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What is it with people freaking out/overreacting over small age gaps in dating?

DragonSJG

DragonSJG

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Mar 4, 2019
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Mainly on twitter, I've seen people have gross overreactions to small age gaps in dating. For example, I saw this person who runs a podcast claim on there that a 21 year old dating an 18 year old is predatory behavior and that they have no business dating a child and this like confuses me. I mean, 18 is not the most mature but there is nothnig wrong with two university students going out and the age gap is small. Even worse, I've seen people say things like 20 and 18 itself is weird or how as a 20 year old the idea of dating an 18 year old makes them cringe. And I'm again confused as it's only like 2 years or something. I understand there is still maturity and growing in these ages but I think there is no need for reactions like this. So what is it with these gross overreactions to small age gaps?
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

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Age is a social construct. If both are adults I'm fine with whatever.
 
Bradbury

Bradbury

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Oct 28, 2017
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Someone dating an 18 could have started before the person was 18 maybe. But yeah 18 to 21 sounds fine
 
OP
OP
DragonSJG

DragonSJG

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Mar 4, 2019
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I mean, legality is not morality and I personally think at a certain age, it is weird to date an 18 year old, but not if its like a small age gap or something. Like 32 and 18 is weird but 20-21 is fine
 
Boddy

Boddy

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I'm 27 and my partner 22, nobody ever had a problem with that.
 
Kyuuji

Kyuuji

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No issue with adults having sex but I'm going to actively side-eye 40yo men that get into relationships with teens.
 
OP
OP
DragonSJG

DragonSJG

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Reminds me of in my senior year, a girl who was 18 was dating a guy who was 27. I thought it was weird AF
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

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teacup said:
I think there are times for concern. 48 to 18 for example or something like that.

I always thought the "half your age then add 7" rule should be the way to go
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Society and laws designate a certain age as a legal adult thus carrying the responsibility to do what that legality allows. If some 18-year-old wants to have sex with an older person then third party individuals should keep quiet. Let them make their own choices. If they find it to be a mistake then hopefully they will learn from it and grow into who they want to be. They have a right to see and do what they want with other consenting adults. To deny that is to deny them agency.

Also, it's weirs the default people in these cases seem to be argued as a younger woman and older man.
 
RDreamer

RDreamer

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Oct 25, 2017
14,118
Two people at the same stage in life is fine. 18 and 21 I wouldn't bat an eye at.

30+ and 18? That's kinda gross. Especially if the 18 is still in high school or some shit.
 
Meows

Meows

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Oct 28, 2017
6,402
Oh please, I started dating my current boyfriend when I was nineteen and he was twenty-three. It's fine. We're still together nearly six years later. Lmao.
 
GatsGatsby

GatsGatsby

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Oct 27, 2017
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If your 2-3 years apart no big deal. Hell my last relationship he was 5 years older then me and we met when I was 22 making him 27. It was a good relationship for that time in my life.

5 older years is probably the most I'd go. Currently me and my bf are little over a year apart me being the older one.
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

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Kyuuji said:
..because it's pretty weird. Why is a 40yo having the social circle of teens, and I think it's a rare teen that's in the right headspace to be in a committed relationship relative to that of the 40yo. I think it's far too open to abuse.
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I don't agree at all. If both are adults and they are happy with it I see nothing wrong with it.
 

Deleted member 176

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when you're younger, differences of a few years mean huge differences in development and where you are in life. 21 to 18 or even 19 I think is super creepy and weird but 33 to 28 is not.
 
Kyuuji

Kyuuji

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dark_prinny said:
I don't agree at all. If both are adults and they are happy with it I see nothing wrong with it.
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You don't see anything wrong or suspicious with a 40+yo man being in a serious relationship with someone that's just hit 18?

You mention adult, which sometimes doesn't align with age of consent. In the case of the above but 16 and in the UK; does that change anything?
 
Ushojax

Ushojax

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Oct 30, 2017
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18 and 21 is nothing, that's perfectly normal. To me there are 3 streams, 16-18, 18-21 and 21+. Non-creepy relationships should not cross streams.
 
EVA-02

EVA-02

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Met my boyfriend when I was 20 and he was 40, this whole age thing is such bullshit, if it's two adults we are talking about just mind your fucking business
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

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Kyuuji said:
You don't see anything wrong or suspicious with a 40+yo man being in a serious relationship with someone that's just hit 18?

You mention adult, which sometimes doesn't align with age of consent. In the case of the above but 16 and in the UK; does that change anything?
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Suspicious of what? Abuse? I'm talking about consented relations. I'm not the one to judge any kind of consented relations between adult individuals of any gender.
 
IDontBeatGames

IDontBeatGames

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Oct 29, 2017
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skullmuffins said:
OP are you trying to date an 18 year old or something because you've asked about the appropriateness of this specific age pairing several times in multiple threads and it's kinda weird
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you came in with this post like

tenor.gif
 

FormatCompatible

One Winged Slayer
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Oct 25, 2017
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Kyuuji said:
No issue with adults having sex but I'm going to actively side-eye 40yo men that get into relationships with teens.
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Kyuuji said:
..because it's pretty weird. Why is a 40yo having the social circle of teens, and I think it's a rare teen that's in the right headspace to be in a committed relationship relative to that of the 40yo. I think it's far too open to abuse.
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There's where I'm at with this topic.
 
Kyuuji

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dark_prinny said:
Suspicious of what? Abuse? I'm talking about consented relations. I'm not the one to judge any kind of consented relations between adult individuals of any gender.
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Answer the other question then; in cases where consent doesn't align with adulthood what's your opinion? Like a 40yo and a 16yo in the UK?
 
subpar spatula

subpar spatula

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DragonSJG said:
I mean, legality is not morality and I personally think at a certain age, it is weird to date an 18 year old, but not if its like a small age gap or something. Like 32 and 18 is weird but 20-21 is fine
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The moral quandries of this is to be answered by the couple. Why should you as a third party be supported or allowed to criticize others? The only thing you see is an age gap. You then assume very specific things about their relationship. We give legal agency to people generally around 18 because it seems like a safe bet. The brain doesn't finishing maturing for a bit after that and people generally are still figuring and growing past that. We have to allow folks to make these decisions on their own. To sit and side eye people who just want to hang out and smash is probably wasting your time. What you can do (if you actually know the person) is support them and if things do turn out bad is support them and help them separate.
 

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I'm 32 and dating a 26 year old. She's pretty rad. Normally I go for slightly older women but she seems to be the exception.
 
funky

funky

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When you are young, a small gap seems huge. A 21 year old dating a 19 year old? THE PEDOPHILE!

But the closer you get to 30 I find you give less of a shit about such things.
 
RedMercury

RedMercury

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A couple years isn't shit, it's when you have people in or above their 30's going after teenagers
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

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Kyuuji said:
Answer the other question then; in cases where consent doesn't align with adulthood what's your opinion? Like a 40yo and a 16yo in the UK?
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I'm not going to judge if it's legal and consented. I don't think I have the right to judge or say "is weird".
 
Kyuuji

Kyuuji

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dark_prinny said:
Suspicious of what? Abuse? I'm talking about consented relations. I'm not the one to judge any kind of consented relations between adult individuals of any gender.
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I've literally been talking about committed relationships and have been pretty clear with that. You understand that abuse can and often does happen within consenting relationships?
 
Serif

Serif

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Oct 27, 2017
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I dated a 22 year old (I'm 21) who was in an open relationship with a 36 year old man who ended up flipping out on her and going back-and-forth after we had only been together for two days, and the whole situation ended up being a mess. It was also my first relationship.

I've been pretty emotionally pained by it so yeah, large age gaps aren't a big deal between consenting adults but cause of my personal experience I'll always give a side eye to gaps longer than 10 years. At least ... act your age? I don't know. It hits too close to home for me now.
 
Spacejaws

Spacejaws

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Bitanator said:
That rule is so silly only applies to reduce the social stigma of dating somebody 18-25 when you are 40+ years old. Somebody whose 25 and younger the rule falls apart
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Honestly 25 is still iffy for me. 18 year olds are plenty immature and plenty of creepy as 21-25 year olds trying to get in their pants just because they are young and impressionable.

18-21 sure it's close enough but it's also at an age where it's a case by case scenario. You can have really immature and naive 18 year olds dating super predatory guys in their early 20s or you can have 18-21 who are more mature than people twice their age. It's not really a blanket rule of acceptance morality wise if it's within the range of the law. People are different. But that said when I was in college there were 21/22 year olds in my class gunning for the super young 18 year old new girls just come to college and starting their first relationships and yea a lot of it was super creepy and sad.
 
dark_prinny

dark_prinny

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Kyuuji said:
I've literally been talking about committed relationships and have been pretty clear with that. You understand that abuse can and often does happen within consenting relationships?
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I'm against abuse of any kind but that can happen in any relationship of people at every age.
 
Lusankya

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funky said:
When you are young, a small gap seems huge. A 21 year old dating a 19 year old? THE PEDOPHILE!
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Even 20 year olds should stay the heck away from 19 year olds. When I turned 20 I broke off the relationship with my 19 year old girlfriend until she also turned 20 four months later.
 
Kyuuji

Kyuuji

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dark_prinny said:
I'm against abuse of any kind but that can happen in any relationship of people at every age.
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Yes?
What are you trying to say here?

Here's the conversation we were on:
Kyuuji said:
No issue with adults having sex but I'm going to actively side-eye 40yo men that get into relationships with teens.
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dark_prinny said:
Why?
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Kyuuji said:
..because it's pretty weird. Why is a 40yo having the social circle of teens, and I think it's a rare teen that's in the right headspace to be in a committed relationship relative to that of the 40yo. I think it's far too open to abuse.
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Is your argument really that abuse can happen in relationships between people of any age so we shouldn't be mindful of when and where people might be particularly at risk of it?
 
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