I am racist

[krazen]

That's not the problem. Most people are subconsciously racist to some extent. They make a conscious effort to not be racist. When you let go of these conscious inhibitions, you can blurt out stuff that you'd be appalled to hear from anyone, let alone yourself. Does that mean that the person is not racist if they're only racist when under the influence of alcohol? No, because subconscious racism can and does affect other decisions one may make in life and it requires a sober and self-reflecting mind to combat it.

This obviously happens more when you're exposed to racism, which is unavoidable given the breadth of racism that exists in popular media.

Click to shrink...

Never a fan of 'everyone is racist' because it's kind of...well wrong.

SURE, people have subconscious biases. White supremacy beats stereotypes into us out of the gate, takes ALOT of deprogramming even as a POC trying to get rid of self-hate!

But there's a difference between having a bias and being racist.

Like I dunno if someone who might not want to go to a primarily black part of town because they heard it is 'sketchy' is always the same person as 'You dated a N------!?!? YOU SLUT!!' after a few drinks.

 

[chuckddd]

I applaud your ability to admit to your issues and to actively work on them. More people need to do the same.

 

[Nerokis]

might seem odd to congratulate someone for being racist, but...

kudos, OP

someone expressed to you that you hurt them, this resulted in a burst of guilt and discomfort and introspection, and you're now genuinely determined to be a better person

a lot of the self-flagellation you see online comes across as performative and poorly grounded, but this is the good shit, in my opinion

 

[Deleted member 2254]

It's cool you came forward, less cool that people are giving you a hard time for it. I also grew up in a context where people were cracking racist jokes all the time, and my parents are very racist (and homophobic amongst other issues) to this day. You know what you said and did was wrong, and you're working towards improving yourself. That's good. On a rational basis I've never been racist in itself, but I understand that due to the "culture" I was raised in there's certain automatisms that took quite some time to lose.

It's never late to become a better person, and you clearly want to become one.

 

[HustleBun]

OP, I appreciate your vulnerability in sharing this with us.

It's so important to remember that your actions do not define you. Your shame, guilt and regret is real and comes from a place of love and desire to be more compassionate. Use it. Learn from it. Explore where that joke/language came from, why it's so damaging and expunge it from your mind.

You can hold yourself accountable without self-hate.

Acknowledge, listen, learn and commit to changing the behavior.

 

[Thordinson]

OP, admitting it and actively working to change it are a step in the right direction. Don't let this stop you from continuing on the path of bettering yourself and getting rid of those biases that have been ingrained in you. It's a process that never ends.

 

[XenodudeX]

Getting blackout drunk is definitely an issue.

Click to shrink...

But not the issue imo . A drunk man's words is a sober man's thoughts.

 

[Watchtower]

As noted, getting blackout drunk isn't the problem, it only exacerbates the real one. OP, I believe you when you say that you are trying to be better. What this experience illuminates, however, is that there's still something in you ready to burst out. You seem to recognize that, hopefully you do more to address it further.

To everyone saying "the real problem is your heart".....yes, but it's not that simple. If deprogramming someone's innate racism was so quick and easy we'd be in a better place than we are now. For a good number of people getting them to say "I'm a racist but I'm tolerant and accepting in public because I'll be socially outcasted otherwise" is as far as you can get. It's an extremely low bar, yes, but like so many other societal bars it's one very many don't come close to clearing. OP seems thankfully willing and able to be further along than that.

 

[Budi]

But not the issue imo . A drunk man's words is a sober man's thoughts.

Click to shrink...

Agreed. OP has things to figure out beside his drinking. Cutting drinking is only one step to self-betterment. And it does make it less likely that OP would cause pain to their friends (or others) again anytime soon, with more racist "jokes".

 

[TheMilkman]

Wow. Fall on your knees why don't you OP

 

[Terra Firma]

Never a fan of 'everyone is racist' because it's kind of...well wrong.

SURE, people have subconscious biases. White supremacy beats stereotypes into us out of the gate, takes ALOT of deprogramming even as a POC trying to get rid of self-hate!

But there's a difference between having a bias and being racist.

Like I dunno if someone who might not want to go to a primarily black part of town because they heard it is 'sketchy' is always the same person as 'You dated a N------!?!? YOU SLUT!!' after a few drinks.

Click to shrink...

The example in your post IS racism, albeit at different levels.

Having a subconscious bias is racism. Subconscious biases manifest in our life in more insidious ways that we may have a difficult time in realizing their effect, yet it may be apparent to an outsider.

Of course you can't equivocate between a person who avoids a largely black neighborhood vs someone who actively voices blatant racism, but both are racist.

An obvious example is that in hiring, especially for white collar jobs. A lot of people subconsciously would choose white people over black people when hiring for an office position, which is racist. Some of those hiring may even be black themselves and choose white people because of internalized white supremacy. But, again, that is racism.

 

[Vommy]

Firstly, good on you reflecting what happened and admitting it publicly.
Secondly, stop drinking if stuff like this comes out of you.
Thristly, be kind.

 

[Mahonay]

As others said, probably try not drinking for a while. It's likely more of an issue than you're willing to admit to yourself.

 

[808s & Villainy]

Getting blackout drunk is definitely an issue.

Click to shrink...

I don't say racist shit when I'm blackout drunk. Drinking doesn't make you racist

 

[Astral Lovelace]

It's important to know that racism is so engrained into society that I would find it very hard to believe that no one thinks or believes something racist. "Not being racist" is more about trying to push society past these engrained thoughts and believes and less about never ever having any of them.

But obviously stop drinking.

 

[DigitalOp]

A few thoughts

- You were able to admit your transgression. And able to recognize it to be harmful. That basic ass step puts you far ahead of a lot of other people but still has you far fucking below the many who have the basic sense to not say such things to begin with. Just something to note.

- Your apology is entirely centered on yourself. This tends to happen in general with people but is only magnified by race issues. You shocked the people you call friends with harmful rhetoric. And you did it during a time of extreme racial tension. Like dawg, now?

To be honest, your apology seems as if you are trying to forgive yourself. Where is the concern for the well being of friends mental health? They walk around having to deal with all this for their lifetime and you added onto the burden. It's not an understatement. Racism is in encapsulated by lack of empathy and you remedy that by full empathy. It's not about being hurt that you said something....

It's about being disgusted that you hurt and defamed the people around you. You said we gotta do better but who is we?

- Sidenote, the drinking is a major problem. Specifically the not remembering part because it's disrespect on top of major insult already

- Nobody wants to hear about being better ally to POC, none of that. It doesn't mean anything. It's very tired and it's appearing that people actually concern themselves to talking about generic "being allies" more than discussing actual reform and change. Your rhetoric needs to include the specific steps you are taking to rectify the issue.

Then you follow thru, which leads to

- Fuck words, only actions matter now

- You have to live with potentially losing friends. You have to live with a relationship never fully being 100% after this. That you may have a sideeye. And that you make 100% full change and effort and may potentially never regain trust.

- This is a lifelong process. There will never be a point you have full understanding. The most defining moment is literally what you do next from this point

- if you are interested in more understanding, I highly suggest reading more history on minority struggles and oppressions and how they historically adapt to modern times

- I wrote this to sincerely give you thoughts to reflect on during this time. You put yourself out there so I assumed the goal was reflection. Please do not settle for self gratification over reflection but rather for understanding to make a positive change in the world we live in

 

[Mahonay]

I don't say racist shit when I'm blackout drunk. Drinking doesn't make you racist

Click to shrink...

No but it makes personal issues a lot worse.

Also getting blacked out drunk is something no one should really be doing.

 

[rokkerkory]

Courageous of you to come out with this. Hope the best for you and changes you will need to go through.

 

[Fuhgeddit]

Try and stop drinking alcohol so you have a clear mind and can focus on changing your thoguhts on important items.

 

[krazen]

The example in your post IS racism, albeit at different levels.

Having a subconscious bias is racism. Subconscious biases manifest in our life in more insidious ways that we may have a difficult time in realizing their effect, yet it may be apparent to an outsider.

Of course you can't equivocate between a person who avoids a largely black neighborhood vs someone who actively voices blatant racism, but both are racist.

An obvious example is that in hiring, especially for white collar jobs. A lot of people subconsciously would choose white people over black people when hiring for an office position, which is racist. Some of those hiring may even be black themselves and choose white people because of internalized white supremacy. But, again, that is racism.

Click to shrink...

Agreed. But in your original post you made it sound like 'Sure, anyone can get a few drinks in em and talk about the Jews owning the world', lol.

We don't know the specifics, but whatever the OP did to cause his friend to be that mad seem beyond the pale of your examples, which was my point.

The 'I was just drunk' excuse imho doesn't have much mileage in that kind of situation.

 

[exodus]

As others said, probably try not drinking for a while. It's likely more of an issue than you're willing to admit to yourself.

Click to shrink...

Nah. I know it's an issue. Quarantine has resulted in me drinking far more than in the past. This has been a wake up call for my in regards to my drinking.

 

[Terra Firma]

Agreed. But in your original post you made it sound like 'Sure, anyone can get a few drinks in em and talk about the Jews owning the world', lol.

We don't know the specifics, but whatever the OP did to cause his friend to be that mad seem beyond the pale of your examples, which was my point.

The 'I was just drunk' excuse imho doesn't have much mileage in that kind of situation.

Click to shrink...

Nah, I said it can happen, as in it is possible for some people to blurt out stuff that they would never even think about saying if they were in a clearer state of mind. But again, the more one is exposed to overt racism (either normalized to it or consuming media that merely shows overt racism), either willingly or unwillingly, the easier it is to verbalize it.

And it goes without saying that just because someone DOESN'T blurt out racist crap when drunk doesn't mean they're not necessarily racist, either.

 

[Thordinson]

A few thoughts

- You were able to admit your transgression. And able to recognize it to be harmful. That basic ass step puts you far ahead of a lot of other people but still has you far fucking below the many who have the basic sense to not say such things to begin with. Just something to note.

- Your apology is entirely centered on yourself. This tends to happen in general with people but is only magnified by race issues. You shocked the people you call friends with harmful rhetoric. And you did it during a time of extreme racial tension. Like dawg, now?

To be honest, your apology seems as if you are trying to forgive yourself. Where is the concern for the well being of friends mental health? They walk around having to deal with all this for their lifetime and you added onto the burden. It's not an understatement. Racism is in encapsulated by lack of empathy and you remedy that by full empathy. It's not about being hurt that you said something....

It's about being disgusted that you hurt and defamed the people around you. You said we gotta do better but who is we?

- Sidenote, the drinking is a major problem. Specifically the not remembering part because it's disrespect on top of major insult already

- Nobody wants to hear about being better ally to POC, none of that. It doesn't mean anything. It's very tired and it's appearing that people actually concern themselves to talking about generic "being allies" more than discussing actual reform and change. Your rhetoric needs to include the specific steps you are taking to rectify the issue.

Then you follow thru, which leads to

- Fuck words, only actions matter now

- You have to live with potentially losing friends. You have to live with a relationship never fully being 100% after this. That you may have a sideeye. And that you make 100% full change and effort and may potentially never regain trust.

- This is a lifelong process. There will never be a point you have full understanding. The most defining moment is literally what you do next from this point

- if you are interested in more understanding, I highly suggest reading more history on minority struggles and oppressions and how they historically adapt to modern times

- I wrote this to sincerely give you thoughts to reflect on during this time. You put yourself out there so I assumed the goal was reflection. Please do not settle for self gratification over reflection but rather for understanding to make a positive change in the world we live in

Click to shrink...

Great post! As someone who has, and continues, to work on these subconscious biases, advice like this is invaluable. Reading about minority issues and oppression absolutely helped change my worldview and made it easier to catch myself having biased thoughts. Listening to people from minority communities, I mean really listening, has helped tremendously. I can say I'm an ally but until I actually put it into practice, the words are only there to make me feel better. This fight isn't about me and my internalized biases. It's about making the world a better place for all minorities. That takes action.

 

[exodus]

A few thoughts

- You were able to admit your transgression. And able to recognize it to be harmful. That basic ass step puts you far ahead of a lot of other people but still has you far fucking below the many who have the basic sense to not say such things to begin with. Just something to note.

- Your apology is entirely centered on yourself. This tends to happen in general with people but is only magnified by race issues. You shocked the people you call friends with harmful rhetoric. And you did it during a time of extreme racial tension. Like dawg, now?

To be honest, your apology seems as if you are trying to forgive yourself. Where is the concern for the well being of friends mental health? They walk around having to deal with all this for their lifetime and you added onto the burden. It's not an understatement. Racism is in encapsulated by lack of empathy and you remedy that by full empathy. It's not about being hurt that you said something....

It's about being disgusted that you hurt and defamed the people around you. You said we gotta do better but who is we?

- Sidenote, the drinking is a major problem. Specifically the not remembering part because it's disrespect on top of major insult already

- Nobody wants to hear about being better ally to POC, none of that. It doesn't mean anything. It's very tired and it's appearing that people actually concern themselves to talking about generic "being allies" more than discussing actual reform and change. Your rhetoric needs to include the specific steps you are taking to rectify the issue.

Then you follow thru, which leads to

- Fuck words, only actions matter now

- You have to live with potentially losing friends. You have to live with a relationship never fully being 100% after this. That you may have a sideeye. And that you make 100% full change and effort and may potentially never regain trust.

- This is a lifelong process. There will never be a point you have full understanding. The most defining moment is literally what you do next from this point

- if you are interested in more understanding, I highly suggest reading more history on minority struggles and oppressions and how they historically adapt to modern times

- I wrote this to sincerely give you thoughts to reflect on during this time. You put yourself out there so I assumed the goal was reflection. Please do not settle for self gratification over reflection but rather for understanding to make a positive change in the world we live in

Click to shrink...

Thank you. That gives me a lot to think about.

 

[Aurica]

"The good news is that racist and antiracist are not fixed identities. We can be a racist one minute and an antiracist the next. What we say about race, what we do about race, in each moment, determines what -- not who -- we are."


―
Ibram X. Kendi,

Click to shrink...

Thank you for quoting the legend. What a beautiful writer he is.

 

[LProtagonist]

The Ibram X. Kendi quote is appropriate as a response to this. I highly suggest you read his book How to be an Anti-Racist if you want to confront these issues within yourself. Admitting you have these kind of thoughts still lingering in you is a great first step that not many take. Focus on self-reflection as opposed to asking for forgiveness at this point.

 

[geomon]

May I suggest therapy and sobriety?

 

[blame space]

tell us the joke

 

[rckvla]

I suggest to drink moderately or maybe completely stop. I had so many experiences during my early to mid 20's that I got so drunk that I lost control of my body and thoughts. Sometimes I do or say some dark shit that I can't even think of while I'm sober. There are times that I get so fucked that I can't even remember any of the crazy shit I've done the night before. Being good is always a choice. We have the capability of saying and doing the right thing. We lose all of that when we drink too much alcohol. This is my number 1 reason why I prefer smoking weed than drinking alcohol.

 

[zer0blivion]

tell us the joke

Click to shrink...

I don't think repeating a racist joke is going to lead to anything productive.

 

[Heromanz]

Fuck you

 

[Spinluck]

OP you just took a step that 99.9% of racist people never take. Even after you did, people here tried to blame it on you drinking (LOL), but you refused to have an out for saying racist bullshit and owned up to it. You have shown, already, that you have more character than most self proclaimed non racist people. So what can you do to right your wrongs?

-Listen to POC
-Continue to learn and grow
-Get involved anyway you can
-Check other racists in your circles
-Practice empathy, it's a superpower
-Consider your context at all times

 

[Zulith]

Definitely stop any activities that are going to inhibit your reasoning. Realizing you did or said something you don't feel reflects you, wanting to do better, than then making changes towards that end is already way more than most people actually do.

 

[Asklepios]

Well the first step in a journey towards self improvement is admitting you have a problem. You have taken that step. Now keep going forward.

And to those who want OP to be banned, remember he wants to reform. If he does than he can set an example to other racists that being born into racism doesn't necessarily have to be permanent.

 

[Threadkular]

There are 2 problems to admit here. We have a sobriety thread. A "moderation" thread does not exist for a reason.

 

[julia crawford]

Not in regards to the topic, which is OP admitting they are racist. Alcohol doesn't make one racist. All these 'stop drinking' posts are ignoring that quitting drinking isn't going to suddenly erase those ingrained racist thoughts, whether they're conscious or not.

Click to shrink...

This is true. But from personal experience the drinking can be the lulling agent that allows you to forget or be inconsiderate of other's feelings when in specific situations, and reflecting on the kinds of situations of mind states that when combined "allow" you to forgo the diligence that is necessary to not be an ass is fairly important. To me alcohol would often (and still does, i'm not kidding anyone) lead me to think things like "i have done enough good that i can waste it on being evil", which is obviously not a good thing and, well, has hurt people from time to time. Though it's not really alcohol i guess... it's inebriation, to be more specific. I strongly recommend avoiding intoxication when dealing with your own shitty behaviors. And if it takes a life of avoidance, well, it does and that's what you gotta deal with.

 

[LowParry]

tell us the joke

Click to shrink...

Naw. This isn't it.

OP, you got a lot of self reflecting to do. And it's going to take a lot of time doing it.

 

[Advance.Wars.Sgt.]

Well the first step in a journey towards self improvement is admitting you have a problem. You have taken that step. Now keep going forward.

And to those who want OP to be banned, remember he wants to reform. If he does than he can set an example to other racists that being born into racism doesn't necessarily have to be permanent.

Click to shrink...

No has asked for OP to be banned. Where are you even getting that from?

 

[Deleted member 14377]

tell us the joke

Click to shrink...

this is the famed blame space huh

 

[electricblue]

Being drunk is a poor excuse. You don't say anything drunk you wouldn't say in your own head.

 

[DJwest]

Ok

edit: Mods please remove the warning on this. I made a low effort post because that's all this thread deserved. OP felt guilty about being a racist, and came here selfishly to get some kind words that his friends did not provide him. Glad OP feels shitty and I hope he knows not to do it again, but I don't see the point of patting a person on the back for feeling bad about being racist. Lock this thread, ban OP, remove my warning, and handover administrator rights to me.

Click to shrink...

I... agree with you? Did you come here looking for our sympathy, OP? Eh. At least you know you're racist. I'm unable to give you advice to remove the hate your heart. All the best

 

[Soliloquy of a Dogge]

Lack of inhibition reveals your true character.

But at least OP, unlike some in this thread, is able to be introspective in their self reflection and not use that as an excuse while working towards bettering themselves and tearing down ingrained biases.

That makes them a better person than some who tried to handwave this away due to alcohol.

 

[exodus]

Ok

edit: Mods please remove the warning on this. I made a low effort post because that's all this thread deserved. OP felt guilty about being a racist, and came here selfishly to get some kind words that his friends did not provide him. Glad OP feels shitty and I hope he knows not to do it again, but I don't see the point of patting a person on the back for feeling bad about being racist. Lock this thread, ban OP, remove my warning, and handover administrator rights to me.

Click to shrink...

I did not post this looking for kind words.

I posted this because it made me realize that even after 10 years of trying to better myself, I still have biases and insensitivities that I have yet to cut out from my heart. It has made me think that I've been very good at censoring myself, but not as good at actually being the change that I preach. I am posting this in an effort to reflect and learn.

As for what I'm doing moving forward, and I need to expand on this, but I will try to catch and reflect on my own biases as much as possible, and call out and speak to others when I can.

 

[Orb]

We are trained to be racist by society. Some degree of racism is embedded in all of us. Sometimes thoughts cross our minds that are wrong and hurtful, mostly out of our control. The sign of a good person is choosing to fight against those fleeting thoughts, to not say them, and to not act on them.

 

[John Doe]

What do you want OP?

People, to congratulate you for admitting your fault? Or coddle you in some way by saying we all have racist biases and society at large is racist?

Your post comes across very "me, me me, woe is me" as if you're looking for sympathy or pity.

Whatever, you admitted that you're a racist. Now go do something about it instead of wallowing.

 

[Landy828]

Keep reshaping your thoughts and attitude.

That first step is something every other person I meet here in the South can't manage.

Don't expect kind words, and don't expect praise for trying to get rid of ingrained racism. Keep pushing yourself to do better.

 

[Nothing Loud]

No has asked for OP to be banned. Where are you even getting that from?

Click to shrink...

first page has a poster who was warned for his shitty low effort post and then asked for OP to be banned when he got warned for it.

everybody in America I think has some racism in them because the system we were raised in is racist, and it feeds prejudice into us from a small age. We know black infants will choose white dolls over black dolls because they have already been conditioned with white supremacy bias. It's important for us to reflect everyday on how we can grow as people and deconstruct our prejudices. Jokes that may have been funny to you as a child in ignorance in the 90s are not acceptable or funny as an adult working to deconstruct their prejudices, so think twice about what comes out of your mouth, and restrict your alcohol if it makes you say things you regret.

 

[CeramicDragon]

OP, you are a loser when you said that stuff. Congrats for trying to improve yourself to not become a loser anymore. Apologize to your "friend."

 

[Eugene's Axe]

Why are people telling op to stop drinking as a fix for his racism. Drinking is just the catalyst but the racism is there.

 

[Deleted member 14887]

You fucked up & it seems you are using it to become more aware of your inherent racism being raised in this system. It's a constant thing to actively examine your thoughts and actions and be like oh shit...that's fucked I need to not do that anymore/why was I doing/saying this in the first place.