The onslaught of illness that comes from having a toddler in daycare is exhausting

[SuperBanana]

I have an 18 month old who goes to daycare 3 days a week. Up until a year ago I was rarely sick. Maybe once every 2 years on average and I worked around a lot of people. I think I had a pretty strong immune system overall. Since my daughter started day care it's been sickness after sickness after sickness for 10 months straight. She brings it home, spreads it to us, repeat. Hand foot and mouth, Covid, upper respiratory and chest infections (so many), flus, colds, everything.

Recently the entire household was sick with a combo of Covid and then chest infections. We finally started getting over it and had about 5 days of everyone being recovered and healthy and then bang, she has a high fever and a cough. She's sick again and 3 days later spread it to me so now I'm wrecked again too. I seriously don't know how I can even keep working like this. I'm constantly exhausted, brain foggy, and struggle to focus on my work. Even worse is I can't just rest and recover because she's up coughing, crying and restless all night. My wife also works so it's not like she can just do it 24/7. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night and my brain is totally fried today, I just can't think or function or work. I don't think we've had more than 2-3 weeks straight in the last year without some sort of cold, infection or illness of some sort. This is on top of the normal issues toddlers can get like teething pain, sleep regression, etc.

It's an absolute fucking nightmare and we can't take her out of daycare because we can't afford one of us not working at the moment. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do because I doubt I'll still have a job if this keeps up at this rate. How do people manage this????

 

[ArchStanton]

Right there with you, OP. Almost the exact same scenario, only we have a 16 month old and, unfortunately, we have to take him to daycare 5 days a week, which is a lot for the little guy.

I'm trying to convince my wife to move to a lower cost of living area and I'll quit my job to do daddy daycare (her job is, thankfully, remote) for a year or so.

The catch is we live close to her brother and sister but in an area that is just too damn expensive with a kid (Los Angeles).

 

[captive]

How do people manage this????

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Option 1 power through
Option 2 have retired parents/family that helps
Option 3 make enough money so you can give it to a nanny. Similar to your daycare Option, but without all the socialization of kids, oh and the sicknesses.

I remember having some chest cold AND getting the shits at the same time. Shit is rough.

It will end, eventually. I promise.

 

[Jhey Cyphre]

Yeah. It's rough.

I started my son in daycare at seven months and he was sick for almost two months right after. Poor guy probably forgot what it was like to feel well. I'm fortunate that I can pretty much work whenever, but we had a rough couple of weeks were I was the only one who could even get out of bed (it's four or us).

He has been pretty healthy these past couple of weeks but it's sounding like he is getting a cold again. :(

 

[HarryHengst]

Lol yeah this is just part of the deal of having a kid. No "strong immune system" is going to protect you from this. And if you ever get a second one, surprise: you will get to go through it all again!

 

[Muu]

Rites of passage of raising a kid. If you don't do it now it'll happen during Kindergarten.

Air filters can mitigate some of the airborne shit. Not perfect but a few bucks for a box fan and a 20x20 filter can go a long way, and if you escape one cold it's paid for itself. A lot of it is just kids touching every fucking thing, and you may want to consider getting some Clorox mister sprays for frequent touch points. And also paper towels specifically for the kid's handwashing. We picked up a Tork upright paper towel dispenser and ouur 4yr old uses it.

 

[aceface]

It sucks hard but as with everything about having a kid gets better with time in my experience. I have 3 kids with the youngest being 11 and they each get about 1 illness a year that's bad enough they have to stay home from school now. I'd like to think being exposed to all those illnesses from a young age helped build up the immune system but I'm not sure if that's actually how it works.

 

[GoutPatrol]

It has totally sucked for my kid this year. Constantly getting sick. I've never used all my own days off at work and now I've needed to because I've had to come pick him up from daycare or keep him away.

 

[subpar spatula]

I have a god tier immune system that my son inherited. He can be "sick" but show very little symptoms so me and him are fine. He will take out my entire wife's family with a cold. We all had covid and me and him were chill the entire time just hanging out watching tv and my wife was downstairs unable to speak and much more lol

 

[GenericBadGuy]

My kid was at the same daycare from something like 1.5 yrs - 4.5, and it was constant until I think the 3.5 year mark. The only thing that I can think of to make any difference whatsoever is to do an allergy test. What was thought to be asthma was actually a pet allergy to both pets.

 

[massive]

Rites of passage of raising a kid. If you don't do it now it'll happen during Kindergarten.

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Is it really true that they'll go through the same during Kindergarten if you kept them out of daycare? Or would they be less susceptible since they're a bit older?

 

[Randam]

Honest question: what is the difference between day care, school, university and then work?
Why aren't the later not spreading stuff so much?

 

[Adventureracing]

It's one of the hardest parts of being a parent tbh.

Is it really true that they'll go through the same during Kindergarten if you kept them out of daycare? Or would they be less susceptible since they're a bit older?

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I doubt it would be quite the same. Kids at that age can at least start learning the basics of hygiene and generally are slightly less gross in terms of sharing everything that comes out of their nose and mouth lol.

Honest question: what is the difference between day care, school, university and then work?
Why aren't the later not spreading stuff so much?

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Hygiene.

 

[CapNBritain]

I'm sick right now because of my kid and his daycare

 

[swoon]

it's really rough, it eased up for us around the 2 year mark, and he hasn't been sick in about a year, but it will get better as their immune system strengthens, and they stop putting everything in their mouth.

 

[DJ_Lae]

You get used to it...eventually.

Well, you get used to the cycle, at least. I've got three kids across two schools right now and we're pretty much guaranteed to get some sort of cold or flu (or even the rare norovirus) in September or after the winter break.

Kids all mingle with relatives and in other places during their time off and then come back and cough and spit and touch each other in a wonderous petri dish of horror.

 

[BringBackSonics]

Yuuuup, thankfully we only had to do daycare for 2 years for both of our kids total

 

[Lan]

We watch our kids at home and we still get sick because they catch it from our friends with kids in daycare. Can't escape it.

 

[Malleymal]

The WORST

 

[Kyrios]

Yeah daycares are pretty much plague factories. Rather pay for a family member or babysitter but I know tons of people do not have the luxury of either or both.

 

[Vicman]

I have an 18 month old who goes to daycare 3 days a week. Up until a year ago I was rarely sick. Maybe once every 2 years on average and I worked around a lot of people. I think I had a pretty strong immune system overall. Since my daughter started day care it's been sickness after sickness after sickness for 10 months straight. She brings it home, spreads it to us, repeat. Hand foot and mouth, Covid, upper respiratory and chest infections (so many), flus, colds, everything.

Recently the entire household was sick with a combo of Covid and then chest infections. We finally started getting over it and had about 5 days of everyone being recovered and healthy and then bang, she has a high fever and a cough. She's sick again and 3 days later spread it to me so now I'm wrecked again too. I seriously don't know how I can even keep working like this. I'm constantly exhausted, brain foggy, and struggle to focus on my work. Even worse is I can't just rest and recover because she's up coughing, crying and restless all night. My wife also works so it's not like she can just do it 24/7. I got maybe 3 hours of sleep last night and my brain is totally fried today, I just can't think or function or work. I don't think we've had more than 2-3 weeks straight in the last year without some sort of cold, infection or illness of some sort. This is on top of the normal issues toddlers can get like teething pain, sleep regression, etc.

It's an absolute fucking nightmare and we can't take her out of daycare because we can't afford one of us not working at the moment. I seriously don't know what I'm going to do because I doubt I'll still have a job if this keeps up at this rate. How do people manage this????

Click to shrink...

It is a nightmare OP. For our second we simply decided to go with a Nanny. It is fucking expensive but the stress was simply too much. Hang in there.

 

[carlsojo]

The hand foot and mouth plague my daughter brought home was the sickest I had ever been.

 

[Tranquility]

It must suck a lot more in the US with the stupid idea about a set amount of sick days to use.
Here in Sweden if a child is sick, the parent that stays home with a sick child get's economic support from day one. You get 80% of your normal salary up to about a salary cap of $3200 a month. If you earn more than that, you don't get more money.

 

[The_Juice]

I've got twins so things seem to linger around the house even longer. One will get sick then we think he's on the mend then boom his brother catches it. Then on to my wife then me or vise versa.

 

[Afrikan]

I would rarely get sick through out the whole year... but the only time it used to happen is after visiting family for holiday occasions, because of kids running around. 😐

 

[Wollan]

If you're finished making all the children that you're ever going to have, it's a small consolidation to know that the "clock won't be reset" and you don't have to go back through this phase ever again.

 

[west]

We must be somehow outliers, with my Kid in daycare for 5 years (Preschool now). Me and my wife only got sick maybe twice. I swear I was sick less than before having kids. We had one terrible week with stomach flu that I want to forget, but otherwise the worst she has ever got was a running nose.

 

[NewDust]

Honest question: what is the difference between day care, school, university and then work?
Why aren't the later not spreading stuff so much?

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Honest question, would you shake hands with someone at work who just put their fingers in their mouth and/or nose? Did you have a habbit of chewing on the same pencil in school?

 

[LazyGradient]

I feel you, it's the combined lack of sleep and amount of exotic bacteria/viruses that cause most problems for me.

 

[Dr. Dr. Dogtooth]

We were lucky, that your child rarely got ill. But also that we had much stricter rules at our day care through the pandemic. No child was allowed into the day care, if it had any signs of being sick and you had to wait at least two days.
This was hard, but made sense because of the situation and allowed them to keep the day care open.

Overall the main issue isn't your child. The issue are the parents of the other children, who put there obvious sick children in the day care. We just today got message from our kindergarten, that parents PLEASE don't send there ill children. At the same time parents are angry, that groups need to be closed, because the child care workers got sick...

So maybe you need to talk to the day care, that they be more strict with parents, who send there sick children ...

Right there with you, OP. Almost the exact same scenario, only we have a 16 month old and, unfortunately, we have to take him to daycare 5 days a week, which is a lot for the little guy.

I'm trying to convince my wife to move to a lower cost of living area and I'll quit my job to do daddy daycare (her job is, thankfully, remote) for a year or so.

The catch is we live close to her brother and sister but in an area that is just too damn expensive with a kid (Los Angeles).

Click to shrink...

Our child was five days a week at the day care with 18 months and it was fine. We don't have family in the area and it was the start of the pandamic. It was a good way for her to have social connections other then us. She grown into a very social and independent girl.
It's just important in my opinion to spend the time, you have with your child, very effective and rich in experiences.

 

[Dogstar]

Been there, done that op and it's tough... I went from rarely being ill to having bugs I didn't know existed. I guess I hadn't been exposed to much for many years, so they all piled in. The only good thing is now I seem immune to most of viruses going around, and am once again rarely ill.

 

[Kiyamet]

Yeah its rough. Been there. Going from getting sick like once a year to getting sick monthly is a trip.

 

[Ion Stream]

Such a timely thread as I'm dealing with the same thing however very early into the daycare thing. My boy only goes there once a week and I haven't been properly ill apart from Covid once, for like 20 years. We are two months into daycare and I've basically been ill ever since that first week he started there, with one illness after the other.

Honestly shocked that this is what everyone else has had to deal with all this time with kids in daycare 🤣🤣

As someone mentioned already, feels like a rite of passage haha. I have no suggestions for you, just my support and sympathy lol.

 

[Dasnap]

Funny reading this the morning after the wife and I discussed vasectomies. This doesn't seem like something I could put up with.

 

[Poimandres]

Yeah its rough. Been there. Going from getting sick like once a year to getting sick monthly is a trip.

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Yeah I used to think I had a great immune system. Turns out not so much haha.

 

[mhayes86]

It's definitely something I'm not looking forward to since I rarely get sick. We'll be putting our soon to be 3 year old in one later this year in a half day program throughout the week for a combination of socializing and school prep.

Our friends put their kid in day care at around a year old or so after covid vaccinations were available, and the illnesses were constant.

My wife worked in daycare for 12 years between positions as an aid, teacher, and assistant director, and while they have rules to prevent sick children from attending, parents will fight to keep them in. She also had a lingering cough nearly the whole time she worked at one, and it finally went away after she quit when pregnant during covid.

 

[Kill3r7]

Life of a parent. My kids didn't go to daycare but even group activities at those young ages will produce the same outcomes. Illness just becomes part of your life when they are little. Heck even through PreK3-2nd grade. Things slow down a bit after that.

 

[AYZON]

Similar stuff happens when your partner works with kids in any way. Ive rarely been sick before, but since we've been together Im regularely sick, sometimes multiple times in a span of 4 weeks.
At least once in a while it becomes less and we can recover for a couple of months, but its really annyoing.

Probably also COVID to blame for permanently wrecking immune systems.

 

[EVIL]

Time to invest in a hazmat suit.

 

[LV-0504]

I have a friend who is going through this, was just coming out the other side then had a second kid and it is starting all over again. Has actually gotten me sick a couple of times. One particular time an infection he got from his kid travelled down to his knee and landed him in hospital for several weeks with septic arthritis.

 

[CosmiKu]

Kids at that age are basically bioweapons.

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it, OP.

 

[Messofanego]

Yeah...yeah 🥲

 

[Adventureracing]

If you're finished making all the children that you're ever going to have, it's a small consolidation to know that the "clock won't be reset" and you don't have to go back through this phase ever again.

Click to shrink...

Thinking of going back for a 3rd but reading things like this does make you pause 😬

We were lucky, that your child rarely got ill. But also that we had much stricter rules at our day care through the pandemic. No child was allowed into the day care, if it had any signs of being sick and you had to wait at least two days.
This was hard, but made sense because of the situation and allowed them to keep the day care open.

Overall the main issue isn't your child. The issue are the parents of the other children, who put there obvious sick children in the day care. We just today got message from our kindergarten, that parents PLEASE don't send there ill children. At the same time parents are angry, that groups need to be closed, because the child care workers got sick...

So maybe you need to talk to the day care, that they be more strict with parents, who send there sick children ...

Click to shrink...

I've got no doubt that a lot of parents send obviously sick (and sometimes really sick) kids to daycare when they shouldn't. However I don't think it's as easy as is often made out to just keep them home.

Firstly depending on what country you live in sick leave isn't exactly abundant and having to keep your kid home all the time likely means you can't work which a lot of people can't afford. That's the unfortunate reality a lot of people have to face.

Further to that though a lot of kids are showing signs of being sick all the time. I have a 1 year who honestly always has a cough or a runny nose or some sign of a viral illness. If I had to follow your instructions he could never go to daycare again and he's far from the only kid like that.

Even in a perfect world where everyone was able to keep their kid home at the slightest sign of illness daycares would still be a breeding ground. So many of these illnesses are contagious before you start seeing symptoms and the symptoms vary greatly between kids (some may barely show signs but still spread the illness).

 

[daegan]

I have a god tier immune system that my son inherited.

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Refuses to Wash his Ass

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Is this your secret??

Seriously OP it does usually stop but it is real hard. My kid goes part-time but didn't start going until well into his twos (we are lucky to have a lot of family help and also he was born right before COVID so he didn't see aaaaanyone for a long time, let alone other kids) and so my previously-impressive store of sick time is just vaporized. But we are on a good run right now so trying to build it back up before #2 later this year. You will get there!

Also oh my god fuck hand foot and mouth. When my kid had it, it was impossibly mild. Just dots. Somewhere, somehow, I picked it up not from him and it beat the shit out of me and caused me to miss a major work event I was excited for, on top of feeling like absolute shit.

 

[Nakho]

Can't say it happens a lot with my kid, thankfully. Still, it really is rough when it happen. Hang in there, OP

 

[CopyOfACopy]

Honest question: what is the difference between day care, school, university and then work?
Why aren't the later not spreading stuff so much?

Click to shrink...

Imagine everyone at your job uses the same computer / desk but no one washes their hands and is constantly sneezing and putting their hands in their mouth.

constant saliva and snot exchange

 

[Hollywood Duo]

All I can say is it'll get better but you have to go through hell first

 

[WedgeX]

It's true.

And now having one kid in school and one in childcare.

Good lord.

Every conceivable illness except those they've been vaccinated against.

I ran out of sick time to take care of them. Thankfully spring came and illnesses have receded somewhat.

 

[Landy828]

3 kids at 3 different grade levels in 3 different schools (elementary, middle, High School). Plus a wife in school administration.


So yeah, imagine your situation multiplied by 4.

L O L (cries) My wife had Strep & Covid at the same time at one point.

Flu/sick season sucked this year. There was a 2-3 month period where we didn't even make it one week without some kind of sickness. I think most of them came from the elementary school.

 

[Gala]

We have 4 week cycle in our family with my nephew. First he gets sick, then his mother and dad and sisters, then my parents take care of them and get sick and lastly me. And then the fun repeats. Fall and winter was really extreme.