Obviously women start conversations in other ways...?
But I firmly, 100% do believe that some women do ask guys for drinks as a way to approach a guy, and that it is totally normal.
It's really not normal. But okay.
You're right, it's not going to break my bank account for a cheap drink. It's really not about that for me.
I mean, this isn't really about you specifically though. This is about in general. The issue is "Do we need to turn it into a big ethical discussion because some girl (who you may or may not even wanna talk to) asked you to buy her a $5 drink"? I feel like the answer to this question is really not that hard. If you get good vibes do, if she doesn't interest you don't. But don't let the ethics of a 5er be the determination here. Like fuck, if you pay the 5er and it works out you just saved lots of money not having to do any of that shit again lol.
Like you said, it is annoying for someone to approach you asking for a free drink. Sure you can transform it into a positive... if you want to. There's also nothing wrong with being turned off by that. Sometimes you get turned down for having a lame opener, it happens.
If you wanna turn it down by all means. But if people are bitching about how hard it is to talk to women and I never have an opening and blah blah blah (which is a lot of people here) then how the fuck is buying her a drink the limit of "I won't do it"? That's what Bacon is saying. Girl comes up to you, starts a convo (no matter how weird it can be), you can either say fuck it and turn it to a positive or you can really overblow how big a deal it is. A lot of people here wanna make it a big thing. But I contend it really is not.
For men and women, there are a lot of annoying ways to be approached that can be spinned into a positive by playing along but it's ok if we don't always take those opportunities, yeah?
Well yeah, but that only applies if you also aren't complaining about not having opportunities. Like, I will not buy someone a drink if I don't feel like it. But I will also not complain that I never have openings
The first time my girlfriend and I had a dinner date, we split the bill. The date was well received by her because of my personality and the conversations we had. It never really had anything to do with whether or not I insisted on paying for the whole meal or not.
This is similar to the point I've been getting at. Yeah, its great if yall can split a bill. But if you are here looking for dating advice and you finally get a date and paying for all of it is gonna be the shit where you put your foot down its like, "are yall so fucking into the ethics of dating that you are going to ignore opportunity smacking you right in the face?"
When we go out, sometimes I pay for her, sometimes she pays for me and sometimes we split. It's not exactly important. We can both afford it. That's why I don't get this "why can't you fuckers be normal" stuff.
It really isn't about this being your gf and how you decide to split stuff. It's, are you going to draw the line at a $5 drink like in the grand scheme it matters? The amount of people stuck on this is why it's weird. Buy the drink, don't buy the drink, it's w/e but man, it's not a big enough deal that all these "She aint worth it", "you don't want that type of girl" comments hold bearing. She asked for a $5 drink for reasons, she aint ask you to donate a liver.
John Doe It's pretty weird to give a disclaimer about who's paying before the date. Makes it sound like you expect to be taken advantage of or something. Suggesting to split when the check comes is fine.
As for offering to pay as a little test to see if they like you enough to refuse and pay for you - that's a dumb game. I wouldn't want to date anyone like that. Only offer to pay if you mean it.
The test is dumb. Calling for a split is fine, but you have to accept that it can go over poorly. the whole gender roles man pays stuff is dumb but it hasn't disappeared so falling into "she's bad if she expects this" is just unhelpful.