DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

CQC · Jun 16, 2018

I've got a question about texting, I normally just text a girl to set things up or see if she wants to randomly meet up if she isn't doing anything. Outside of that, I only text girls on a daily basis if they're my girlfriend.

Do you guys text girls you're interested in/dating on the daily? I just prefer face to face or over the phone convos for the most part. I don't text like I used to back in high school.

I'm currently talking to a girl from work, she's clearly interested in me, we just exchanged numbers this week and are setting something up for next week. But I don't feel the urge to text her outside of setting stuff up lol

justjim89 · Jun 16, 2018

CQC said:
I've got a question about texting, I normally just text a girl to set things up or see if she wants to randomly meet up if she isn't doing anything. Outside of that, I only text girls on a daily basis if they're my girlfriend.

Do you guys text girls you're interested in/dating on the daily? I just prefer face to face or over the phone convos for the most part. I don't text like I used to back in high school.

I'm currently talking to a girl from work, she's clearly interested in me, we just exchanged numbers this week and are setting something up for next week. But I don't feel the urge to text her outside of setting stuff up lol

Better to not text enough and be a bit mysterious than text too much and seem desperate and needy. Trust me.

Messofanego · Jun 16, 2018

Hoping for some kissing advice. So with my partner, she wants to play it by ear. For her, it's a sensual thing so if I smell nice, or play with her hair, it might be the right context. I've told her I don't mind if she straight up says she wants to kiss me, I'll be in the mood for it, but for her she doesn't want it to be explicit like that. She's more textbook romantic. So what non-verbal cues do you get when you know it's the right time to go in for the kiss? Looking into each other's eyes and being quiet?

CQC · Jun 16, 2018

justjim89 said:
Better to not text enough and be a bit mysterious than text too much and seem desperate and needy. Trust me.

I agree, this is how I feel about texting all the time.

Kiddo76 · Jun 16, 2018

justjim89 said:
Better to not text enough and be a bit mysterious than text too much and seem desperate and needy. Trust me.

This is true.

Kiddo76 · Jun 16, 2018

Messofanego said:
So what non-verbal cues do you get when you know it's the right time to go in for the kiss? Looking into each other's eyes and being quiet?

Proximity is key. Then touch them slowly somewhere close to the face or neck. That way they aren't taken aback, and it's also not too direct. Asking kind of kills the mood for a romantic.

Beren · Jun 16, 2018

Messofanego said:
Hoping for some kissing advice. So with my partner, she wants to play it by ear. For her, it's a sensual thing so if I smell nice, or play with her hair, it might be the right context. I've told her I don't mind if she straight up says she wants to kiss me, I'll be in the mood for it, but for her she doesn't want it to be explicit like that. She's more textbook romantic. So what non-verbal cues do you get when you know it's the right time to go in for the kiss? Looking into each other's eyes and being quiet?

My partner is pretty non-verbal too, and I'm pretty dense.

Luckily her cue for me to kiss her is to close her eyes, stick out her face and lips, and then wait until I kiss her. I haven't messed up yet lol.

Maybe ask her to do that? XD

Messofanego · Jun 17, 2018

Kiddo76 said:
Proximity is key. Then touch them slowly somewhere close to the face or neck. That way they aren't taken aback, and it's also not too direct. Asking kind of kills the mood for a romantic.

Beren said:
My partner is pretty non-verbal too, and I'm pretty dense.

Luckily her cue for me to kiss her is to close her eyes, stick out her face and lips, and then wait until I kiss her. I haven't messed up yet lol.

Maybe ask her to do that? XD

Thanks for the advice. Last time I was caressing the back of her neck, and it worked. If she closes her eyes and sticks out her face, that'll be an easy tell so thanks for that haha.

SuperBanana · Jun 17, 2018

So I came across this girl on Tinder. Her pic was basically her cleavage. That's it. Her bio said she was just dumped after 7 years and wants casual sex. I kinda thought it was a fake profile but I swiped right anyway and we ended up matching and chatting a bit. I added her on snapchat and she sent a proper photo she just took so she is legit. Anyway, she's basically looking for an intense BDSM partner. She wants to be really roughly dominated. Ropes, whips, all of it. I'm into that but I really have little experience. We're going to organize a day we can meet up(maybe this friday), have a drink and if we feel ok with each other after that we go to her place(or a hotel?? I dunno) and go fucking wild. I've never done this kind of thing before. I've only had three one night stands in my life(one off tinder) and definitely not pre-planned. She's cute and kinky and seems nice enough.

Alwayscrazybacon · Jun 17, 2018

Pick a safe word and have fun.

Megauap · Jun 17, 2018

I know work relations don't tend to end well but I like a new intern that recently joined the company I work for (I was an intern too but was promoted two weeks ago).
I will ask her out tomorrow although it's a bit difficult as we work at an office with lots of people and we are never really "alone". Probably will ask her while we are both at the cafeteria.
Any tips?

NTGYK · Jun 17, 2018

So my girl asked me to come over to her house yesterday because her aunt and uncle wanted to get to know me better.

The first hour was great, I was charming, funny, and endearing.

And then out of the blue they changed gears and started talking about wedding dates and logistics and I freaked out and dug in and we started a bizarre debate on it. The uncle started giving me hard deadlines and stuff while my girl was internally cringing and texting me apologies cause she didn't know they were gonna pull that shit.

Majorly awkward.

Deleted member 33533 · Jun 17, 2018

Megauap said:
I know work relations don't tend to end well but I like a new intern that recently joined the company I work for (I was an intern too but was promoted two weeks ago).
I will ask her out tomorrow although it's a bit difficult as we work at an office with lots of people and we are never really "alone". Probably will ask her while we are both at the cafeteria.
Any tips?

Seems like you already know work dating relationships don't tend to work out well, so is there something about her that makes you confident it won't backfire?

Does your company have any policy against dating coworkers and interns? Would you be comfortable interacting with her on a daily basis if she turns you down or you get into a relationship and break up down the road?

Ask yourself that before asking her out.

Cat Pee · Jun 17, 2018

NTGYK said:
So my girl asked me to come over to her house yesterday because her aunt and uncle wanted to get to know me better.

The first hour was great, I was charming, funny, and endearing.

And then out of the blue they changed gears and started talking about wedding dates and logistics and I freaked out and dug in and we started a bizarre debate on it. The uncle started giving me hard deadlines and stuff while my girl was internally cringing and texting me apologies cause she didn't know they were gonna pull that shit.

Majorly awkward.

Hilarious bonding experience ;D

smisk · Jun 17, 2018

Gf is going to a concert in another city with some friends next weekend. One of the people she'll see there is a dude that messaged her out of the blue a few months ago and told her he had a crush on her despite knowing she's in a relationship (I've met him once very briefly). I absolutely trust her and don't think she's necessarily attracted to him, but from what I know he seems much cooler and more interesting than me, so I can't help feel a little insecure. Is this something I should bring up with my girlfriend at all? On one hand I really like open and honest communication and that's worked for us so far, but I also kinda feel like I should deal with my dumb insecurities on my own.

TheBeardedOne · Jun 17, 2018

I rejoined POF and OKCupid. I hadn't bothered since February.

I keep getting emails saying that random accounts want to meet me, of course I can't check since I'm not interested in paying a fee. It almost seems as if some of them are made up.

Addie · Jun 17, 2018

smisk said:
Gf is going to a concert in another city with some friends next weekend. One of the people she'll see there is a dude that messaged her out of the blue a few months ago and told her he had a crush on her despite knowing she's in a relationship (I've met him once very briefly). I absolutely trust her and don't think she's necessarily attracted to him, but from what I know he seems much cooler and more interesting than me, so I can't help feel a little insecure. Is this something I should bring up with my girlfriend at all? On one hand I really like open and honest communication and that's worked for us so far, but I also kinda feel like I should deal with my dumb insecurities on my own.

You either trust her or you don't. Your insecurities aren't directly her burden to bear.

That said, I think you should lay things out honestly, because there's a very good chance that your behavior and mannerisms are even subtly changing. I'd frame it like this: "Hey, have fun on your trip. I know you're going to meet up with David and he's someone kinda random from the Internet. I admit that I'm a little concerned since I don't know him like I do [other male friends of hers]. Just give me a shout if something comes up, but otherwise, have a great trip."

You don't need to do that if you can tame your insecurities.

But if you can't, I think it's worth communicating small feelings of jealousy or concern -- because you don't want her to misunderstand and think that you've suddenly had a crisis of confidence in her faithfulness. You're feeling a certain way; they're valid feelings. The feelings are rooted in rationality, and you prefaced everything by saying that you trust her. Accordingly, it's rational to be concerned about a third-party wildcard. You can communicate that concern, but ultimately, it's your choices and actions that matter.

If you do express concern for this other person, support her trip because you trust her, don't mention it again, and then don't blow up her phone while she's on vacation (or wait by your phone for her to text you updates).

Coolwhip · Jun 17, 2018

smisk said:
Gf is going to a concert in another city with some friends next weekend. One of the people she'll see there is a dude that messaged her out of the blue a few months ago and told her he had a crush on her despite knowing she's in a relationship (I've met him once very briefly). I absolutely trust her and don't think she's necessarily attracted to him, but from what I know he seems much cooler and more interesting than me, so I can't help feel a little insecure. Is this something I should bring up with my girlfriend at all? On one hand I really like open and honest communication and that's worked for us so far, but I also kinda feel like I should deal with my dumb insecurities on my own.

Had she said anything about the guy at all?

Messofanego · Jun 17, 2018

NTGYK said:
So my girl asked me to come over to her house yesterday because her aunt and uncle wanted to get to know me better.

The first hour was great, I was charming, funny, and endearing.

And then out of the blue they changed gears and started talking about wedding dates and logistics and I freaked out and dug in and we started a bizarre debate on it. The uncle started giving me hard deadlines and stuff while my girl was internally cringing and texting me apologies cause she didn't know they were gonna pull that shit.

Majorly awkward.

Haha, that's expected of South Asian families. They don't care about what stage of dating you're on, if you are seeing someone, you must be in for the long haul. I would only meet the parents when you know you're ready cause they will just fast forward the processes. Don't sweat it though, as long as you two understand each other, the families can do what they want but ultimately it comes down to you two and if you're not cool with the speed, you can pump the brakes. If you're cool with it, just keep on going on dates with her and enjoy meanwhile.

Megauap · Jun 17, 2018

SuperiorTrashTalk said:
Seems like you already know work dating relationships don't tend to work out well, so is there something about her that makes you confident it won't backfire?

Does your company have any policy against dating coworkers and interns? Would you be comfortable interacting with her on a daily basis if she turns you down or you get into a relationship and break up down the road?

Ask yourself that before asking her out.

Don't know if the company has any policy regarding relationships but I've seen people making out at company parties so I don't think there are any strict rules, just keep it discreet.
I would be comfortable working with her on a daily basis if something goes wrong. And anyway, we work on the same field but on different subjects so I just see her because our work tables are pretty close.

Maybe it's just my imagination but I'm pretty excited to ask her out whatever the result is. I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up but it's too late I guess.

smisk · Jun 17, 2018

Addie said:
You either trust her or you don't. Your insecurities aren't directly her burden to bear.

That said, I think you should lay things out honestly, because there's a very good chance that your behavior and mannerisms are even subtly changing. I'd frame it like this: "Hey, have fun on your trip. I know you're going to meet up with David and he's someone kinda random from the Internet. I admit that I'm a little concerned since I don't know him like I do [other male friends of hers]. Just give me a shout if something comes up, but otherwise, have a great trip."

You don't need to do that if you can tame your insecurities.

But if you can't, I think it's worth communicating small feelings of jealousy or concern -- because you don't want her to misunderstand and think that you've suddenly had a crisis of confidence in her faithfulness. You're feeling a certain way; they're valid feelings. The feelings are rooted in rationality, and you prefaced everything by saying that you trust her. Accordingly, it's rational to be concerned about a third-party wildcard. You can communicate that concern, but ultimately, it's your choices and actions that matter.

If you do express concern for this other person, support her trip because you trust her, don't mention it again, and then don't blow up her phone while she's on vacation (or wait by your phone for her to text you updates).

Thanks, this is really helpful!

Coolwhip said:
Had she said anything about the guy at all?

Not really, just that she was surprised that he messaged her out of the blue like that.

NTGYK · Jun 17, 2018

SuperBanana said:
So I came across this girl on Tinder. Her pic was basically her cleavage. That's it. Her bio said she was just dumped after 7 years and wants casual sex. I kinda thought it was a fake profile but I swiped right anyway and we ended up matching and chatting a bit. I added her on snapchat and she sent a proper photo she just took so she is legit. Anyway, she's basically looking for an intense BDSM partner. She wants to be really roughly dominated. Ropes, whips, all of it. I'm into that but I really have little experience. We're going to organize a day we can meet up(maybe this friday), have a drink and if we feel ok with each other after that we go to her place(or a hotel?? I dunno) and go fucking wild. I've never done this kind of thing before. I've only had three one night stands in my life(one off tinder) and definitely not pre-planned. She's cute and kinky and seems nice enough.

Do it.

If you lose a kidney, let us know.

Deleted member 3815 · Jun 17, 2018

Mahonay said:
Been giving Bumble a go after being pretty instantly turned off by Tinder. I definitely like Bumble significantly more, also seems like there are more women that I'm looking for on here.

Yeah Bumble is just much better than Tinder as I had more matches on there than I ever did on Tinder.

SuperBanana · Jun 17, 2018

NTGYK said:
Do it.

If you lose a kidney, let us know.

I have two anyway.

NTGYK · Jun 17, 2018

More matches on Bumble and seems to be just hotter women in general.

It's weird. I flip thru Bumble for fun and I'm getting way more matches now that I'm in a relationship than I was when I was single, wtf.

Coolwhip · Jun 17, 2018

NTGYK said:
More matches on Bumble and seems to be just hotter women in general.

It's weird. I flip thru Bumble for fun and I'm getting way more matches now that I'm in a relationship than I was when I was single, wtf.

That seems like a bad idea.

Zojirushi · Jun 17, 2018

So, any specific tips on dating in a small town environment? I'm like super self conscious about this whole internet dating stuff but so far real life meeting women hasn't really worked out either so I dunno I'm kind of at a loss at this point I guess...

NTGYK · Jun 17, 2018

Coolwhip said:
That seems like a bad idea.

Haha, my girl flips thru it with me

Deleted member 33533 · Jun 17, 2018

I couldn't get any dates on Bumble. Tinder was much better for me and my profiles were basically the same between them.

I think it has to do with not being able to message first.

Beren · Jun 18, 2018

I was like the plague on Bumble, but did gangbusters on Tinder.

So I dunno.

Dennie Dee · Jun 18, 2018

Re-installed tinder since my last break up. Had it for a week, ZERO matches.

Gonna try this Bumble thing once my phone has been repaired.

Alwayscrazybacon · Jun 18, 2018

Denzar said:
Re-installed tinder since my last break up. Had it for a week, ZERO matches.

Gonna try this Bumble thing once my phone has been repaired.

You need better puctures and bio usually. Location also affects sucess rate on apps.

Dennie Dee · Jun 18, 2018

Alwayscrazybacon said:
You need better puctures and bio usually. Location also affects sucess rate on apps.

Pics are fine? They're the same I used on my last run and had plenty of matches then.

Bio is a though one... Never really know what to put there. I work a shitty retail job but I'm also a radio show DJ, I organize concerts and I write for a magazine. I just don't want to give it all away. I also don't use spotify and I don't want to link my instagram.

Distance is set to maximum. Shitty small home town has been fished dry...

Thanks for always lookin' out, Bacon!

SugarNoodles · Jun 18, 2018

How do you break it off with someone you've been seeing for a short while? I have severe hangups regarding hurting peoples feelings or making them feel like I dont like them at all, and frankly I'd probably enjoy dating if it werent for this part, which makes me want to hole up. Particularly in cases where you know they like you and they're great on paper but it's just not doing it for you.

Ernest · Jun 19, 2018

SugarNoodles said:
.... but it's just not doing it for you.

It'll only get tougher. Do yourself and them a favor and end it as soon as you can, so you can both move on.

Jokab · Jun 19, 2018

SugarNoodles said:
How do you break it off with someone you've been seeing for a short while? I have severe hangups regarding hurting peoples feelings or making them feel like I dont like them at all, and frankly I'd probably enjoy dating if it werent for this part, which makes me want to hole up. Particularly in cases where you know they like you and they're great on paper but it's just not doing it for you.

What is a short while in this instance?

SugarNoodles · Jun 19, 2018

Jokab said:
What is a short while in this instance?

2-3 weeks, 4 dates. Quite short

Jokab · Jun 19, 2018

SugarNoodles said:
2-3 weeks, 4 dates. Quite short

Just do it over text. Say something like that you enjoyed her company but you didn't feel a click/the chemistry/not right for you now/don't want a relationship and that you wish her good luck in the future. Doesn't have to be more than that.

EndlessNever · Jun 19, 2018

Subpar Scrub · Jun 19, 2018

Sup I'm not dead

NTGYK said:
So my girl asked me to come over to her house yesterday because her aunt and uncle wanted to get to know me better.

The first hour was great, I was charming, funny, and endearing.

And then out of the blue they changed gears and started talking about wedding dates and logistics and I freaked out and dug in and we started a bizarre debate on it. The uncle started giving me hard deadlines and stuff while my girl was internally cringing and texting me apologies cause she didn't know they were gonna pull that shit.

Majorly awkward.

Hahahaha oh my god, I'm so sorry that happened but damn that's funny. It'll be a fun memory and story for sure, later on.

Soul of Miyazaki said:
I'm like 99.5% sure a woman in work is really into me.

Only one way to be 100% sure, bud. (Do your internalised risk assessment and either ask her out or shut that shit down quick.)

Dennie Dee · Jun 19, 2018

Soul of Miyazaki said:
I'm like 99.5% sure a woman in work is really into me.

Don't shit where you eat, don't dip your pen in company ink, etc....

Alwayscrazybacon · Jun 19, 2018

Soul of Miyazaki said:
I'm like 99.5% sure a woman in work is really into me.

.5% of making it wierd if you're wrong.

EndlessNever · Jun 19, 2018

Ralemont · Jun 19, 2018

Soul of Miyazaki said:
And it's a big .5% too. I dunno, maybe I'm reading her wrong but she's giving off major vibes she's into me.

Need to be 100pct in a work situation, borderline willing to lose your job for her because you think it could be something special.

In the meantime feel free to respond to flirtiness, but don't escalate. Assume shes developing a friend crush (ie non romantic) until she proves otherwise

justjim89 · Jun 19, 2018

Ugh. Between my regular partner rarely being in the mood to even hang out and a couple of first dates not going how I'd like, it's been a real rough patch for me and my self esteem lately. I'm getting too old for this bullshit, I just wanna find someone who wants me as much as I want them. I hate leaving a date having a pretty good suspicion that she's not into me, and then getting that text the next morning going "You're a really sweet guy, but..."

It's like if I'm not sleeping with a girl on the first date I don't know how to win her over.

kyorii · Jun 20, 2018

Kinda curious, maybe im out of the loop with recent online dating, when did it become a thing that ladies posted pics with exs, and other guys? I thought that was the cardinal sin for them.

Deleted member 4452 · Jun 20, 2018

kyorii said:
Kinda curious, maybe im out of the loop with recent online dating, when did it become a thing that ladies posted pics with exs, and other guys? I thought that was the cardinal sin for them.

It's a proposition. Message me, and you too could feature in my profile pictures one day ^_^

Subpar Scrub · Jun 20, 2018

kyorii said:
Kinda curious, maybe im out of the loop with recent online dating, when did it become a thing that ladies posted pics with exs, and other guys? I thought that was the cardinal sin for them.

So you know what you're competing against :P

Honestly, I don't know. I get not posting pics with exes, but I don't blink twice if they're standing with more than one guy. I usually assume if they're standing with only one guy, it's their best friend or brother or something.

Kickmaster Kim · Jun 20, 2018

Deleted member 4090 · Jun 20, 2018

Jokab said:
Just do it over text. Say something like that you enjoyed her company but you didn't feel a click/the chemistry/not right for you now/don't want a relationship and that you wish her good luck in the future. Doesn't have to be more than that.

Yup, I agree with this. If it is 3-4 dates and I haven't slept with them or haven't really talked on the phone, it would be more out of line to take the time to meet them or give them a call.

It may feel easier to just ghost, but I don't recommend it. Do your best to make it a positive experience overall.

TheBeardedOne said:
I rejoined POF and OKCupid. I hadn't bothered since February.

I keep getting emails saying that random accounts want to meet me, of course I can't check since I'm not interested in paying a fee. It almost seems as if some of them are made up.

It isn't a scam, but new accounts or freshly active accounts that were dormant for a while will get seeded highly in showing your profile, so it gets disproportionately more matches per day than you normally world. My experience has been that they're real accounts.

It feels like OKC smells blood every time I accidentally open the app. Like, I get a match message minutes after opening it for the first time in a month.

DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

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