What do I suffer from?

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
So I had a rough childhood and grew up mostly having to fend for myself and as a result I think that affected me greatly.

I never really care to be around anyone, I'm not concerned with others well being, and I believe I could live alone and be 99% content ( I do enjoy engaging in discussion, but I could take it or leave it)

If I'm around someone I love them in that time but give them 0 thought if not in my presence.

Dark humor is often just humor to me. I feel like I feel things in a way that completely foreign to what's the norm.

I know I know, seek help/therapist. But I have. Nothing in me changed and I didn't receive any insight into what might be wrong with me sadly or if it's fixable. I think I'd like to have feelings but I just don't work that way, if it makes sense. I never feel anything.

Sorry for the rant, I've never told anyone this but have always wanted to, without being called a selfish prick.
 

Akira86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,518
so in therapy what did they suggest to you when you talked to them about lack of empathy and your worries about it?
 
Oct 29, 2017
2,767
New York
Asking us, ERA members, is kind of pointless in a way because we can only throw ideas together to try to pinpoint things to the best of our ability.

My dude Kaelan might be able to help cause he’s getting a masters so I’ll tag him.

I wish you luck though on trying to figure this out!
 

Silly Buck

Member
Oct 28, 2017
250
“Norm” is a social construct and your opinion of it will never be the truth. Sounds like you actually enjoy spending time with yourself, which is something 99% of people can’t say. Don’t be too hard on yourself life is short
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
so in therapy what did they suggest to you when you talked to them about lack of empathy and your worries about it?
The therapist just said to think about my actions and determine if it was the right thing to do. Which was useless because that's what I always try to do anyway because I don't want to actively hurt anyone, I just don't care about them.
 

Grug

Member
Oct 26, 2017
1,791
Just sound mostly introverted to me. Nothing wrong with that. You can’t care about absolutely everything. Do no harm and you’re ok.
 

Akira86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,518
The therapist just said to think about my actions and determine if it was the right thing to do. Which was useless because that's what I always try to do anyway because I don't want to actively hurt anyone, I just don't care about them.
was this an ongoing therapy thing or just a one off? in my experience there tends to be a lot of digging involved, and it seems like your therapist barely scratched the surface of you. at least from your description, though you may be summarizing.

i think your best bet is to find someone to work with and dig in the dirt. Being emotionally disconnected is a lot different from being turned OFF, and the fact that you notice and care says quite a bit. But you'll have to delve deep, and also have someone that can actually help beyond asking "well how do you feel?"
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
was this an ongoing therapy thing or just a one off? in my experience there tends to be a lot of digging involved, and it seems like your therapist barely scratched the surface of you. at least from your description, though you may be summarizing.

i think your best bet is to find someone to work with and dig in the dirt.
I went for about 3 months. But it's probably on me why nothing was solved. I don't want to come off as weird or uncaring because it can be seen as bad or I'm a psychopath so I probably hid details of how I really feel.
 

Kuraudo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,378
You may have a fear of intimacy. Reading up on attachment styles may help if you want to understand yourself better.

But honestly it doesn’t sound like you have anything major wrong with you. Just having self-knowledge of some of this stuff can help a lot.
 

Akira86

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,518
I went for about 3 months. But it's probably on me why nothing was solved. I don't want to come off as weird or uncaring because it can be seen as bad or I'm a psychopath so I probably hid details of how I really feel.
yeah in cognitive behavioral therapy you get what you give, in that if you don't get into the details, they can't do much with what they don't know to actually help you.

that isn't to say that you have to go in and spill yer guts, but you do have to unspool the wound up emotional history and environment that surrounds you in a comprehensive way that you can actually go over and understand with someone.
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
You may have a fear of intimacy. Reading up on attachment styles may help if you want to understand yourself better.

But honestly it doesn’t sound like you have anything major wrong with you. Just having self-knowledge of some of this stuff can help a lot.
Wow. I've never read anything on fear of intimacy but just did and a lot of that matches up.

Going to read up on that a lot more but I think you have given me a great jumping off point. Thank you very much.
 
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iwam

Member
Aug 7, 2019
28
I went for about 3 months. But it's probably on me why nothing was solved. I don't want to come off as weird or uncaring because it can be seen as bad or I'm a psychopath so I probably hid details of how I really feel.
Not all therapists are for everyone, so if you can afford it, you should shop around and find one that works for you. I have issues similar to yours (exacerbated by the lingering effects of a concussion), and I find I need someone who really coaxes me into opening up.
 

DarkStream

Member
Oct 27, 2017
331
Meditate to sort your feelings out.
Also, ask a psychiatrist. Nothing wrong with it. See it as coaching and an outside perspective to reevaluate yourself.
It's not about them changing things for you, it's about pointing things out you might not have seen in a certain way.
I didn't like therapy for years until finding the right people. I takes time. And it takes work on your part. It can be painful too, but it's worth it to face the pain once instead of caring negative feelings for the rest of your life. Take the journey serious and have empathy for yourself, because failure is part of it.

At the end of the day, only you can figure out what to do. That can be very hard, but also very gratifying. You have to be brutally honest with yourself.

If you don't like this kind of therapy, try other things. Join a Yoga Class. Exercise. Paint. Write.
Those things can kick start a tremendous change. For me it was exercising 4-5 times a week after years and years of scoffing at it.
I got some dumbells/barbells at home. As soon as I feel negativity and contradictions within myself, I hit the weights. Some sort of coping mechanism with tremendous effects on psyche and emotions. For me, it taught me to push through my perceived limits.
 

Izzard

Member
Sep 21, 2018
1,506
Sounds like you had to rely upon yourself when younger, and that’s built up a detachment from other people. I’m the same, but for different reasons. You get used to it, so don’t over think.
 

capitalCORN

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,505
I'd say suffering is a strong word. I'm just the way you are, I've had to put myself first early in life. Take this template and feel confident that whatever setback is only temporary.
 

Citan

Member
Oct 3, 2019
214
I don't believe self diagnosis is ultimately helpful, but I will say that I can greatly relate to what you posted. For most of my life I've experienced blunted empathy or a fear of consequence masked as empathy. I also prefer being alone most of the time. So, you're not alone in your feelings, and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Some of us are just born different.
 
Nov 5, 2017
869
I am not sure you really have anything wrong with you beyond an extreme sense of cynicism.

The dark humor thing sounds like myself. Bill Hicks and Doug Stanhope I consider to be heroes of sort for me.
 
Oct 28, 2017
18,586
Odds of finding the right therapist on the first try seems really unlikely. The fact you didnt feel you could be 100% open with them is proof of that. Trust is absolutely necessary for therapy to work. I'd love to help but I'm far from qualified to do that. But as someone who's seen therapists I'd say finding one who you feel you can be open with makes all the difference. Dont give up on yourself, anus tart!
 

Ragnar

Member
Oct 28, 2017
473
The therapist just said to think about my actions and determine if it was the right thing to do. Which was useless because that's what I always try to do anyway because I don't want to actively hurt anyone, I just don't care about them.
I found this interesting.

If you truly didn't care about people, in the purest sense of the word, you probably wouldn't purposefully avoid hurting them. Unless of course you avoid it purely because society tells you to, and you don't want to be shunned by society. In a strictly egoistic way, and not because you're concerned about the well-being of individual people.

I think it could help to pinpoint what you mean when you say that you don't care about people. Does it lie somewhere on the spectrum between
hurting people if it benefits you <----------------> going out of your way to help others
 

Tekku

Member
Jan 10, 2018
3,007
Umeå, Sweden
Doesn’t seem like you suffer from anything. You’re just an introvert. People that you will meet are perhaps not so they might get offended, but that’s on them really. Make sure you have friends that are like you and things get less complicated. Or move away from society and try to work out a life that way.
 

Rendering...

Member
Oct 30, 2017
10,402
You're opening the floodgates to armchair psychologists, you know.

If you ask me, you're emotionally blunted. It's a natural defense mechanism considering your upbringing. Nothing's wrong with you. Your mind coped with its environment as best it could.

Keep talking to therapists though. Find a good one who both listens to you and suggests practical habits and mental tools.
 

Useyourfist

Member
Oct 13, 2019
30
Depdning on your early childhood experience, including 0-4 etc, you may find it helpful to have a look at developmental trauma as well as attachment theory (as someone already mentioned).

However maybe you missed out social learning from your parents of positive interactions and enjoyment.

But just be you, doesn't mean you're 'broken', but if you want to change then put yourself around people more and notice the positives activley.

But yep, in the forum sense we don't know you so would always advise seeking face to face support where possible.
 

TooFriendly

Member
Oct 30, 2017
417
The title mentions ‘suffering’ but i think you just mean that as a term for ‘diagnosis’. I dont think you’ll get a diagnosis on a forum, however it is worth asking yourself if you are actually suffering. if it makes you concerned then you should look into it and maybe try a different councillor.
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,794
I'd try different therapists until you find someone that you feel "gets you". Then dig in with them. Also be open to the idea that whatever issue you have isn't strictly emotional. Your therapist should be open to this idea too, in my opinion that should be a prerequisite for choosing to continue with them.

Ultimately, whenever the therapy in question is a long term process, as opposed to something like undergoing surgery for example, finding good professional help is just as much about establishing a good personal connection.

My $0.02
 
Oct 26, 2017
5,794
I went for about 3 months. But it's probably on me why nothing was solved. I don't want to come off as weird or uncaring because it can be seen as bad or I'm a psychopath so I probably hid details of how I really feel.
Have you had experiences in the past in which people appeared to be repulsed by something you revealed about yourself?
 
Oct 28, 2017
4,049
Idk you sound pretty normal to me.

I avoid hanging out with friends in favor off staying home alone with my dog nearly every weekend. All they ever want to do is sit around someone's apartment smoking weed and watching youtube videos like they do. It's pure hell.

There's an endless amount of things to interest me at home tbh.

Empathy is something which overwhelms me though. That's where we differ. Childhood was fucked also
 

Kaelan

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
976
Maryland
So I had a rough childhood and grew up mostly having to fend for myself and as a result I think that affected me greatly.

I never really care to be around anyone, I'm not concerned with others well being, and I believe I could live alone and be 99% content ( I do enjoy engaging in discussion, but I could take it or leave it)

If I'm around someone I love them in that time but give them 0 thought if not in my presence.

Dark humor is often just humor to me. I feel like I feel things in a way that completely foreign to what's the norm.

I know I know, seek help/therapist. But I have. Nothing in me changed and I didn't receive any insight into what might be wrong with me sadly or if it's fixable. I think I'd like to have feelings but I just don't work that way, if it makes sense. I never feel anything.

Sorry for the rant, I've never told anyone this but have always wanted to, without being called a selfish prick.
Hey man - currently getting my masters and will be a therapist.

From what you’ve told me you have had a rough childhood, a terrible one. When we grow up in traumatic and rough environments we develop coping mechanisms to deal with those. One of yours may be the lack of empathy. Often, later on once that darkness is gone we have found those coping mechanisms to be inflexible, since we are no longer in those environments, it takes work to unlearn the behaviors that was once useful for us though.

If I was your therapist that would be my hunch, however we would work together as co-collaborators and figure that out together. You could also maybe have some form of a disorder, due to your rough upbringing, but it’s unethical for me to say unless I really did work with you in person.
I encourage finding a therapist you click with, really well, and sticking with it. If they care about you (which they should) they will explore this with you and be concerned about your lack of empathy (if it causes problems for you)

let me say not having empathy isn’t good or bad. It just depends on if it makes your life more difficult etc
 

Moist_Owlet

Avenger
Dec 26, 2017
2,888
I dont think anything is wrong with you. You just prefer your own company which is fine.

After watching rise of Skywalker in a theater ruined by loud asshats, sometimes being by yourself is better.
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
Hey man - currently getting my masters and will be a therapist.

From what you’ve told me you have had a rough childhood, a terrible one. When we grow up in traumatic and rough environments we develop coping mechanisms to deal with those. One of yours may be the lack of empathy. Often, later on once that darkness is gone we have found those coping mechanisms to be inflexible, since we are no longer in those environments, it takes work to unlearn the behaviors that was once useful for us though.

If I was your therapist that would be my hunch, however we would work together as co-collaborators and figure that out together. You could also maybe have some form of a disorder, due to your rough upbringing, but it’s unethical for me to say unless I really did work with you in person.
I encourage finding a therapist you click with, really well, and sticking with it. If they care about you (which they should) they will explore this with you and be concerned about your lack of empathy (if it causes problems for you)

let me say not having empathy isn’t good or bad. It just depends on if it makes your life more difficult etc
Yeah it was pretty bad. Thanks for taking the time! And thanks everyone, I'll shop around and see what happens :3
 

Engell

Member
Oct 28, 2017
699
could be Complex-PTSD (CPTSD) .. my ex had that, also meet another person who had it bad.

happens to some people who had deep emotional trauma in their childhood... but just a super wild guess, but very hard to diagnose without intimate knowledge and interaction with the person. Usually sufferers are not even aware of half the stuff they are doing, the actual problems they are causing especially on an emotional level.
 

Idde

Member
Oct 27, 2017
312
So I had a rough childhood and grew up mostly having to fend for myself and as a result I think that affected me greatly.

I never really care to be around anyone, I'm not concerned with others well being, and I believe I could live alone and be 99% content ( I do enjoy engaging in discussion, but I could take it or leave it)

If I'm around someone I love them in that time but give them 0 thought if not in my presence.

Dark humor is often just humor to me. I feel like I feel things in a way that completely foreign to what's the norm.

I know I know, seek help/therapist. But I have. Nothing in me changed and I didn't receive any insight into what might be wrong with me sadly or if it's fixable. I think I'd like to have feelings but I just don't work that way, if it makes sense. I never feel anything.

Sorry for the rant, I've never told anyone this but have always wanted to, without being called a selfish prick.
I can relate to a lot of what you just said. I could do all sorts of online arm chair diagnosis, but that's not really up to people on the internet.

I will say though, if it actually bothers you I'll echo what other people have said. If you can afford to, shop around for different psychologists. Not every therapist is right for everyone, and not every type of therapy is right for every specific situation.

What you said about not telling you therapist everything for fear of being perceived a certain way seems very relatable. You need trust for that, and for me it took a click with my current therapist, and quite intensive psychodynamic therapy to develop that trust.

And for therapy to be effective you have to be as honest as possible. Not that there's anything wrong with having difficulty with opening up or being honest, that could just be one of the things you could improve. But therapy does work better if you're open, and if you find a somewhat decent therapist you should be able to trust them. So yeah, if you continue looking, try to find someone that makes you think; this feels like someone I could open up to over time.

And having had to fend for yourself could lead to having difficulties opening up.

Good luck!
 

Sampson

Member
Nov 17, 2017
1,104
I can relate to much of what you have said.

What's worked best for me is cutting the toxic people out of my life -- including close family. For example, if you dread talking to your mother, then stop talking to her. You don't owe her anything. Any time you talk to someone and you feel bad afterwards, that's a sign that you shouldn't talk to that person anymore. Find people that make you feel good.

Also a lot of self reflection aided through yoga, meditation, and psychedelics.
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
I can relate to much of what you have said.

What's worked best for me is cutting the toxic people out of my life -- including close family. For example, if you dread talking to your mother, then stop talking to her. You don't owe her anything. Any time you talk to someone and you feel bad afterwards, that's a sign that you shouldn't talk to that person anymore. Find people that make you feel good.

Also a lot of self reflection aided through yoga, meditation, and psychedelics.
Funny you mention psychedelics. The one time I've truly felt good about someone else enjoying themselves was my buddy giving me acid, and I was at a paranormal cirque. The whole show I was so happy the person next to me seemed to be having a good time lol.
 
OP
OP
Anustart

Anustart

9 Million Scovilles
Avenger
Nov 12, 2017
3,070
sociopath is really loaded word that carries a lot of pop culture weight around, but there are degrees and if you seem to share some of these tendencies it absolutely does not automatically make you a bad or evil person that cannot be well intentioned.
I self identified as a sociopath for a long time. And I appreciate you're response because I didn't see myself as evil, just uncaring
 

TaySan

Member
Dec 10, 2018
7,911
Sounds like you are just an introvert. As long as you aren't hurting anyone and your happy is all that matters.
 

honkycat

Banned
Aug 29, 2019
64
Sylvia Plath had a beautiful metaphor for bipolar in "The Bell Jar." Bell jars are glass jars used to crate a vacuum and create high pressures.

When I am in a bipolar episode, it is like I am within a Bell Jar, with a layer of glass between myself and the people around me. I feel numb. I feel like my mind is screaming and I can feel the pressure building up. I want to reach through the glass, to break my episode, but I can't. It definitely blunts my emotions.

You sound like someone with severe depression or bipolar.

Sociopaths and psychopaths are extremely rare and tend to be really bad news. A smaller percent of that percent function in society. Most are in jail already.

Do you do incredibly dangerous or violent things because it gets you off? Do you manipulate people to amuse yourself? Do you hate puppies and kick them for fun? So you crave power and will do anything to get it? Do you call your mom on her birthday?

Until you have a real diagnosis, don't tell people that. They will just roll their eyes at you and think you are trying to be an edgelord.
 

Prax

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,627
So I had a rough childhood and grew up mostly having to fend for myself and as a result I think that affected me greatly.

I never really care to be around anyone, I'm not concerned with others well being, and I believe I could live alone and be 99% content ( I do enjoy engaging in discussion, but I could take it or leave it)

If I'm around someone I love them in that time but give them 0 thought if not in my presence.

Dark humor is often just humor to me. I feel like I feel things in a way that completely foreign to what's the norm.

I know I know, seek help/therapist. But I have. Nothing in me changed and I didn't receive any insight into what might be wrong with me sadly or if it's fixable. I think I'd like to have feelings but I just don't work that way, if it makes sense. I never feel anything.

Sorry for the rant, I've never told anyone this but have always wanted to, without being called a selfish prick.
Look up schizoid personality disorder?

It sounds like you have issues with depersonalization or dissociation or something. If you have trouble connecting with people because you are scared of becoming enmeshed or intruded upon, it makes the schizoid PD more likely.

They are usually the type that learn to become independent very early on because the adults in their lives were completely undependable or overly intrusive. Usually active imaginations/vivid internal lives but have some facade of "dead on the outside" to them so as to not elicit too much attention from others. I've read also often with fears of one day drifting away/becoming lost to their humanity altogether.

(also sidenote, but I made a character who is into psychedelics and general recreational drugs for these reasons long before i read deeper into schizoid personality disorder, so it kind of piqued my interest you found psychedelics helpful in getting you to connect!)
 
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RestEerie

Member
Aug 20, 2018
8,870
There's nothing 'wrong' with op. Not everyone has to conform a 'norm'.

The human race do not operate on a hive mind
 

fleet

Member
Jan 2, 2019
487
another provisional psychologist in thread here

if attachment style theory resonates with you, there's psychologists out there trained in attachment style therapy. they are a bit harder to find than your average CBT-trained therapist but they exist. schema therapy might also pique your interest.
 

spineduke

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,756
you sound emotionally unavailable/cut off - if you want to explore forms of therapy, something like CBT or hypnotherapy might do wonders for you.