Would you remain friends with somebody who is still close with someone that wronged you?

[Liquid Plejades]

In my close friend group this is a discussion currently taking place.

Say there is Friend A and Friend B. You have been known them both for years .One day, you find out that Friend B has wronged you. Its impactful enough that you end your friendship with Friend B, as they arent remoreseful and wont apologize and put any effort to make things right.

You also find out after this has happened, that Friend A is still hanging out and friends with Friend B.

What would you do in a situation such as this? Do you still continue being friends? Or is it a clear indication of Friend A also not valuing your relationshipo? Do you not care as what is between them doesnt concern and/or affect you? Is it purely contingent on what and how you were "wronged", such as could be simple shit talking to something much more vicious?Or that doesn't matter since its the principle of being wronged and then receiving an apology. Curious to see what yall think.

 

[Stencil]

What did Friend B do? It's purely contingent on the gravity of that.

 

[SwampBastard]

Is it purely contingent on what and how you were "wronged", such as could be simple shit talking to something much more vicious?

Click to shrink...

100%

Whatever the infraction against me was from Person B, it would have to be pretty over-the-top for me to think I should have some say in how A and B relate to one another in the future.

 

[Soda]

Purely contingent on how I was wronged and whether being around Friend A, even in Friend B's absence, would be triggering for me.

 

[PlanetSmasher]

It depends entirely on how they wronged me.

I have dropped friends for what sometimes seems to others to be completely spurious reasons, but for the most part I'm pretty loyal and don't hold grudges provided the wrongdoing is minor.

 

[Royalan]

Yes, so long as they can handle and respect that I don't fuck with that person.

 

[Dog of Bork]

I don't control who my friends are friends with. Unless that connection can lead to person B fucking with me again, idc. I'll probably shit talk person B in person A's presence if that asshole/scalawag/nincompoop (depending on severity of their transgression) ever comes up.

Now if it's something truly objectionable to the point where I wouldn't want to associate with anyone who associates with a person who did what person B did, that's a whole other thing.

 

[Android Sophia]

Been in this scenario once before, and I can still remain friends with Friend A. Just as long as we both understand that there's drama there with Friend B.

 

[Sordid Plebeian]

Depends on how bad they wronged me, what their mindset was at the time, and how they've made amends and changed.

 

[platypotamus]

Personal beefs aren't shared, if you two don't get along it's none of my business

Some "wrongs" go beyond interpersonal conflict, tho, and yeah I will cut you out second hand for them.

Edit: I answered from the perspective of 3rd friend, not victim of wronging, but feel the same way from either position

 

[sph3re]

It'd have to be an egregious situation between me and my former friend for me to police who my friends are friends with.

It also depends on whether or not my friend is taking sides or if they're trying to stay out of it. If my friend said "we can both be friends, but I agree with this other guy and I think you're wrong," then I've lost 2 friends instead of the 1.

 

[Katbobo]

Depends on the nature of it. Sometimes even one or both of us is willing to try to keep the friendship, actions can change the fundamentals of a relationship to the point that it's healthier to just move on from being friends, even if there's not lingering animosity or anger.

 

[jp319]

Yes, so long as they can handle and respect that I don't fuck with that person.

Click to shrink...

That would be my thought as well.

I was friend A in a similar scenario, except friend B was only accused of wrongdoing, there wasn't any evidence other than circumstantial and it was flimsy. I stayed friends with B with the intent of keeping him out of any activities involving the accuser. But the accuser ended up ghosting me along with another who also stayed friends with B. That broke up a regular Friday game night, still kinda stings.

 

[Nairume]

Been on multiple sides of this a few times and I never asked that people choose a side when it was me and only really once was there a case where I sort of got asked to pick a side. For me to either expect it of a friend or go along with a friend's request, it would have to be due to something very serious.

Had a disastrous falling out with a roommate that led to them (quite illegally) trying to evict me since they were the primary lease holder on the house. I went no-contact with them as soon as I got a new home and had paid off any remaining bills that I owed. I never expected the few mutual friends we shared to pick a side, and last I heard, that roommate had left the state and only stayed in contact with one of our mutual friends for a little while after.

Two of my best friends had a massive break a few years back. They shit talked each other to our shared friend group, but never asked us to pick sides and never said anything about the fact that we just hung out with them separately. We only cut one of them off when he ended up burning bridges with the rest of us on his own accord following unrelated matters.

Only exception I ever really encountered in life involved two college friends of mine were roommates and best friends from childhood having a falling out over wedding drama that was bad enough that, while the friend I was closer to never at any point asked that I break contact with the other friend, it was pretty obvious that they did not at any point want to be near the other friend and would opt to just completely bail out on anything that involved that other friend. I had to make some unfortunate changes to my own wedding as a result that I still honestly regret.

 

[SilentEagle]

Why would I control your friend's relationship with others?

I had same problem back in middle school. We were hanging out as 5 people and we knew each other for like 5-6 years meanwhile I had an argument with a friend and we weren't talking for some time. After that he gifted others PS3 games for stop talking to me (I am serious LMAO). They all stopped talking to me after that and after 15 years we are still not talking.

Now I dislike two people from highschool and we have common friends. I don't hangout with them if the others are also involved in the meeting but I don't talk to them about this. It feels childish to me.

 

[mbpm]

This is a standard that can be really quite hard to meet if you're in high school or younger. As you get older things can vary a bit more though

 

[Squarehard]

There doesn't seem to be enough context here.

 

[Torpedo Vegas]

Probably as long as the other person doesn't bring up or try to get me to talk with the other person.

I'm incredibly easy going and don't let shit get to me.

 

[Jedi2016]

Does he owe me money, or did he kill my dog? There's a very wide gulf there.

 

[DarthKamen]

I've sort of been in this situation, though I was the one remaining friends with the wrong-doer.

None of my friends seem to mind or judge me choosing to stay friends with them (to my face at least), though I try to avoid bringing them up when I can.

 

[Bigg]

I generally agree with what others here are saying: Most of the time, as long as the friend accepts that I don't like the other person and doesn't push it, it's fine. Of course this depends, because if the other person did something particularly egregious and morally unconscionable then it gets a bit murkier.

One of my best friends was friends with someone I really did not like, but they were childhood friends who used to be inseparable so I understood why he cared about that friendship, and he never judged me or gave me shit for disliking the guy. Later on it turned out they had a falling out because the other guys' narcissism got the better of him, and it kind of reinforced my gut feeling that my friend was always going to grow out of that relationship eventually once the guy showed his true colors to him. Sometimes that happens, sometimes it doesn't.

There's only one friendship breakup I can remember that did end with people "choosing sides" but it was a case where the two people were married, one very abruptly asked for a divorce without warning, and then started dating a coworker they clearly had feelings for long before that like two weeks after they broke up. That's kind of a unique case where it was very clear one of the two people was getting manipulated by the other through no fault of their own and we all kind of made that observation independent of each other before realizing we all agreed. I actually dated someone in the same friend group and when we broke up we were both terrified of a "choosing sides" scenario so we made it very clear to everyone that there's no hard feelings, it just didn't work out, and we still want to be friends with everyone, and thankfully there was no issue - maybe a few months of awkward interactions but it eventually smoothed itself out.

 

[Servbot24]

Sure. I don't time have time to audit all of my friend's friends, nor do I make major character judgement based only on association.

 

[T002 Tyrant]

I have remained friends with my ex brother in law. But we rarely if at all meet, despite my wife not being the best fan of me remaining friends with him.

 

[Grue]

I would get my dad's goblin costume out.

 

[Tamino]

For me, being wronged goes beyond having a argument or disagreement. People argue and have fall out with each other all of the time. If that's what the OP really means, then I agree with others in this thread.

But being wronged to me would incur some sort of loss on my part. An especially egregious loss could occur during the commission of a felony. I doubt I would be fully clear-headed in the aftermath. It's really hard to say without being really specific. Everyone has favorites even. Some friends would get more leeway than others. But to go to an absolutely hypothetical extreme, I could not remain friends with someone that stood by the person that sexually assaulted me or my spouse. I could easily stay friends with someone that stood by the person stole on the order of 1000 dollars from us. It would be hard to stay friends with someone who stood by a person that somehow cheated me out of my house and caused us to be homeless.

So, it depends, I guess ^_^.

 

[komaruR]

i had some similar situation as mention in OT happen to me when i was a kid. im fine with friend A being a friend to B but i will absolute not be friends with B.

 

[Waggles]

What did Friend B do? It's purely contingent on the gravity of that.

Click to shrink...

Sumbitch ate op's yogurt. Was saving it for friday, and it had op's name on it and everything.

Remove all toxicity from yo life, op.

 

[Cipher Peon]

Absolutely. Friend A didn't do anything to wrong me, so no need to cut off my nose to spite my face.

 

[gozu]

I mean, if someone wrongs a mutual friend, and proves this to me, then I will downgrade my friendship with the wronger automatically, based on self-interest and common sense.

I'm not going to relax around a leopard that ate my friend's face, am I? Unless I'm very stupid 😆

 

[Stencil]

Sumbitch ate op's yogurt. Was saving it for friday, and it had op's name on it and everything.

Remove all toxicity from yo life, op.

Click to shrink...

Oh. Yeah, that's pretty cut and dry. I tend to keep a large, sprawling circle-spoke diagram of all my friends and their social connections in order to avoid having to deal with anyone who would fraternize with yogurt-stealing Friend B types.

edit:
Jokes aside, if Friend B stole my car or neglects animals or something, I'd absolutely take umbrage with Friend A continuing to fraternize with them. If Friend B did something like eat my yogurt, I've got more important things to care about. As I originally posited, it's really a pretty wide sliding scale.