Toxic Positivity is the worst

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

I'm a cynical bastard, so excuse the following.

I loathe being patronized.

One of the few things worse than that? LIFE.

2020 is just another year for me, which is yet another year in which i regret surviving. Not a SINGLE month of my life has been worth this shitty existence.

And after YEARS of it, if one more person wants to claim that "Life will be worth it SOMEDAY", with no reciept, someone needs some sense curbstomped into them.

I've spent my years knowing I will NEVER be good enough. And guess what? I'm not. I'm dogshit and I know it.
I've spent years thinking and trying to avoid dying alone only to learn there is no one out there desperate enough for me.
It's just a shame knowing the only difference between dying now and dying later is the amount of suffering in between.

Grug · Dec 5, 2020

All I know is that I was once living your existence where I measured existence as an exercise in minimisation of suffering, and now I'm not.

Don't want to get all toxically positive on you, but I think for the vast majority of people giving you the "it gets better" pep talk, it is coming from real lived experience.

Speevy · Dec 5, 2020

I'm not sure what you want me to post, but I hope you're okay.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

Grug said:
Don't want to get all toxically positive on you, but I think for the vast majority of people giving you the "it gets better" pep talk, it is coming from real lived experience.

Having lived through it, those people are full of more crap than Donald Trump has produced over the last 4 years.

Speevy said:
I'm not sure what you want me to post, but I hope you're okay.

Alive and Okay are antonyms. Pick one.

Reym · Dec 5, 2020

Grug said:
All I know is that I was once living your existence where I measured existence as an exercise in minimisation of suffering, and now I'm not.

Don't want to get all toxically positive on you, but I think for the vast majority of people giving you the "it gets better" pep talk, it is coming from real lived experience.

Sure, but that's kind of the problem in a way. Personal experience is just that - personal. Just because it did get better for Joe doesn't mean Bob will have the same experience. A lot of factors - including luck - play a huge part. So saying "it gets better", regardless of how well-meaning, can come across as patronizing even in the best circumstances.

Not saying people should stop doing it cold-turkey. It absolutely does help some people. A quick shot of confidence can be great for the right people. But it's also good to pay attention and listen to people for whom such things don't help or worse, feel like a burden.

Aaronrules380 · Dec 5, 2020

I think you really need to seek professional help OP because this clearly involves issues that randos on the internet are not qualified to give you advice on

Deleted member 31199 · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
I'm a cynical bastard, so excuse the following.

I loathe being patronized.

One of the few things worse than that? LIFE.

2020 is just another year for me, which is yet another year in which i regret surviving. Not a SINGLE month of my life has been worth this shitty existence.

And after YEARS of it, if one more person wants to claim that "Life will be worth it SOMEDAY", with no reciept, someone needs some sense curbstomped into them.

I've spent my years knowing I will NEVER be good enough. And guess what? I'm not. I'm dogshit and I know it.
I've spent years thinking and trying to avoid dying alone only to learn there is no one out there desperate enough for me.
It's just a shame knowing the only difference between dying now and dying later is the amount of suffering in between.

I am not sure if you saw the comedian thread where I brought up Doug Stanhope. I like him so much because I feel he is as authentic as it gets and as dark as it gets. I am cynical too but not to a point where I think life is not worth living. That said, I am at my happiest when most people are not.

Example No. 1: It is 75 and sunny outside and someone says to me "Isn't it beautiful outside? I wish it was like this year round! It is perfect!"

My response is "Nope, it is terrible. I wish it were about 40 and gray year round." The look on their face is priceless.

Eeyore · Dec 5, 2020

I know what you mean OP. I just hold out hope that I'm wrong. And I hope you're wrong too. I find it easier to distract myself with complete irrelevancies than confront it too often otherwise the depression is overwhelming.

Kino · Dec 5, 2020

I get what you mean about the positivity but I think toxic negativity is 1000x worse. Regardless, I'd rather be alone than deal with either

Reym · Dec 5, 2020

Probably unrelated, OP, but I saw this the other day and it popped into my mind reading the title of your post due to the thumbnail. Was an interesting watch at least.

thetrin · Dec 5, 2020

Using positivity proactively can effect incredible change. Not everything is your fault or fixable, but staying positive through adversity is a powerful tool. You dont believe me, I know, but I've gone through some shit, and what saw me to the other side was not letting it crush me.

RSTEIN · Dec 5, 2020

Looks like you've been dealt a raw hand. You could probably benefit from some therapy/other resources.

milkyway · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
Having lived through it, those people are full of more crap than Donald Trump has produced over the last 4 years.

You think everyone who's been through shit and has subsequently seen better days are bigger liars than a pathological liar because you feel like you haven't had that experience? Acting like your emotional/personal trends are proof that you'll feel the same way forever is misguided. Will things get better? Maybe. Can they? Yea, so why not try and find out?

Raxus · Dec 5, 2020

I find it funny you have a GL avatar considering the show is all about finding hope in hopeless situations. You do whatever makes you happy.

If you need to talk the door is always open here.

Rosebud · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
It's just a shame knowing the only difference between dying now and dying later is the amount of suffering in between.

To me, the difference is that dying later I can enjoy things I like for more time.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

Aaronrules380 said:
I think you really need to seek professional help OP because this clearly involves issues that randos on the internet are not qualified to give you advice on

I've tried. I had a therapist earlier this year, but she said I was beyond help and after giving up on the one beforehand, it's just another sign that the only thing that will work is suicide. No more, no less.

thetrin said:
Using positivity proactively can effect incredible change. Not everything is your fault or fixable, but staying positive through adversity is a powerful tool. You dont believe me, I know, but I've gone through some shit, and what saw me to the other side was not letting it crush me.

Too late. I'm atomized beyond recognition at this point.

milkyway said:
You think everyone who's been through shit and has subsequently seen better days are bigger liars than a pathological liar because you feel like you haven't had that experience? Acting like your emotional/personal trends are proof that you'll feel the same way forever is misguided. Will things get better? Maybe. Can they? Yea, so why not try and find out?

ABSOFUCKINGGODDAMNLUTELY.

I've tried. Tried for decades.

It has been a neverending downwards trajectory. I do not qualify a "slight spike" as "working" when the downhill spiral only continues later on.

Any single one is welcome to provide some reciepts, but they never do because they are full of THAT MUCH SHIT.

Rosebud said:
To me, the difference is that dying later I can enjoy things I like for more time.

I've lost interest in many of my hobbies. I'm just going through the motions at best.

Inugami · Dec 5, 2020

I'll take toxic positivity versus angry nihilism any day. I'm sorry things aren't working out for you, but getting upset or implying that people are lying when they say they are happy sounds unhealthy AF.

Hollywood Duo · Dec 5, 2020

Please try to find some help. Things can get better.

Possum Armada · Dec 5, 2020

Aaronrules380 said:
I think you really need to seek professional help OP because this clearly involves issues that randos on the internet are not qualified to give you advice on

This right here. I see a therapist and it has been incredibly helpful.

Falore · Dec 5, 2020

disregard my post, sorry.

the globglobgadgalab · Dec 5, 2020

People that are obnoxiously positive are the worst, I agree.

Aaronrules380 · Dec 5, 2020

I'm going to be frank and say that if you made this thread because you wanted people to validate your suicidal thoughts than this thread really should not be allowed to stay open. Also just because one therapist didn't work for you doesn't mean there isn't someone who could help you. Therapists aren't perfect, and one approach failing doesn't mean another can't. Nor does this change if you've tried 10 as opposed to 1.

Fuchsia · Dec 5, 2020

I used to think a lot like you, OP. It was exhausting truth be told. Therapy helped a lot. I just hope you're alright and seeking help if you need it. Totally no shame in doing so. It took me a while to get to the point where I finally did but it was worth it. Idk I just genuinely want you to be happier so please don't think I'm trying to patronize you. Just looking out for my fellow ERA posters.

Rosebud · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
I've tried. I had a therapist earlier this year, but she said I was beyond help and after giving up on the one beforehand, it's just another sign that the only thing that will work is suicide. No more, no less.

Can you see a psychiatrist? I went to many therapists, but only medication actually helped me.

Also, I'm on my third doctor right now, and he's much better than the others. Your therapist should be denounced tbh

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

Rosebud said:
Can you see a psychiatrist? I went to many therapists, but only medication actually helped me, it's normal.

Also, I'm on my third doctor right now, and he's much better than the others. Your therapist should be denounced tbh

Probably not. It was a huge deal emotionally to even bother trying with therapy. I'm not going to bother wasting my time with any of these quacks.

LOLDSFAN · Dec 5, 2020

Raxus said:
I find it funny you have a GL avatar considering the show is all about finding hope in hopeless situations.

Noticed that too.

If you don't believe in yourself, that's fine! But just believe in the Kamina that believes in you!

RiOrius · Dec 5, 2020

I hear ya OP. Like, presumably fortune cookie bullshit works for a lot of people or it wouldn't be everywhere, but I'm sick and tired of seeing the same useless advice. "Hit the gym," "therapy," "try new things."

I don't have any better advice, though. I don't know the way out of this hole: I'm still stuck in it. I'm not even sure that those things won't work. Part of me still thinks that if I weren't so lazy and stuck with one of the exercise programs for longer (even though I hate them and never get anything out of them, and one of the things that drives me nuts is how the instructor/avatar/whatever does the same positivity bullshit you're talking about of "you're doing great!" and "doesn't that make you feel good!" and no, it doesn't, it's exercise and it sucks), or maybe if I switch to yet another therapist, or maybe if I hadn't swapped therapists and stayed with the last one for longer because now this new one isn't great, or maybe it's just all my fault for not engaging well enough because I'm a piece of shit.

I have no solutions. I have no advice. But I'm here, and I think I know what you're going through, and it sucks. And if anyone's giving you shitty advice in this thread, fuck 'em, they don't know shit.

OhSatan · Dec 5, 2020

I love the internet because every once in a while you stumble upon someone that gets you.

GARlock Spiral said:
One of the few things worse than that? LIFE.

I have never felt more connected to a person, life is the enemy.

EggmaniMN · Dec 5, 2020

You have a bunch of posts here saying you enjoy a ton of stuff so like, you're full of shit.

hateradio · Dec 5, 2020

How old are you, OP?

OhSatan said:
I love the internet because every once in a while you stumble upon someone that gets you.

I have never felt more connected to a person, life is the enemy.

Ahah. Maybe you two should marry? ;))))

ResetEra Dating: Where Life is the Enemy

I am a Bird · Dec 5, 2020

hateradio · Dec 5, 2020

More and more I've kinda just placed myself as a "documentary observer." What that means is that I just kinda look at people as if they were a completely different species from myself.

I think about what they are doing, why they are doing it, but more in a casual way.

In an English accent: "Look at the man with the blue shirt. He looks excited to pick up his drink. Then tragedy ensues when he realizes it's the wrong one, and walks away."

It kinda stops me from focusing on my own life and its struggles. 🤷

UltraMav · Dec 5, 2020

My life is a rollercoaster between being completely happy and despondently depressed. I'm in a depressed part right now but I have also seen it be better. Much better. In order to maintain sanity, I must believe I will experience a high point again. Therapy did nothing for me except turn me off the of the entire prospect, and I have reverted to base self-destructive tendencies this past year and a half. But I keep the faith. I have to.

trashbandit · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
Probably not. It was a huge deal emotionally to even bother trying with therapy. I'm not going to bother wasting my time with any of these quacks.

It's a hard thing to do to get yourself to go to therapy, but you need to try harder. Most people do not settle on the first person they visit, and the person you went to sounds pretty terrible to be honest. If you were able to get yourself there once, you can do it second time, and from way you describe yourself and life you are in desperate need of help, whether that's a therapist or a psychiatrist. This isn't about fake positivity bullshit; if you want to actually, maybe, feel a bit better then you gotta put in the hard, unpleasant work to get there. It's not fun, and it certainly doesn't look or sound positive as you go through your shit, but it's necessary.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

trashbandit said:
It's a hard thing to do to get yourself to go to therapy, but you need to try harder. Most people do not settle on the first person they visit, and the person you went to sounds pretty terrible to be honest. If you were able to get yourself there once, you can do it second time, and from way you describe yourself and life you are in desperate need of help, whether that's a therapist or a psychiatrist.

That was my third and final attempt at therapy. Not a SINGLE ONE of those times did things seem to get better.

hateradio said:
More and more I've kinda just placed myself as a "documentary observer." What that means is that I just kinda look at people as if they were a completely different species from myself.

I think about what they are doing, why they are doing it, but more in a casual way.

In an English accent: "Look at the man with the blue shirt. He looks excited to pick up his drink. Then tragedy ensues when he realizes it's the wrong one, and walks away."

It kinda stops me from focusing on my own life and its struggles. 🤷

Already kind of do. I tend to narrate things in my own head because i'm strange.

LOLDSFAN said:
Noticed that too.

If you don't believe in yourself, that's fine! But just believe in the Kamina that believes in you!

Life has grated on me enough so that I don't even really like GL anymore. :/

KomandaHeck · Dec 5, 2020

EggmaniMN said:
You have a bunch of posts here saying you enjoy a ton of stuff so like, you're full of shit.

By God, you've done it Eggman, you've solved depression.

Fuck me.

deimosmasque · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
That was my third and final attempt at therapy. Not a SINGLE ONE of those times did things seem to get better.

Already kind of do. I tend to narrate things in my own head because i'm strange.

Life has grated on me enough so that I don't even really like GL anymore. :/

How long did you go to therapy?

Bonafide · Dec 5, 2020

while i've been in periods where ive been trapped in the mental lock of "nothing can get better, nothing matters" or through luck or just making certain changes things got better, I know its easier said than done.

so OP, are you absolutely certain that there is nothing actionable you can do to turn your life for the better?

UltraMav · Dec 5, 2020

Therapy sucks, brehs. Getting life advice from well-to-do doctors does not provide reasonable hope for people who are truly struggling. I can't take it seriously. They don't care about me and they can't relate. I've gotten more support from random forum members and just knowing I'm not alone.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

Bonafide said:
while i've been in periods where ive been trapped in the mental lock of "nothing can get better, nothing matters" or through luck or just making certain changes things got better, I know its easier said than done.

so OP, are you absolutely certain that there is nothing actionable you can do to turn your life for the better?

Without a doubt. Ending it is the only workable solution. Everything else is barely even a half measure.

deimosmasque said:
How long did you go to therapy?

2-3 months for each.

hateradio · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
Probably not. It was a huge deal emotionally to even bother trying with therapy. I'm not going to bother wasting my time with any of these quacks.

UltraMav said:
My life is a rollercoaster between being completely happy and despondently depressed. I'm in a depressed part right now but I have also seen it be better. Much better. In order to maintain sanity, I must believe I will experience a high point again. Therapy did nothing for me except turn me off the of the entire prospect, and I have reverted to base self-destructive tendencies this past year and a half. But I keep the faith. I have to.

To both:

There are all sorts of therapists.

I've had a few bad ones, but also some good.

When you get a person who understands, is ready to listen, and only validates you without having to say anything, you finally can begin to reflect and look towards a different vision of the future.

In my case a woman PoC, went in and diagnosed me. While others were saying that I didn't sound like I had this or that, she was like . . . let's go through this list and tell me what you have to say about it.

In my case I had been diagonsed with depression years ago, with some "mania." But it wasn't until this year that I was finally disagonesed as bipolar.

You have to be consistent with your therapist, your medication, etc. It's not going to change in one day.

And it's never going to be 100%, but it does go from being "FUCK MY LIFE IS OUT OF CONTROL AND THESE BASE HUMAN EMOTIONS ARE FUCKING PARALIZING THIS WORTHLESS HUMAN BODY" to . . . well, shit, if nothing matters, then life is simply about FEELING GOOD and finding what feels good.

It's not that life is the enemy, it's just an ambivalent presence, and you have to make the most of it.

PS: UltraMav, you used "hope" a lot. Hope is not a strategy. You have to actively engage in changing things. Things are not going to change on their own, no matter how much hope you have.

If you don't start to put things into a positive motion, then things won't change. And if things blow up, that's fine, because you still have 10 other things going in a positive motion.

Grug · Dec 5, 2020

UltraMav said:
Therapy sucks, brehs. Getting life advice from well-to-do doctors does not provide reasonable hope for people who are truly struggling.

Not sure what therapists you are going to. Their job isn't to provide "life advice". That is what mentors and life coaches do.

Once I found the right one, my psychologist saved my life.

hateradio · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
Already kind of do. I tend to narrate things in my own head because i'm strange.

I think we all do that. Otherwise, we wouldn't be suffering.

deimosmasque · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
Without a doubt. Ending it is the only workable solution. Everything else is barely even a half measure.

2-3 months for each.

That's barely enough time to get an effective therapy session. It takes that long for them to even diagnose what's wrong. It's hard work but it can help.

And on the otherside therapy isn't for everyone.

But the truth of the matter is you sound like your on a nihilistic bent towards your own life and it's possibilities. Not sure if it's even possible for me to advise you or even say something you wouldn't consider a "platitude".

UltraMav · Dec 5, 2020

Grug said:
Not sure what therapists you are going to. Their job isn't to provide "life advice".

Once I found the right one, my psychologist saved my life.

Maybe that's my problem. I wanted answers and solutions to my problems, what I got was someone going "that sucks, I understand why you feel this way."

Maybe I'm looking for something that isn't available.

Antrax · Dec 5, 2020

GARlock Spiral said:
2-3 months for each.

All in all, my wife's first therapist fucking sucked, and it took about two years of therapy with her second one and medication before she got to a "good" spot.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

deimosmasque said:
That's barely enough time to get an effective therapy session. It takes that long for them to even diagnose what's wrong. It's hard work but it can help.

And on the otherside therapy isn't for everyone.

But the truth of the matter is you sound like your on a nihilistic bent towards your own life and it's possibilities. Not sure if it's even possible for me to advise you or even say something you wouldn't consider a "platitude".

I don't care for "hard work" unless it gets results, and I don't trust therapists anyway. I can say i've tried, but it failed. I guess you're not wrong in a sense. I'd love to be anything more than nihilistic, but the longer I live the more it's apparent the only thing i'm living for is to find more and more and more reasons to die ASAP with absolutely zero reason to stick around.

Deleted member 6436 · Dec 5, 2020

Homie, you posting here is proof that you don't 100 percent believe in the things you're saying here. Otherwise this post wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be breathing

I'm a suicide survivor. That was about 12 years ago about a month after I graduated high school. I was the same as you where I tried therapy and it didn't help me either. Nor medications.

I'm not saying you have to turn positive overnight and kick yourself up out of this, but work on thinking more neutrally. It sounds silly, but trust me on this. And if you can, find one good thing that happens to you every day, even if it's something small like you had a tasty meal or a picture on the internet made you laugh. Do that every day and you'll be surprised how, over time, your mentality begins to improve.

Life does get better, but you've got to want it to.

GARlock Spiral · Dec 5, 2020

Viking Jesus said:
Homie, you posting here is proof that you don't 100 percent believe in the things you're saying here. Otherwise this post wouldn't exist and you wouldn't be breathing

I'm a suicide survivor. That was about 12 years ago about a month after I graduated high school. I was the same as you where I tried therapy and it didn't help me either. Nor medications.

I'm not saying you have to turn positive overnight and kick yourself up out of this, but work on thinking more neutrally. It sounds silly, but trust me on this. And if you can, find one good thing that happens to you every day, even if it's something small like you had a tasty meal or a picture on the internet made you laugh. Do that every day and you'll be surprised how, over time, your mentality begins to improve.

Life does get better, but you've got to want it to.

I do want it to. I'm consistently sick of years of trying and years of failure. I've survived it twice and surviving both times is by FAR the biggest regret I have.

Don't worry about the first part. I'm slowly building up the courage to end myself and prevent myself from breathing. It's only a matter of time, and the sooner the better.

Deleted member 6436 · Dec 5, 2020

Please seek help and reach out to a loved one.

Also, shoot a text to the Crisis Text Line. Text HOME to 741741

Toxic Positivity is the worst

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