DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

Jokab · Jan 22, 2018

Had a great date on Saturday. The girl had been kind of flaky, calling off my first date proposal because she was going away for christmas, then the next one because she had to study for exams. I just said "too bad, get back to me after it!" Which she eventually did last week, so we set up the date. Went drinking to no less than three bars, and eventually she asked if she could go home with me (a first for me that the girl initiated it). She was really hot so yeah I obliged. Honestly I liked the cuddling more than the sex, not that the latter was bad at all but I guess I'm still rebounding from my ex a bit.

She told me during the date it was her first tinder date, which honestly surprised me since our first conversation was over a month ago and she's good looking. Anyway, definitely seeing her again and we've been texting a bunch after.

Subpar Scrub · Jan 22, 2018

Alastor3 said:
do you guys think it's creepy if I bump into her outside of work (coincidence not by stalking) and I ask her?

It still sounds like you're talking about stalking her, tbh, though I imagine that's not your intent. Just realise that work relationships can be awful if they fail and you still have to work with them. You also shouldn't date someone who you have any type of power dynamic over. Otherwise, do what you will.

Jokab sounds cool, I'm rooting for you man, keep us updated!

Alek · Jan 22, 2018

Alastor3 said:
I work at customer service as a IT for my university and two times I got to speak to this girl i found really cute and she looks like she might feel the same. Since I don't want to be a creep I don't want to ask her out at my job so was wondering do you guys think it's creepy if I bump into her outside of work (coincidence not by stalking) and I ask her?

If you ask her out over a telephone support line you could probably lose your job. As a support technician I'm sure you have access to a lot of her details, her number, her address perhaps, etc, none of which she has given you so that you can try to initiate any romantic advances. Situations you're in create things like this: http://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/just-eat-under-investigation-after-1079878 where the guy clearly gets the wrong idea, and breaches the woman's privacy.

How do you plan to bump into someone by coincidence? That doesn't make much sense to me.

I guess if I was in that situation I might give her my personal number and let her initiate something if she's interested. But I wouldn't make an advance, and I wouldn't try to bump into someone and call it a coincidence.

Mr.Beep · Jan 22, 2018

Had a date that I finally felt could def lead to something. We are both pretty busy over the next fortnight. What's a good way to keep things 'active' in a sense. Just messages?

Alek · Jan 22, 2018

Mr.Beep said:
Had a date that I finally felt could def lead to something. We are both pretty busy over the next fortnight. What's a good way to keep things 'active' in a sense. Just messages?

I would make an effort to find some time.

Otherwise, occasional messages, photos, and maybe try and call her? If I'm not with a girl I like to make her wonder what I'm doing, where I am, etc. If I'm going to call a girl it's usually when I'm longboarding, because it gives us something to talk about and makes her think I'm not just sat around at home all day.

Rogote · Jan 22, 2018

Servbot24 said:
I totally get that - as an introvert I feel like I've missed out on a lot of the social experiences a lot of young people have (I'm 28). I also haven't dated anyone in over a year and am currently just convincing myself I'm happier this way - which must not be true since I still go for it when an opportunity comes up, I just don't work to make opportunities happen.

That said I have had a few girlfriends and I will say that while it can indeed be great, it's nothing so glamorous or monumental that it should weigh on your mind. Clumsiness is really part of the package. That goes for the sex and the emotional intimacy. I know that won't make it any less intimidating, but it's probably something you'll think looking back once you do have those experiences.

Also, try to think of the nervousness as a positive. It's scary but it's exciting, and I think that's a feeling worth treasuring. Dating after a while can make you way too cold and cynical about relationships.

Thanks for taking the time to answer mate :) I will try to keep those things in mind. The main thing that tries to prevent that is the lack of perspective from the other side, I'd imagine.

Galkinator · Jan 22, 2018

gaiages said:
At least wait a day or two before you write it off. I don't text anyone shit when I don't feel good, I'm trying to get better not socialize, not even texting. Shit's a pain.

Alright.
I'm feeling like this whole thing hit a wall, so I think the only thing left is to invite her over and hoping she'll agree since there's nothing to lose anyway.
How would you for example bring this up? I guess just starting a new convo few days later with "hey wanna come over for some dinner/movie" out of nowhere won't get the best results.

Alek · Jan 22, 2018

Galkinator said:
Alright.
I'm feeling like this whole thing hit a wall, so I think the only thing left is to invite her over and hoping she'll agree since there's nothing to lose anyway.
How would you for example bring this up? I guess just starting a new convo few days later with "hey wanna come over for some dinner/movie" out of nowhere won't get the best results.

Ask girls things like that when the conversation is in a good place. When you tell a joke and make her laugh, or something like that.

Galkinator · Jan 22, 2018

Chronospherics said:
Ask girls things like that when the conversation is in a good place. When you tell a joke and make her laugh, or something like that.

I'll probably pass on this altogether. Can't see how I'm saving this whole thing lol

Gotdatmoney · Jan 22, 2018

Galkinator said:
I'll probably pass on this altogether. Can't see how I'm saving this whole thing lol

Just toss her a "Lemme know when you're feeling better and we can grab dinner"

Then just like pursue other options. You can't save something meant to die. That's what people don't get. Just toss her the option that if she's down you wanna chill then do your thang elsewhere.

Either they are in or they aren't but how you phrase it wont matter if they have no interest.

Galkinator · Jan 22, 2018

Yeah Gotdatmoney that's a good idea. Will do that. If she's interested then cool, if not I definitely won't bother again.

Bambi Is My Dad · Jan 22, 2018

So I've been dating this girl for a few weeks I have met off OKCupid and well, uh, relationship has sped up a little. She was a virgin and I took her virginity...

And well, she used the 'love' word on me. She's not clingy or anything and I can pretty much still do my own thing without having to chat to her constantly all day. However, the 'L' word kinda made me feel a bit uneasy.

Is it because of me being her first and everything, she's conflating the two?

We're both 26.

Deleted member 4090 · Jan 22, 2018

PM Prime Minister said:
So I've been dating this girl for a few weeks I have met off OKCupid and well, uh, relationship has sped up a little. She was a virgin and I took her virginity...

And well, she used the 'love' word on me. She's not clingy or anything and I can pretty much still do my own thing without having to chat to her constantly all day. However, the 'L' word kinda made me feel a bit uneasy.

Is it because of me being her first and everything, she's conflating the two?

We're both 26.

Yeah, if she's inexperienced, she hasn't really learned how to put the dampers on letting her emotions outpace the relationship early on. You're right to feel uneasy, but I don't think there's really any harm. Just keep your own feelings in check.

Alek · Jan 22, 2018

I don't think she's necessarily conflating the two. Obviously she does have less experience, but I think that often just makes it easier to feel, that doesn't mean that those feelings aren't genuine. Two of my long term relationships started with the girl telling me she loved me within a month of us dating, and both of those relationships were pretty healthy (breaking up after two and five years, because we both wanted to go in different directions with our lives).

Either way, if you dismiss how she feels, treat her as if she's inexperienced, and that her feelings are wrong, generated only as a result of her inexperience, then it'll likely turn out pretty badly for both of you.

Deleted member 33533 · Jan 22, 2018

Been dating this girl since early December, seeing each other consistently, met each others friends, planning future dates, etc. We've been hitting it off - I'm super into her. I've told her how much I enjoy spending time with her and she said she does too but that she wants to take things slow, so I've been going with the flow instead of pushing for an exclusive thing even though I would like that eventually.

I'm dating a second girl who I really like, but well, I've been seeing her since mid November but we've only seen each other 4 times. It's mainly due to a demanding work schedule and the fact that she is a little bit flaky so it's tough making anything happen as dates almost always end up postponed or cancelled for one reason or another. I'd write it off as her ghosting but I've told her "that's cool, hit me up next time you're free" and ceased contact a few times and she always ends up getting back to me eventually saying how she really wants to see me and then attempts to set something up. We had a brief conversation early on how we wanted to date but weren't trying to rush into anything serious so it just confuses me. At this rate though, I find it hard to see anything more growing from this since I would want to see someone I'm romantically involved with more consistently.

It felt easier early on to date both of them at once while I was still feeling things out but I'm starting to feel like I'm reaching a certain point with the first girl that continuing to see the second girl would be unfair to both of them. I feel like I'm set on the first girl and just waiting for her to want to go exclusive, at which point I'd tell the second girl I didn't want to date her anymore. Is that fair? It seems like that's what most people do when dating but it's the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time so I'm conflicted. I do admit a big part of it is me trying to keep my options open in order to counter past mistakes of getting too invested in one person too early.

Advc · Jan 22, 2018

I'm going out with a girl for the first time since mid december wich was when I breakup with my ex. I used to talk with this lady plenty before I hooked to my now ex. I met her on tinder too and we used to had a crush on each other but after months and months of no talking, not sure if the feelings she had towards me still remain... probably not, but we're going out anyways cuz we have never seen in person and I've promised her long time ago to get some pizza.

I gotta admit, I still don't fully get over my ex and it sucks because I really want to move on but I still keep thinking of her from time to time. I also want to start getting on tinder/dating game again but the truth is that I still feel like shit both physical and mentally. I'm 27 and just this last three months I started growing a ton of gray hairs, probably due to dealing with my ex's bullshit+breaking up+job+family issues. My anxiety/depression levels certainly have increased this last few months and because of that I barely eat, sleep, my hair falls more and it takes me a fuckton of effort to do even the most simple tasks of daily life, including playing videogames. Somedays when I have some free time to spare, I boot up Mario Odyssey and I don't even last 10 minutes playing before I turn it off and go take a nap instead. It fucking sucks feeling this way plus Dragon Ball Super is ending. 2018 going grrrreat so far..

Gotdatmoney · Jan 22, 2018

SuperiorTrashTalk said:
Been dating this girl since early December, seeing each other consistently, met each others friends, planning future dates, etc. We've been hitting it off - I'm super into her. I've told her how much I enjoy spending time with her and she said she does too but that she wants to take things slow, so I've been going with the flow instead of pushing for an exclusive thing even though I would like that eventually.

I'm dating a second girl who I really like, but well, I've been seeing her since mid November but we've only seen each other 4 times. It's mainly due to a demanding work schedule and the fact that she is a little bit flaky so it's tough making anything happen as dates almost always end up postponed or cancelled for one reason or another. I'd write it off as her ghosting but I've told her "that's cool, hit me up next time you're free" and ceased contact a few times and she always ends up getting back to me eventually saying how she really wants to see me and then attempts to set something up. We had a brief conversation early on how we wanted to date but weren't trying to rush into anything serious so it just confuses me. At this rate though, I find it hard to see anything more growing from this since I would want to see someone I'm romantically involved with more consistently.

It felt easier early on to date both of them at once while I was still feeling things out but I'm starting to feel like I'm reaching a certain point with the first girl that continuing to see the second girl would be unfair to both of them. I feel like I'm set on the first girl and just waiting for her to want to go exclusive, at which point I'd tell the second girl I didn't want to date her anymore. Is that fair? It seems like that's what most people do when dating but it's the first time I've ever dated more than one person at a time so I'm conflicted. I do admit a big part of it is me trying to keep my options open in order to counter past mistakes of getting too invested in one person too early.

The first girl said she wanted to take it slow and the second girl is moving slow. Seems fine to me for now.

I'm of the opinion that if someone wants to take it slow (not the mid December to now is a long time, factoring in christmas+new years its like 3 weeks) you gotta be open to other options. That said, if you dont see girl 2 as a legit option you should break that off sooner than later. If I were you I'd still be looking at other dates with other people though.

Advc said:
I'm going out with a girl for the first time since mid december wich was when I breakup with my ex. I used to talk with this lady plenty before I hooked to my now ex. I met her on tinder too and we used to had a crush on each other but after months and months of no talking, not sure if the feelings she had towards me still remain... probably not, but we're going out anyways cuz we have never seen in person and I've promised her long time ago to get some pizza.

I gotta admit, I still don't fully get over my ex and it sucks because I really want to move on but I still keep thinking of her from time to time. I also want to start getting on tinder/dating game again but the truth is that I still feel like shit both physical and mentally. I'm 27 and just this last three months I started growing a ton of gray hairs, probably due to dealing with my ex's bullshit+breaking up+job+family issues. My anxiety/depression levels certainly have increased this last few months and because of that I barely eat, sleep, my hair falls more and it takes me a fuckton of effort to do even the most simple tasks of daily life, including playing videogames. Somedays when I have some free time to spare, I boot up Mario Odyssey and I don't even last 10 minutes playing before I turn it off and go take a nap instead. It fucking sucks feeling this way plus Dragon Ball Super is ending. 2018 going grrrreat so far..

Get ya mind right man. You seeing a therapist or a doctor for your depression and anxiety?

Anyway, the breakup is fresh. You will think of her from time to time. That's not a huge deal. Accept you had good times and just be willing to move on. Be forward thinking. Maybe start going to the gym or pick up a physical activity and make sure you eat right and treat your body well.

Oh, and they arent done with Dragon Ball. They make too much money to just axe it. Something else is in the works.

_____________

Someone saying I love you that early can be weird. No denying that. But if everything else is good you can either roll with it or you can take it as more than it is. Unless they are giving you ultra cling weird vibes I think you just kinda leave it be.

angel · Jan 22, 2018

Its funny how people are also really upset by DB Super ending in the dating thread. Im not having dating issues but I'm devastated by the super news, it does feel like a bad start to 2018. Even knowing it will come back in another form, Im still gutted, so its comforting to see im not the only one.

theme park joe · Jan 22, 2018

Two dates over the next week or so. Excited to see how it goes.

Sarek · Jan 22, 2018

Once again back to starting point for me. Dating is so tiring. I don't know how you people dating multiple people at the same time do it.

Deleted member 198 · Jan 22, 2018

So I've decided to finally come to y'all for help on my dating game as it's pretty lackluster as of late. What are some do's and dont's when it comes to Tinder or even OkCupid profiles?

Deleted member 4090 · Jan 22, 2018

Magwik said:
So I've decided to finally come to y'all for help on my dating game as it's pretty lackluster as of late. What are some do's and dont's when it comes to Tinder or even OkCupid profiles?

Have good pictures. Don't be super demanding of qualities that you want or like. Don't swipe on women that are probably bots, or women that you wouldn't bothering messaging if you did match. Have more good pictures. Avoid super cliche pictures. Don't have no text or no descriptions, but don't write giant paragraphs.

Deleted member 198 · Jan 22, 2018

Neoweee said:
Have good pictures. Don't be super demanding of qualities that you want or like. Don't swipe on women that are probably bots, or women that you wouldn't bothering messaging if you did match. Have more good pictures. Avoid super cliche pictures. Don't have no text or no descriptions, but don't write giant paragraphs.

Pictures I know I definitely need to work on and am getting there. My appearance has changed (for the better) so much over the past few months though that it makes any of my old ones worthless so I only have two to three from the past month or so.

a916 · Jan 22, 2018

I've talking to a girl for about 2-3 weeks now and had a date planned tonight... to which she bailed less than 2 hours citing something with her gf came up... and when I asked if she wanted to reschedule for another day, she said she's unavailable for the next 2 weeks because her dad is coming into town... gut feeling says just drop it and move on and cut all contact.

Subpar Scrub · Jan 22, 2018

Magwik said:
Pictures I know I definitely need to work on and am getting there. My appearance has changed (for the better) so much over the past few months though that it makes any of my old ones worthless so I only have two to three from the past month or so.

Great to hear you've made positive changes, man. That's awesome. If you want to take a bunch of new pics, try making a day of it. Hang out with friends and grab some pics with them, go to a local hangout or scenic area that you enjoy and grab some more shots. If you can, convince a friend you're comfortable with to take photos of you and stipulate that they're for a dating profile, so you want them to capture your best sides and good lighting etc.

Subpar Scrub · Jan 22, 2018

a916 tell her to shoot you a message when she's free and leave the ball in her court. If she responds, cool, but don't wait around for her.

FireSafetyBear · Jan 22, 2018

I hate meeting cute women in classes because no way I wanna make a move and then make it awkward to rest of it.

Especially since it's me, two other dudes, and 20 other women.

Booooooo. Hey, friends are cool though. My other ones all got jobs and seem to have bailed me.

angel · Jan 22, 2018

a916 said:
I've talking to a girl for about 2-3 weeks now and had a date planned tonight... to which she bailed less than 2 hours citing something with her gf came up... and when I asked if she wanted to reschedule for another day, she said she's unavailable for the next 2 weeks because her dad is coming into town... gut feeling says just drop it and move on and cut all contact.

So she doesnt respect your time and is a complete liar. Do more than just cut contact, actually block her.

Subpar Scrub · Jan 22, 2018

angel said:
So she doesnt respect your time and is a complete liar. Do more than just cut contact, actually block her.

Source on her being a complete liar? Let's not attack people for no reason here, the better option is to leave it with her and have her contact him back if she wants to. For the time being, he should seek out others and see how those dates go. Should she contact him back, there's no obligation to set up a date again, so there's only opportunity in leaving that option open.

HammerFace · Jan 22, 2018

angel said:
So she doesnt respect your time and is a complete liar. Do more than just cut contact, actually block her.

Or instead of just assuming the worst how about you understand that literally anything can happen. Is it likely that she's just trying to tell him to move on kindly? Sure. But that doesn't mean you jump to outright assuming they're a disrespectful liar. Like damn.

Subpar's advice is the best a916. Leave the ball in her court and move on. If something comes up two weeks down the line then awesome, if not well hey you're on your way to something better anyway.

Magwik said:
Pictures I know I definitely need to work on and am getting there. My appearance has changed (for the better) so much over the past few months though that it makes any of my old ones worthless so I only have two to three from the past month or so.

Hey congrats on the self improvement! Way back in the first maybe 30 or so pages of the thread this site https://www.photofeeler.com was being posted around. You can upload pictures of yourself and get some ratings on what kind of vibe you give off. Maybe it can help you with some of the new pictures you're planning to use for your profile. Best of luck!

smisk · Jan 22, 2018

Well, me and S are exclusive now, we talked about it last night. It's been about a month since we started seeing each other so hopefully it isn't too fast. It feels a little weird to me since it's been so long since I've been in a relationship, but I really like her. Here's hoping things keep going well.

Alwayscrazybacon · Jan 22, 2018

angel said:
So she doesnt respect your time and is a complete liar. Do more than just cut contact, actually block her.

There's nothing to indicate she's lying, she gave him notice. A little short granted but better than standing him up. Balls in her court. If he gets a call in two weeks when she's free it could work out.

Subpar Scrub · Jan 22, 2018

smisk said:
Well, me and S are exclusive now, we talked about it last night. It's been about a month since we started seeing each other so hopefully it isn't too fast. It feels a little weird to me since it's been so long since I've been in a relationship, but I really like her. Here's hoping things keep going well.

Good to hear man, keep us posted with your experiences and good luck!

Gotdatmoney · Jan 23, 2018

HammerFace said:
Or instead of just assuming the worst how about you understand that literally anything can happen.

I dunno if she is lying but someome bails on me 2 hours before a date I am not giving benefit of the doubt. Not when the reason is "something came up with my gf" and is not followed by them trying to setup the reschedule.

I'd prob just block and move on frankly.

a916 · Jan 23, 2018

Gotdatmoney said:
I dunno if she is lying but someome bails on me 2 hours before a date I am not giving benefit of the doubt. Not when the reason is "something came up with my gf" and is not followed by them trying to setup the reschedule.

I'd prob just block and move on frankly.

Yeah usually I do this. Because we both work and live in the same city, I mean if she was really sorry would coffee or lunch during work be all that difficult? ... 2 weeks is big long to wait and even then she couldn't even bothered to make plans that far in advance.

Subpar Scrub said:
Source on her being a complete liar? Let's not attack people for no reason here, the better option is to leave it with her and have her contact him back if she wants to. For the time being, he should seek out others and see how those dates go. Should she contact him back, there's no obligation to set up a date again, so there's only opportunity in leaving that option open.

Are you suggesting cutting off all contact and letting her text/call or pretending like nothing happened and being consistent?

Subpar Scrub · Jan 23, 2018

a916 said:
Are you suggesting cutting off all contact and letting her text/call or pretending like nothing happened and being consistent?

You've made two attempts at setting up a date/meeting and she's presented reasons to not meet up both time. Tell her to contact you when she's free to meet up and don't invest any more time into someone who won't do the same for you. She'll either contact you back if she's genuinely interested, or she won't.

Deleted member 8118 · Jan 23, 2018

Got a yes on an OkCupid date. We're going to get ramen, but I'm going to get her number since she seems she'd rather text.

I also have another possible date with a woman I know from my friend group, but she's kind of strange in a way. Very cute, though.

This is the first time I've really taken initiative with dating since the girl I dated left to her home town. Doesn't help that she called me and we talked for 3 hours straight , now I can't get her out of my mind. She asked me to come visit her and talking about how our futures will turn out and talking about family and sharing baby pictures.. That only made things sting deeper because I couldn't help but feel intense love for her.. For me, she's like the personification of a hard drug that is hard to kick.

The less I hear from her, the more I realize I want her.

I just hope something comes from these dates that I have or I will have a problem.

Alwayscrazybacon · Jan 23, 2018

M52B28 said:
Got a yes on an OkCupid date. We're going to get ramen, but I'm going to get her number since she seems she'd rather text.

I also have another possible date with a woman I know from my friend group, but she's kind of strange in a way. Very cute, though.

This is the first time I've really taken initiative with dating since the girl I dated left to her home town. Doesn't help that she called me and we talked for 3 hours straight , now I can't get her out of my mind. She asked me to come visit her and talking about how our futures will turn out and talking about family and sharing baby pictures.. That only made things sting deeper because I couldn't help but feel intense love for her.. For me, she's like the personification of a hard drug that is hard to kick.

The less I hear from her, the more I realize I want her.

I just hope something comes from these dates that I have or I will have a problem.

Best of luck, sounds like you know thinking about the ex is counter productive. Keep an open mind on the dates and don't compare them to your EX.

angel · Jan 23, 2018

Gotdatmoney said:
I dunno if she is lying but someome bails on me 2 hours before a date I am not giving benefit of the doubt. Not when the reason is "something came up with my gf" and is not followed by them trying to setup the reschedule.

I'd prob just block and move on frankly.

Its the 2 weeks + the dad thats the killer. Shes suddenly unavailable for a whole 2 weeks..she doesnt even have 30 minutesin a whole 2 weeks? That's the main lie, plus the disrespect of a 2 hour prior cancel. In the online world of literally thousands of people, there's no need to settle for someone who immediately disrespects you. By dating someone like this, you're immediately telling them you accept poor treatment. Delete, block and banish.

Alwayscrazybacon · Jan 23, 2018

angel said:
Its the 2 weeks + the dad thats the killer. Shes suddenly unavailable for a whole 2 weeks..she doesnt even have 30 minutesin a whole 2 weeks? That's the main lie, plus the disrespect of a 2 hour prior cancel. In the online world of literally thousands of people, there's no need to settle for someone who immediately disrespects you. By dating someone like this, you're immediately telling them you accept poor treatment. Delete, block and banish.

Online dating is very fickle, full of false starts and dead ends. It's best not to get over invested with a first date. She does not owe you anything and you dont know each other, getting angry is a complete waste of time and that negativity will work against you. Any one of a number of reasons why you got bumped, best not spend any time over anylising and move onto the next. If she gets back to you in two weeks, thats great. If not, nothing lost.

Krypt · Jan 23, 2018

good day guys, just sub to this. hi to everyone

Subpar Scrub · Jan 23, 2018

short2k said:
good day guys, just sub to this. hi to everyone

Sup. How's the dating life bruh?

Gotdatmoney · Jan 23, 2018

angel said:
Its the 2 weeks + the dad thats the killer. Shes suddenly unavailable for a whole 2 weeks..she doesnt even have 30 minutesin a whole 2 weeks? That's the main lie, plus the disrespect of a 2 hour prior cancel. In the online world of literally thousands of people, there's no need to settle for someone who immediately disrespects you. By dating someone like this, you're immediately telling them you accept poor treatment. Delete, block and banish.

Whether she is lying or not is pretty w/e to me. Even if this girl bailed like 2 days before or something I would just be like leave it in her court. The 2 weeks thing is also mostly w/e imo. You can find things to do for 2 weeks instead of messaging one tinder girl (like messaging other tinder girls).

Bailing 2 hours before a thing is suppose to go down to me says that they just dont care about your time. And they don't have to, but I in return wouldn't even bother with that person going forward. Otherwise its w/e, I wouldn't get wound up. Just move on.

gaiages · Jan 23, 2018

smisk said:
Well, me and S are exclusive now, we talked about it last night. It's been about a month since we started seeing each other so hopefully it isn't too fast. It feels a little weird to me since it's been so long since I've been in a relationship, but I really like her. Here's hoping things keep going well.

Congrats!

Fudgepuppy · Jan 23, 2018

jdstorm said:
This situation got far more complicated then i thought.

Honestly. If you see yourself with "International girl" in 5 years. Don't waste 5 years waiting for the right time. Just go be with her and make it work.

Dating a polyamarous woman is hard. You're never going to be enough for her and she will always be falling in love with other people. Can you deal with that? Plus given that she's seemingly cheating on her BF with you, you know she's comfortable with cheating on her BF. This girl may be cute but she's trouble and you should stay away. Just go back to being friends. (And stop falling for your friends)

With Cute Girl you want a reason to not be the bad guy despite the fact that you did a thing that you regret. Personally i would stay with Cute Girl and see where it goes. She is the only one of the three girls you have mentioned to show enough interest in you to potentially sustain a relationship. If you don't want that then the best thing to do is stop leading her on. Raincheck your planned get together and then ghost her.

Then learn from this experience. If you don't want to be a jerk and just want a one night stand because you are hung up on someone else. Just find someone who is looking for the same thing

I spoke with the cute girl yesterday, as I just didn't feel enough of a connection to start a relationship. Told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now, and that I wanted to be honest with her.

She said that she was relieved, because she felt the same thing.

Then we had awesome sex.

Snack12367 · Jan 23, 2018

Fiend of mine came to me to ask for advice about his girlfriend. They met online and he moved to Germany to be with her about two years ago. Instead of getting murdered, it actually worked out and the two of them seem pretty great. However she just got her dream internship for 6 months studying The Great Barrier Reef . He wants to support her, but he's got a pretty good job currently and doesn't want to move. She was ok with it up until last week when they found out that he wasn't going to be able to afford the rent solo on their place while she's gone. Neither want to move out so he asked a friend of his they both knew to move in with him.

His girlfriend seemed pretty cool with at the time, but this week she said she wasn't comfortable with him living with him flat sharing with another woman. He's never cheated, never given the impression he was into this other person (at least what I've been told.). This other person has already agreed to be out of her current place by the end of the month, so she might not have a place if they go back on it.

I'm not sure what the right answer to give him is. I think she needs to trust him the same way he's going to have to trust her, but another part of me just wants to stay out of it.

Alek · Jan 23, 2018

Fudgepuppy said:
I spoke with the cute girl yesterday, as I just didn't feel enough of a connection to start a relationship. Told her that I wasn't looking for a relationship right now, and that I wanted to be honest with her.

She said that she was relieved, because she felt the same thing.

Then we had awesome sex.

What else would she say.

If I get knocked back by girls they tend to say they aren't looking for a relationship right now, and I tend to tell them I'm relieved because I wasn't either. Inversely, I've had girls do the same to me, when they were looking for a relationship and I've expressed not being interested.

I'm not saying that what she said isn't necessarily true, but I wouldn't take things like that at face value. If she wanted a relationship, by expressing that you didn't, you place her into a position where her doing anything but agreeing makes the connection between the two of you feel inequal.

Irnbru · Jan 23, 2018

Chronospherics said:
What else would she say.

If I get knocked back by girls they tend to say they aren't looking for a relationship right now, and I tend to tell them I'm relieved because I wasn't either. Inversely, I've had girls do the same to me, when they were looking for a relationship and I've expressed not being interested.

I'm not saying that what she said isn't necessarily true, but I wouldn't take things like that at face value. If she wanted a relationship, by expressing that you didn't, you place her into a position where her doing anything but agreeing makes the connection between the two of you feel inequal.

I'd feel you're kinda wasting your time overthinking about it, like it's a huge rabbit hole to go down, aint nobody got time for that

Ps never said thanks to you guys, finally out of my rut of feeling poop about dating

Fudgepuppy · Jan 23, 2018

Irnbru said:
I'd feel you're kinda wasting your time overthinking about it, like it's a huge rabbit hole to go down, aint nobody got time for that

Ps never said thanks to you guys, finally out of my rut of feeling poop about dating

Me or him overthinking it?

There was a part of me thinking that she might've said just not to make things unequal, but she acted normally the rest of the evening, and she's so far never seemed to hold back on what she's thinking and saying. From the first date we were basically talking about all of our most fucked up, dark, funny and emotional moments.

Servbot24 · Jan 23, 2018

KarneeKarnay said:
Fiend of mine came to me to ask for advice about his girlfriend. They met online and he moved to Germany to be with her about two years ago. Instead of getting murdered, it actually worked out and the two of them seem pretty great. However she just got her dream internship for 6 months studying The Great Barrier Reef . He wants to support her, but he's got a pretty good job currently and doesn't want to move. She was ok with it up until last week when they found out that he wasn't going to be able to afford the rent solo on their place while she's gone. Neither want to move out so he asked a friend of his they both knew to move in with him.

His girlfriend seemed pretty cool with at the time, but this week she said she wasn't comfortable with him living with him flat sharing with another woman. He's never cheated, never given the impression he was into this other person (at least what I've been told.). This other person has already agreed to be out of her current place by the end of the month, so she might not have a place if they go back on it.

I'm not sure what the right answer to give him is. I think she needs to trust him the same way he's going to have to trust her, but another part of me just wants to stay out of it.

I agree the gf needs to have some trust. It's not unusual for a guy and girl to share a flat.

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