One I get pretty much everyday at my job right now is when people bring an old phone and say something along the lines of "I bet you've never seen a phone as old as this!" yes I have tones of people have super old out of date phones.
 
jotun?

jotun?

Member
Oct 28, 2017
4,552
Faiz said:
"Hi I'm Jane and I'll be your server this evening."

"hi I'm Mike and I'll be your eater!"

followed by..

"how was everything?"

*dad makes doe-eyes at his empty plate*

"it was awful!"

Dammit dad.
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Ugh, I always get the opposite. Every server likes to make the "looks like you hated it!" joke
 
Captjohnboyd

Captjohnboyd

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,569
Faiz said:
"Hi I'm Jane and I'll be your server this evening."

"hi I'm Mike and I'll be your eater!"

followed by..

"how was everything?"

*dad makes doe-eyes at his empty plate*

"it was awful!"

Dammit dad.
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This. I hear that joke minimum three times a day. I've been doing this for years and I'm a professional to the core but I can barely even muster up an acknowledgement when I hear it. At best I'll say "right?" At worst I'll ignore and walk away lol
 
NervousXtian

NervousXtian

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,503
Funny, none of these things ever bothered me. I'd take the dumb joke over the prick assholes or the impatient bastards any day.
 
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