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Sayers

Member
Oct 28, 2017
608
So any general tips for starting and maintaining initial conversations on Bumble/Tinder/etc? I have always been just awful at small talk and always tend to fall back on the "what do you do?", "where are you from?" and that doesn't really tend to lead to anything engaging. I feel like I've let some really great catches get away because I just can't get a good, engaging conversation going.
 

Doober

Banned
Jun 10, 2018
4,295
So any general tips for starting and maintaining initial conversations on Bumble/Tinder/etc? I have always been just awful at small talk and always tend to fall back on the "what do you do?", "where are you from?" and that doesn't really tend to lead to anything engaging. I feel like I've let some really great catches get away because I just can't get a good, engaging conversation going.

In my experience if they like you enough then you won't have to try very hard. She will ask you questions too, so it doesn't feel like you're cross-examining her. You're asking the right intro questions but if they're not helping to carry the conversation then you're probably on the edge of being passed on.
 
Oct 25, 2017
5,159
China
So any general tips for starting and maintaining initial conversations on Bumble/Tinder/etc? I have always been just awful at small talk and always tend to fall back on the "what do you do?", "where are you from?" and that doesn't really tend to lead to anything engaging. I feel like I've let some really great catches get away because I just can't get a good, engaging conversation going.

Keep it brief and arrange the date in 5-10 messages, get to know them on the date not over texting.

Nice to match you!
Mention something that's in thier profile
I'm not a fan of texting really
Let's meet for a coffee at time/place

Online dating favours the bold and the quick, ask for the date before one of the other guys she'll be talking too does.
 

Sayers

Member
Oct 28, 2017
608
In my experience if they like you enough then you won't have to try very hard. She will ask you questions too, so it doesn't feel like you're cross-examining her. You're asking the right intro questions but if they're not helping to carry the conversation then you're probably on the edge of being passed on.
Yeah, definitely have had a few conversations where I feel like I've got them on the witness stand.

It is weird to me on Bumble that girls will message you even though they pretty clearly lose interest within one exchange of messages. Are they just seeking the validation of getting a reply from you?
Keep it brief and arrange the date in 5-10 messages, get to know them on the date not over texting.

Nice to match you!
Mention something that's in thier profile
I'm not a fan of texting really
Let's meet for a coffee at time/place

Online dating favours the bold and the quick, ask for the date before one of the other guys she'll be talking too does.
I definitely prefer getting to know girls in person but I am always afraid of being TOO forward like that.
 

Doober

Banned
Jun 10, 2018
4,295
It is weird to me on Bumble that girls will message you even though they pretty clearly lose interest within one exchange of messages. Are they just seeking the validation of getting a reply from you?

For some it's definitely an ego thing, but most I think are just buried in matches/DMs, so you were probably one of a dozen other dudes who replied and she's focusing on one of them.

It sucks, but it's a serious slog for men on dating apps unless you just really stand out.
 
Oct 25, 2017
5,159
China
I definitely prefer getting to know girls in person but I am always afraid of being TOO forward like that.

When people say "be confident" this is exactly the type of thing they are referring too. It's not too forward to setup a date with someone when you are both on a DATING app. She will let you know if it's too soon and she wants to chat more or if she's up for the date right away. You're not going to scare anyone off by asking for the date.
 

Chiaroscuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,695
Hey guys, I need advice. I am an 46 old guy divorced 2 years ago and no meaningful relantionship after. Kind of out of the game. I need to jump in the online dating apps because clearly my normal circle of social interactions isn´t work for me in that regard. Hard to do since no experience in online dating and kind of shy and introverse.

Tips to set up a profile? Should I mention I have two small kids?

I may post some text/photos in discord for feedback if that is a good idea.

Thanks.

I will quote myself for the new page, sorry. Important part about making a profile: should I mention that I have two small kids?
 

Sayers

Member
Oct 28, 2017
608
When people say "be confident" this is exactly the type of thing they are referring too. It's not too forward to setup a date with someone when you are both on a DATING app. She will let you know if it's too soon and she wants to chat more or if she's up for the date right away. You're not going to scare anyone off by asking for the date.
Fair point. Will give that a shot next time I get a match.

Thanks guys!
 

AMAGON

Prominent Member
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,959
Austin, TX
Lol, just called this chick from Bumble a few minutes ago and told me I was just to text her.

As soon I ask her what town she lives, instantly hangs up on me. I'd apologize via text and is saying what a dick move I did by doing calling her and disregarding her feelings.

wtf, lol. Crazy bitch.
 

Subpar Scrub

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,576
I will quote myself for the new page, sorry. Important part about making a profile: should I mention that I have two small kids?

Probably a good thing to mention. I hate talking to a girl on a dating app and she says something like "Saturdays are best because I can drop my kid to daycare" and I'm like... would've been nice to know that earlier. I'm not looking to date young mums.

Lol, just called this chick from Bumble a few minutes ago and told me I was just to text her.

As soon I ask her what town she lives, instantly hangs up on me. I'd apologize via text and is saying what a dick move I did by doing calling her and disregarding her feelings.

wtf, lol. Crazy bitch.

It's really fucking hard to parse what you're trying to say here. I feel like you're leaving 1-3 words out of every sentence. Try not to call people "crazy bitches" by the way.
 

Notaskwid

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
5,652
Osaka
Lol, just called this chick from Bumble a few minutes ago and told me I was just to text her.

As soon I ask her what town she lives, instantly hangs up on me. I'd apologize via text and is saying what a dick move I did by doing calling her and disregarding her feelings.

wtf, lol. Crazy bitch.
I'm going out on a limb a say that you dont really respect these 'chick' (going by this and your past posts in this thread.)
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Nope, they work well for a lot of men and women. I think you're projecting here.
To be fair, the features you gotta pay for in most of these apps are not for people who are successful with them. Those features are specifically advertised to give struggling people a better shot when in reality, they don't. It's improving your profile and how you message that gets you dates, not paying for perks that are ultimately useless. If you're getting dates no problem, why pay for anything like that?

I wouldn't go as far as to say they are preying on frustrated/desperate men but those are exactly the type of people prone to those paid features and they make money off of people who have a harder time getting a date because they're designed that way. I don't fault them though. Gotta make money somehow.
 

Scotch

Member
Oct 28, 2017
754
Lol, just called this chick from Bumble a few minutes ago and told me I was just to text her.

As soon I ask her what town she lives, instantly hangs up on me. I'd apologize via text and is saying what a dick move I did by doing calling her and disregarding her feelings.

wtf, lol. Crazy bitch.
Did you get her number and then just decide to call her without asking?

The way your post is worded makes me think she made the right call.
 

AMAGON

Prominent Member
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,959
Austin, TX
Did you get her number and then just decide to call her without asking?

Anyway, the way your post is worded makes me thing she made the right call.
She gave me the option to call or text as she wanted to hear from me. So I opted to call and yea...

I told her via text last night I apologize again and told her it's not going to work out and good luck.

Blocked her number but since I'm using Pulse app, she sent me a couple text messages which I didn't read but I already moved on. I'm over it and actually (for the last time now if it doesn't pan out) , meeting this lady whom blew me off a week back as she texted me last night for her actions. Giving it a shot.

For the record, if you guys think I have shitty attitude toward women, you can gtfo as I just posted a bad couple moments to vent with a select few out of the many that I had good vibes with.
 
Last edited:

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
14,501
For the record, if you guys think I have shitty attitude toward women, you can gtfo as I just posted a bad couple moments to vent with a select few out of the many that I had good vibes with.

I think you should just not call them bitches. Especially in a thread which women post in and contribute. And especially given its a dating thread and if we called every person who was sorta shitty a name it would just be a thread of all name calling.

I get frustration and I'm not above just saying dumb shit in my general conversation. But its the internet, there is no tone, its comes across more bitter than anything when you call women bitches.

I dunno. Shrug.
 

Deleted member 8118

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
3,639
Made a thread on this, but I will give some back story.

I moved two months ago, we knew each other for a couple years before we started talking again, I catch feelings, but I don't want a long distance relationship and a ruined friendship.

I feel we're both starting to get feelings for each other (long 3-4hr phone conversations with nothing but flirting and laughing)

The other day, it felt good, amazing taking to her, but come dinner, I made an insensitive comment on how lonely her dinner sounded with her dish and fork clinking. She got quiet and said "There's just no noise here at night in the forest. It gets so quiet and lonely, if only you were here.. you should be here."

I slowly changed the conversation because I started tearing up hearing her say that. I love her, I'll honestly say that, I want to be with her so bad, I think about her every day, but I just can't handle it and I don't know how to say it.
It took a while, but I think I finally got across that talking to her and being as vulnerable as I am was a bad idea.

I was really emotional when I told her how I was feeling, said some things that I will never be able to take back, but I'm happy.

She agreed that we need space, but there was a point where she was still joking before catching on to that I was serious.

I promised to send her a small care package, so I'm going to put her favorite snacks and something I made for her a few years ago in there, as well as a note.
 

AMAGON

Prominent Member
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,959
Austin, TX
I think you should just not call them bitches. Especially in a thread which women post in and contribute. And especially given its a dating thread and if we called every person who was sorta shitty a name it would just be a thread of all name calling.

I get frustration and I'm not above just saying dumb shit in my general conversation. But its the internet, there is no tone, its comes across more bitter than anything when you call women bitches.

I dunno. Shrug.
Bro, I only call one person a bitch, not everyone, so please don't insinuate I have no respect for women or just calling people names or show me where else I had disrespected other people.

No frustrations or bitterness here, lol but go on thinking I have some issues which is totally not the case.

Just for the record, I apologize to those that feel offended, wasn't looking for a problem or trying to start one.
 

Gotdatmoney

Member
Oct 28, 2017
14,501
Bro, I only call one person a bitch, not everyone, so please don't insinuate I have no respect for women or just calling people names or show me where else I had disrespected other people.

No frustrations or bitterness here, lol but go on thinking I have some issues which is totally not the case.

I honestly dont care either way man. Not my problem. Just saying, shouldnt be surprised by the vibes you're getting when you end a post with "crazy bitch".
 

Subpar Scrub

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,576
For the record, if you guys think I have shitty attitude toward women, you can gtfo as I just posted a bad couple moments to vent with a select few out of the many that I had good vibes with.

Just be clearer next time, because it looked like you were calling her a rude term for no reason in your first post. Even so, no need to get that angry over someone you blocked.

No frustrations or bitterness here

Press 'x' to doubt
 

Ralemont

Member
Jan 3, 2018
4,508
So if you're in a poly relationship, do you honestly love your partner on a romantic/intimate level, or do you just really like their company and are so comfortable with them in your life that you just don't want to lose them, but in reality you don't really have a romantic attachment.

Sounds like plenty of monogamous relationships to me!

I'm not poly, but the way it's been described to me by many is that poly people feel romantic love as parents feel familial love to their children in this sense: it's not exclusionary. Loving one kid doesn't mean you can't love another. Similarly, for polyamorous people, loving one partner doesn't take away from your relationship with others. Of course, polyamory isn't necessarily the same thing as open relationships; many in open relationships just have one primary romantic partner and some side partners more just for sex/dates. In this case, they don't consider the side partners a threat to their romantic partner. They may occasionally feel some jealousy but in the end feel strong in their connection and that it allows them to be themselves without sublimating those urges.

Speaking personally, the more I am into one person, the less I care about others. So I know monogamy is the way to go for me. Open relationships, despite what some idiots think, is not for everyone just like monogamy is not for everyone.
 

amanset

Member
Oct 28, 2017
1,577
Today's fun in the world of online dating. This time with a Chinese person in Sweden:

Her:
Right, as for you, not a good dating candidate but good friend material.
You see, for husbands, such wandering arts-cell could be disastrous and irresponsible to household maintaining, esp given I myself is already too much into book, literature alike. Therefore I need logic and science guys as for potential life partner.
My past experience with such dancing or instrument English guys made me already endowed with such perception. haha

All the arts side of sociology and brain washing edu process made a English more likely to be even more too proud of their culture. I respect but dont really think such will lead to respect or reallove for another ethnic group in longrun of life maintainance.

Me:
You do realise that I have a bachelors in Pure Mathematics, a Masters in Software Engineering and I work as a programmer, right? Dancing and the banjo are fun things I do in my spare time.

And that last paragraph is a bit racist.

Actually, not a bit racist. It is very racist.

You just accused me of being brainwashed by my ethnic group so that I cannot see any other ethnic group on the same level. You know literally nothing about me or why I have decided to spend the last two decades away from the United Kingdom.

I'd have thought someone from an ethnic minority would know better. Apparently not.
 

JosephMichael

The Fallen
Oct 27, 2017
212
I will quote myself for the new page, sorry. Important part about making a profile: should I mention that I have two small kids?
Personally, I don't think you need to have it in your profile.. That said, I also don't think it hurts to have it there. If you're unsure but still want to be transparent, I would make it short and sweet "Proud Dad of two beautiful girls" (or what have you).

As someone that dated on Tinder and Bumble for years that does not have kids, I met plenty of women who had children that I didn't find out about until we were deep in text or in conversation on our first date, which was totally fine. I would never find myself upset at any of these people because they didn't have it in their profile. The way I see it - I had/have my own intricate life and history that I didn't have on my profile. I wouldn't put everything out there for the world to read.. and it wasn't about keeping a secret. It was just about finding the connection first.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Personally, I don't think you need to have it in your profile.. That said, I also don't think it hurts to have it there. If you're unsure but still want to be transparent, I would make it short and sweet "Proud Dad of two beautiful girls" (or what have you).

As someone that dated on Tinder and Bumble for years that does not have kids, I met plenty of women who had children that I didn't find out about until we were deep in text or in conversation on our first date, which was totally fine. I would never find myself upset at any of these people because they didn't have it in their profile. The way I see it - I had/have my own intricate life and history that I didn't have on my profile. I wouldn't put everything out there for the world to read.. and it wasn't about keeping a secret. It was just about finding the connection first.
Personally I would want it on the profile. Like, I don't need to know your whole life before the first date but having kids is a pretty huge detail. I think your suggestion of a short and sweet mention on the profile is a good one.
 
Oct 25, 2017
5,159
China
Personally, I don't think you need to have it in your profile.. That said, I also don't think it hurts to have it there. If you're unsure but still want to be transparent, I would make it short and sweet "Proud Dad of two beautiful girls" (or what have you).

As someone that dated on Tinder and Bumble for years that does not have kids, I met plenty of women who had children that I didn't find out about until we were deep in text or in conversation on our first date, which was totally fine. I would never find myself upset at any of these people because they didn't have it in their profile. The way I see it - I had/have my own intricate life and history that I didn't have on my profile. I wouldn't put everything out there for the world to read.. and it wasn't about keeping a secret. It was just about finding the connection first.
Put it in the profile, but don't include a picture of you with your kids.
 

daboynem

The Fallen
Oct 28, 2017
1,138
I don't know if this belongs here but I don't want to make another post but can anyone help me figure out what my TA is doing here? I added her on FB a while back and she messaged me late night asking if I party and how she's bummed she doesn't have her own place and will "lmk when she has her own" with a fucking winky face lmao. Is she trying to get the dick? I need to know for sure before I go in bc I'm not trying to tank this class boys but on the other hand if I do it I'll become a local legend
 

Subpar Scrub

Attempted to circumvent ban with alt account
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,576
Local legend (if people even believe you) or failing a class? Hm....

Dude you'd know better than us if she wants to hang out with you. Based on her message I'd say she's interested but idk, she could just be flirty or making a joke or whatevs. In any case, don't get with this girl if you only want to brag about it later. Or do, but then it isn't really relevant to the dating thread imo
 

Sunster

The Fallen
Oct 5, 2018
10,021
I don't know if this belongs here but I don't want to make another post but can anyone help me figure out what my TA is doing here? I added her on FB a while back and she messaged me late night asking if I party and how she's bummed she doesn't have her own place and will "lmk when she has her own" with a fucking winky face lmao. Is she trying to get the dick? I need to know for sure before I go in bc I'm not trying to tank this class boys but on the other hand if I do it I'll become a local legend
Yes
 

shnurgleton

Member
Oct 27, 2017
15,864
Boston
I was just on a coffee date with someone and it went well, I think. We did a lot of laughing, she asked me for my number before I could ask, and the coffee was pretty good

I am a ball of twitching energy right now
 

Chiaroscuro

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,695
Personally, I don't think you need to have it in your profile.. That said, I also don't think it hurts to have it there. If you're unsure but still want to be transparent, I would make it short and sweet "Proud Dad of two beautiful girls" (or what have you).

As someone that dated on Tinder and Bumble for years that does not have kids, I met plenty of women who had children that I didn't find out about until we were deep in text or in conversation on our first date, which was totally fine. I would never find myself upset at any of these people because they didn't have it in their profile. The way I see it - I had/have my own intricate life and history that I didn't have on my profile. I wouldn't put everything out there for the world to read.. and it wasn't about keeping a secret. It was just about finding the connection first.

Personally I would want it on the profile. Like, I don't need to know your whole life before the first date but having kids is a pretty huge detail. I think your suggestion of a short and sweet mention on the profile is a good one.

Thanks, guys. I was a little bit undecided about mentioning my kids on my profile. Usually I am very protective of them and don´t want them to be envolved on the beginning of any potential relantionship while it is still potential. But also I would appreciate the transparency the other way around, so... Anyway, at my age range it would be very common to have kids so better mention them briefly.

Put it in the profile, but don't include a picture of you with your kids.

Sure not. I would never expose my children like that.

I think we were waiting for you to post in the Discord TBH. Pictures are the most important thing to get right.

Sorry, kind of busy weekend with classes to deal with my dating profile (who I am kidding, I keep postponing this...). I am posting a short text and pictures right now on discord. I appreciate any feedback. Take in mind that I have zero experience with dating profiles, so I don´t know if that is too short, to shallow, etc.

Also, regarding pictures. I am really bad at taking pictures of myself (and I am an amatour photographer....). And while a do a lot of stuff with friends, usually we did not take pictures, or on the ones taken I am too small or blurried. I included some group pictures in the set but I am unsure about having other people on my profile (privacy concerns).

Edited: Posted on the dating-advice channel.
 

Kerrick

Member
Oct 28, 2017
133
Had a recent date that got me thinking. Matched with a girl that only had face pictures and what seemed to be a pretty blurry picture of her and she seemed thin. When we actually met, she was much bigger than the picture so it was probably an old one.
We went out, had dinner and I dropped her home, said I had a good time and that's that.
After a couple of days, she sent me a huge wall of text saying that i'm a jerk and a typical man for disappearing just because she doesn't have sex on the first date.
My question is, should I be honest with her and tell the truth or do I just ghost her and let it be?
 

Ralemont

Member
Jan 3, 2018
4,508
Had a recent date that got me thinking. Matched with a girl that only had face pictures and what seemed to be a pretty blurry picture of her and she seemed thin. When we actually met, she was much bigger than the picture so it was probably an old one.
We went out, had dinner and I dropped her home, said I had a good time and that's that.
After a couple of days, she sent me a huge wall of text saying that i'm a jerk and a typical man for disappearing just because she doesn't have sex on the first date.
My question is, should I be honest with her and tell the truth or do I just ghost her and let it be?

She already knows she's being deceptive with her pictures, she's just trying to convince herself you're the bad guy. Block and move on.
 
Oct 25, 2017
5,159
China
Had a recent date that got me thinking. Matched with a girl that only had face pictures and what seemed to be a pretty blurry picture of her and she seemed thin. When we actually met, she was much bigger than the picture so it was probably an old one.
We went out, had dinner and I dropped her home, said I had a good time and that's that.
After a couple of days, she sent me a huge wall of text saying that i'm a jerk and a typical man for disappearing just because she doesn't have sex on the first date.
My question is, should I be honest with her and tell the truth or do I just ghost her and let it be?

Block/delete and move on. When enough people do that she'll hopefully realise her catfishing isn't working or double down with "all men are shallow" shit. You could tell her the truth and just be hit with another wall of text. If you really want to go down that path tell her, nicely and instantly block/delete as soon as you send that message and move on with your life.

You've just learned about MySpace angles.
 

smisk

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,003
Tbh I feel like this thread is bad about fat shaming sometimes, especially since it's really progressive in other ways. I get that it's shitty to misrepresent yourself in a dating profile, but it's in no way equivalent to catfishing. And people do that in all types of ways, but the ones who get criticized the most are women who are seen as trying to hide their weight. It's not like men don't pick and choose among their best pictures too.
Anyway, I'd just like to see people be a little more thoughtful about the language and tone they use when talking about fat people, don't act like it's a huge tragedy that you went out with someone who's not skinny. I don't expect everyone to be attracted to every body type, but maybe think a little bit about how societal biases inform who you find desirable vs who you instantly reject.
 

Superking

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,622
Hey guys, need some advice.

I met an incredible woman recently. She's wonderful in like every aspect, and we had a great could of dates so far. However, I come to find out that she's got genital herpes.

Now, I've had experience with women in the past who had herpes before and I handled it pretty badly, so I didn't want to go ballistic in the same manner, and I think I handled it pretty well this time.

But that being said...should I continue seeing her? How easily can a person contract genital herpes if they use protection?
 

Brando

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,259
Looking for feedback on my profile. Replying so I can join the Discord as the OP link doesn't work.
 

AMAGON

Prominent Member
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,959
Austin, TX
Hey guys, need some advice.

I met an incredible woman recently. She's wonderful in like every aspect, and we had a great could of dates so far. However, I come to find out that she's got genital herpes.

Now, I've had experience with women in the past who had herpes before and I handled it pretty badly, so I didn't want to go ballistic in the same manner, and I think I handled it pretty well this time.

But that being said...should I continue seeing her? How easily can a person contract genital herpes if they use protection?
As long she is taking meds, should be okay. Speaking from personal experience.
 
Nov 17, 2017
12,864
Hey guys, need some advice.

I met an incredible woman recently. She's wonderful in like every aspect, and we had a great could of dates so far. However, I come to find out that she's got genital herpes.

Now, I've had experience with women in the past who had herpes before and I handled it pretty badly, so I didn't want to go ballistic in the same manner, and I think I handled it pretty well this time.

But that being said...should I continue seeing her? How easily can a person contract genital herpes if they use protection?
How do you mean ballistic? I guess my answer to if you should see her again relies on that.

Anyway, if she's taking medicine to supress it, you're using a condom and she obviously isn't currently having an outbreak, you have a very low chance of getting it. Of course it's still possible but very unlikely. But like, don't take my word for it, do your own research so you can feel educated and confident on the subject and make a sound judgment.
 

Messofanego

Member
Oct 25, 2017
26,198
UK
Tbh I feel like this thread is bad about fat shaming sometimes, especially since it's really progressive in other ways. I get that it's shitty to misrepresent yourself in a dating profile, but it's in no way equivalent to catfishing. And people do that in all types of ways, but the ones who get criticized the most are women who are seen as trying to hide their weight. It's not like men don't pick and choose among their best pictures too.
Anyway, I'd just like to see people be a little more thoughtful about the language and tone they use when talking about fat people, don't act like it's a huge tragedy that you went out with someone who's not skinny. I don't expect everyone to be attracted to every body type, but maybe think a little bit about how societal biases inform who you find desirable vs who you instantly reject.
Men get the same criticism of catfishing when they're clearly using old pictures from many years ago and are not as well kept or healthy now. Whatever gender, it's still misrepresentation. It's not exactly a nice thing to do, no matter the insecurity.
 

Superking

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,622

Terraj_RSL

Member
Feb 8, 2018
866
I was just on a coffee date with someone and it went well, I think. We did a lot of laughing, she asked me for my number before I could ask, and the coffee was pretty good

I am a ball of twitching energy right now
You went on a date before you even got her number? Did you askher on a date when you first met her or sonething?