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I am racist

exodus

exodus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,953
So, I woke up this morning to a message from a friend, informing me that he was hurt that I made a racist joke last night. I had far too much to drink, which is a problem in its own. The fact that I can't even remember what I said is scary. I cannot even bring myself to repeat the joke, because it was absolutely disgusting.

I've said and done a lot of racist shit in my past. I was raised to the point where I was desensitized to racism. I have tried to better myself over the years by calling out family members and doing my best to be an ally to POC. What I did last night set me back a decade. I need to be better.

I'm sorry.
 
skillzilla81

skillzilla81

Self-requested temporary ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
10,043
exodus said:
So, I woke up this morning to a message from a friend, informing me that he was hurt that I made a racist joke last night. I had far too much to drink, which is a problem in its own. The fact that I can't even remember what I said is scary. I cannot even bring myself to repeat the joke, because it was absolutely disgusting.

I've said and done a lot of racist shit in my past. I was raised to the point where I was desensitized to racism. I have tried to better myself over the years by calling out family members and doing my best to be an ally to POC. What I did last night set me back a decade. I need to be better.

I'm sorry.
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"The good news is that racist and antiracist are not fixed identities. We can be a racist one minute and an antiracist the next. What we say about race, what we do about race, in each moment, determines what -- not who -- we are."


―
Ibram X. Kendi,
 

Deleted member 420

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,056
User Warned: low effort drive by
Ok

edit: Mods please remove the warning on this. I made a low effort post because that's all this thread deserved. OP felt guilty about being a racist, and came here selfishly to get some kind words that his friends did not provide him. Glad OP feels shitty and I hope he knows not to do it again, but I don't see the point of patting a person on the back for feeling bad about being racist. Lock this thread, ban OP, remove my warning, and handover administrator rights to me.
 
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Elegant Weapon

Elegant Weapon

Member
Oct 31, 2017
6,748
This is way more honest with yourself and the rest of humanity to admit than pretend you're not racist or that it's ok

so that's a start but it's going to take a lot of work to get that evil out of you


Raccoon said:
I'm a little confused. I assume your friend told you what you said, and you don't remember saying it?
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they don't remember saying it because they were blacked out drunk

they don't want to share it because it's disgusting
 
TheRuralJuror

TheRuralJuror

Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,504
Being able to self-reflect already puts you ahead of most jokers out there in general. Up to you how you move forward though.
 
My Blue Heaven

My Blue Heaven

Banned
May 19, 2020
4,828
Yeah if you didn't tell your friend that and you chose to tell a bunch of strangers on the internet instead you've got issues with your priorities.
 
medli

medli

Member
Oct 28, 2017
245
ClamBuster said:
er... drinking isn't the issue here

the hate in his heart, is the issue
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The fact of the matter is that being drunk put them in a position where they said things they don't want to represent themselves with, and damaged their relationships. Quitting alcohol is a tangible way to ensure that doesn't happen again while they better themselves and work on the internal issues.

If you have a practical solution to fixing "the hate in his heart" I'm sure they're all ears, but alcohol is 100% part of the problem.
 
aisback

aisback

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,746
Time to get clean and cut down the drinking. Maybe find a way to get that mentality out of you
 
NoblesseOblige

NoblesseOblige

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
3,231
Budi said:
Getting blackout drunk is definitely an issue.
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Not in regards to the topic, which is OP admitting they are racist. Alcohol doesn't make one racist. All these 'stop drinking' posts are ignoring that quitting drinking isn't going to suddenly erase those ingrained racist thoughts, whether they're conscious or not.
 
Tremorah

Tremorah

Member
Dec 3, 2018
4,955
Well, the good thing is there are people around to point it out i guess

Time for some introspection may be in order
 
OP
OP
exodus

exodus

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,953
Yes I told my friends. This is what I said.

Hey guys. I want to apologize for my behaviour last night. It's been brought to my attention that I made a really bad racist joke during the game last night. I had a few too many drinks, which I'm sure you could tell from my voice. The fact that I can't even remember what I said is a problem, and I will ensure that I don't drink to that extent going forward. What I said was absolutely not ok and I'm hurt that I could even make those comments in the first place. I've said and done a lot of racist shit in my past, and I'm doing my best to set an example by being an ally to POC. Last night knocked me back a decade in my progress. I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me for it. This is not a safe space to make these comments. We need to be better. I need to be better.
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And yes I will cut the drinking.
 
zer0blivion

zer0blivion

Member
Oct 27, 2017
1,721
Canada
I saw a Facebook post the other day that seems relevant here.

Hi, My name is Aven. I am racist. I am anti black.
And if you are non black, *so are you*.
Period.

We live in a society literally built on white supremacy. Its all around us, embedded in every aspect of our lives, from the moment we are born. We are immersed in it whether we want to be or not. It is as pervasive as air. You cannot escape it unless you were raised by crows on some desert island, and since that doesn't apply to me or any of you, that means that we are going to have internalized and often implicit racist and anti black tendencies/beliefs that we may not even notice, but which are still our responsibility to deal with.

It doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean you cant change. It doesn't mean you cant contribute to anti racist work. Just means you have to be aware of your own internal knots and then be willing to do the work to untie them for the good of everybody.

Thanks for stopping by.
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medli

medli

Member
Oct 28, 2017
245
NoblesseOblige said:
Not in regards to the topic, which is OP admitting they are racist. Alcohol doesn't make one racist. All these 'stop drinking' posts are ignoring that quitting drinking isn't going to suddenly erase those ingrained racist thoughts, whether they're conscious or not.
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OP wants to work on those ingrained thoughts. While they are working on said thoughts, it makes sense to cut that alcohol vice from your life so you don't say anything else damaging if that's what alcohol does to you.

Nobody is saying that alcohol is causing the racism, the point is that it's harder to address the racism when you have alcohol issues. There is no reason not to cut it out of your life and it's a good first step to self improvement so they can work on the other areas.
 
Budi

Budi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
13,884
Finland
NoblesseOblige said:
Not in regards to the topic, which is OP admitting they are racist. Alcohol doesn't make one racist. All these 'stop drinking' posts are ignoring that quitting drinking isn't going to suddenly erase those ingrained racist thoughts, whether they're conscious or not.
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True, I wasn't thinking that quitting drinking ends racism. But it's not quite a great idea to tell someone who drinks too much that their drinking isn't an issue. Op has more than one problem it seems.
 
ElephantShell

ElephantShell

10,000,000
Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,922
If you were beyond help you definitely would not be having this reckoning. Sounds like you are a product of your environment which can be difficult but not impossible to overcome.

You can't change the past but you can decide who you want to be in the future.

The drinking is a completely separate issue that should be looked into on its own.
 

Deleted member 18360

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,844
Just try to stay honest with yourself imo. Everyone is a little bit racist or sexist, etc, and imo what we all have to do with that knowledge is observe how that is so and how you can do better in the future. If you're too mortified by this the shame will probably just cause you to repress uncomfortable self-perceptions instead of being able to reflect soberly on your attitudes in order to change them.
 
Terra Firma

Terra Firma

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
2,235
echoshifting said:
Yeah. Surprised by these posts. Alcohol does not cause racism. It loosens lips

OP you need to direct this to your friend and try to go deeper in yourself, I think this thread is a bit misguided
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That's not the problem. Most people are subconsciously racist to some extent. They make a conscious effort to not be racist. When you let go of these conscious inhibitions, you can blurt out stuff that you'd be appalled to hear from anyone, let alone yourself. Does that mean that the person is not racist if they're only racist when under the influence of alcohol? No, because subconscious racism can and does affect other decisions one may make in life and it requires a sober and self-reflecting mind to combat it.

This obviously happens more when you're exposed to racism, which is unavoidable given the breadth of racism that exists in popular media.
 
nelsonroyale

nelsonroyale

Member
Oct 28, 2017
12,131
Work on it as you are. If you are being pro-active in trying to support anti-racism then that is more important. Do so, and your ingrained habits will change. Practice makes perfect. Bad habits are still habits, keep practicing at de-habituating yourself.

I am mixed race and I made Irish-Scottish-English jokes when I was younger...haven't made that kind of joke for...a couple of decades?
 

Deleted member 17402

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,125
I don't agree that being drunk is just a "loosening of lips." While I certainly believe you lower inhibitions and are more "courageous" in the shit you do, I also think alcohol fundamentally fucks with your brain chemistry and makes you consider shit you never would have had you not had poison (I.e., alcohol) in your system.

With that said, I absolutely do believe there are racist people who only show themselves when they're drinking - who happen to hide themselves when sober. But I don't think it's as simple as, "you were drunk so that's your true feeling."

As for you OP, I have no idea who you are or what you're like. But you must have said something truly bad to get a message from your friend. How have you not been told what it is yet?
 
TaySan

TaySan

SayTan
Member
Dec 10, 2018
31,527
Tulsa, Oklahoma
1. Cut the drinking out of your life it's not good for you to get blackout drunk.

2. Keep working on yourself to rid of your racism. Admitting is a big first step towards improvement.
 
Instant Vintage

Instant Vintage

Unshakable Resolve
Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,989
exodus said:
The fact that I made a racist joke while drunk means that racism in my heart is the problem, and not the alcohol. The alcohol is a problem, but it absolutely does not excuse anything.
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The fact that you know this lets me know you're on the right path of self reflection.

I wish you well on your journey. It may be difficult, but continue to work on yourself at every step.
 
Servbot24

Servbot24

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
43,201
You don't need to be that hard on yourself OP. It didn't "set you back a decade". You have identified a problem that you are working to address, and that is progress forward. Hating yourself is what will set you back.
 
Advance.Wars.Sgt.

Advance.Wars.Sgt.

Member
Jun 10, 2018
8,854
zer0blivion said:
I saw a Facebook post the other day that seems relevant here.
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This was a great post. The only thing I would add is that black people are also anti-black since we are inundated since birth to view blackness as an inherent mark of "lesser" or "inferiority" we then internalize and manifest in self-hatred.

See: Candace Owens as an extreme example of what I'm talking about.
 
Fiction

Fiction

Fanthropologist
Member
Oct 25, 2017
6,788
Elf Tower, New Mexico
Growing up in the 90s in a heavily conservative tiny village, I fought hard to try not to be racist. The thought sickened from from the point I remember thinking at all.

However I did use the word 'gay' to describe everything bad all the time like any 90s teen. It took me a long time to break that habit, even though I held no ill will toward LGBTQ people at all.

Work hard on yourself and examine where those thoughts come from. Check yourself constantly.
 
Subutai

Subutai

Metal Face DOOM
Member
Oct 25, 2017
937
IMO, your actions are what matter in the end, though words are hurtful so try to do better in that respect. But outing yourself like this "publically" is a good step, to me it shows it's not who you want to be and you're attempting to be better. You could have kept this to yourself, said hurtful shit, and remained silent. But you didn't because your behavior upsets you, which it should and that's good. It's a move in the right direction.
 
Nepenthe

Nepenthe

When the music hits, you feel no pain.
Administrator
Oct 25, 2017
20,738
Identifying the issue and being honest with yourself puts you ahead of the pack. Now is the long part: deconstructing your beliefs step by step, day by day. Catch yourself when you have an adverse thought or reaction and try to examine why. It's a lifelong process, but you've taken one more step than most people.
 
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