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Had a Friend tell make a comment on my features/looks (sign of her being toxic?)

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Deleted member 46958

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So I went out with a friend on Tuesday to support her and her friend's fundraiser.

My friend and I were chatting like usual, when after two drinks, she was starting to be a little more outspoken if you will.

So she says to me that I have features that resemble the Who characters from Seuss' books (a bit funny to be honest). This was after she didn't want to tell me after I tried getting it out of her because I was both curious and wondering how mean-spirited this was going to become.

I shrugged it off initially. But it stood with me until today. And yeah, it's fucked up. And I'm offended.

I've never taken a jab at her looks. Ever. So if after a fee drinks she telling me this, is this an indication that she's actually an asshole?

I hit her up earlier and told her I felt bad after thinking about it. I was letting it rock as to sort out my feelings diplomatically.

But man, is this a sign she's toxic and I should distance myself from her?

I've never gotten that before in my life. I'm a good looking dude and really, I don't fit that comparison at all, so I really thought that was weird.

Idk, I'm seriously considering distancing myself from her as a friend after that. It was unnecessary, mean, and to me a sign she's toxic and generally mean-spirited.

Or am I being soft?

What does Era think?

Edit: check the avatar for a pic. Don't know how to post photos here.

Also, lmao, I kinda get what she was saying now LOL.
 
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shaneo632

shaneo632

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If I genuinely disagreed with the assessment I think I'd just laugh it off. Then again tone is crucial here - if a friend said it as a quick gag I wouldn't give it much thought, but if it was this built up thing and it came off as mean like you say, then yeah, maybe don't drink around that person (or cut if it upsets you enough). Toxic may be a bit of a stretch though.
 
Stay Up Be Easy

Stay Up Be Easy

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Dec 31, 2017
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You prodded her .

She said no to spare your feelings.

You insisted, and are now angry at her for hurting your feelings.

Come on man.
 
jb1234

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People say stupid things when they're drunk. How long have you known her?
 
PlanetSmasher

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Wait. She said she didn't want to say it, then you convinced her to say it because you were curious and now you're mad at her? Am I reading this right?
 
Jiraiya

Jiraiya

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Oct 27, 2017
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So you tell her you're offended after you made her tell you something she wasn't gonna because she knew it would offend you? Sounds reasonable.
 
Chopchop

Chopchop

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Oct 25, 2017
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It sounds like she didn't want to say anything at first, but then you talked her into it.

If she's never said anything else bad to you before or after, then I don't think it was mean spirited.
 
Lord Fagan

Lord Fagan

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Oct 27, 2017
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You admit that you basically goaded her into it when she tried not to say something.

The real question isn't whether you should be offended. Even she knew you would be. The real question is whether you can be secure enough to understand that people have these thoughts and you're taking a risk prying those uncomfortable opinions out in the open.
 
finalflame

finalflame

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Sounds like you're insecure, I'd focus on tackling that and understanding if your friend was meaning to be demeaning or just joking around as friends do. From your description I do not see any ill intent.
 
OP
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PlanetSmasher said:
Wait. She said she didn't want to say it, then you convinced her to say it because you were curious and now you're mad at her? Am I reading this right?
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No you have that right, my thought here was, "wait what? how do you say that and then not want to elaborate?"

As in why say it in the first place? It shouldn't even be suggested at all.
 

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Bran-dono said:
I've never gotten that before in my life. I'm a good looking dude and really, I don't fit that comparison at all, so I really thought that was weird.
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no lie i was with you until this line. this came off as egotistical as hell. you and your friends should be able to clown each other, yes even on your looks, without getting offended. if your relationship (wherever it stands) is too fragile that you can't, that's toxic.

honestly you come across as more toxic with the whole "how could she possibly think i'm not a fine looking dude? my looks have never been challenged." vibe you have going with this post
 
EdgeWilder

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you insisted she tell you and now your mad cause you dont agree? dont think it was that serious, and i think your being waay to sensitive about it.

y0shimitzu said:
no lie i was with you until this line. this came off as egotistical as hell. you and your friends should be able to clown each other, yes even on your looks, without getting offended. if your relationship (wherever it stands) is too fragile that you can't, that's toxic.

honestly you come across as more toxic with the whole "how could she possibly think i'm not a fine looking dude? my looks have never been challenged." vibe you have going with this post
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also this. Wouldnt even want to be friends with someone so fragile. If anything cut her off so you can do her a favor.
 
PlanetSmasher

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Bran-dono said:
No you have that right, my thought here was, "wait what? how do you say that and then not want to elaborate?"

As in why say it in the first place? It shouldn't even be suggested at all.
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When you're drunk, your inhibitions go away. She probably had a dumb thought, almost vocalized it, as drunk people so often do, but stopped herself because she knew it would offend you.

I know the phrase "drunk words are sober thoughts" exists, but sometimes when you're drunk you just have a really dumb idea and that's all it is.

I really don't think it's worth it to torpedo a friendship because of something like this.
 
SugarNoodles

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Oof. Always love showing up for a good bout of "stop being so sensitive/this is your fault" toxic masculinity advice.


Anyway, OP, whether she is toxic depends on a) whether this is a pattern, and b) whether she's willing to own up to it or just steamrolls though your feelings.
 
Mitch

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Is this you OP?

maxresdefault.jpg
 
OP
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PlanetSmasher said:
When you're drunk, your inhibitions go away. She probably had a dumb thought, almost vocalized it, as drunk people so often do, but stopped herself because she knew it would offend you.

I know the phrase "drunk words are sober thoughts" exists, but sometimes when you're drunk you just have a really dumb idea and that's all it is.

I really don't think it's worth it to torpedo a friendship because of something like this.
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Thanks. I just don't want to be in any toxic friendships. You make some good points.
 
HammerOfThor

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Oct 26, 2017
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why do we use the word "toxic" to describe a good old fashioned asshole nowadays? Toxic has this implication that she's an awful human being all around. Just sounds like a jerk. Or at the very least she thought she was being cute and she wasn't. Not sure if I'd call this incident "toxic". Especially if this is the first time.

You'll know a toxic person when you see one because they'll consistently be a shitty person and they'll project it onto everyone. Not just one-offs when their drunk.
 

Empress of ice cream

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Dec 2, 2017
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So, you were fishing for compliments and now are offended because you didn't get one?

What your friend said isn't toxic and shouldn't bother you. I doubt she is your friend based on your looks alone.
 
Jiraiya

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SugarNoodles said:
Oof. Always love showing up for a good bout of "stop being so sensitive/this is your fault" toxic masculinity advice.


Anyway, OP, whether she is toxic depends on a) whether this is a pattern, and b) whether she's willing to own up to it or just steamrolls though your feelings.
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But it is his fault. He tells you in the op he made her tell him when she stopped herself initially.
 
Z-Beat

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SugarNoodles said:
stop being so sensitive/this is your fault
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It's super their fault. If I force a friend to elaborate on a negative trait of mine that they tried to avoid to bot hurt my feelings, whatever happens next is kinda on me. It's not like OP was walking down the street and someone yelled "Yo, Cindy Lou!" That'd be different.
 
PlanetSmasher

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Bran-dono said:
Thanks. I just don't want to be in any toxic friendships. You make some good points.
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Understandable. A toxic friend would not have tried to self-censor the way she did. I have had plenty of toxic friends, and those are the kinds of people who don't hesitate for a second before saying something dumb because consequences don't matter to them.
 

SasaBassa

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Oct 25, 2017
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Charmin soft rn tbh, you pried it out of her.

Laugh it off and you seem to have a high opinion of yourself. People disagree, in this case it's nbd from what you've provided alone
 
BlackGoku03

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Bran-dono said:
Thanks. I just don't want to be in any toxic friendships. You make some good points.
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Just going to have to brush it off. I would.

If you are truly good looking, it won't matter what others say.

But this is coming from someone who teases and gets teased by friends. Woman or man.

Toxic, to me, is diet racists, racists, general assholes, and selfish people.
 

Deleted member 925

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And you're bragging you're a good looking dude and no one has ever said anything to you?

Come on man, you're being ridiculous.
 
Woffls

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Dragging out the elaboration on an offhand comment from an inebriated friend is the toxic behaviour here. She deserves an apology.
 
Thunder11

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No offense, but you seem pretty sensitive, which is okay, but just realize that you prodded her and yes being drunk might have caused her to just have a dumb thought.
 
OP
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I'm beautiful boys. Aint no shame in making this thread.

Check the avatar for a glimpse of the face.

Don't know how to put up images on this site.
 
mugurumakensei

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To be honest, I kind of agree with the assessment based on avatar but that's not to say you look ugly. It's just I can see it.
 
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