(Tutorial) How to address skinny people about their weight without being offensive.

[Vex]

Step 1: DONT.

Example: "Wow gurl! You so skinny! You need to put on some weight!"

This is NOT ok.

Even if you think you are giving someone a compliment:

Example: "Pfft, I bet you could eat anything you wanted and not put on any weight. You dont have to worry abo-"
DONT.

This is NOT ok.

I don't need you to constantly remind me how skinny I am. I live this life. I'm aware. I don't comment about your weight nor do I want to. I don't go around talking about how someone is 100 pounds heavier than me because that could be hurtful. So why don't we follow that same logic with people who are lighter? We hurt too. I cannot tell you how many times people just casually say OUT LOUD "WOW, YOU'RE SKINNY!" Like, really fucking loud.

There are tons of reasons why someone could be as thin as they are. It could be a serious health issue, mental illness, or they just don't care... Whatever it is? DONT. Don't comment on it.

Thank you,

A thin person.



Edit: because I am seeing a lot of this go around in this thread, I wanted to make it very clear that this is also not ok:

"Your issue is not as bad as this issue." DONT.

This is not an Olympic event to see who hurts more. The purpose was to raise awareness and promote discussion on something I felt wasn't really talked about before. Please remain on topic.

Per Slayven:

If you feel the need to highlight other issues, please make another thread instead of going off on a tangent.

We have ample space for many discussions as along as they are civil

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Giving statistics on what overweight individuals face and how it is worse is not really the point of discussion here in THIS thread. Create another thread. Thank you for reading. And remember: DONT.

 

[SuperEpicMan]

I feel the same way tbh. It kinda sucks when I have been working out and trying to tone up, only for someone to be like "are you eating enough? You look a little gaunt"

 

[M.J.]

As a thin man, I don't really relate. People usually envy me for not putting on any weight. I'm a little envious of men who take the time to work on their physique and have nice bodies, but I won't pretend that being skinny and healthy isn't preferable to being overweight.

People also don't constantly remind me of how skinny I am, as a man. That's probably why it can't compare to the OP. People are really unfair to women over their weight.

 

[The Rain King]

This is more like how NOT to address skinny people.

Personally I'd rather be called slim, lean or fit before skinny.

 

[Air]

As a fellow thin person, this is great.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Just don't comment on people's looks in general. Lean/fit(in Europe) is a pretty good term if you feel obligated for some reason to comment on a persons weight.

 

[Saganator]

Yup. Skinny guy here. The comments get old. I don't tell fat people they should eat less, don't tell me I should eat more. Fuck you.

 

[Deleted member 3925]

Facts. I'm skinny as hell, and it's kinda annoying when people have to bring it up all the time.

 

[Pankratous]

Skinny person but can't say I'd ever be annoyed at these kind of comments. Then again, I don't hear them daily.

 

[acheron_xl]

I'll just nod in approval on behalf of my skinny GF. She worked in a bakery for years, so she got this shit constantly.

 

[pepe_silvia]

I'm 5'9" and 135lbs. I just don't really care if people say skinny. So many other things to care about imo.

 

[Tuck]

You're doing god's work OP.

I'm skinny as fuck. I can't gain weight. I've tried, it doesn't happen. (I'm fairly certain it has to do with my IBS, unfortunately).

I know I'm skinny. I know it looks weird. I don't need other people commenting about it telling me I have to gain weight, as if I don't already know that. Fuck off.

 

[99humanity]

As a thin man, I don't really relate. People usually envy me for not putting on any weight. I'm a little envious of men who take the time to work on their physique and have nice bodies, but I won't pretend that being skinny and healthy isn't preferable to being overweight.

People also don't constantly remind me of how skinny I am, as a man. That's probably why it can't compare to the OP. People are really unfair to women over their weight.

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I'm a thin male as well and I do relate to OP. I've definitely heard lots of "you're so skinny" and "eat a burger." They don't have bad intentions, although I did actually get made fun of for being skinny when I was younger.

When I hear it sometimes it does strike me as strange, because like OP said it's not something they'd say to an overweight person. They just think it's a good thing I guess, but it's really not, I could use a few pounds. But it's none of their business. So sometimes it does make me a little uncomfortable.

 

[Ivan2Nguyen]

My views are a little different because I've been on both sides. I've been close to 270 and now I'm more at 190. I'd like to get back to 170 but people say it doesn't look that good. Yesterday I didn't get to my lunch until 3. I used some of my lunch hour to work out and shower and then I got busy so I couldn't heat up my food till after 3. One of our switch board operators who's known me at both ends of my weight says, "Of course you can go until 3 with out eating. You're just a crumb." My response was, "Wow, really?" And she told me that I used to be a bum but now I'm a crumb. Here I am, struggling to make the right decisions to avoid any more weight regain and I am getting judged just for waiting on eating. I want to say she didn't really mean anything by it, but I'm constantly being judged on my food choices by my larger co-workers. Sadly, its part of the reason I stepped away from my more controlled eating and let some of the weight back on. Just so I don't have to constantly justify my choices. The truth is I shouldn't be bothered by this kind of stuff, but I want to be accepted and it'd be easier if I could be with out the stigma of now being smaller.

 

[JonJonesateyourbabies]

Or you could just not comment on their appearance

I would hope most people know this already

 

[DonShula]

I lost a lot of weight a few years back. A lot of people would tell me how great/skinny I looked. A few of the more mindful ones would first ask whether I meant to lose the weight, and then compliment me. That was the first time I realized that thin may not be desired state for everyone. I still often get some variation of "yeah that cupcake isn't going to kill you."

I've since had one person describe me as skinny when trying to insult me, which made me proud considering the circumstances.

 

[acheron_xl]

Or you could just not comment on their appearance

I would hope most people know this already

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Being thin is seen as something virtuous and magical. The concept that someone might not want to be thin never enters their brain, so they don't think loudly pointing it out is anything to shy away from.

 

[DonShula]

Double post

 

[Vex]

The thing about it is that I get the feeling they think they are saying a good thing. Like, just across the board. It is a good thing. But it is really not. You cant just assume EVERYONE wants to be like that.

So sometimes when I get these sorts of comments, I have to stop myself from blanking on someone and just kinda "hehe, yeeeaaa". I know they don't get that it could make me uncomfortable.

But it is also my fault for not asking them to stop and just letting it go on. But how would one go about this without souring a friendship/awkwardness?

 

[TheGhost]

Been dealing with this all my life OP. I immediately say something nasty right back, just out of self defense, I get pretty pissed.

 

[Deleted member 6949]

I was a super skinny kid who didn't like to be touched, and all kinds of people would come up and feel my ribcage and and instruct others to gaze at my skeletal structure. Shit was weird.

 

[seiki]

wow thanks for the advice lmao

 

[SmokeMaxX]

Does this include those who are trying to frame the comments as a compliment? Because it seems like a bit of an overreaction to snap at people are trying to be nice to you, even if they do so in an inappropriate or ignorant manner.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

Does this include those who are trying to frame the comments as a compliment? Because it seems like a bit of an overreaction to snap at people are trying to be nice to you, even if they do so in an inappropriate or ignorant manner.

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You don't need to snap at people but things like this can still hurt people's feelings and should be avoided.

 

[gcwy]

Agree with everything you said. This double standard needs to die.

 

[SmokeMaxX]

You don't need to snap at people but things like this can still hurt people's feelings and should be avoided.

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I mean it makes sense that people should learn to do better, but I don't personally think it's appropriate to respond to well-intentioned ignorance with anger.

 

[Zulith]

Thanks for the OP, good post and I agree. I always am careful never to do that.

While I don't think my issue is as severe, I encounter similar stuff out in public. My "default face" looks kinda like i'm not in a happy mood, and I constantly get strangers telling me to "smile."

I totally understand your dilemma. I wish people would not do this shit. They take one look at you and think it's their right to commentate out loud about how you look. Brainless.

 

[Deleted member 10612]

I was being called an "holocaust survivor" once, people don't seem to have their social filter engaged when they are around skinny guys. Even at work.
When I visit extended family the first thing upon greeting me was "hey you're still so skinny, why dont you eat more" for as long as I can remember. Meh. I would have to lie pretending that it never bothered me, but I have a lot of confidence despite that so I could manage.

At least my body, with age, started to put on some weight and training starts to pay off.

 

[Hollywood Duo]

I mean it makes sense that people should learn to do better, but I don't personally think it's appropriate to respond to well-intentioned ignorance with anger.

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Anger is never the answer so yeah I agree.

 

[Ratrat]

As a thin man, I don't really relate. People usually envy me for not putting on any weight. I'm a little envious of men who take the time to work on their physique and have nice bodies, but I won't pretend that being skinny and healthy isn't preferable to being overweight.

People also don't constantly remind me of how skinny I am, as a man. That's probably why it can't compare to the OP. People are really unfair to women over their weight.

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When I was kid/teen I was constantly teased about my weight. Its like the first thing people say when meeting you.

Weirdly as an adult most comments are to express jealousy about my weight. I feel good now, but it was an odd double standard as a kid.

 

[TheIdiot]

The difference with overweight people is that being skinny is generally equated to health, not looks. So, saying "you're so fat" to someone is pretty much saying "you're so unattractive" while someone commenting on your slimness is generally either out of envy, i.e. I wish I could eat all day and not gain weight, or out of concern for your health, i.e. "Are you eating enough?"

 

[Zepp Twofist]

I get the same remarks as OP even though I'm objectively overweight. Apparently because I used to be morbidly obese, being overweight is considered skinny. Funny thing is I can't ever recall anyone saying I was getting too fat to my face.

 

[BraXzy]

Well said. My metabolism is crazy high and I can indeed eat ridiculous amounts and still stay relatively thin. It can be annoying at times.

 

[G Status Ray]

I'm 6'7'' and and weigh 290lbs so I've received a fair amount of comments regarding my body. However, there is just a bizarre societal acceptance that it's okay to comment on how skinny someone is. It's unfair and has really been bothering me. The most important thing I can say to people is that you just shouldn't comment on someone's looks. If you're complementing that a different story, but anything other than that, just don't.

 

[NES]

It's annoying hitting the gym regularly then hearing how "lucky" I am that I can eat what I want and still look "fit"

It's called exercise. Has nothing to do with luck.

 

[offshore]

OP delivering truth bombs.

I'm pretty skinny: I have no definition in my arms at all; like, I am minus definition. lol. Thankfully though, no-one has ever really mentioned my skinniness these days; the last time I heard something was my work colleague asking me how I could eat so much and stay so thin. I guess it was a compliment. But back in the day my aunt and uncle used to constantly go on about what I was eating, and "you need to eat some meat". Used to annoy the hell out of me; I think they then wondered why I never talked to them. lol.

I'm currently trying to gain some weight, but yeah, it's really tough. I am working out a little bit too, and while I'm definitely getting stronger - my pressup routine is real good now - there's no visible difference. But I guess there are worse problems to have i.e. being obese, so even though I'd rather be heavier, it's maybe not all bad.

 

[Landy828]

I have the exact opposite problem. Played sports my whole life, worked out 4-6 days a week. I was still the fattest kid out there...didn't matter.

Genes suck sometimes, lol.

I was a 90 minute starter for a Clemson travel team (Soccer) in my mid teens and weighed 180lbs while with them, at 5'4".

Get called "big guy" and "big man" all the time. I'm sure "skinny" comments probably feel the same.

 

[PlanetSmasher]

I get thin-shamed a LOT. People constantly commenting on my weight, on my eating habits (I eat a lot of pizza and junk food because I enjoy it and most healthy food tastes like garbage) and my body type, and it's maddening.

You can't get indignant about it either because people always act like they're being nice or envious, but it almost always comes off as passive-aggressive or judgmental.

I'm so tired of it. I wish I just had a normal weight so people would stop talking about it.

 

[bigred50]

I'm a skinny guy. Always have been, always will be. Doesn't matter what I eat, how much or how little I work out/exercise. My weight/appearance stays essentially the same.

It really bothered me as a teenager, and through my 20s.

The number of times I hear "you should eat a burger boy, put some meat on your bones"... I've been tempted on so many occasions to fire back a comment about the perpetrators own weight, but I always chicken out.

 

[SmokeMaxX]

I'm 6'7'' and and weigh 290lbs so I've received a fair amount of comments regarding my body. However, there is just a bizarre societal acceptance that it's okay to comment on how skinny someone is. It's unfair and has really been bothering me. The most important thing I can say to people is that you just shouldn't comment on someone's looks. If you're complementing that a different story, but anything other than that, just don't.

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I think it's more bizarre how socially acceptable it is to comment on how short people are. At least with being skinny, it's (generally) a compliment, whereas when people openly talk about short people, it's almost always an insult.

TBH I've been on most sides of this issue (5'3", used to be close to underweight, now close to obese). I can't speak for everyone, but to me, it's about being comfortable with who you are. I never get mad at factual statements. I used to be extremely skinny. Now I weigh way more than I want to. If people ever tried to compliment me, I'd appreciate the gesture even if it's not how I personally felt, because they had good intentions. I will admit, though, that insults get under my skin. Not the actual insult, because I don't care, but the concept of someone intentionally going out of their way to be mean just seems so scummy to me.

 

[AL_]

The difference with overweight people is that being skinny is generally equated to health, not looks. So, saying "you're so fat" to someone is pretty much saying "you're so unattractive" while someone commenting on your slimness is generally either out of envy, i.e. I wish I could eat all day and not gain weight, or out of concern for your health, i.e. "Are you eating enough?"

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I disagree. There are beautiful fat people and I would say that being fat is more of a health concern than being skinny. I am skinny myself and have heard all of these comments before. They get old very quick. Credit to the people that made those comments but then also commented on my muscle gain or overall healthy weight gain.

 

[Amory]

People shouldn't make comments either way about someone else's weight. Unless they lost a bunch or whatever.

Generally speaking I'd imagine it's easier to be an underweight person in society than an overweight one though

 

[Bán]

I have really, really skinny cousins and they've all been bothered by this. As someone who was very fat at the time I was confused that anyone would not like attention being called to how slim they are, seeing as its one of the things society prizes most in a person - a universally liked physical trait.

Talking to them, basically I found out that the message being sent and received was different. What people were thinking was:
"Wow, congrats on being slim and looking good! I wish I could do that!"

The message received tended to be
(for the girls): "You really don't have any curves, huh? You're not very feminine."
(for the guys) "Where's the muscle definition? You look weak."

I guess just not saying anything is the answer. Also, after years of being called skinny my girl cousins all ended up getting breast implants which I thought was a shame.

 

[Leithkorias]

Agreed OP. My wife has a disease that causes her to not only be sick all the time, but even moreso when she eats. It's gotten to the point where she almost hates eating and only eats when she feels like her body will shut down if she doesn't. Even then after she eats it goes right through her one way or the other. (She's unable to absorb nutrients from most of her food).

She was at work the other day talking to a friend and they were talking about her size and health. A large woman overheard and chimed in with "oh yea, you have it soooo bad. I'd love to have your problem. When I walk away ill pretend to feel sorry for you like everyone else does."

No joke. This stranger didn't have the whole picture when she made that comment and even if She did (Or didn't) what an insensitive thing to say. Larger people think they'e the only ones on the receiving end of hurtful comments regarding their weight. My wife literally can't eat!

 

[Deleted member 4367]

Never been offended by people calling me skinny. They never mean anything bad about it.

 

[Vex]

Agreed OP. My wife has a disease that causes her to not only be sick all the time, but even moreso when she eats. It's gotten to the point where she almost hates eating and only eats when she feels like her body will shut down if she doesn't. Even then after she eats it goes right through her one way or the other. (She's unable to absorb nutrients from most of her food).

She was at work the other day talking to a friend and they were talking about her size and health. A large woman overheard and chimed in with "oh yea, you have it soooo bad. I'd love to have your problem. When I walk away ill pretend to feel sorry for you like everyone else does."

No joke. This stranger didn't have the whole picture when she made that comment and even if She did (Or didn't) what an insensitive thing to say. Larger people think they'e the only ones on the receiving end of hurtful comments regarding their weight. My wife literally can't eat!

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oh my god. Im so sorry to hear that. That must be tough to deal with. I cant imagine not enjoying a meal.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

generally, just avoid commenting other people's bodies seems like a good rule of thumb

(like there are exceptions, like in pillow talk or something, but most of the time just try to avoid commenting how people look?)

 

[Disco Stu]

I know folks who have real issues with this.

Good post.

 

[strudelkuchen]

Yup. Skinny guy here. The comments get old. I don't tell fat people they should eat less, don't tell me I should eat more. Fuck you.

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This is a perfect post. Thank you!

 

[Davey Cakes]

I was heavy throughout my middle school and high school years. I think I topped out around 230 lbs in 10th grade. Nowadays I float around 160-170.

Being thin is just part of my lifestyle now. I enjoy being able to eat what I want. I enjoy having an easy time shopping for clothes. I enjoy having the capacity to be either lazy or active depending on how I feel that day. Thing is, I control my calorie intake and I usually pace it out during regular days, even if I straight up don't count calories. On weekends I like to indulge. And, when my body starts giving me signals that I should start moving my ass in order to maintain, then I'll get some exercise. To be thin is freeing for me, honestly.

It's funny. My brother always says "you're looking good, man" even though I'm clearly a bit underweight for my height. My mother, however, has definitely thrown more "you should eat more" compliments. One time I said I ate an entire plate of chicken parm and finished it off with a half a pint of Ben & Jerry's and she freaked out. "Are you sick? Should you go to the doctor?" She was too used to my dad's actual dad bod, I guess. Some people just see that as the norm.

Comments on a thinner body type definitely skirt that strange line between compliment and insult, or backhanded compliment and unwarranted concern. I'd rather people saying nothing at all if they have nothing good to say.