I guess there are less women on there, because I generally get 40-50 votes after a day or so. And you know from voting to get karma that you generally don't skip anyone, you just vote, so I guess that means less women :O
Yay! :)
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I guess there are less women on there, because I generally get 40-50 votes after a day or so. And you know from voting to get karma that you generally don't skip anyone, you just vote, so I guess that means less women :O
Yay! :)
Cheers, talking about it with people has been really helping me, including here. Ended up going down to Portsmouth to meet four of my friends for the weekend, just chilling, it's helping.
I did something fairly stupid following the breakup yesterday too. I started talking to a few girls on tinder, and ended up asking a few (3) out on dates. I didn't expect them to agree, but they have. Is that poor etiquette? Should I cancel on two of them? Should I cancel on all of them since I just got out of a long term relationship yesterday? Or should I play it casual and just have fun and make friends? I mean, it's just drinks so far - doesn't have to mean a lot, is it okay to just go out and have fun with it?
I mean, I did it, thinking it might make me feel better - I don't know if it will.
I don't think you did anything wrong in this situation. :/ She was the one telling you she'd be in town this week. If she really didn't want to meet up at all she could've just not told you about that, right?
Then afterwards, asking her to 'let you know when she'll be in town next' is kind of just... being polite??? Like, you were going to meet up, but didn't => logical follow-up is asking when you could meet up on another day. All your answers seem very normal to me. :)
I feel so bad for you. :'( It seems like she's just not a very empathic person. Not that she's not nice or anything (I don't know her, so I can't judge) but it seems like she just doesn't realize that she needs to show you she appreciates everything you do (if she does appreciate it).
If you haven't already, you should really talk about these things! Just to make sure she knows, because you never know why she's not being more appreciative. It would be perfect if she realizes you need some form of "compensation" for everything you do (which is normal in a relationship) and then she could put some effort into this as well as you getting to understand her pov on it. Maybe she really does believe that you doing all those things for her is just normal and self-evident. It would be nice to at least know why she doesn't show her appreciation, cuz maybe she has her reasons?
I hope you guys figure it out! :(
so I recently got into a relationship with an incredible girl, everything is great and I think she is a very trustworty person, but there's just one thing. I don't mind if a girlfriend has male friends, not at all, I don't get irrationally jealous, but the thing is she used to be in a relationship with one of her best friends. She said they were friends long before, and for her it still felt like a friendship when they were together.
Then they broke up, they never even fucked, a bit later though she said she pretty much took his v card (which was like 20 seconds if that she added) out of pity because he was extremely bothered and hurting due to still being a virgin at his age.
So I trust her completely when she says it's purely platonic now between them, the only thing that is bothering me is what if he is still in love with her? I mean even if he was it wouldn't make a difference for her , but still seeing as they text and hang out and go drinking and shit I dunno it just kind of bothers me. Is this irrational jealousy?
Thanks to anyone that took the time to read this, I would love to hear some thoughts.
Then they broke up, they never even fucked, a bit later though she said she pretty much took his v card (which was like 20 seconds if that she added) out of pity because he was extremely bothered and hurting due to still being a virgin at his age.
So I trust her completely when she says it's purely platonic now between them, the only thing that is bothering me is what if he is still in love with her? I mean even if he was it wouldn't make a difference for her , but still seeing as they text and hang out and go drinking and shit I dunno it just kind of bothers me. Is this irrational jealousy?
Thanks to anyone that took the time to read this, I would love to hear some thoughts.
If the guy has not had a girlfriend before your girlfriend and he had to loose his virginity with a pity fuck from his ex I would say there is a strong likelihood he is holding out for her. He does not have a girlfriend no right and it sounds like hes using the friendship with your girlfriend as a "surrogate girlfriend". If he starts to be an orbiter and offers her "advice" on the relationship you are in then it's dangerous. I'd try my best to keep him at arms length, not be friendly with him myself, or go drinking with him. You can't say anything about him to her, I've been there I could read the signs and she called me jealous and that he was like a brother to her. Wouldn't you just know that he made a hard pass at her not long afterwards and she came home shocked and upset about it.
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So I went out last night with friends to a part of town I have never been to. After being at a couple of bars, we decided to go to a dance club, but the entrance fee was $40 after 12 for the one we wanted to go to lol So the nearest place was a gay club. One of our friends is bi so the rest of us said fuck it and we went.
At the end of the night I got two girl's numbers, danced with both, danced with the second one for nearly an hour, we made out, went our separate ways, and are currently texting.
I certainly did not expect to score a hottie at a gay club lol
At the end of the night I got two girl's numbers, danced with both, danced with the second one for nearly an hour, we made out, went our separate ways, and are currently texting.
I certainly did not expect to score a hottie at a gay club lol
Online dating is depressing. I don't particularly like bars or going out all that much, though, nor am I able to sum up the courage to approach or talk to someone while out in public. I get too nervous, and never have anything to say.
I'm not bad when it's one on one in a dating scenario or when we're hanging out, but I'm still awkward and end up in the friendzone all the time.
I think I'm just undateable.
I'm not bad when it's one on one in a dating scenario or when we're hanging out, but I'm still awkward and end up in the friendzone all the time.
I think I'm just undateable.
You are, with that attitude.
Good news is, your attitude can change.
How to avoid the friend zone in 2 simple steps.
Ask her out on a date quickly, no more than 2 weeks time max. Specifically call it a date, not a hangout.
She says yes, congratulations your going on a date. She says no, there's your answer move on.
Nobody is undateable.
Nah, you'll meet the right person. Eventually you'll meet someone where it doesn't even feel like you need to do anything effortful to make things work.
I met one of my ex's by offering to teach people how to play Street Fighter IV, a gaming group page. Just be confident, and optimistic, and things will work out.
Gay bars are flooded with attractive women, and typically there's less competition from other men, than straight clubs. It's easier to meet girls there. I live in Brighton (lbgt capital of the UK) and my housemates pull girls on nights out at gay clubs pretty much every time we go out.
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Most matches have no meaning beyond the other person looking to see if they match. You got two dates, great, you'll get more.
As an update on this: she now told me that it's only a minor surgery and that recovery shouldn't take long. I am still a bit unsure though whether she got my intentions correctly. I am thinking about replying something like "Ah, I see. I am technically also free on Monday or Tuesday, but I guess you probably won't be in the mood for a date so shortly before a surgery?" just to stress that I was asking for a date and not for a simple meet-up.
I've been away for almost three weeks now. No dating attempts, not working out, just been overseas traveling, exploring, drinking, and thinking. Spent time with my British cousins, explored the Scottish Highlands, went through some insane shit in Barcelona, was at one of the fanciest parties in the heart of Westminster in London, (across the street from the PM's house), got in a fist fight, and wandered drunk through a Barcelona slum with a broken phone and no way home. Guys hit on me, I kissed a hot black girl on a dance floor, I nearly vomited in a shady alley, and I was accosted by drug dealers. Hung out in cool bars with ex-pats and hotties, drank in the bar where Picasso and Hemmingway supposedly got trashed on Absinthe, ventured in places where thousands died in squalor in Edinburgh, got ripped off in London, saw a play, saw a flamenco show, etc etc.
I think if you're in a funk about relationships, time away can help. Sometimes I go through times when I think I'm undateable. As a guy with a beard and turban, maybe my dating pool is smaller, but that's okay, you know. Just means less wasted time for me when I think about it.
Also Barcelona girls are hot.
Anyways, I don't think anyone is fundamentally undateable. Sometimes our standards are too high. Sometimes the girls in our area are stuck up. Sometimes there just isn't chemistry. Sometimes you have something that lowers the number of people in your dating pool from 100 to 2. But that doesn't mean you don't try. You have to try. Sometimes you have to rethink how you do things. If girls in your city suck, find a girl in another city and do the long distance thing. For some people, it does have work. My cousin and his girl are an ocean apart, but they make it work. Their time together is super intense to make up for the times they're apart. Go traveling, do new things, have new experiences, get some perspective, grow, and find your worth outside of what one other person may or may not think of you. Removing yourself from your environment and your standard routine can help a lot with putting things in perspective. You'll think about what is and is not important to you.
Also, get enough sleep and drink lots of water. Fuck, I feel like shit. Also, middle aged British tech execs punch like kitties.
I think if you're in a funk about relationships, time away can help. Sometimes I go through times when I think I'm undateable. As a guy with a beard and turban, maybe my dating pool is smaller, but that's okay, you know. Just means less wasted time for me when I think about it.
Also Barcelona girls are hot.
Anyways, I don't think anyone is fundamentally undateable. Sometimes our standards are too high. Sometimes the girls in our area are stuck up. Sometimes there just isn't chemistry. Sometimes you have something that lowers the number of people in your dating pool from 100 to 2. But that doesn't mean you don't try. You have to try. Sometimes you have to rethink how you do things. If girls in your city suck, find a girl in another city and do the long distance thing. For some people, it does have work. My cousin and his girl are an ocean apart, but they make it work. Their time together is super intense to make up for the times they're apart. Go traveling, do new things, have new experiences, get some perspective, grow, and find your worth outside of what one other person may or may not think of you. Removing yourself from your environment and your standard routine can help a lot with putting things in perspective. You'll think about what is and is not important to you.
Also, get enough sleep and drink lots of water. Fuck, I feel like shit. Also, middle aged British tech execs punch like kitties.
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Years ago when I worked in games retail in the UK I used to cover stores in the area when they were short staffed. I got sent to a store in Slough and when I got there the guy I was going to be working with had a beard and turban. I thought to myself he would not be any fun to work with, maybe too serious, maybe I could not relate to him. Turns out he was sound as fuck and I had a great time. I also found there was a vice versa and he had some leftover food from a party the night before he did not bring into work because he assumed I would not like spicy food. Anyway the example is anyone avoiding you because of this is not worth your time anyone giving you a shot definitely is. As a white guy I can't comment on how religion and race play into that.
Please, unless you're a woman looking for a woman, don't go to a gay bar to meet women. There's a reason they're there. Also, the regular gay patrons don't appreciate tourists.
I actually agree with Ernest here.
There's nothing wrong with going to some gay bars as part of a group and, sure, maybe something happens. Hell, I know that when I go to gay bars, the comments are going to fly ("He's totally cute... but totally straight"). But I'd never go there on my own simply to meet women. The "don't be a tourist" comment is, I think, spot-on: note that, according to my friends, this also applies to straight (usually white) women too!
But it also depends on the venue.
At least in D.C., there are certain places that are gay-tilted that other orientations visit (Nellie's, for anyone that knows, or Flash on certain nights), whereas there are other locations that are really about same-sex meetings.
So, basically, I think you're kinda both right. When in doubt, ask a friendly gay. My friends have educated me.
My experience is gay clubs in the UK, essentially they are a safe space from toxic masculinity and the best music.
Follow-up to this. She keeps talking to me despite me ending the conversation without anything to follow up on. Since I'm still interested, do I just keep messaging and wait until she tells me she's coming to town? Not sure how to deal.
That is what I would do. If you feel like too long time passes without you getting anywhere, then you can stop talking to her.
A lot of people don't mix in sex homogenous social circles. My friends and I usually end up in gay bars because it's where our gay friends want to go and it's the only place they can all go and have a good time. Thats true of a lot of the women there too, they go with their gay friends.
I think you're over thinking it.
I always have a great time in gay bars. The atmosphere is less pretentious than the typical straight bar where 90% of the guys are there to pick up girls
I'm gay but I've only been to a gay club like... two or three times in my life. Mostly just because I just don't like going clubbing, though. That being said, if I went to a gay club, I would have no problem with straight people being there. So long as they react well to being hit on by members of the same sex and are generally respectful and open-minded, there shouldn't be an issue. (But, of course, other gay people may feel differently about that.)
He's not overthinking it. He was mostly talking about if you go alone as a straight guy to pick up women or if your group is just straight men intent on picking up women. Because that's a thing. Some women go to gay bars to just have fun without dudes constantly hitting on them.
Of course if you're going in a group that's not exclusively straight dudes then yeah you're fine. Or if you're not going exclusively to pick up women as a straight dude.
Yeah, if you're going to go to gay bars to hang with friends, that's great, and I don't think anyone has a problem with that. It's more what HammerFace said, and also what Bacon said about women going to gay bars (usually) to get away from toxic masculinity. And straight dudes going to gay bars just to troll for women because it might be "easier pickings" kinda defeats that purpose.
Parents and nephew were in town and they stress me put. Too high energy.
Plus my nephew is a spoiled brat. He threw a temper tantrum because we didn't take him to disney. Screamed. It was super embarrassing.
I kept getting stressed and my gf kept walking me away for a few minutes so I could mellow out. And now my mom is jealous of my girlfriend because she thinks I kept getting distracted. But I couldn't be around them because they're just too much.
Plus my nephew is a spoiled brat. He threw a temper tantrum because we didn't take him to disney. Screamed. It was super embarrassing.
I kept getting stressed and my gf kept walking me away for a few minutes so I could mellow out. And now my mom is jealous of my girlfriend because she thinks I kept getting distracted. But I couldn't be around them because they're just too much.
To be honest it's probably a little different because I live in Brighton. Every group of people I've ever been in has someone that's gay, so at least for me, it's always been fine to pop into a gay bar. The lines between gay and straight clubs are pretty blurred, to be honest.
Generally speaking, I've never met a gay person that's felt that straight people aren't welcome in their bars, in fact they're usually the ones encouraging us to come in and have a drink. I can only speak for my own social circles, but in general, I think it's fine so long as you're respectful while you're there.
Got turned down for a second date by the girl from this Thursday. Sucks, but i can see if the girl from last week is still willing (though frankly, next weekend's going to be tight for me, but at the same time there's never a "right" time for this, you just make time for it).
And to think at one point you were worried about how clingy, disapproving, and conservative her family was.
But yeah, glad you made it though.
Gay bars are the best places to go and dance with a group of friends.
There's usually no one being all argo and my female friends are comfortable enough to go do their thing.
There's usually no one being all argo and my female friends are comfortable enough to go do their thing.
Thank god, that actually makes sense. With all the mama birding, gf sleeping with her mother stuff I expected the worst. My apologies.
So guys, uh...can I have a Dr. Phil moment please?
How would you react if on your first and late in your life relationship, your girlfriend was bi and you discovered that she cheated on you with a girl?
Before we started to dating she told me she had one relationship with a girl, and I was ok with it since she told it was a one time experience, long ago. It's her life after all.
However things started to get awkward after some months, she eventually started lying, and I discovered that I had been cheated...with a girl.
Eventually, (after I discovered I was cheated), she said she was more into women.
I believe I was naive as fuck since it was my first relationship, and the signals were all there, it just took me too much time to see them since I actually cared about the person.
I've ended the relationship, logically, however the thing is...this whole situation has somehow "twisted my brain"...I can't seem to handle it since I'm having trusting issues to start any kind of new relationship. Since then, and it has been some time, I fell like I don't have the psychic energy or patient to be in relationships.
I respect people that have different orientations, but in my case my fellings were toyed with, and experiencing something like this by myself is different.
Never in a million years was I prepared for this.
Tips for reaction?
No jokes would be appreciated.
How would you react if on your first and late in your life relationship, your girlfriend was bi and you discovered that she cheated on you with a girl?
Before we started to dating she told me she had one relationship with a girl, and I was ok with it since she told it was a one time experience, long ago. It's her life after all.
However things started to get awkward after some months, she eventually started lying, and I discovered that I had been cheated...with a girl.
Eventually, (after I discovered I was cheated), she said she was more into women.
I believe I was naive as fuck since it was my first relationship, and the signals were all there, it just took me too much time to see them since I actually cared about the person.
I've ended the relationship, logically, however the thing is...this whole situation has somehow "twisted my brain"...I can't seem to handle it since I'm having trusting issues to start any kind of new relationship. Since then, and it has been some time, I fell like I don't have the psychic energy or patient to be in relationships.
I respect people that have different orientations, but in my case my fellings were toyed with, and experiencing something like this by myself is different.
Never in a million years was I prepared for this.
Tips for reaction?
No jokes would be appreciated.
But Hoodies are so comfortable..
I dont know if I could get rid of them once I graduate but I am excited to start trying dressier clothes for real jobs
It happens man. I'm sorry. My first girlfriend was abusive and cheated on me several times. It really screwed me up for a long time afterward. Trust issues are completely normal. Someone took your trust and treated it like it was nothing.
It takes time to heal. But it also takes some reflection as well. Over time people will become close to you again, but you need to be able to reflect on how you act towards future partners. If they get close and you start pushing them away or act paranoid or let your emotions go unchecked because of trust issues you'll end up ruining things. It took me a long time to understand that and I hurt several people that meant the world to me before I wisened the fuck up.
Oh also telling future partners about it will help them understand any trust problems if you guys start to get close.
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