EDIT: Got educated about the "Wah why won't men pay for coffee dates" thing that I complained about below, so it's not a Huuuuge complaint anymore, but I'm keeping it up because it was my original opinion.
Sort of a spinoff of that other thread on here (not sure if that's allowed, mods please delete if not). NOT meant to attack that OP or men in any way, but I guess I just wanted to rant.
I'm a 21 year old Black-Canadian girl living in Toronto, and by Odin, by Amaterasu, by Anansi, by the powers of Greyskull, I hate online dating. But I have to rely on it if I want to get dates at all for the most part. I'm a major introvert. I have friends but I'm friends with them individually/I don't have a 'friend group' per say. I'm also super busy with writing, school, work and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So yeah, dating apps are pretty much the major way I meet men romantically.
And I hate it. Oh boy, by Susanoo, I hate it. I guess to summarize in bullet points, I have the following issues:
Ugh I'm sure there's more to complain about but at this point I just sound bitter and angry and I'm not a bitter or angry person. The good part about this nonsense is that I'm learning how to live on my own/cultivating my friendships more, so it's not like I need a man. But holy geez, if this is all that's out there, then my "Just become a successful author and buy a Dog" end-game is going to be my epilogue.
By the way, these are my experiences on all the major dating apps except for Tinder. I'm talking about OKCupid, Bumble, and even Hinge. I've since deleted all my profiles except for the one on Hinge, but even Hinge seems to have a lot of useless guys on it.
Can any other girls/dudes on here cosign or am I alone here?
Sort of a spinoff of that other thread on here (not sure if that's allowed, mods please delete if not). NOT meant to attack that OP or men in any way, but I guess I just wanted to rant.
I'm a 21 year old Black-Canadian girl living in Toronto, and by Odin, by Amaterasu, by Anansi, by the powers of Greyskull, I hate online dating. But I have to rely on it if I want to get dates at all for the most part. I'm a major introvert. I have friends but I'm friends with them individually/I don't have a 'friend group' per say. I'm also super busy with writing, school, work and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. So yeah, dating apps are pretty much the major way I meet men romantically.
And I hate it. Oh boy, by Susanoo, I hate it. I guess to summarize in bullet points, I have the following issues:
- I'm not just looking for sex. I'm CONVINCED that most men period on dating apps are. But I put "Not here for hookups" in my profile right? And you'd think that these guys would be able to read the profile and then just not bother me once they see that I'm not intereste- no that would be smart. Instead they still match with me, then when I turn them down they act like I'm some gigantic prude. I'm not, but I'm just not open to doing that outside of a real relationship, sorry y'all.
- Hate to make this racial too, but I wonder how much my race factors into me attracting guys who are only into me for sex. There's that entire thing where most men, unfortunately Black men too, only think Black women are good for screwing, and not good enough for marriage/serious dating. *Enter Black Womanist essay here* Oh god, speaking of which...
- The flipping fetisihization I get is unacceptable and annoying. I'm not your magic voodoo kween or whatever, screw off. Outside of sex, people also tend to attribute personality traits/interests to me based on my race which is also freaking annoying. I don't want to sound like a "special negro", but I'm not into most popular rap, I hate clubbing or whatever, I'm a huge nerd and I like things like that. But it's like men don't read my profile at all and keep trying to make me do things that I'm not into doing.
- Speaking of which, the worst part about the fetisization is that it doesn't just come from Non-black guys. I've had Black men flat out tell me that they're into me because "Dark skinned girls do what light skinned girls wont do" and other mess like that. Trust, there's this entire fucked up philosophy where Black women will put up with more things than White women, and it's like God please save me from it, go away, sayonara.
- Quality of dates. I don't need to be taken out for a $999 Dinner spree on the first date, but really guys? I hate coffee, I hate tea. And if you're taking me out for Bubble tea then why are you sweating me over the like, 4-7$ mine costs? If you're that broke maybe you shouldn't be dating.
- Don't fight me on this. I tend to go out with guys who are 2-3 years older than me (which i hate, I'll get to that later), and to a certain extent no matter what relationships will never actually be 50/50 for women. The world isn't 50/50 for women once you factor things in like the Wage Gap, the Second Shift, etc etc. So me expecting to be catered to a little bitshouldn't be out of the question. If i have to pay for my own bubble tea, I could do that alone.
- EDIT: So I sort of revised/explained my viewpoint later on in the comments, see my response on the first page. Please don't' take this as a "poor people shouldn't date" type of thing either, I'm poor too.
- Don't fight me on this. I tend to go out with guys who are 2-3 years older than me (which i hate, I'll get to that later), and to a certain extent no matter what relationships will never actually be 50/50 for women. The world isn't 50/50 for women once you factor things in like the Wage Gap, the Second Shift, etc etc. So me expecting to be catered to a little bitshouldn't be out of the question. If i have to pay for my own bubble tea, I could do that alone.
- Age of men. I don't feel comfortable going out with guys too much older than me, to be perfectly honest. I'm really paranoid of being taken advantage of emotionally/mentally/sexually, so I try to stick to my age range and maybe 1-2 years older than me (never younger, because at my age that'd be like dating a teenager, no thanks). So it's not flattering at all when some guy who's 26 wants to hit me up. No shade to anyone who does this, but I'm always going to wonder why you're trying to get with me, someone who's inexperienced and just starting out, instead of trying to get with someone who's closer to your age. Age gaps aren't that bad imo when you're 30 and dating someone who's 40, but why are you 30 trying to get with a 21 year old? That's a whole 9 years of Teenage-> Young Adult -> Adult development, dude.
- Attraction in general/Basicness of men. Don't try to drag me in the comments, but it really feels like most men are the goddamn same. Shirtless pics (which aren't interesting to me because I do Brazlian Jiu Jitsu, meaning that I see shirtless men all the time.). The Office references. "I LISTEN TO DRAAAKKKEEE" (Side-point: I fucking hate Drake). I like to travel. I like video games (Don't put this in your profile unless you're into niche games; everybody plays CoD so it's not very interesting that you do too bub). I like netflix. I like anime. Do men realize how basic this makes you sound? I'm sure there's probably a version of this for women too, but it's annoying as hell nonetheless. Also, ugh I hate to say it but a lot of guys I'm just not physically attracted to. I don't know if this is because of video games/media/etc screwing up my perception of men, a percursor to me realizing that I might not be attracted to men, or whatever, but it's odd. I admittedly have preferences, but I never discount people who don't meet them.
- Guys liking me, then I'll like them back, then they wont respond. I don't pursue men (read the part under "Quality of Dates" for why) so when this happens I think they're just doing that annoying thing that men do where they match with everyone for an ego boost. Just... a waste of time.
Ugh I'm sure there's more to complain about but at this point I just sound bitter and angry and I'm not a bitter or angry person. The good part about this nonsense is that I'm learning how to live on my own/cultivating my friendships more, so it's not like I need a man. But holy geez, if this is all that's out there, then my "Just become a successful author and buy a Dog" end-game is going to be my epilogue.
By the way, these are my experiences on all the major dating apps except for Tinder. I'm talking about OKCupid, Bumble, and even Hinge. I've since deleted all my profiles except for the one on Hinge, but even Hinge seems to have a lot of useless guys on it.
Can any other girls/dudes on here cosign or am I alone here?
Last edited: