DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Weird weekend.

Friday, we met up and had out monthly budget date. That was nice. Had really yummy Thai food.

After dinner we went over her sisters house and I left wit her bro the in law to play dnd. The game was supposed to start at 9. Didn't start until 1040...

After the game, I picked up the gf from her sisters house. We went home and went to bed.

Next morning, I woke up to a text from asshole roommate. "My gf broke up with me this morning by text". They dated for about a month and a half. They entered into a relationship last week. I guess Friday, she had told him that she broke up with her boyfriend, slept with a guy the next day, then the following day got back her boyfriend. My roommate was like "eh, that's not cool" which she didn't appreciate, but they still had a nice evening. I guess she lingered on it though because she ended it, saying she shouldn't be in a relationshipb with anyone. Earlier that night she had been telling him he was perfect and lived him and "a real man". Scary.

So the girlfriend suggested we take him to breakfast, even though she didn't like him, because she's sweet like that. He vented and we sat there and listened.

We then went and got our tree!!!

Interestingly enough, that breakfast I think made us closer with each other, because it reminded us how lucky wev are to have have other, because we work together and are partners

After that we had to go to her neices baptism. It was my first time at a mormon ward so that was cool. Ceremony was nice and the neice was adorable during it.

Her sisters family and the gf and I had dinner at roundtable and then went to a tree lighting.

Rushed into a relationship with a girl from Tinder, and now I'm starting to realize just how different we are. It's going ot suck to break it off with her because she likes me so much. It's only been 2 months but I still feel like an ass.

Hey y'all is that one guy Earthbound64 okay? Or is he being over-dramatic?

AnansiThePersona said:

Hey y'all is that one guy Earthbound64 okay? Or is he being over-dramatic?

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Yeah I saw that and am worried.

Seesh

yeah.. step away from the computer and take a breather before you go doing stuff like that

AnansiThePersona Painguy

Has anyone heard from Earthbound64? I just sent him a text. Hopefully if he's ok he will not mind me posting here.

Nabbit said:

AnansiThePersona Painguy

Has anyone heard from Earthbound64? I just sent him a text. Hopefully if he's ok he will not mind me posting here.

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Hopefully the guy takes a minute to step away from the internet and meet people in real life. He put a lot of stake into a relationship that didn't seem to mean anything. But making threads about it? Really corny. Hope he's doing okay....but sheesh I felt much secondhand embarrassment.

Nabbit said:

AnansiThePersona Painguy

Has anyone heard from Earthbound64? I just sent him a text. Hopefully if he's ok he will not mind me posting here.

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No :( I haven't reached out. Didn't want to be a bother in a sensitive time, but they are banned now so I can't really get in contact.

The girl that cancelled our date came over today - just left in fact. It had turned out that she lost her jacket on a night out, with her keys/passport/phone, so she couldn't access whatsapp before.

We ended up playing Bloodborne and making out for a few hours. I had a good time.

Lulu said:

I'd say keep working on your bio/pics. Maybe you're taking too long to ask them out/number or aren't being assertive enough with setting something up. The only message I said on Tinder is "hey ___, down to get a drink _____". It works for me but YMMV, I live in a huge metro area and get enough matches that I can send it out willy-nilly. It won't hurt to try other apps but Tinder overall Tinder has been the best for me.

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Haven't changed my bio or pics yet but I have been trying to ask for numbers sooner than later. I matched with someone this morning, asked for their number within 3 messages and set up a date for later this week. Just wanted to go back to this since this peace of advice helped me.

Trying to set up another date with the girl I went out with on Friday for this week too. Going to try to continue this momentum with dates.

Chronospherics said:

The girl that cancelled our date came over today - just left in fact. It had turned out that she lost her jacket on a night out, with her keys/passport/phone, so she couldn't access whatsapp before.

We ended up playing Bloodborne and making out for a few hours. I had a good time.

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hm so earthbound64 requested a ban

hope he's doing ok

hydrophilic attack said:

hm so earthbound64 requested a ban

hope he's doing ok

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He also posted the same thing on another site people used to visit. Might be an idea to check in with him if anywhere here can

Dyno said:

He also posted the same thing on another site people used to visit. Might be an idea to check in with him if anywhere here can

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I went ahead and posted something there. :/ Not sure what else I could do. Homie is def in slump. Hope they get better.

Going scorched earth on the forum accounts, I guess he'll be back somewhere incognito.

I wonder if it has something to do with the Dinokill incident and if him and his friends were behind all of this.
The internet is a scary place.

Chronospherics said:

The girl that cancelled our date came over today - just left in fact. It had turned out that she lost her jacket on a night out, with her keys/passport/phone, so she couldn't access whatsapp before.

We ended up playing Bloodborne and making out for a few hours. I had a good time.

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Notaskwid said:

I wonder if it has something to do with the Dinokill incident and if him and his friends were behind all of this.
The internet is a scary place.

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What exactly did dinokill do on Gaf? No one really answered me before when I asked around. Did he have it out for EB on Gaf or something?

HammerFace said:

What exactly did dinokill do on Gaf? No one really answered me before when I asked around. Did he have it out for EB on Gaf or something?

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He used to post a lot of those "why can't you guys be normal" kind of threads from what I remember. To a point where I don't know if they were serious or not, but probably not, just trolling around.

Oh dang. Well good thing he was dealt with swiftly. We don't need that here.

Hope he learned his lesson and doesn't get catfished again.

Anybody here believe in the "half plus seven rule"?

Redowl said:

Anybody here believe in the "half plus seven rule"?

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If it lets me date 18 year olds, I'll believe in anything.

gaiages said:

If we're starting dick measuring contests in here I'm going to have to say vern is probably the one that kills it the most.

I would have said Zackie as well but I believe he's steady now?

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Nearly 7 months now
Lulu is the real deal, though.

Girl says she can't meet because she's moving away for the ski season, but says I'm cool and that "we can postpone the date half a year". Is it kosher to hand out my number here, saying hit me up when she comes back (and obviously stop talking to her)? Who knows if I've deleted my tinder at that point I mean

I mean, I don't understand why you wouldn't.

I tend to date women that are a little older than me personally. Often one or two years older.

I find those women are more interesting broadly, less likely to mess me around, and also know what they want in life. Otherwise, they're the same age or a couple years younger.

Generally I wouldn't date a woman more than a couple of years younger than me. I don't want to be a teacher or father figure - obviously that's not always the case, but just speaking from experience. Younger women tend to randomly decide they want to be an artist who lives in Italy, and random stuff like that. I don't want to be with someone that hasn't developed a firm sense of identity that they're likely to uphold in the long-term.

Good god just read up on the whole EB64 and Dinokill bit. Just... wow.

Anyways
I got friendzoned myself sometimes ago when invited a girl to go out.. with a group of friends. Apparently she thought i was asking for a one on one kind of deal. Now, i do liked her, but it didnt cross my mind to ask her out on a date. So she did the whole ''friendzone'' thing, and said she is happy being single. Alright, seems plausible.

Here is the kicker though.

I did think of going on a date with her, because a few weeks prior, she went on a date with someone else, who, as she later told me, just dumped his girlfriend a week before. So she literally was the ''bouncer''.

My take on it is that because of this experience she didnt wanted to go on a date anymore and misinterpreted my offer to go out. Because else it doesnt sound logical to me to say that you are ''happy being single'', when you just went on a date weeks prior..

Redneckerz said:

Good god just read up on the whole EB64 and Dinokill bit. Just... wow.

Anyways
I got friendzoned myself sometimes ago when invited a girl to go out.. with a group of friends. Apparently she thought i was asking for a one on one kind of deal. Now, i do liked her, but it didnt cross my mind to ask her out on a date. So she did the whole ''friendzone'' thing, and said she is happy being single. Alright, seems plausible.

Here is the kicker though.

I did think of going on a date with her, because a few weeks prior, she went on a date with someone else, who, as she later told me, just dumped his girlfriend a week before. So she literally was the ''bouncer''.

My take on it is that because of this experience she didnt wanted to go on a date anymore and misinterpreted my offer to go out. Because else it doesnt sound logical to me to say that you are ''happy being single'', when you just went on a date weeks prior..

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I don't really understand what you said. You invited her to hang out with you and your friends and then she told you she was happy being single? Just like unprovoked or did you ask her out later on?

SuperiorTrashTalk said:

I don't really understand what you said. You invited her to hang out with you and your friends and then she told you she was happy being single? Just like unprovoked or did you ask her out later on?

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Almost. I invited her to hang out with me and my friends, but she thought i was asking her for a date. I did made mention in the past that i liked her. She then friendzoned me and then she said that she was just ''happy being single''.

I found that bit in brackets a bit weird considering she did date someone else just weeks prior, but the guy she dated just dumped his longtime girlfriend so she essentially was a bouncer. She told me of this and we both said the same thing (That she was a bouncer, etc).

Redneckerz said:

Almost. I invited her to hang out with me and my friends, but she thought i was asking her for a date. I did made mention in the past that i liked her. She then friendzoned me and then she said that she was just ''happy being single''.

I found that bit in brackets a bit weird considering she did date someone else just weeks prior, but the guy she dated just dumped his longtime girlfriend so she essentially was a bouncer. She told me of this and we both said the same thing (That she was a bouncer, etc).

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Honestly, it kind of sounds like she just didn't want to date you specifically and told you that she wanted to be single so as not to hurt your feelings.

Also it's not like you can't enjoy dating people and be single at the same time. You're single until you're in a relationship. I don't really find it all that odd.

SuperiorTrashTalk said:

Honestly, it kind of sounds like she just didn't want to date you specifically and told you that she wanted to be single so as not to hurt your feelings.

Also it's not like you can't enjoy dating people and be single at the same time. You're single until you're in a relationship. I don't really find it all that odd.

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The thing is that i didnt invite her to a date, lol.
Nah i get that, its just that phrasing sounded weird. Clearly she wanted to be in a relationship, then she says she is happy being single. Alright then.

Redneckerz said:

The thing is that i didnt invite her to a date, lol.
Nah i get that, its just that phrasing sounded weird. Clearly she wanted to be in a relationship, then she says she is happy being single. Alright then.

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Yeah it sounds like she just didn't want to date you and wanted to shut down something she thought might be an advance. Sorry man, her loss.

So the only person I've tried to pursue anything with in the past month was completely emotionally unavailable, shared none of my interests, could take days to reply to texts and in general showed no sign of liking me at all (though she proposed the second date which is why things kept going, I'd given up then).
....For some reason I loved it, haha. Stopped messaging now, but now I'm in my third year of uni everyone seems to know everyone, I think I was just enjoying talking to someone with no connection to my friendship group at all (we met in some club). I don't know what's wrong with me, I think really I just need to be single right now but still want company sometimes so someone who treats me like shit is perfect. Anyone else like this?

And doesn't anyone else get bothered by friends or colleagues knowing everyone you start to talk to or see romantically? None of my friends seem to get what I'm talking about but I hate how much pressure it adds on. Like if things don't work out it's so much worse. I slept with someone at work a few weeks ago, it was just a one night stand and things are fine between us, totally chill but it keeps coming up in conversation, and there's nothing I hate more than hearing I was the topic of a conversation I wasn't part of, hahaha.

Oh and also this weekend marked the third time I got drunk and slept with my ex (who is also a close friend) this term, because I'm smart. She still likes me and I do like her, but I plan to disappear off the face of the earth once I finish uni so that's unfair.

TLDR things are a mess haha. Kind of beyond needing advice at this point, just wanted to vent somewhere. I deleted Tinder at least, so I'm feeling a bit better about things from that angle.

Dyno said:

He also posted the same thing on another site people used to visit. Might be an idea to check in with him if anywhere here can

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And he posted porn in that thread. What a dick move.

Decided to give tinder gold a shot because of all the "matches" I got that I couldn't access. Now I see they were either bots or in Florida, which I was visiting for Thanksgiving. Damn.

I think I'm going to keep it for a couple of months till the end of January. Hopefully I get some matches while briefly studying abroad.

I'm currently thinking about how to get closer to one of the girls who's going on the trip with me. We both are the same major and talked a great deal after orientation. I got her phone number to keep in contact for the trip but I hope I didn't friendzone myself with that. We're meeting one more time as a group on the 12th, so I'm thinking of asking her out then.

I'm drifting back into "take what I can get" territory when it comes to female attention, which is toxic. My gut says one thing but my loneliness says another.

Gonna go for a job first thing in the morning to try to clear my head, then try to kick it with some family. Need to get some positive thoughts that aren't reliant on attention that is just a short-term reward to a recurring problem with me.

Update on the 4 days, 4 Tinder dates blitz:

Got bit by a dog with an abusive past that feared men on Saturday, so that was fun. Gave me a cool hand scar to talk about though.

One flaked, which was really a nice relief. Didn't connect as well with her as I'd like to begin with, so I just left the thread open but didn't make an effort to reschedule (given how an ex was brought up during the first date though, I don't have high expectations). Another rescheduled into Sunday evening, about 3 hours after another date I had scheduled for that day. I decided on the same coffee shop with both of them previously, so the barista girl shot me a bit of a dirty look when I returned about an hour later with a different girl in tow, hahaha.

I ended up hitting it off with both Sunday girls quite well. First one is a lot of fun and very straightforward, and the conversation flowed super naturally. I was apparently her first ever Tinder date (and the first guy to clearly state to her that we're on a date), so if nothing else, I hope I left a good impression. Didn't get to close it out with anything physical, but sexual tension felt fairly high and I'm certain we were on the same page, so I'll bring it up and probably poke fun at her about it next time. We'll be going to see The Disaster Artist this weekend and I'm pretty excited.

Second girl and the date itself was really interesting in an entirely different manner. She's the meek, soft-spoken, and proper grammar type with a surprising amount of interesting things to say, given the opportunity. Had to lead the conversation to start out for a bit to get her comfortable, and as soon as I said something to make her bust out the full-volume laugh, it was smooth sailing from there. Later on into the chat, she told me that she thinks I'm a little out of her league, which I find odd since she's very pretty and taller than I am. Really flattering nonetheless, though. We got cookies after coffee, drove around eating them, and then made out a bunch. I'll see her again Wednesday night.

Chronospherics said:

Yeah it sounds like she just didn't want to date you and wanted to shut down something she thought might be an advance. Sorry man, her loss.

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Some people just have an odd way of leading you on (like she did) and then pie you in the face.
Oh well, she is a nice friend regardless. I have had worse people be part of the friends group so its all good.

Cat Pee Never was an avatar more appropiate to your story. From the hypothetical reaction, to the user name, to the visible hand - Perfection.

Condom said:

Go to this post for context

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So went ahead and just asked if she felt the same way and she had to think about it. The next day we met up to talk and she felt things should just stay as they were (friendly). Her explanation confirmed what I was already thinking: I missed the boat by being too late and the being in the same class etc complicated things too much. She was super respectful and caring about it and that felt refreshing.

Secretly I'm relieved because the status quo will be upheld to some extend. While that will make this not becoming something a relatively easy pill to swallow and still keep a great person as a friend, it also is a sign of my self-sabotage still being in effect.
It was a interesting learning experience and with December packing a ton of party opportunities, I hope to learn some more in the coming weeks and months. All for that goal of finally being able to make my feelings and actions congruent with each other and really embrace intimacy with others beyond superficial lust.

One thing I guess I'm not too fond of with this girl I'm seeing is that she's really into gender roles. She wants to cook, clean and look after her partner, and she expects her partner to be dominant, and generally control her to some degree.

It's not altogether uncommon that I meet girls like that, though they don't tend to express those feelings unless you become quite close. Nevertheless, I'm not certain it's something I'm entirely comfortable with. I've only been out with her twice and she's already offered to come round to my house and cook on more than one occasion - but she says that's just how she shows she cares.

Am I wrong to be a little unsettled by that?

Redneckerz said:

Some people just have an odd way of leading you on (like she did) and then pie you in the face.

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Nothing you wrote suggested in any way she was leading you on.

Redneckerz said:

Some people just have an odd way of leading you on (like she did) and then pie you in the face.
Oh well, she is a nice friend regardless. I have had worse people be part of the friends group so its all good.

Cat Pee Never was an avatar more appropiate to your story. From the hypothetical reaction, to the user name, to the visible hand - Perfection.

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If thats how you re putting a spin on it you got some ego problems, dude

How can she lead you on when you re not even offering a date, thus no romantic prospect at all ? that's a little fucked up

One thing I guess I'm not too fond of with this girl I'm seeing is that she's really into gender roles. She wants to cook, clean and look after her partner, and she expects her partner to be dominant, and generally control her to some degree.

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It's completely normal for her to want that. Its a question of polarities, no more no less. Actually that's kind of cool that she's bringing up her boundaries straight

If you re more of the submissive dude taking care of a girl, then date a more dominant lady who'll be happy to oblige (firemen, lawyers, police force etc). Otherwise you ll just be the meek guy who doesn't know what he wants ... and no lady ever want to deal with that

If that's bothering you just stop dating her immediately tho, that ll save her some false hopes

Trojita said:

And he posted porn in that thread. What a dick move.

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Are you saying that EB64 posted porn somewhere? Did you quote the wrong person?

Chronospherics said:

One thing I guess I'm not too fond of with this girl I'm seeing is that she's really into gender roles. She wants to cook, clean and look after her partner, and she expects her partner to be dominant, and generally control her to some degree.

It's not altogether uncommon that I meet girls like that, though they don't tend to express those feelings unless you become quite close. Nevertheless, I'm not certain it's something I'm entirely comfortable with. I've only been out with her twice and she's already offered to come round to my house and cook on more than one occasion - but she says that's just how she shows she cares.

Am I wrong to be a little unsettled by that?

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If she specifically said she wants to be a good housewife to her husband, or something like that involving gender roles, then maybe? But people that just start dating having one cook for the other isn't all that uncommon in general. We recommend it plenty of times when it's the guy asking what to do, after all :p

Redneckerz said:

Some people just have an odd way of leading you on (like she did) and then pie you in the face.
Oh well, she is a nice friend regardless. I have had worse people be part of the friends group so its all good.

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She never lead you on, come the fuck on dude.

Redowl said:

Anybody here believe in the "half plus seven rule"?

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I wouldn't get too hung up on it. Two of the most solid relationships I know are couples with a 19-year age gap. Go with whatever works for you.

Chronospherics said:

One thing I guess I'm not too fond of with this girl I'm seeing is that she's really into gender roles. She wants to cook, clean and look after her partner, and she expects her partner to be dominant, and generally control her to some degree.

It's not altogether uncommon that I meet girls like that, though they don't tend to express those feelings unless you become quite close. Nevertheless, I'm not certain it's something I'm entirely comfortable with. I've only been out with her twice and she's already offered to come round to my house and cook on more than one occasion - but she says that's just how she shows she cares.

Am I wrong to be a little unsettled by that?

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No, you're not at all "wrong" to be unsettled by that (I personally don't care for that stuff either and have had arguments with past girlfriends/wife over it), but some people just want what they want; things they've grown up with, are used to, or just think are how things should be.

If it's something you're really at odds with, and similarly, if she's unsettled by your world views, maybe a long term relationship might not work out.

Chronospherics said:

One thing I guess I'm not too fond of with this girl I'm seeing is that she's really into gender roles.

Am I wrong to be a little unsettled by that?

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I wouldn't say wrong or right as you feel what you feel and can't really help that. But I am curious why you are unsettled by it.

gaiages said:

She never lead you on, come the fuck on dude.

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Yeah maybe I missed something but like, I never got the impression this girl ever implied she liked him??? Nor did they go on a date. How do you get lead on when there was never an impression given that you had a chance?