Yeah at the end of the day, that is where this ends. If you still feel resent towards her rejection, then there is an issue.
Was/am I being sensitive?
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Yeah at the end of the day, that is where this ends. If you still feel resent towards her rejection, then there is an issue.
I was thinking that she obviously had the break up in her mind. That has nothing to do with her being a woman and just with more important stuff currently going on.
I'm not sure I follow this. If someone reacts to you in a manner you perceive as rude surely you can judge that reaction.
one of the same people literally posted:
so not that simple after all, huh?
it's like some of you guys literally just argue bullshit to look good.
Yes it is. You do not touch unless you know for certain. It's literally that simple.
Stop posting shit to look good, Beefy. Jesus...
Sure.
But OP saying he was hurt by her rejection shows a basic lack of respect IMO.
Take your licks and think twice before touching people, instead of looking for validation on the Internet.
Context matters, and in the context of walking in on and inserting yourself into the conversation of a roommate you've only had a few conversations with I'd say it was wrong to try to console her at all, let alone physically. If she wants to talk to you about it she will.
I think your heart was in the right place but in this specific situation you were in the wrong and you were right to say you were sorry. She may have been blunt but it's an emotional time and your well-being isn't her priority.
I would never say that what you did was gross or that you as a person are gross, this however:
is totally gross.
You touch a woman and she tells you not to touch her, then you were wrong to touch her. There should be absolutely no attempt to "correct" her, to explain that your unwanted touching is fine and she is wrong to not accept it. Doing this is gross and it makes you a creep, and being touched by creeps is not essential to survival. Jesus Fucking Christ.
I think your heart was in the right place but in this specific situation you were in the wrong and you were right to say you were sorry. She may have been blunt but it's an emotional time and your well-being isn't her priority.
I would never say that what you did was gross or that you as a person are gross, this however:
is totally gross.
You touch a woman and she tells you not to touch her, then you were wrong to touch her. There should be absolutely no attempt to "correct" her, to explain that your unwanted touching is fine and she is wrong to not accept it. Doing this is gross and it makes you a creep, and being touched by creeps is not essential to survival. Jesus Fucking Christ.
Just going to echo the no touching sentiment. Touching someone on the shoulder for example may seem like an innocuous gesture but for folks like me it makes my skin crawl everytime. Ugh.
And at the very least, when you get it wrong, just own it and move on.
To be fair, looking at the opening post he seems to ask for genuine feedback, not validation
I don't know, I think his last sentence can be read both ways.
Basically this.
I feel like people on this site jump to extremes because it's fun to dogpile on someone. It always happens in these social interaction threads.
that post was a direct response to another poster, not the OP. it was in relation to their posts.
the whole conversation is quotable and easy to follow, so idk why you took that out of context the way you did. i know you think you went off but you're arguing against nobody.
quote my posts about "correcting" her.
quote my posts about explaining anything to her.
so idk what this is. my stance has only been that asking before physical contact as a concrete rule is ridiculous. that's all.
Your other stance was that people who don't want to be touched have emotional/personal problems. But sure, pretend that you have some moral high ground here.
No.
It's a very simple concept that falls on deaf ears too often. The people upset by this are upset rightly. It s something everyone needs to learn, and a little stern conversation isn't going to break anyone.
Don't touch unless you know for certain it's acceptable. Done.
what are you doing? that poster even called it a personal attack.
it was purely off what they were saying. not just because a person doesn't want to be touched.
Don't touch people. And don't make threads about you being offended that someone was uncomfortable with your hands on them.
An article to do with this subject.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/mar/07/crisis-touch-hugging-mental-health-strokes-cuddles
When I see some of the posts this in topic and in (and others on this subject that sprung up on here post metoo) it only reinforces to me that being this dismissive and negative as we are (and continuing to be ever more so) about non sexualised social touching really isn't going to be great for us in the long run. well meaning I'm sure, but missing out on some of the possible implications of this.
tc was well intentioned, but chose a poor time to do it as someone who isn't that close with this woman yet with her being in the emotional state she was. pending her speaking to you again about it at least you know where you stand on this matter now though. You're only a douche if you do this again and/or treat her negatively for it. As it stands if everything went down the way you said it did It's probably not in the top 10,000 of faux pas made by users on here this week.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/mar/07/crisis-touch-hugging-mental-health-strokes-cuddles
When I see some of the posts this in topic and in (and others on this subject that sprung up on here post metoo) it only reinforces to me that being this dismissive and negative as we are (and continuing to be ever more so) about non sexualised social touching really isn't going to be great for us in the long run. well meaning I'm sure, but missing out on some of the possible implications of this.
tc was well intentioned, but chose a poor time to do it as someone who isn't that close with this woman yet with her being in the emotional state she was. pending her speaking to you again about it at least you know where you stand on this matter now though. You're only a douche if you do this again and/or treat her negatively for it. As it stands if everything went down the way you said it did It's probably not in the top 10,000 of faux pas made by users on here this week.
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they do often have emotional problems.
that's different from saying if you don't like being touched then you have an emotional problem. but it is more likely.
and that wasn't a stance, it was all directly responding to that one poster.
Why live life so uptight?
If someone touches my shoulder and I don't want them to, I just tell them. It's not the end of the world. I could understand some other physical interactions but a brief 1-second shoulder touch is so benign. OP is not a creep for doing it even if they are overreacting by posting this thread.
That's you. People in this thread have told you they don't like it, so you have to assume that's true of everyone until you find out.
It's not a huge sacrifice... this is like people who get bent out of shape because they don't agree with certain pronouns for gender identity. It's not going to hurt you to be a little more considerate and just hold back on the touching until you get to know the person in question, much like it won't hurt anyone calling a person by their chosen identity.
And I've never called OP a creep. I think his OP was an example of being inconsiderate and a little selfish, sure.
Is that not what the person described in the OP did?
It's what the woman in the OP did lol did you not even read the OP?
the social interaction anxiety scale, science, common sense, idk.
edit: and that's super transparent.
Why put anyone in a position where they have to say they if it isn't necessary? Touching someone else without their consent isn't necessary. Especially for women, it's an uncomfortable position to put them in.
Could have been still in an emotional state where she didn't want to be physically consoled. Everyone's different. Some welcome it and appreciate it, while others do not and like to cope in other ways.
You didn't do anything wrong and you apologized so just leave it be.
You didn't do anything wrong and you apologized so just leave it be.
Do you even read what you type? What do you mean that's not a stance while you double down on said stance?
yup, though it seems that the OP was pretty certain, going by his surprise about her reaction and him making this thread
If he knows that usually, and knows she's upset, etc... then I don't know why he'd even be confused,...
are you telling me those sentences are the same thing? yours is an absolute blanket statement.
you know that.
if what i said was offensive, let me know how? actually explain yourself.
This became much too broad of a conversation that is focusing less and less on the original post. We are closing it to further replies.
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