DatingEra - This isn't like one of your animes

[CQC]

Hey y'all. Haven't posted here in a cool minute but im kinda lost.

Long story short:(as best as I can). I met this woman, Cassidy, at the gym back in September, we'd casually talk here and there, I'd catch her staring at times, my home girl would watch our interactions and said she definitely fucks with me. So I shot my shot, and she says she's already talking to someone but was willing to continue to be gym friends which I was cool with. So up until December we'd causally talk and say hi if we crossed paths at the gym. One day she showed up with a guy, and that day she ignored me completely despite saying hi to her twice. Giving the impression that she used me as an option and wasn't genuine about being "friends". My home girl and best friend agreed as I have other gym women friends who still say hi if there partners are there. So I decided to pretend she didn't exist after that.

Fast forward to March, Cassidy began making attempts to catch eye contact and say hi. I was cold at first, and even made a jab at her when we first talked again after she approached me. Yes, I'm not one to let people slide without consequences. Yet she still persisted with the staring. She even said hi with her partner around once which made me believe she was trying to make amends to a degree (presumably). Haven't seen her with her partner since March and I'm still unsure if I should even approach her.However, I began to last week by first complimenting her haircut and again yesterday by talking to her after she fished for eye contact and we waved hi with a smile. No awkward vibes.

Thing is, I'm hesitant to ask about her partner as my home girls told me she'd say something if they fell off since I've already stated my interest back when I asked her out. One of my home girls introduced herself to Cassidy yesterday as she's trying to find out her intentions. Thing is I like being direct but we're in this game of chicken because the onus is on her. While my best friend thinks she's just trying to use me as an ego boost, but he's biased and in my corner so I see why he says that.

Curious what y'all think.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Hey y'all. Haven't posted here in a cool minute but im kinda lost.

Long story short:(as best as I can). I met this woman, Cassidy, at the gym back in September, we'd casually talk here and there, I'd catch her staring at times, my home girl would watch our interactions and said she definitely fucks with me. So I shot my shot, and she says she's already talking to someone but was willing to continue to be gym friends which I was cool with. So up until December we'd causally talk and say hi if we crossed paths at the gym. One day she showed up with a guy, and that day she ignored me completely despite saying hi to her twice. Giving the impression that she used me as an option and wasn't genuine about being "friends". My home girl and best friend agreed as I have other gym women friends who still say hi if there partners are there. So I decided to pretend she didn't exist after that.

Fast forward to March, Cassidy began making attempts to catch eye contact and say hi. I was cold at first, and even made a jab at her when we first talked again after she approached me. Yes, I'm not one to let people slide without consequences. Yet she still persisted with the staring. She even said hi with her partner around once which made me believe she was trying to make amends to a degree (presumably). Haven't seen her with her partner since March and I'm still unsure if I should even approach her.However, I began to last week by first complimenting her haircut and again yesterday by talking to her after she fished for eye contact and we waved hi with a smile. No awkward vibes.

Thing is, I'm hesitant to ask about her partner as my home girls told me she'd say something if they fell off since I've already stated my interest back when I asked her out. One of my home girls introduced herself to Cassidy yesterday as she's trying to find out her intentions. Thing is I like being direct but we're in this game of chicken because the onus is on her. While my best friend thinks she's just trying to use me as an ego boost, but he's biased and in my corner so I see why he says that.

Curious what y'all think.

Click to shrink...

I always am realizing that i hold people who im sexually attracted to at a different standard than all the other randos walking around.

What would you feel like if this was a dude? Youd prly be like, alright weirdo, and not waste any thought on it.

Since its a hot lady, its really easy to overthink the interaction. You asked her out, she said narp, now theres not much happening. Onus is on her to say anything else related to dating. Be friendly, if shes weird, you can continue to be friendly if you want, or just treat her like a stranger. Its whatever.

If you need friends, id look elsewhere, shes a bummer in that category.

 

[CQC]

I always am realizing that i hold people who im sexually attracted to at a different standard than all the other randos walking around.

What would you feel like if this was a dude? Youd prly be like, alright weirdo, and not waste any thought on it.

Since its a hot lady, its really easy to overthink the interaction. You asked her out, she said narp, now theres not much happening. Onus is on her to say anything else related to dating. Be friendly, if shes weird, you can continue to be friendly if you want, or just treat her like a stranger. Its whatever.

If you need friends, id look elsewhere, shes a bummer in that category.

Click to shrink...

My underlying confusion is her intent with me. My friend made a good point that pre December my intent with her was to be friends since she wasn't single and that her intent with me was an option. So idk what she's tryna pull now.

Which was why I was cold to her at the start of her attempting to reconnect. I don't hold her in a different standard.

 

[Benzychenz]

Just had a second date with the girl I got coffee with.

Went out for dinner at a casual Italian pasta place, then went for a walk to an ice cream bar. About 2 hours total. Walked her to her car and kissed her, said I'd like to see her again and she said she would too.

Was good. Real pleasant date.

She's been really bad at texting up until now though. I get not everyone wants to text all the time, especially with early dating, but she's been quite bad even then.

Both dates we've confirmed specifics the day before, with me sending the last text that night both times, and neither time did she send a follow up text the next day confirming we were still on, she was looking forward to it or anything, which idk, I feel is nice to do for early dates to confirm you're not flaking/ghosting. I texted her tonight saying I was ready and going to head in just so she had confirmation as it had been ~24 hours since we last spoke.
After the first date as well I messaged her saying I enjoyed myself and wanted to see her again 1-2 hours after getting home.
Been home an hour now after dinner and nothing from her, last texts were both me, last message last night, and then the one saying I was about to leave, so I don't want to triple text saying I enjoyed myself tonight yknow?

She's said she's been single around 18 months and has really been working on being content on her own and the lack of messaging is making me feel like she's not REALLY looking to change that haha.

Just don't like feeling I'm doing all the legwork.

 

[MrKirov]

Just had a second date with the girl I got coffee with.

Went out for dinner at a casual Italian pasta place, then went for a walk to an ice cream bar. About 2 hours total. Walked her to her car and kissed her, said I'd like to see her again and she said she would too.

Was good. Real pleasant date.

She's been really bad at texting up until now though. I get not everyone wants to text all the time, especially with early dating, but she's been quite bad even then.

Both dates we've confirmed specifics the day before, with me sending the last text that night both times, and neither time did she send a follow up text the next day confirming we were still on, she was looking forward to it or anything, which idk, I feel is nice to do for early dates to confirm you're not flaking/ghosting. I texted her tonight saying I was ready and going to head in just so she had confirmation as it had been ~24 hours since we last spoke.
After the first date as well I messaged her saying I enjoyed myself and wanted to see her again 1-2 hours after getting home.
Been home an hour now after dinner and nothing from her, last texts were both me, last message last night, and then the one saying I was about to leave, so I don't want to triple text saying I enjoyed myself tonight yknow?

She's said she's been single around 18 months and has really been working on being content on her own and the lack of messaging is making me feel like she's not REALLY looking to change that haha.

Just don't like feeling I'm doing all the legwork.

Click to shrink...

I think you're overthinking this a bit.

People text/act/react on different wavelengths.

She turned up both times right? She's been on two dates, kissed you, and said she wants to do it again?

I think you're stressing and overanalysing it a little. I know the feeling, I do it and I've been there, and also coming out of something recently doesn't help.

It's more likely she's finished the date, gone home, sorted herself out, gotten ready for bed- all that jazz. And probably thinking and letting the date settle a bit. It's early days, and that's fine.

You said she's been single for a bit and the likelihood is she's not going to let her guard down and start the more constant comms until she's entirely ready, and decided you're entirely worth it.

My advice would be to chill, let things happen, and enjoy the process. Try your best not to overthink it. She may well be a different text communicator than you, and you can bring that up later if you end up in a more long term position. Bringing it up, constantly initiating or ending the convos will more likely just make her rethink things.

 

[Benzychenz]

I think you're overthinking this a bit.

People text/act/react on different wavelengths.

She turned up both times right? She's been on two dates, kissed you, and said she wants to do it again?

I think you're stressing and overanalysing it a little. I know the feeling, I do it and I've been there, and also coming out of something recently doesn't help.

It's more likely she's finished the date, gone home, sorted herself out, gotten ready for bed- all that jazz. And probably thinking and letting the date settle a bit. It's early days, and that's fine.

You said she's been single for a bit and the likelihood is she's not going to let her guard down and start the more constant comms until she's entirely ready, and decided you're entirely worth it.

My advice would be to chill, let things happen, and enjoy the process. Try your best not to overthink it. She may well be a different text communicator than you, and you can bring that up later if you end up in a more long term position. Bringing it up, constantly initiating or ending the convos will more likely just make her rethink things.

Click to shrink...

I think it's more like, I've asked for a first date, and a second date, and I'm sure I could ask and get a third, but if I didn't would she reach out herself?
Just feels like the effort has been one sided so far.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Just don't like feeling I'm doing all the legwork.

Click to shrink...

Its the current dynamic in dating. Women i think, for the most part, like to feel wanted, "chosen", attended to. We gotta put the legwork in up front. Women also tend to not handle rejection well, or put themselves in positions where they can get rejected as much. Your feelings around it make sense. once you guys are feeling comfortable with each other, suggest that she asks you out and that it would make you feel good.

 

[Messofanego]

I think it's more like, I've asked for a first date, and a second date, and I'm sure I could ask and get a third, but if I didn't would she reach out herself?
Just feels like the effort has been one sided so far.

Click to shrink...

I think that's totally fair to not have to ask for dates and she should initiate too. I think a text to confirm she's coming on the day isn't necessary if she's already agreed. But you can leave asking for a third date and see if she wants to see you again.

 

[Benzychenz]

So I messaged her first and she replied, I asked if there's anything she'd like to do next time (considering I've chosen where to go for the first two dates) and she just said an activity would be nice without actually suggesting anything.
And as usual hours between replies.

Idk I've been kinda questioning if I'm ready to be dating but think the right person would make any doubts go away, but I do not think this is the right person haha.

Have my first therapy session next week with fortnightly sessions after that, and am aiming to get some more fresh photos for my Hinge before I unpause it again (was talking with a girl from work about going out for a wine together as she's going through something similar so we can take photos of each other haha, friend hangouts like that I think will also help me).
So yeah, a break for a couple more weeks at least.

 

[The Chosen One]

Update

The girl I was seeing is officially in the wind. I haven't heard from her in a week and a half. It's been a week since I've last tried contacting her. Hope she's okay, but I'm just going to assume she wanted to close the door, so I'll do the same. Just wish it was cleaner closure.

Dance Girl is out of town for the holidays, but before she left she said she would let me know when she was going bouldering next and I was welcome to join her. I'm trying to temper my excitement and expectations since I don't even know if she's single or has a romantic interest me. I do know she invited me, so on some level she wanted to hang out with me outside of the dance class. We'll see what happens if it happens.

I've had all the dating apps uninstalled for awhile now except for Hinge. And with Hinge I just send sporadic messages with the free account. But over the past week, I've had two active conversations that have some potential. One lady is a professional classic singer, the other is a holistic healer. I have a date with the holistic healer on Wednesday morning (it'll probably be the earliest weekday date I've ever had) and the singer we'll be going on a date next week since she has final rehearsals and performances all this week.

Both are the same age, late 30s. What's nice is that both have been really great at being inquisitive without sounding like an interrogator, lol. They actually ask various questions from life, deeper interests / thoughts, to the daily how are you doings. If anything, I've had to step up my energy a bit to match both of theirs. The singer doesn't have kids. The healer has a young son. The healer seems more physically active. But she's 5'11 (I'm 5' 7"), so she'll be the tallest girl I've dated maybe ever? The recent tall ones were 5'9" - 5'10". So I'm curious to see how things flow on Wednesday.

I was tempted to get back on the other apps and upgrade to Premium on Hinge, but then I remembered that I want to leave room for cultivating organic opportunities and not get burnt out going on too many app dates. The slow trickle I'm getting from Hinge seems to fit perfectly my mood right now. Getting the occasional date with the "if happens, then happens" attitude. And credit goes to Hinge I guess where I'm still able to get a few matches even with a free account while other apps I was spending $30-50 a month and barely getting anything. It seems Hinge functions as a mid 2010s dating app before all the crazy gamifications took over.

 

[The Chosen One]

Okay update on Healer lady. We had a morning walking date. The hour flew by. We had a really nice chat that pretty much kept the same flow of our text messages. Also even though she's 5'11, the height difference didn't seem that dramatic. I think I may be less tentative dating taller people going forward. The downside - she didn't look quite as good as her pictures. Not dramatically different, but it seemed perhaps her pictures were a few years old. Then again, she wore a pretty big jacket and had her hair tied up, so I didn't get the best look head to toe. We both agreed to go on another date, so I'll see if I can get a better feel for her then.

The singer and I are still messaging pretty heavily, but I stumbled upon one of her social media pages. And the pictures she posted recently...also look fairly outdated from her profile. So now I'm worried about her as well and my expectations have sunk.

Warning Rant Below:

This has been one of my biggest frustrations dating people around my age. In the past year, literally every single person I've dated within 5 years of my age have looked anywhere from slightly to a lot worse than their photos. I totally understand the older you get, time starts to fly-by and the pictures you took on your Costa Rican vacation, which doesn't feel that long ago, is now suddenly 3-4 years old. I'm cool with slightly outdated "action" photos. We can't all be Mr. and Ms. Incredible and travel the seven seas every year for current dating app pictures. But there should least be a couple of very recent close-up & dinner photos. And if there's been recent weight or body changes, then please don't use older photos.

The upside when I've dated people who were younger is that I usually had a 60% chance of the photos being accurate and 20% chance of them actually looking better in-person. I know it's rough dating online in your upper 30s and 40s and quite a few people have the attitude "I'll just get them in the door with the older photos, then I'll win them over in person.", but using non-representative photos is deflating for the other person. Btw, this isn't a women's only issue, so many men are guilty of using very old or non-representative photos. Makes me glad that I'm spending more time trying to meet people organically in real life. At least visually I know what I'm getting into.

 

[jmood88]

The ex I never wanted to be an ex slid in my DMs on Instagram, and will be visiting in a month (I moved across the country in January). We hadn't had a conversation in about 2 years, and broke up 4 years ago, but it feels like nothing ever ended. I've dated other people since we broke up, but always had this romantic comedy notion that we would somehow get back together eventually in the back of my mind, and even still, I've been in disbelief that this is actually happening. There had been times where I started to think I was delusional about her ever even remembering I existed, and it turns out that she actually wanted to say something earlier. I can't know for sure what will happen in the future, but after having spent so much time thinking about why we weren't together, I've just been enjoying it all.

 

[Feign]

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[TaySan]

This is what I get for trying Whisper. :/ Not even a hello first.

 

[Rephil]

So I messaged her first and she replied, I asked if there's anything she'd like to do next time (considering I've chosen where to go for the first two dates) and she just said an activity would be nice without actually suggesting anything.
And as usual hours between replies.

Idk I've been kinda questioning if I'm ready to be dating but think the right person would make any doubts go away, but I do not think this is the right person haha.

Have my first therapy session next week with fortnightly sessions after that, and am aiming to get some more fresh photos for my Hinge before I unpause it again (was talking with a girl from work about going out for a wine together as she's going through something similar so we can take photos of each other haha, friend hangouts like that I think will also help me).
So yeah, a break for a couple more weeks at least.

Click to shrink...

Just my two cents, but every single relationship I've been in (including my now fiancé) was a result of balanced back-and-forth communication from the get go. If it's feeling overly one sided, it's probably not going to shift. You're better off moving on and finding someone who's putting in as much as you are. Not only is it infinitely more rewarding, it's also much easier in nurturing the relationship into something stronger and more long term.

 

[HStallion]

Haven't posted in here in ages but mostly because I've had little to no desire to date for a long time especially once the pandemic hit. Well things have changed and I'm actually looking into dating again. Joined a bunch of clubs and trying to get more out there in general, both for dating reasons and just to live my life some more now that I'm in a much better place. That all said I never really got into modern app related stuff whether it was for simple flings or more serious stuff so a lot of its a bit of a mystery to me outside of knowing the basics through cultural osmosis. Anyone got a guideline for the way to build a decent dating app profile? I know I need some more and better pictures especially after getting back into great shape the last couple of years but in general what might work and what to avoid.

 

[Messofanego]

This is what I get for trying Whisper. :/ Not even a hello first.

Click to shrink...

 

[Benzychenz]

Just my two cents, but every single relationship I've been in (including my now fiancé) was a result of balanced back-and-forth communication from the get go. If it's feeling overly one sided, it's probably not going to shift. You're better off moving on and finding someone who's putting in as much as you are. Not only is it infinitely more rewarding, it's also much easier in nurturing the relationship into something stronger and more long term.

Click to shrink...

Yeah her communication so far has been a dealbreaker. We messaged Monday night with what we were going to do next time and I told her my availability this weekend and I haven't heard back since. Friday morning here now, so if she does message again today I feel I'm already checked out haha.
Going out for a wine after work Friday with a girl I work with so we can take a fresh pic of each other for our Hinge profiles. Will need another 1-2 good photos though and then I'll unpause again and get myself out there proper.

Also my ex is still liking my Insta stories 🫠

 

[Noctis]

Also my ex is still liking my Insta stories 🫠

Click to shrink...

it's low tier bait keep living you're fabulous life

 

[Messofanego]

Also my ex is still liking my Insta stories 🫠

Click to shrink...

 

[Benzychenz]

My other ex (fiancée I was with for 4.5 years) brought me a pastry this morning when she came to collect the dog we co-parent so that's nice 😌

To clarify I have absolutely no romantic feelings for her, it's just nice we've maintained a friendship.

 

[Valkerion]

My ex likes my posts sometimes too

I feel obligated to do the same but only if it has someone else I know in it haha. But also like… unfollow me pls

 

[Benzychenz]

It's just kind of annoying because she's really kept the door open to come back, and I want her to come back.

Like when we first caught up 2 weeks post breakup and she talked about her mental health and everything she said she thinks getting back together when she's better is more likely than not, she was talking about the future, having to see my family again etc.
And she still has my PS4 and stuff, she mentioned me getting it when we first broke up but when we were staying in touch at the time and talking about maybe catching up occasionally I said we may as well keep it there for now, and she hasn't brought it up since. Like my house is a tiny detour for her on her work commute so she could drop it off if she was done with me and wanted to get rid of it but she hasn't.
But it's been maybe a month since she told me she has no timeline of when she'll feel better and maybe we should just move on for now, and we've barely communicated since.
So the random snapchats and liking my posts just feels kind of mean, if you're not ready you're not ready, so just don't breadcrumb me until you are ready yknow?

 

[SmackDaddy]

It's just kind of annoying because she's really kept the door open to come back, and I want her to come back.

Like when we first caught up 2 weeks post breakup and she talked about her mental health and everything she said she thinks getting back together when she's better is more likely than not, she was talking about the future, having to see my family again etc.
And she still has my PS4 and stuff, she mentioned me getting it when we first broke up but when we were staying in touch at the time and talking about maybe catching up occasionally I said we may as well keep it there for now, and she hasn't brought it up since. Like my house is a tiny detour for her on her work commute so she could drop it off if she was done with me and wanted to get rid of it but she hasn't.
But it's been maybe a month since she told me she has no timeline of when she'll feel better and maybe we should just move on for now, and we've barely communicated since.
So the random snapchats and liking my posts just feels kind of mean, if you're not ready you're not ready, so just don't breadcrumb me until you are ready yknow?

Click to shrink...

Clean breaks are very important for like 90 percent of people. My theory of her just trying to keep making you feel good even though she doesnt want to be together is holding for now. Shes just trying to give you warm and fuzzies, which are in turn making her feel good in the interim about breaking your heart.

Honestly, if you want her back, start posting pics of you with a new girl. Sounds shitty, but that will let
You know where her heads at pretty quickly.

I think you should get your ps4 back and start moving on with your life. That means muting her on insta. Its kinda obvious what youre doing (keeping the door open) (even after she said not to do that) and i dont think its good for you :P

 

[SmackDaddy]

The ex I never wanted to be an ex slid in my DMs on Instagram, and will be visiting in a month (I moved across the country in January). We hadn't had a conversation in about 2 years, and broke up 4 years ago, but it feels like nothing ever ended. I've dated other people since we broke up, but always had this romantic comedy notion that we would somehow get back together eventually in the back of my mind, and even still, I've been in disbelief that this is actually happening. There had been times where I started to think I was delusional about her ever even remembering I existed, and it turns out that she actually wanted to say something earlier. I can't know for sure what will happen in the future, but after having spent so much time thinking about why we weren't together, I've just been enjoying it all.

Click to shrink...

Id say to do as much work as you can to squash, kill, destroy any expectations you have for the encounter. She still lives across the country, right?

Even if it goes great, where does that leave you guys?

Anyways, it's kinda cool you get to meet up. I hope you have a great time. I want to give more advice but im learning my perception of the world is fucked. Lol

 

[Benzychenz]

Clean breaks are very important for like 90 percent of people. My theory of her just trying to keep making you feel good even though she doesnt want to be together is holding for now. Shes just trying to give you warm and fuzzies, which are in turn making her feel good in the interim about breaking your heart.

Honestly, if you want her back, start posting pics of you with a new girl. Sounds shitty, but that will let
You know where her heads at pretty quickly.

I think you should get your ps4 back and start moving on with your life. That means muting her on insta. Its kinda obvious what youre doing (keeping the door open) (even after she said not to do that) and i dont think its good for you :P

Click to shrink...

Yeah I'm moving on regardless. Like I can never know how genuine she's being. She's said she doesn't want to date anyone right now and it's not me but for all I know that's just to make me feel better and she's actually dating new people or back with her ex or something.

 

[SmackDaddy]

Yeah I'm moving on regardless. Like I can never know how genuine she's being. She's said she doesn't want to date anyone right now and it's not me but for all I know that's just to make me feel better and she's actually dating new people or back with her ex or something.

Click to shrink...

ive been there dude. It sucks butt. Sorry you gotta be dealing with it - but sounds like you are able to pull some dates for whenever you're ready :)

 

[Benzychenz]

Girl I went on two dates with and hadn't heard from all week just messaged and said she's had some family stuff going on and her brother was nearly declared a missing person, and she's also been feeling a bit under the weather herself, so might not be up for anything this weekend but asked what my weeknight availability is if we delayed it a bit.

So I'll see what happens there. If we do keep seeing one another I will bring up at some point that I like more communication between dates and just small talk over text, because even before this week it was 1-2 texts every 24 hours.

 

[etrain911]

It's just kind of annoying because she's really kept the door open to come back, and I want her to come back.

Like when we first caught up 2 weeks post breakup and she talked about her mental health and everything she said she thinks getting back together when she's better is more likely than not, she was talking about the future, having to see my family again etc.
And she still has my PS4 and stuff, she mentioned me getting it when we first broke up but when we were staying in touch at the time and talking about maybe catching up occasionally I said we may as well keep it there for now, and she hasn't brought it up since. Like my house is a tiny detour for her on her work commute so she could drop it off if she was done with me and wanted to get rid of it but she hasn't.
But it's been maybe a month since she told me she has no timeline of when she'll feel better and maybe we should just move on for now, and we've barely communicated since.
So the random snapchats and liking my posts just feels kind of mean, if you're not ready you're not ready, so just don't breadcrumb me until you are ready yknow?

Click to shrink...

I would ask for your PS4 back and gently tell her while your door is open, you need to remove her from all social media so that you can heal and move on. Then do that. Delete her number and let her hit you up first so that you can move on without obsessing.

And if things don't work out with the new girl, I'd gently suggest taking some time to work on yourself. You're clearly still not over what happened and why would you be? It was super recent. Take some time to heal and work on you and then get back at it with a renewed sense of self.

 

[Aprikurt]

What's views on dating whilst you have a casual/FWB situation? Had one for a couple months now and it's been great, very clear boundaries. However gave my number to someone last night whilst out that I'd potentially like to take on a date and now I feel a little icky about it all.

I know on paper I haven't even got a date with this second girl yet, and I don't want to necessarily end a good thing with casual girl if the date goes nowhere - but my paranoid brain imagines if i get something going with girl 2 I'd always have that guilt, if that makes sense?

 

[Benzychenz]

What's views on dating whilst you have a casual/FWB situation? Had one for a couple months now and it's been great, very clear boundaries. However gave my number to someone last night whilst out that I'd potentially like to take on a date and now I feel a little icky about it all.

I know on paper I haven't even got a date with this second girl yet, and I don't want to necessarily end a good thing with casual girl if the date goes nowhere - but my paranoid brain imagines if i get something going with girl 2 I'd always have that guilt, if that makes sense?

Click to shrink...

If you don't have any exclusive relationship go on as many dates as you want.

 

[Messofanego]

What's views on dating whilst you have a casual/FWB situation? Had one for a couple months now and it's been great, very clear boundaries. However gave my number to someone last night whilst out that I'd potentially like to take on a date and now I feel a little icky about it all.

I know on paper I haven't even got a date with this second girl yet, and I don't want to necessarily end a good thing with casual girl if the date goes nowhere - but my paranoid brain imagines if i get something going with girl 2 I'd always have that guilt, if that makes sense?

Click to shrink...

Seems fine. If you are dating someone else and its getting serious where you want to be exclusive, then you might not continue FWB. I don't think you need to end anything with the casual girl right now, though.

 

[Aurica]

Tangentially related to this thread?

Kinda randomly ended up with a cuddle buddy over the last week.This is a friend I've had for about 3 years, and we're abnormally open about our sex lives and secrets with one another. Out of nowhere the last week, we got more touchy but not in a sexual way (holding hands, rubbing shoulders/arms during a late night we spent out together). Last night, she ended up sleeping over and didn't want to get out of my bed, and then we ended up cuddling all night. I clarified things this morning and talked about boundaries, and it seems like we're both on the same page (get along super well and both enjoying cuddling but mutually romantically disinterested).

I suppose I'm curious to hear if anyone else has had a cuddle buddy and how it went. I really don't want to date her, but I'm a little worried that I might develop romantic feelings over time just because I've never had this kind of relationship. I'm a really open person, and I told her I'd mention if I was concerned about my feelings changing so we could stop the cuddling part. She is really not in a place to date right now, and we're both pretty confident that she won't develop feelings (of course that could unexpectedly change, and I believe she'd talk to me about it). Just uncharted waters for me. We already had plans to hang out Wednesday, and it seems the plan is she'll sleep over and share a bed with me again.

Please feel free to ask any clarifying questions. If I left something out, it wasn't intentionally.

Edit: Oh! We're both single but had relationships end in the past few months (I was dumped like 3 months ago, and she pretty mutually split with our mutual friend after a very short relationship like 2 months ago).

 

[SmackDaddy]

Tangentially related to this thread?

Kinda randomly ended up with a cuddle buddy over the last week.This is a friend I've had for about 3 years, and we're abnormally open about our sex lives and secrets with one another. Out of nowhere the last week, we got more touchy but not in a sexual way (holding hands, rubbing shoulders/arms during a late night we spent out together). Last night, she ended up sleeping over and didn't want to get out of my bed, and then we ended up cuddling all night. I clarified things this morning and talked about boundaries, and it seems like we're both on the same page (get along super well and both enjoying cuddling but mutually romantically disinterested).

I suppose I'm curious to hear if anyone else has had a cuddle buddy and how it went. I really don't want to date her, but I'm a little worried that I might develop romantic feelings over time just because I've never had this kind of relationship. I'm a really open person, and I told her I'd mention if I was concerned about my feelings changing so we could stop the cuddling part. She is really not in a place to date right now, and we're both pretty confident that she won't develop feelings (of course that could unexpectedly change, and I believe she'd talk to me about it). Just uncharted waters for me. We already had plans to hang out Wednesday, and it seems the plan is she'll sleep over and share a bed with me again.

Please feel free to ask any clarifying questions. If I left something out, it wasn't intentionally.

Edit: Oh! We're both single but had relationships end in the past few months (I was dumped like 3 months ago, and she pretty mutually split with our mutual friend after a very short relationship like 2 months ago).

Click to shrink...

why dont you want to date her?

 

[JDHarbs]

Dusted off the dating apps a couple of weeks ago, and I've got a coffee date lined up for Monday.

Wish me luck. Hope she shows up.

 

[Benzychenz]

Went out for a wine with some of the girls from work last night and took photos for our dating profiles.

Replaced one of my bad photos with a great photo, wrote some new promps, and unpaused my Hinge this morning. Sent out a few likes too.
A girl just popped up that is like, my ideal match. Very similar looks/style to my recent ex, but somehow even more attractive, and mentions she likes being active, days out hiking etc, but also quiet nights in gaming and binging Netflix… buuuut she has a daughter that looks around 8 years old which is a complete dealbreaker 😅
Ah well, I know there's more girls like this out there, just have to find the one for me.

Definitely feel like I'm getting into a more healthy headspace and ready to date. I think going on a couple dates with that other girl did help, and I have a therapy appointment in 3 days too so I'll talk about issues I have with like codependency and that I get depressed while single etc and work on that.

 

[The Chosen One]

Update

More of a social update than a dating update. But in my last dance class at the very end, I was casually chatting with one of the cute girls. We've been talking every now and then in class and I've noticed lately that she's been the one to initiate the conversations. So we were chatting again at the end of class and when her best friend interrupted us and asked me if I wanted to join their practice group where they sometimes get together on the weekends to practice the routine from class. I said for sure. She the said, "Great, I'll add you to the group chat. But oh darn, I forgot my phone." So cute girl says to me, "If you give me your number, I can add you." I gave her my number and in my head i was thinking, "well played", haha. Her best friend was acting as a total wingman, lol.

But it was great because I did want to get her number, but there hadn't really been a natural opening for it. But then out of the blue, not only did we exchange numbers, but I also got invited to another social circle outside of class.

A few of them actually had a practice today and I went to it. The cute girl and her friend weren't there, but I made friends with a couple of the guys that were there and had a lot of fun practicing. So my social circle is expanding. And the cute girl did ask me if I was going to a particular event tomorrow, which of course now I'm going, lol.

The 3 month dance session is not even half over and I'm confident that I'm probably going to come away with at least 5-6 new friends that I'll hang out with outside of class. I'll say it again, the dance class is one of the best decisions I've made in a long time. I think I've found the formula for me to make friends (guys & gals), I have to find activities that have a consistent group of people, so I can gradually cultivate friendships over multiple interactions and encounters. The random MeetUp events I went to were so inefficient in comparison. The dance class wasn't exactly cheap, but it's easily been worth the investment from the dance I've learned and friends I've made.

 

[Aurica]

why dont you want to date her?

Click to shrink...

There are a few reasons that are too personal for me to feel comfortable sharing about her, but some major ones would be that she's not ready to be in a relationship by her standards or mine, she's very impulsive and would cause me a lot of stress, and we have very different values. We've talked numerous times about if she were in a relationship with someone right now, she would destroy them, and she agrees.

 

[SmackDaddy]

There are a few reasons that are too personal for me to feel comfortable sharing about her, but some major ones would be that she's not ready to be in a relationship by her standards or mine, she's very impulsive and would cause me a lot of stress, and we have very different values. We've talked numerous times about if she were in a relationship with someone right now, she would destroy them, and she agrees.

Click to shrink...

Cool. I find two people agreeing to cuddle all night, and finding a bunch of reasons why they cant have sex with each other to be a little strange, but people are strange. It's cute and it sounds like its exciting you both.

Have fun until it fizzles out/blows up in your face :P

 

[Aurica]

Have fun until it fizzles out/blows up in your face :P

Click to shrink...

I think that's probably the plan :p

 

[Benzychenz]

So I refreshed my Hinge profile a bit and did 3 new prompts. Made one of them "I am looking for someone who… thinks they can beat me at Mario Kart" to kinda filter in the type of girl I like? Put it at the end of my profile to not scare off other girls by having it at the start but also if that does scare off anyone, they're not for me anyway 🤷‍♂️

But!

A couple of hours later I got a like via that prompt by a girl that is 100% my type. Skinny, covered in tats, "alternative" kind of girl. I feel like likes you receive pan out better than likes sent for the most part so we'll see if it leads anywhere. Regardless I'm happy with my profile now and should reel in the next Ms Benzychenz soon enough.

Watch as soon as I'm happy and have found someone else that my ex will reach out and attempt to reconnect 😂

 

[Messofanego]

So I refreshed my Hinge profile a bit and did 3 new prompts. Made one of them "I am looking for someone who… thinks they can beat me at Mario Kart" to kinda filter in the type of girl I like? Put it at the end of my profile to not scare off other girls by having it at the start but also if that does scare off anyone, they're not for me anyway 🤷‍♂️

But!

A couple of hours later I got a like via that prompt by a girl that is 100% my type. Skinny, covered in tats, "alternative" kind of girl. I feel like likes you receive pan out better than likes sent for the most part so we'll see if it leads anywhere. Regardless I'm happy with my profile now and should reel in the next Ms Benzychenz soon enough.

Watch as soon as I'm happy and have found someone else that my ex will reach out and attempt to reconnect 😂

Click to shrink...

Think it's the time to block the ex and unfollow on socials. That's the only way now to get her out of your mind and to focus on other people.

 

[Sayers]

I think the thing I hate the most is the hard swings. Yesterday, a really pretty woman sent me a message saying she thought I was handsome and that my profile really stood out to her. It was really nice because I never get compliments like that. So of course I replied enthusiastically, and now, 24 hours later, I have heard nothing back.

Warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest has been replaced by a pit in my stomach.

 

[Aprikurt]

God damn. Had to end the FWB thing. Being totally honest I'd noticed she was getting a little attached the last couple of times we'd hung out, I did a lot of soul searching over the weekend and decided to call it a day, which she'd always said would be fine if I chose to do so.

She then shoots her shot and says she had a really great time hanging out with me and that she knows I'd probably say no but asked if I wanted to try out dating for real, saying she'd regret it if she didn't ask. I told her unfortunately not, the arrangement was intended to be a casual one and she has two little kids - it's just too complicated, and I'd made clear I wanted my own kids in future (she doesn't want any more).

I'm confident I made the right decision but damn, she was a nice person. I hate hurting/upsetting people and she was so earnest in how she asked me. Never really done fwb before, is this a usual way for casual things to go?

 

[SmackDaddy]

God damn. Had to end the FWB thing. Being totally honest I'd noticed she was getting a little attached the last couple of times we'd hung out, I did a lot of soul searching over the weekend and decided to call it a day, which she'd always said would be fine if I chose to do so.

She then shoots her shot and says she had a really great time hanging out with me and that she knows I'd probably say no but asked if I wanted to try out dating for real, saying she'd regret it if she didn't ask. I told her unfortunately not, the arrangement was intended to be a casual one and she has two little kids - it's just too complicated, and I'd made clear I wanted my own kids in future (she doesn't want any more).

I'm confident I made the right decision but damn, she was a nice person. I hate hurting/upsetting people and she was so earnest in how she asked me. Never really done fwb before, is this a usual way for casual things to go?

Click to shrink...

FWB is tough for a lot of people. And we can't help who we start falling for. 1 time i did it, it blew up in my face. 2nd time was chill and i called it quits because i want to do it with someone i love.

they made a movie about it! :P

you did the right thing. So just be easy on yourself, and know that in some roundabout way you're helping her too. Every experience is going to be different, so don't scare yourself away from any opportunities in the future just because this one went this way - and trust me, this is a very good end for a FWB situation comparatively to how it can go.

 

[Benzychenz]

I messaged my ex Tuesday night along the lines of asking where she's at with everything. Last she'd said to me was she thought us trying again was more likely than not but she just didn't want anything with anyone right now until she feels better. I've had to move on and get back on the apps for my own well being, and unfortunately have had her newly updated profile pop up for me. It sucks but if she is wanting to date again, and just doesn't want to date me, then I just have to accept that, but if that's the case I do need to get my PS4 and other stuff that we'd left at her place for the time being.

It's now Thursday morning here and she hasn't replied 🫠

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the stuff about the apps but I kind of wanted to give her an easy out to get some final closure in a way.

Also had my first therapy appointment yesterday. Had been feeling quite good leading up to it so wasn't sure I still needed it. Was a chill first session where we just touched base where I'm at, went over what we'll be doing during sessions etc.
But then last night I did spiral a little and had a bit of a depressive episode where I was REALLY missing my ex, so yeah, definitely still need it and will talk about that in my next session in 2 weeks.

 

[Avis]

Update Re: 29, never dated.

Things have been mixed... haven't had any conversations with women yet. Most of the ones who have matched are either really, really not my type or live super far away. Starting up convos with strangers in public seems impossible. I see people talking about making friends at the gym/rock climbing gym, but I literally don't understand how that's possible lol, everyone is sorta already in their own clique.

Anyways, I don't want to just mope and throw a self pity party, so back to the grind. I've become a lot more physical-hobby focused in the last month which I'm hoping will help.

It ok if I post my Bumble profile here for feedback? I can post it as hidden content, I don't mind sharing stuff about myself. It would also be nice to have some level of input as to if I'm decent looking or need more improvement from a third party source that isn't my super biased family haha.

 

[Benzychenz]

Update Re: 29, never dated.

Things have been mixed... haven't had any conversations with women yet. Most of the ones who have matched are either really, really not my type or live super far away. Starting up convos with strangers in public seems impossible. I see people talking about making friends at the gym/rock climbing gym, but I literally don't understand how that's possible lol, everyone is sorta already in their own clique.

Anyways, I don't want to just mope and throw a self pity party, so back to the grind. I've become a lot more physical-hobby focused in the last month which I'm hoping will help.

It ok if I post my Bumble profile here for feedback? I can post it as hidden content, I don't mind sharing stuff about myself. It would also be nice to have some level of input as to if I'm decent looking or need more improvement from a third party source that isn't my super biased family haha.

Click to shrink...

I'd definitely be happy to give feedback. Post away.

Are you just on Bumble? I've personally found Hinge far and away better than other apps at actually getting meaningful matches that lead to dates.

 

[TaySan]

Going to give Facebook Dating and Hinge a try. Swiped right a bunch yesterday but only got 1 match so far. Maybe i need to improve my profile with more pictures

 

[Noctis]

Going to give Facebook Dating and Hinge a try. Swiped ripe a bunch yesterday but only got 1 match so far. Maybe i need to improve my profile with more pictures

Click to shrink...

Hinge at the very least, ppl seem more intentional. I met my GF there. I hear that FB have a lot of bots but maybe I'm wrong.