Would you live in an Alien zoo?

[Sqrt]

So, a race of advanced aliens offer you to be taken to their intergalactic zoo, where:

• You will live the rest of your life in a 2 story 4000 square feet cage with one side made of polarized glass.
• The cage is sound proof, but microphones will record all the sounds in your enclosure.
• The cage has no private room and the zoo is open all the time, since sleeping is for primitive beings.

Inside the cage you will enjoy the following:

• Your current mate or a psychically attractive mate of your preferred persuasion if you lack one.
• The best health care the galaxy can offer.
• Access to all video games, movies, books, tv series and music ever produced in Earth.
• A top of the line entertainment center that will get constant updates.
• Top of the line exercising facilities.
• A luxurious spa with hot tub and a sauna.
• Unlimited access to all of Earth's food thanks to advanced cooking machines.
• Small robots will do all the cleaning.

Would you take the offer, Era?

 

[NateDrake]

Wasn't this an episode of Twilight Zone?

 

[QisTopTier]

I'm bedridden so this would just be an improvement over my current life.

 

[Platy]

Interesting question to ask in these isolated times, OP

 

[zoggy]

Do I get to fling my feces at the visitors?

 

[Deleted member 2317]

You think we don't?

 

[Exist 2 Inspire]

Sure if they find it exciting to watch me play games all day lol.

 

[Hella]

It's a trick. An enlightened alien society would not have living beings in zoos, let alone sentient ones.

 

[Skid 4]

i've seen this episode of star trek!

 

[QisTopTier]

It's a trick. An enlightened alien society would not have living beings in zoos, let alone sentient ones.

Click to shrink...

By you thinking it was a trick you are now stuck on Earth as humanity and the planet dies, the alien race just wanted to prolong humanity and you now missed your chance.

 

[Deleted member 2840]

People subject themselves to almost the same for much less(reality shows) so sure, why not

 

[El Bombastico]

It's a trick. An enlightened alien society would not have living beings in zoos, let alone sentient ones.

Click to shrink...

But they'd probably have nature preserves...

 

[Ronnie Poncho]

Sounds like a Tralfamadorian zoo. Nice try, OP - but I won't fall for your deception.

(Will Montana Wildhack be there?)

 

[Murfield]

Do I get to fling my feces at the visitors?

Click to shrink...

Probably not because it sounds like a solid wall enclosing your pen. Maybe if there is a zookeeper of some sort that isn't a robot: you can throw your feces at them.

 

[Muitnorts]

Fuck no. An attractive mate is nice enough but not to be stuck with for the rest of your life in a house you can't leave. I wouldn't want to be trapped with anyone for that long.
I'd need to have weekends off or something and be able to see other people on those days.

 

[Skel1ingt0n]

My wife says that's just fancy prison.

 

[nsilvias]

only if they dont start doing weird experiments on me like putting my head on a dog body and the dog head on my human body.

 

[blame space]

slaughterhouse-five

yes

 

[Murfield]

But they'd probably have nature preserves...

Click to shrink...

Maybe the earth is a nature preserve. Maybe that is why there are UFO sightings but not direct contact.

 

[Scullibundo]

OP is obviously an alien testing the waters to see if we're ready to know that we're already in their zoo.

 

[Mona]

if i share a cell with Nova

 

[Superpupperbabysassy]

OP is obviously an alien testing the waters to see if we're ready to know that we're already in their zoo.

Click to shrink...

How do you know that we aren't? Lol!!!

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Nah, I'd go crazy. I love to travel and meet new people and if I don't occupy myself with meaningful work then I tend to get lazy and feel no sense of achievement. Hard pass.

 

[Tyaren]

Who says we are not already living in an Alien Zoo?

 

[theusedversion]

If I did, I would be certain to make serious eye contact while I'm masturbating.

 

[Kazooie]

I doubt I would get to choose. If I were to choose then no. And choosing for my wife whether she is going to be incarcerated in a zoo is... pretty shitty.

 

[Doc Laserstein]

 

[Shrike]

Would I have internet access? If so sure, if no then nah the social isolation and losing my friends would drive me crazy.

 

[Rassilon]

Only if I get messed up by delta radiation in a freak Starship accident

 

[Capra]

I have enough anxiety over being within the same vague space as another human being. I don't need a buncha dudes watching me take a shit.

 

[Vulcano's Assistant]

If they are advanced then they will know that a single individual is not a proper way to show the species, we evolved inherently social, like ants. So they'll likely have a colony of people on display.

The cage is too small.

 

[kubev]

Wasn't this an episode of Twilight Zone?

Click to shrink...

Yes, it's called 'People are Alike All Over'.

And yeah, I'd do this in a heartbeat, though I'm sure I'd come to regret it. XD

 

[Polyh3dron]

 

[Technosteve]

Do i get to clap alien ass?

 

[skeezx]

gun to my head yeah i'd do it... given those specific parameters.

zoos in general are death chambers but what you're talking about is winning the lottery for shut-ins

 

[Zultima]

Based on that offer? Holy shit hell yes. I'd even put on a daily show for these beings.

 

[Madison]

am I the only one who feels incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of a human zoo when human zoos actually existed and were prominent during the 19th century

 

[Mekanos]

am I the only one who feels incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of a human zoo when human zoos actually existed and were prominent during the 19th century

Click to shrink...

remember that steven universe episode

 

[atomsk eater]

I want to say yes but I don't like the idea of vanishing from Earth with no explanation and leaving most of my family behind with no answers. Like, maybe ask me again after my mom dies or something?

 

[Zombine]

Hell yeah I'd live in an alien zoo. I'd throw my poop too.

 

[Madison]

remember that steven universe episode

Click to shrink...

i"ll forget it if you allow me to

 

[Van Bur3n]

They're just gonna see me masturbate like an ape. Enjoy the show, I'll jack off with one hand and do the live long and prosper gesture with the other.

 

[lunarworks]

Nah, I like being able to travel and see things. Getting outside at least once a day is good for your mental health.

 

[HeySeuss]

Do you get days off for travel? Otherwise you're giving up going anywhere for the rest of your life in quarantine.

 

[Vulcano's Assistant]

Another argument about the size of the cage. These Aliens will also be able to know that humans are one of Earth's species capable of running for very long periods of time. They optimal cage is an entire neighborhood.

An Alien entrepreneur with an observing eye would realize that they can have an entire reality show of characters inside a zoo. You want an enhanced and more dramatic human experience in your exhibit, not a single person simply staying alive.

If you tell me I'm going into a single person cage, I will know this is a low budget operation and my owner is Alien Joe Exotic.

 

[Rolodzeo]

A spa? Beam me up!

 

[Alsim]

No way. I value my privacy and would never feel confortable being constantly watched.

 

[Secret Squirrel]

They're just gonna see me masturbate like an ape. Enjoy the show, I'll jack off with one hand and do the live long and prosper gesture with the other.

Click to shrink...

Is there another way?

 

[blame space]

uh, with two hands.

 

[Aurica]

I voted no... but all food? Oh, man...