Here's what being alone feels like

[Exellus]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

I haven't. And the only reason I know it exists for other people is because they aren't as miserable as me and the only thing that could fill the gaping void in my chest is something that big.

There's a difference between having lots of friends and having one person that you truly gel with. To be understood.

I have never felt that. Even among people that like me, I'm seen as eccentric. No one ever gets close.

I imagine that few people feel this way. Most people are either happy alone or already have other people in their life.

It's so easy. Like Breathing. but I don't have that. I could disappear and no one would notice. I could scream and no one would hear. I could die and no one would find my body. I could go a week without speaking to another person. It's not hard. I'm a ghost.

Forget being insulted. Forget people telling you how shitty you are. If you really want to hurt someone just ignore them.

maybe someday I'll wake up, and I'll be a kid again. And I'll be surrounded by people who care about me and know I exist, and want me. But all I can think about is dying alone and being forgotten. And how f****** pointless it all was.

 

[hombremalo]

There is always hope

 

[lobdale]

It's easy to feel this way even if you have that person you gel with.

 

[Dicer]

 

[Tathanen]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

Click to shrink...

Most people don't have that, don't feel isolated because you think everyone does. We're all just gettin by on what we've got.

 

[LegendofJoe]

There's always hope for a better tomorrow. Decide now that you will never stop trying to connect with people and give it everything you have. Reconnect with people from your past, try new things, go to festivals, join a hobby group, volunteer, do something nice for a neighbor, etc. - just keep trying and just as important be consistent. Friendships are built over consistent contact, so stick with an activity or group once you find something you like.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

I'm not saying this to be callous, but people who feel completey isolated and unable to connect with someone often feel the same way when they DO manage to find someone or a group of people who otherwise might accept you.

What I'm saying is, don't give up and try to get out there if not being alone is actually important to you. Join groups, move to another place, find people online. Literally anyone can find a group to belong to in this day and age, you just have to be willing to let people in and take risks.

 

[Deleted member 17643]

You know there's quality of life without unconditional love, right?

 

[Wiped]

I know what you mean OP. I spend a lot of time at work, doing long hours. I earn decent money. But I spend most nights alone.

I look at people in my office who earn half what I do and I wonder how they get by. Then I realise they have that someone they spend time with, someone that makes them happy all the time. I don't have that. It makes you feel kind of empty even when other parts of your life are going very well. I can imagine it's twice as bad if those other parts aren't either.

 

[lenovox1]

All this is because a few of your friends didn't text you back yesterday and people in the last thread said you were overreacting?

Baby, you need a therapist.

 

[Brashnir]

Being alone is awesome.

 

[HellforLeather]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

Click to shrink...

Not sure if it makes you feel better but no love is unconditional...nor should it be. The only unconditional love is those mothers of serial killers who swear that their murdering child is still good; you dont want that. No other person will make you feel complete, you gotta learn to be happy with who you are or work to change if you arent. Speaking as probably one of the older group of people on this board, let me just say that building your happiness solely on another person is a recipe for disaster. If you dont like the person in the mirror then you need to make that priority one to fix and the rest will usually fall into line.

 

[Strangelove_77]

There's people who aren't alone and feel the exact same way.
Other people can't fill that hole. You have to do that yourself.

I have no advice on how to do that though.

 

[PatMan]

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

 

[xxracerxx]

OP, you may consider seeing a professional to talk things out.

 

[Masquerade Overture]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

Click to shrink...

I'd rather not be burdened with that, honestly.

I speak to people pretty regularly, but I'm not fond of the idea of getting too close to people with the knowledge that everyone's gonna die at some point.

 

[Dynamite Cop]

All this is because a few of your friends didn't text you back yesterday and people in the last thread said you were overreacting?

Baby, you need a therapist.

Click to shrink...

Yeah... I would talk to a professional about these feelings.

 

[I Don't Like]

I know what you mean OP. I spend a lot of time at work, doing long hours. I earn decent money. But I spend most nights alone.

I look at people in my office who earn half what I do and I wonder how they get by. Then I realise they have that someone they spend time with, someone that makes them happy all the time. I don't have that. It makes you feel kind of empty even when other parts of your life are going very well. I can imagine it's twice as bad if those other parts aren't either.

Click to shrink...

If you're comfortable financially, are you going out and doing things? I'm talking about stuff like adult sports leagues, meetup.com, dating sites, etc.?

 

[Koality]

Not sure if it makes you feel better but no love is unconditional...nor should it be. The only unconditional love is those mothers of serial killers who swear that their murdering child is still good; you dont want that. No other person will make you feel complete, you gotta learn to be happy with who you are or work to change if you arent. Speaking as probably one of the older group of people on this board, let me just say that building your happiness solely on another person is a recipe for disaster. If you dont like the person in the mirror then you need to make that priority one to fix and the rest will usually fall into line.

Click to shrink...

Seconded.

I used to be obsessed with the idea of perfect relationships. I thought I couldn't be happy unless I was with someone.

The thing is when you really spend time with yourself and learn to appreciate your best qualities, relationships just sort of happen as a side note. They can be wonderful, beautiful relationships but that person doesn't need to be your whole world any more.

My partner and I have a great relationship. We like what we like and we have seperate lives and careers and that means when we're together we are two seperate people with our own opinions and interests and experiences. We can debate over issues until the cows come home and that's great.

Relationships are great but being happy with yourself is better and more important. That other stuff will happen eventually.

 

[Fulminator]

Not sure if it makes you feel better but no love is unconditional...nor should it be. The only unconditional love is those mothers of serial killers who swear that their murdering child is still good; you dont want that. No other person will make you feel complete, you gotta learn to be happy with who you are or work to change if you arent. Speaking as probably one of the older group of people on this board, let me just say that building your happiness solely on another person is a recipe for disaster. If you dont like the person in the mirror then you need to make that priority one to fix and the rest will usually fall into line.

Click to shrink...

great post

OP, as others have said, there is always hope. IF you want these things to get better you need to do what you can to better yourself and work towards this goal. It will be hard af, but if you truly want those things you gotta get em yourself. find a group that does something you think you might enjoy, or something you already do enjoy, work towards finding the people you gel with. It's hard, but not impossible.

 

[lenovox1]

Seconded.

I used to be obsessed with the idea of perfect relationships. I thought I couldn't be happy unless I was with someone.

The thing is when you really spend time with yourself and learn to appreciate your best qualities, relationships just sort of happen as a side note. They can be wonderful, beautiful relationships but that person doesn't need to be your whole world any more.

My partner and I have a great relationship. We like what we like and we have seperate lives and careers and that means when we're together we are two seperate people with our own opinions and interests and experiences. We can debate over issues until the cows come home and that's great.

Relationships are great but being happy with yourself is better and more important. That other stuff will happen eventually.

Click to shrink...

To support your point: OP, destroy and dismantle the idea of perfect anything. As humans, we are equipped to grow, adapt, and change all the damn time.

This fallacy that you're not loved and appreciated because people don't love you in the "right way" is destroying your mental health.

 

[H.E. Pennypacker]

The ultimate feeling of loneliness is when your demands boil out of your cock and over your hand in earnest.

 

[SweetNicole]

Exellus I don't know if this will be a comfort to you or not, but there are others who struggle from the same feelings. I'd be lying if I said I hasn't felt the way you feel in your post at least once in my life. My recommendation is to seek out professional help, specifically, a therapist, if at all possible. They are a great asset to help you work through and deal with these feelings in a healthy manner.

 

[Coolwhip]

You have a severe case of self pity. Its not going to get you anywhere, trust me.

 

[XDevil666]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

I haven't. And the only reason I know it exists for other people is because they aren't as miserable as me and the only thing that could fill the gaping void in my chest is something that big.

There's a difference between having lots of friends and having one person that you truly gel with. To be understood.

I have never felt that. Even among people that like me, I'm seen as eccentric. No one ever gets close.

I imagine that few people feel this way. Most people are either happy alone or already have other people in their life.

It's so easy. Like Breathing. but I don't have that. I could disappear and no one would notice. I could scream and no one would hear. I could die and no one would find my body. I could go a week without speaking to another person. It's not hard. I'm a ghost.

Forget being insulted. Forget people telling you how shitty you are. If you really want to hurt someone just ignore them.

maybe someday I'll wake up, and I'll be a kid again. And I'll be surrounded by people who care about me and know I exist, and want me. But all I can think about is dying alone and being forgotten. And how f****** pointless it all was.

Click to shrink...

I mean I'm no life coach, but it sounds like your pushing people away who try to get close?

Maybe you're not aware of it, is there no local clubs of some kind you maybe interested in? that would be something you do on a weekly basis and see familiar faces and if you didn't show up, they would be saying where is he?

 

[MasterVampire]

Remember, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.

 

[whitehawk]

Where do you live OP? If you're somewhere near Toronto do you want to hang out?

Edit: Actually I'm in Los Angeles until Tuesday if you're here.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

No one is going to turn you around. You probably won't either, but you definitely can't look to others for that.

 

[Ketkat]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

I haven't. And the only reason I know it exists for other people is because they aren't as miserable as me and the only thing that could fill the gaping void in my chest is something that big.

There's a difference between having lots of friends and having one person that you truly gel with. To be understood.

I have never felt that. Even among people that like me, I'm seen as eccentric. No one ever gets close.

I imagine that few people feel this way. Most people are either happy alone or already have other people in their life.

It's so easy. Like Breathing. but I don't have that. I could disappear and no one would notice. I could scream and no one would hear. I could die and no one would find my body. I could go a week without speaking to another person. It's not hard. I'm a ghost.

Forget being insulted. Forget people telling you how shitty you are. If you really want to hurt someone just ignore them.

maybe someday I'll wake up, and I'll be a kid again. And I'll be surrounded by people who care about me and know I exist, and want me. But all I can think about is dying alone and being forgotten. And how f****** pointless it all was.

Click to shrink...

Well, you're not going to die alone, I can pretty much guarantee that. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? You could just be hitting that age where people start to split off and do their separate things. It happens at the end of High School and college/university specifically. Its also possible that no one is ignoring you, and they're just busy at the moment and they'll get back to you.

If you don't feel that you have any meaningful connections to your friends, then its time to start seeking out some new ones. Have you tried being assertive and pushing yourself into some social situations? If you're in college, try getting to know people in class or clubs. If you're working full time, try and get closer to some of the other people working there. If you're not doing either, have you tried looking into any local clubs to see if there's anything you'd be interested in?

The truth of the matter is, people aren't going to seek you out unless you're putting that effort into the relationship yourself. They can't read your mind and know that you're feeling lonely, you have to reach out and tell them that you want to hang out right now. That's something I personally struggled with because I didn't want to be a bother towards them, or it was possible that they would react poorly in some way. Having an attitude like that is just self-defeating though. If you're having a hard time reaching out to people because of something like that, it might be worth looking into some of these resources.

Doing a thought review is incredibly helpful when you're getting stuck on all the what-ifs that could go wrong when you do something like that and these are good resources on how to do that :http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patterns.htm http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/thought-review-thought-record.htm
If its just social anxiety in general, I think its worth looking into some of the methods mentioned in here : http://mams.rmit.edu.au/elh5d4nc7sfd.pdf

I have a lot of resources that are similar to these, so if those don't work for you let me know and I'll try and find something that could.

I'm sure that you're an awesome person to be around, you just have to manage to see that yourself!

 

[TissueBox]

Well, always remember to love yourself, and avoid equating despair to rationale -- it is natural to feel lonely at times. But beware of being too hopeful, as well as too certain. Like anything, too much will hurt, and too little will erode. If you have the ability to trust yourself, use it. If you have the ability to trust others and the world, think of how they could break it. Think of how you may feel about that, then of how they may be feeling behind it. Then, remember that few things can be gauged within a short window of time or context, and that if assuaging loneliness requires giving others and the world that time or context, you must give it. And then determine whether or not you can accept the worst case scenario, and prepare for it accordingly.

Find the line between being able to respect yourself while being able to respect others, or find a way of changing yourself or others, and considering you're in a still functional emotional and physical state, put your energy into straddling that line. Life is unfair, but even the alone is one of several, and even the worst of us have our values... sometimes, going a little backwards can reveal different openings that taking things at face-value initially hide. But first, you must refrain from narrowing the world and/or blaming it becoming the only thing you do, and you must find strength in regret and imperfection. Because one thing to remember is that most people out there aren't perfect -- and that's something we all share in common. Because we are all people; we are all simultaneously special and unequivocally insignificant and simultaneously worthy of love yet ill-equipped for it.

In the end if people will not like you for being yourself, you must consider whether you feel guilty about this or wrongfully perceived or a mixture of both. As long as you still have something you can do, work on changing what you do. If this causes complications, work on changing how you feel about what you do, and then whether you could and should try to invoke the same results in others.

Good luck OP..!

 

[Deleted member 18360]

It's easy to feel this way even if you have that person you gel with.

Click to shrink...

Yep. Especially if you're a malcontent (which I am), because then you're pretty much too self-absorbed to legitimately feel intimacy.

 

[TheBeardedOne]

OP, I recommend seeing someone and talking about this. It's possible that you're not as alone as you feel and that depression is making you think that way. Or adding to it.

I feel very alone despite having a good, close family, and quite a few friends I'm lucky care about me. However some friends have drifted off...people I was very close to up until a year ago, who I guess just got fed up with my issues and decided not to talk to me anymore. People I thought cared and who said they did, and who I was a good friend to.

But I guess that happens

I'm jealous of those who find love easily and have been in relationships and feel alone in this life, but sometimes depression makes that worse.

Good luck OP. Feel free to PM at any time.

 

[Hex]

Between this and your other text post, it feels that you may be close to crashing.
Take some of the people in here up on their offers of fellowship , whether texting or calling or whatnot.
Get invited to one or two of the more active Discord chats.
Do a search on Facebook for groups that share your interest.
It does not have the same effect as someone being there, but it is not bad.

 

[saenima]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

Click to shrink...

The vast majority of people will never experience anything like that. Love is mostly about making things work.

 

[Transistor]

Love is why Interstellar is a great movie.

 

[Deleted member 18360]

Have you ever felt a love so big, so great, so unconditional, that just knowing it existed filled you with hope everyday? That made you look forward to the future? That made you happy to wake up?

Click to shrink...

I think that's way more ideal than real.

Psychotherapists into stuff like attachment theory generally make some claim about healthy socialization extending a person's sense of security. That is, the security of an attentive primary care giver when you were a child, instils a sense that the world is safe, thus allowing people to venture into the world and take risks. So love is supposed to leave us with something, but I don't think it's much like what you have in mind.

I think hardly anyone has their minds pervaded by a feeling of unconditional love. The average person's contentment is hardly a step away from their good or bad fortune at the time. People join monastic orders and spend hours and hours in contemplation and take mind-expanding drugs in the hope that they might just come into brief or impermanent contact with that lofty feeling of loving/being loved by the cosmos or God or whatever.

I think the person that you have in mind was fortunate to have a really good character or temperament, and probably still put a shitload of work in. Just basking in good vibes won't cut it, feelings like those will, on their own, fully exhaust themselves. I think any time you're meaning to have your immediate emotional state justify your existence, you're going to be disappointed. That's not just because unpleasant emotions are common and routine, but also because even pleasant emotions leave us.

 

[Wiped]

If you're comfortable financially, are you going out and doing things? I'm talking about stuff like adult sports leagues, meetup.com, dating sites, etc.?

Click to shrink...

I work evenings in my job so I get very little opportunity to socialise, and then I'm often so tired that I don't at the weekends much. However I am talking to work about changing my hours a couple days a week (but keeping the extra money) so hopefully I can strike a slightly better work life balance this year. I've been a little trapped by circumstances up to this point and not wanting to quit but also not being able to get the balance any better just yet. Hopefully soon it'll be getting a little better in that respect so fingers crossed.

 

[Personae]

You think of the thorn , you became thorn patch .
You think of the rose, you became rose garden.
You are what you seek.
Love is of such nature that it changes man into the things he loves.
This words are biscuits that lead me to myself and at the same time to others. So you can change, everything can change. There is always hope always always always.

 

[Deleted member 11157]

I hope this doesn't come across wrong, but you've been cooped up indoors far too long. When's the last time you went outside and interacted with real people?

texting, reddit, and resetera don't count as interactions.

ETA- Is this over a girl? Don't tell me this is over a girl/guy.

 

[FUME5]

Start by working on being happy with yourself, complaining to the internet that nobody loves you ain't going to do shit for your happiness.

 

[It’s Time To Go]

Pets give greater love than people ever will.

 

[Ketkat]

Start by working on being happy with yourself, complaining to the internet that nobody loves you ain't going to do shit for your happiness.

Click to shrink...

Except it does open him up to people on the Internet being able to give him advice on where he can start. Reaching out is never a waste of time, and I encourage anyone else who is having a hard time to do it as well.

Just a reminder, we do have a Mental Health thread that everyone should feel free to post in : https://www.resetera.com/threads/mental-health-era-ot-you-are-not-alone.408/ As well as a Mental Health discord that's full of amazing people that are willing to help you out at any time! Of course, my PM's are always open as well. We're not professionals, but we want to help you!

 

[VorpalNonsense]

I am under the belief that a person cannot be truly happy until they learn how to be comfortable and reasonably content with themselves alone first, and that if you are looking for someone else to fill that void for you, it will only ever be a bandaid and that void will never be filled. Resolution isn't outward, it's within.

Even the most confident people have these feelings many times throughout their lives but I think the solution is usually to work on yourself first and the rest will follow as a result.

In the meantime, if you feel responsible enough to handle it, a pet is a great way to float you through the tough times while you work on yourself. My little guy got me through the roughest years of my life and I came out the other side better than ever.

 

[Angry Grimace]

Most people don't have that, don't feel isolated because you think everyone does. We're all just gettin by on what we've got.

Click to shrink...

You're not wrong but it feels that way when you don't have it. Even if you were with someone, and it wasn't great, but then they leave and it's just a gaping shitty hole.

 

[Vincent Grayson]

Pets give greater love than people ever will.

Click to shrink...

See, I don't agree with that. Love is a choice. Love is work. It's something only a conscious, thinking being with agency, and the ability to reflect and think on its own choices can do.

Appreciating the way animals "love" you isn't wrong, but to claim it's even remotely the same, much less "greater love" is just goddamn absurd.

 

[TesservcT]

 

[Bitanator]

Get a dog, those little rascals love ya no matter what

 

[awesomeopossum]

it took me attempting suicide to get better to be honest. was my 5-6 psychward visit and was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. spent the prior two years suicidal to the point where it was the only consistent thought I had. isolated myself so much that by the end , I was leaving my house 15-30 minutes to grab food and that was it. the mere idea of communicating online was paralyzing in-itself (just look at my post history) ... so I know what that's like. trust me, it'll probably sounds bullshit, but there is hope in that thick ass fog.

 

[Deleted member 11157]

Pets give greater love than people ever will.

Click to shrink...

Yeah no. They "love" you because they're dependant on you to live. A pet's love is indentured servitude.

 

[Hardhat]

Pickup a hobby or sport. Where you interact and see the same people. Gaming and tv is not a hobby.