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Henry Cavill: Hesitant to date in fear of being called a rapist
- Thread starter rude
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What's so irritating is how callous he sounds. Hollywood women (and men) are in the news almost daily talking about their experiences being sexually assaulted. And this dude is basically like "hey, I'm suffering too. Its hard to be a pussy hound these days". It's incredibly tone deaf and whiney given the current mood and events.
I think he is implying he doesn't want to "get dates". He fancys going after women, in a traditional way himself.. meaning he likely wants to be the instigator and not let his fame bring women to him. But that the current political climate for a celebrity (he used other words) means that it is relatively possible that if he so much as advances towards a woman that someone could accuse him of something etc etc.. His comments seem like a real far stretch but aren't baseless. He's a celebrity and he's single.
He probably could have worded it better, but he's not wrong.
Celebrity did the same thing in the 70s as it does today, it's just that now there are more ways for women to protect their asses from potential bullshit. ie:
This. What there IS is more opportunity for men to get called out on there bullshit, and he's afraid of that. That's cowardice, and halfway to admitting he's uncouth in his courtship.
Henry's so bland in his films that I didn't even think he'd be talking to the media about stuff like this. Shitty comments all around.
So you're saying that if one single person perceives an advance to be lecherous than everyone will? That's absurd. Actions are perceived differently by different people. What one woman might consider to be romantic might be considered too forward by another.
And of course it's harder for A-listers because they are under so much public scrutiny - if someone they date kisses and tells then there is a large audience who will eat up that gossip and are eager to assume the worst. I'm not saying they should expect an easier time securing relationships, sex, etc. but that they have their own unique problems with such fame.
Your only reading what you want to read and have pretty much missed the point as to why his making those remarks. His not saying he misses the thrill of the chase and he wishes he could pursue someone without being called out. His telling you his set his boundaries on how far his willing to go with a woman. He knows what good looks like again read the article his made it clear his called out shitty behaviour. So he knows his own tactics of courting someone to him are okay , but not everyone will see it that way. That's a fine statement to make.
Not every interaction you have with either sexes will be the same , so you can't be a one trick pony and expect to have a monumental amount of success .. again he knows that he pretty much tell you that in the article. But I don't expect him to interact with women or men how I do and neither should you.
That's the issue with these types of articles to be honest you cant take 3 paragraphs from a 30plus article and make a cause for concern. His open with how he is and that's fine. His not shitting on the culture of dating. You seem to be getting abit to invested in how another man goes about his business dating women. It's a personal thing and I'm thankful he shared his personal insight .
Look, lemme put it another way: If you are the whitest man in the Western world and walk up to a black dude and say "Wassup, mah *n-word*" there's a possibility that they may not take that as racism. Of course there is, in this miniscule particular situation.
But if you walk around afraid to talk to black people because you're afraid of being called out as racist, the problem is with you, not with the world around you.
No, I'm literally taking his words as they were written and judging them thusly. So unless he was misquoted, he made himself clear: he's afraid of courtship because he's afraid of rape accusations.
To that I'd reply: if you're less rapey in your courtship (or better off, not rapey at all) there's no reason for you to feel that way, much less discuss that in a goddamn interview.
Why risk? If you are doing things right, you aren't risking nothing dude. Girls are smart enough to say what they want and what they don't want. And you have to be some what paranoid or self-centered or some creep to think that any approach to a girl is going to make look like a criminal.
Basic human behavior in a nutshell.
:eyeroll:
You missed the entire point. Like I don't even know how to explain it in another way
I understand what he means, especially if you're some big star, some girls have shot me down from the jump and it took a couple of tries to get a date or number.
You gotta really be aware that if you hit on some girl on set and she might reject you she might perceive it as harassment because they do wield influence and power over your job. They might feel pressure to not refuse your advances for drinks or something in fear you'll scorn them.
It could've definitely been worded better but I don't find his comment malicious or anything.
You gotta really be aware that if you hit on some girl on set and she might reject you she might perceive it as harassment because they do wield influence and power over your job. They might feel pressure to not refuse your advances for drinks or something in fear you'll scorn them.
It could've definitely been worded better but I don't find his comment malicious or anything.
He may be a bit of an awkward dude, looking it up apparently he was pretty fat growing up and teased a lot about it. Guessing he wasn't really a ladies man type growing up, but suddenly becoming a movie star and now being in a very different situation.
I guess it's entirely possible he's awkward around women and not the suave ladies man one would assume.
Brah.. he says that in the article .
Did you read the article , because I don't think you did .
If that was the actual case, he wouldn't be afraid of the old-fashioned chase, would he? Because why be afraid of your conduct if you haven't fucked up?
edit: And while i can understand the sentiment that some of the reactions in threads like these can be rather extreme, i don't understand why certain posters simply can't just not participate in these kinds of threads.
Like, i understand that some of y'all are certainly less "aggressively progressive" with regards to certain issues or less willing to stand by some ... uhm ... very steadfast principles. But threads like these are like 10% of offtopic, 5% of the entire forum.
Those complaining about everything having to be "black or white", "us vs them", "hivemind" and "echo chambers" are at the same time often those very eager to rid the forums of individual threads they deem to 'extreme'.
Like, sure, this forum is very strictly moderated on social issues and dismissal thereof. - But i'm quite sure it's very easy to maneuver the forum waters by just ignoring certain threads.
Unless you're so insecure and would rather not be associated with what you deem "crazy leftists".
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Yeah he couldn't have expressed his thought in a worse way but honestly, I kind of understand him?
If I were a celebrity I'd be terrified of dating anyone right now. The moment I decide to bail or that things don't work for me all that stands between me and the person I dated hitting TMZ with allegations of me being a perverted, a rapist, an abuser or whatnot is the moral fiber of said person.
Would you take the risk? As terrible as it sounds, I think Cavill is lamenting that the fact that we're now putting more attention to consent and actual parity between sexes has changed the rules of the game. He's confused, like all 35+ guys who grew up being told romanticism was one thing and "getting the girl" was a matter of being good enough instead of her being actually onboard with it. The bit that I'm not completely sure he's getting or missing is that it's possible that the fact that traditional romanticism "is dead" can be true but this can also be a good thing.
The bit about "no being no"... I agree that no means no. I absolutely embrace the idea as it's honestly liberating. But at least 3 times in my life I've been in scenes that seemed straight out of The Notebook where I was trying to understand a crying girl telling me "You don't love me enough, I pushed you away because I wanted you to chase me/fight for me/show you cared".
Imagine yourself in that situation, as a celebrity, in the age of me too. I mean, look at movies themselves. How many times one of the protagonists shutting up the other with a kiss is considered a romantic moment? Yet that behaviour can be as easily framed as forcing yourself or an unsolicited sexual act. And at this point the go to answer is "context matters!" but if context is all that stands between you and a career-ending lawsuit, in an environment were rightfully we're discussing how to defend people who gave consent and then changed their minds... I wouldn't take the risk.
In short, I think it's a mix of him being a celebrity and thus being somewhat terrified of traditional dating due to the current climate (it may be irrational, but not all relationships end well and a relationship not ending well for a celebrity can be a PR disaster) and having to let go with the concept of romanticism he grew up with.
It's ok, we'll survive, Henry.
So yeah, he should have kept his mouth shut and stuck to dating other, equally terrified celebrities, but I get where he comes from.
If I were a celebrity I'd be terrified of dating anyone right now. The moment I decide to bail or that things don't work for me all that stands between me and the person I dated hitting TMZ with allegations of me being a perverted, a rapist, an abuser or whatnot is the moral fiber of said person.
Would you take the risk? As terrible as it sounds, I think Cavill is lamenting that the fact that we're now putting more attention to consent and actual parity between sexes has changed the rules of the game. He's confused, like all 35+ guys who grew up being told romanticism was one thing and "getting the girl" was a matter of being good enough instead of her being actually onboard with it. The bit that I'm not completely sure he's getting or missing is that it's possible that the fact that traditional romanticism "is dead" can be true but this can also be a good thing.
The bit about "no being no"... I agree that no means no. I absolutely embrace the idea as it's honestly liberating. But at least 3 times in my life I've been in scenes that seemed straight out of The Notebook where I was trying to understand a crying girl telling me "You don't love me enough, I pushed you away because I wanted you to chase me/fight for me/show you cared".
Imagine yourself in that situation, as a celebrity, in the age of me too. I mean, look at movies themselves. How many times one of the protagonists shutting up the other with a kiss is considered a romantic moment? Yet that behaviour can be as easily framed as forcing yourself or an unsolicited sexual act. And at this point the go to answer is "context matters!" but if context is all that stands between you and a career-ending lawsuit, in an environment were rightfully we're discussing how to defend people who gave consent and then changed their minds... I wouldn't take the risk.
In short, I think it's a mix of him being a celebrity and thus being somewhat terrified of traditional dating due to the current climate (it may be irrational, but not all relationships end well and a relationship not ending well for a celebrity can be a PR disaster) and having to let go with the concept of romanticism he grew up with.
It's ok, we'll survive, Henry.
So yeah, he should have kept his mouth shut and stuck to dating other, equally terrified celebrities, but I get where he comes from.
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And it's our responsibility to not encourage that awful AWFUL behavior.
This whole "why'd you stop" thing is easily resolved with another question back at them: "why would you pretend like you wanted me to?"
I will state again: this behavior is total bullshit and I've seen it mentioned as a legitimate reason to continue encouraging it because "hey, it's what women seem to want." Sorry, no, let them suffer the consequences of continuing that bullshit.
The rules changed and it's not limited to just misogynistic male behavior. So it's time those women (and men, TBH) who engage in this insincere bullshit stopped pretending to the contrary.
What that woman did to you was dumb and wrong. What you did was right. If she wants to engage in some kind of more forceful role play , a girl should discuss that with you before hand, and figure out safe words and shit if it's going into rape role play.
He's comes off as a bit of a dork, yeah. Talking about playing Bioware games. And you know those games don't paint a good picture of romance.
That's the bad part of releasing this interview. His frustration is understandable, but it's a consequence of something that needed to happen.
Fundamentally he's lamenting that increasing awareness about abuse and the importance of consent has somehow damaged romanticism. It may be true. But one thing is not as important as the other. I'd gladly take a less romantic world if it means more respect for consent.
This is a silly stance to take
It's akin to "why would you be afraid of the government watching you if you have nothing to hide?"
Phobias aren't always logical or rooted in past shitty behavior
That's a rather extreme example and I'll try to ignore the patronising GIF above it. But I still believe there is way more diversity in the way an individual might respond to an advance than you are willing to admit.
I get what he's saying too. Maybe not worded well but I get it. Don't understand the omg type reactions.
Besides, I wonder how many people have been in enough relationships to understand that at times breaking up with something comes with a lot of mud-slinging and accusations from the person you rejected.
Only that for the average guy/girl it's angry facebook posts and gossip about "being a slut in bed" or "having a small dick". For a rich celebrity a disgrunted lover may means blackmailing or accusations of all sort of weird or criminal behaviour posted on twitter or sold to the press.
How many times we fill threads with "people suck" posts? Is it so unreasonable to assume celebrities may be terrified that dating a single "sucky" person can impact their career massively?
and ontopic: I kinda understand Cavill. Now, more than ever - as a celebrity everything you say and do will be discussed by hordes of people all across the internet. I don't think it helps if you're part of some nerd-related franchise, either.
Still, how he put it was all kinds of unfortunate / dumb and dismissive of the actual issue of rape culture by invoking the "fake accusation" boogeyman.
Still, how he put it was all kinds of unfortunate / dumb and dismissive of the actual issue of rape culture by invoking the "fake accusation" boogeyman.
*sigh*
I knew he's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box but still....this is rather disappointing.
I knew he's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box but still....this is rather disappointing.
I think I understand what he's saying. I think he's saying that he is hesitant to date for fear of being accused of being a rapist, which of course he isn't. Some women do lie about being raped, believe it or not. He could have communicated it better though. He said some stupid stuff in the interview, reading it again. I'm just trying to look at both sides of this argument.
EDIT: Okay, he said some real stupid here. Damn it, Henry.
EDIT: Okay, he said some real stupid here. Damn it, Henry.
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OP
OP
Um... what? bye, I guess?
I read it, and it does come off as pretty stupid of him. I'm just trying to see the flip-side of the argument. No need to be so damn defensive.
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I don't think a gif can encompass how unprepared you are for this conversation if that is your take on it even after I've posted clear and concise points in the article that clear up that misconception.
It's either willfull ignorance or your just arguing in bad faith
If nothing else people should be happy that some men are second guessing if their approach to flirting is appropriate now.
Sure you have some that throw out the baby with the bathwater and suspect anyone of making false claims, but that's just how some people deal with questioning themselves.
Sure you have some that throw out the baby with the bathwater and suspect anyone of making false claims, but that's just how some people deal with questioning themselves.
We honestly have no way to know, because society has rightfully agreed on the "believe the victim" stance. But I also think Hollywood is kind of a step ahead on this, and has been for decades. Hollywood dates Hollywood. The stories about celebrities dating "ordinary people" are basically legends at this point. It's not just the fake accusation boogeyman, it's the fear of gold diggers, unbalanced relationships and all that jazz.
Celebrities date celebrities for a heap of reasons. I'm sure male celebrities right now are terrified of the idea of becoming the next of their friends who goes down in flames.
And as I said, I think Cavill is mostly lamenting the idea that the concept of romanticism he was brought up with is basically discontinued. He's incredibly clumsy in his exposition, but as a 35+ guy I'll freely admitt that a part of the entire "you're not supposed to chase the girl after she turns you down" idea goes against anything I've been taught on the matter for 25 years. It's not a tragedy, you learn and improve and accept not everything that's old is also good, and that's why he should have said nothing on the matter. Because the only think that's going to stick is the "fake accusation boogeyman" discussion and that won't help him and more importantly it won't help the me too cause.
Not a very good way to say "dating/trusting people when you're a star recognizable around the world is almost impossible and I miss being able to just flirt like a normal person and not have to put on a show all the time."
But whatever. Fairly harmless in the grand scheme of Hollywood... wont put a dent in fallout sales so no one will actually care.
But whatever. Fairly harmless in the grand scheme of Hollywood... wont put a dent in fallout sales so no one will actually care.
Cavill has been known to be a desperate piece of shit in the past though. I guess the chase means something different to him.
On diversity in Hollywood he had this to say last year.
Nice attempt to run down the problem, Henry. Let's hear more of your thoughts on increasing diversity from last year.
Look. The guys just "asking questions" ok? That's definitely not a curious statement to make. But wait there's more on his views about catcalling:
Uhhhh. And then he kicks the ball ten miles wide with the follow up:
Okay, fuck off Cavill. You're a cheap Jon Hamm replacement and the world can do better than booking your chauvinism in the future.
I mean, thats been obvious since the Sad Affleck video...
