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What are your 'green flags' during a date? Traits, quirks, habits, share them!

Vincent Grayson

Vincent Grayson

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,914
Mount Airy, MD
Emotional intelligence is huge for me. If I get the sense that you're a person who spends time on introspection and figuring out their own shit along with treating people well, that's an instant green flag.

A solid dialogue and a good audience/participant in witty banter and snark and all that really gets me.
 
SneakyBadger

SneakyBadger

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,550
Genuine interest. I briefly dated a woman who would ask questions about me in a way that seemed like she was actually curious rather than just being polite. I didn't realize how rare that was until I experienced it.
 
Tuorom

Tuorom

Member
Oct 30, 2017
10,998
Kindness, honesty, and empathy. They are traits I strive to exude and if they aren't on the same wave length then it would never work.

Edit: also open to new ideas and perspectives. I can't stand people who are not open to self improvement or think they are always right. Because it's something I believe in very strongly, that everyone can improve, that you can gain insight from every perspective.
 
Ogodei

Ogodei

One Winged Slayer
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,256
Coruscant
Chemistry is generally obvious (though I still have a hard time sorting it out from just being friendly), but something I like to see is the right pace of communications pre-date. I'm not a guy who likes to send a lot of text messages, so I like when I see her communicate on a similar wavelength (not one-word responses or anything that indicates a lack of interest, but maybe a message or two per day before the date).
 
Link

Link

Banned
Oct 26, 2017
3,623
TitanicFall said:
When the bill comes, they instantly pull out their credit card. Yeah, I'm going to pay for the entire meal, but it's nice for it not to be assumed.
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This is a big one for me. The last girl I dated never even offered to pay for anything, despite making twice as much as I did. This went well beyond the initial dating period and was still the case four months into our relationship. I finally brought it up, and she acted like it was insulting to even mention it. I ended things soon after.

The girl I'm seeing now insists that if I pay for dinner, she's got drinks, or vice versa. It's going much better.
 
hydrophilic attack

hydrophilic attack

Corrupted by Vengeance
Member
Oct 25, 2017
21,579
Sweden
SolVanderlyn said:
If I google this will it put me on any watchlists
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nah, it's just that libya's flag under gadaffi was just literally a rectangle of green and nothing else
vjc1s.png
 

Deleted member 13015

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,266
Vincent Grayson said:
Emotional intelligence is huge for me. If I get the sense that you're a person who spends time on introspection and figuring out their own shit along with treating people well, that's an instant green flag.

A solid dialogue and a good audience/participant in witty banter and snark and all that really gets me.
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This along with great humor is so magical to see in a potential mate.
 
OP
OP
Hoo-doo

Hoo-doo

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
4,292
The Netherlands
Yerba_Sutra said:
All the dates I've been on where I got that "oh shit this is not a drill" feeling involved some mixture of

People watching
Talking science & culture & art (that includes movies and games and shit)
Eating
Seeking out little hole-in-the-wall shops or interesting restaurants
Nature
Teamwork (neither party having expectations of who is "in control" of the date)
Being comfortable in moments of silence

That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.
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This is a good list.

My last date was all these combined. That plus being on exactly the same wavelength in terms of communication.
Seeing her again next week. It's weird how comfortable we were together from the first minute we met.
 
No_Face

No_Face

Member
Dec 18, 2017
1,080
Brigerbad, Switzerland
pa22word said:
Why even bother coming out if all you want to do is turn your fork over for half an hour?
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I'm sure they aren't silent because they want to be silent. Some people just have a difficult time communicating with strangers and especially so under the added pressure of being on a date with someone they most likely want to impress. Social anxiety is a bitch.

Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than wanting to have a conversation with someone but having nothing to say.
 
Skelepuzzle

Skelepuzzle

Member
Apr 17, 2018
6,119
Haven't been on a date in a long time, but after dinner my date at the time asked me if it would be okay if we went to see Step Brothers.

Green Lights:
-Sense of humor
-Willing to make fun of me and themselves
-Figures out my interests and tries to plan things we'd both enjoy
-Confident without being self serious
-A general sense of curiosity
-Generally a fan of horror movies/games

I laughed so hard I cried during that pinnacle of cinema, and the wife and me have been together for 10 years now.
 
EloquentM

EloquentM

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,631
I'm very dramatic, animated, somewhat hyper, mischievous, and easily distracted (I'm very extra). If a woman can put up with that, be entertained by it because I'm this about 85% of the time I know we can at least be friends lol.
 
tintskuecha

tintskuecha

Member
Oct 25, 2017
641
Even prior to a date if she was the one who suggested a spot I think that's hot af. I'm tired of the stress of trying to plan out a good date. It's too much man, ladies please help us out
 
JetmanJay

JetmanJay

Member
Nov 1, 2017
3,528
Went out on a date with a girl recently who had a ton of green flags but one bad red flag: She's a Trump voter/supporter.

How many red flags cancel out a green? Lol
 
haotshy

haotshy

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,590
Helping keep the conversation going is always great. I hate when I'm the sole driver of the conversation. At the very least they can return the question.

Being polite to the staff if we're at a restaurant is another big one. And I like when they offer to pay for their own meal.
 

TitanicFall

Member
Nov 12, 2017
8,349
Link said:
This is a big one for me. The last girl I dated never even offered to pay for anything, despite making twice as much as I did. This went well beyond the initial dating period and was still the case four months into our relationship. I finally brought it up, and she acted like it was insulting to even mention it. I ended things soon after.

The girl I'm seeing now insists that if I pay for dinner, she's got drinks, or vice versa. It's going much better.
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Yep. Feels good. Also just a simple thanks is nice. I've had dates where I picked up the tab without the person saying a word.
 
LucidMomentum

LucidMomentum

Member
Nov 18, 2017
3,645
If the person is actually willing to have discussions that lead to learning.

Too many times I've explained something to a potential date that what they said a minute ago was completely false and then they handwave it away as not being important.

Like, when you called out for Bullshit own up to it. Don't try to act like your rant had any merit then when it gets picked apart you pretend to not care.
 
Rran

Rran

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,534
Not sure if this really qualifies as a "Green Flag" (maybe chartreuse?), but through my "many" years of dating and heartache and restlessness, I've noticed a few commonalities separating the 'fleeting feelings of infatuation'-type of relationships from the rare few that, depending on life circumstances, could be wearing the ring that's wrapped around my wife's finger. These aren't jaw-dropping insights, mind you, but simply character traits that have gone a long way in establishing a firm and steady bedrock for not merely a healthy romance, but an enduring and deeply fulfilling relationship.

>sense of humor
>predilection for rational, empathetic debate
>ambition
>willing to be spontaneous
>>open-minded

...and that's about it really. Again, nothing shocking or revelatory, but nevertheless the traits which constitute the basic, key ingredients for my lil' everlasting romance stew <3
 
SageShinigami

SageShinigami

Member
Oct 27, 2017
30,583
LucidMomentum said:
If the person is actually willing to have discussions that lead to learning.

Too many times I've explained something to a potential date that what they said a minute ago was completely false and then they handwave it away as not being important.

Like, when you called out for Bullshit own up to it. Don't try to act like your rant had any merit then when it gets picked apart you pretend to not care.
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This is fascinating, 'cause it could go any number of ways. Maybe you're pointing out racism or flat out fake science, in which case it's a good thing. But for some reason I think what you consider a green flag is actually a red flag for a lot of women. If you're insistent on "being right" early enough in dating where "flags" still matter, it's probably something people would consider worth being concerned over.
 
LucidMomentum

LucidMomentum

Member
Nov 18, 2017
3,645
SageShinigami said:
This is fascinating, 'cause it could go any number of ways. Maybe you're pointing out racism or flat out fake science, in which case it's a good thing. But for some reason I think what you consider a green flag is actually a red flag for a lot of women. If you're insistent on "being right" early enough in dating where "flags" still matter, it's probably something people would consider worth being concerned over.
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Yeah it's more the fake news / using a false assumption to then create a narrative (which early on in dating is still kind of suss anyways) then I call it out. But no, I don't have to always be right. It just really bugs me when people will say things because they don't expect anyone to actually question them.

Like, "Pineapple on Pizza" is a debate I'll have and can see both sides. "Immigrants ruin the country" is a big HOLD UP.

Hell there's even been times where I've been schooled and I'm happy to be taught. But shutting down or "let's agree to disagree" when you're being disingenious is the sign I need to call the date off.

Let's help each other be better people when we date, not make an echo chamber.

Also back on topic:

- Self confidence (even if it's not the most developed)
- The desire to improve themselves or their hobby / work skills (I love seeing people passionate about things and getting to be a part of that journey)
- Eye contanct (W H E W)
 
Dook's Revenge

Dook's Revenge

Banned
Dec 18, 2017
2,697
Humor, culture, and whorishness.

A good example of all three:

On a first date, this girl told me how much she loved the sound of Old English, so I recited the prologue of The Canterbury Tales. When I finished, she smiled and said, "If I wore panties, they would be so wet right now."

Check, please!
 

Deleted member 1067

User Requested Account Closure
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Oct 25, 2017
4,860
No_Face said:
I'm sure they aren't silent because they want to be silent. Some people just have a difficult time communicating with strangers and especially so under the added pressure of being on a date with someone they most likely want to impress. Social anxiety is a bitch.

Let me tell you, there is nothing worse than wanting to have a conversation with someone but having nothing to say.
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Man I couldn't even speak until I was ~12ish due to a crippling speech disorder. It took me like 10 years to get over it and I still butcher some words to the point I embarrass the hell out of myself at times. I get social anxiety man, I lived it basically my entire life.

Thus when I say the person just is blowing me off I mean they're just blowing me off lol I know the difference between nerves and just not wanting to be there.
 

autumn_orenji

User requested ban
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Apr 16, 2018
203
Killer smile, similar sense of humor as me so we can bounce jokes off each other like dorks, smells nice
 
Surfinn

Surfinn

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
28,590
USA
Someone who listens to you and genuinely cares about what you're saying/is present. You'd be incredibly surprised to see how rare it is to find via first dates

Interested in a balanced conversation (oops, I've been talking too long, let me know more about you).

Observant and analytical, easy going, goofy personality
 
DFG

DFG

Self requested ban
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Oct 25, 2017
3,591
Mi goreng said:
looks good
fit
has interests
no horses
isn't partisan
not superstitious
educated
eats whatever
has good taste in media
hasn't been with too many dudes if any
doesn't smoke
can hold a convo
doesn't mention 'sounding'
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Why are you being piled on? My only issue with your list is "bring fit" and "eats whatever" hahaha this is not easy to do
 
selo

selo

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
1,108
I'm a laid back kind of guy, not much of a party animal so whenever a girl tells me she isn't into clubbing, drinking, smoking, swearing, that's a super green flag for me.

Another green flags include:
- unselfishness
- kindness
- treating waiters respectfully (tells a lot about people)
 
Falchion

Falchion

Member
Oct 25, 2017
41,161
Boise
Positive relationships with her immediate family.
Treats total strangers well.
Is engaged, funny, and is a good conversationalist.
 
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