I just learned that I have a learning disability

[Huey]

OP, I'm not sure if this will help but I think try to reframe your disability: biological evolution creates enormous variation as part of its normal processes, and the only thing that defines "success" is the nature of the environment. What is failure in one environment may be key to success in another - there are countless examples of this in nature. You may or may not feel you are as "successful" as others in this environment but it is (a) a random occurrence and (b) entirely dependent on your definition of success. You are, full stop, no more or less valuable than anything else in the universe.

 

[Prax]

They work the same job as you, don't they?
Chances are they have learning disabilities or other issues too so they don't really have much to rag you on about lol. At least you're more self-aware now and can possible compensate for your weaknesses. In fact, you're even married! You're ahead of many people.

My husband also apparently has a learning disability. Though it honestly may be adhd lol. He's got some inability to focus on things like filling out forms. But besides those issues he's also a great guy and hard worker. I on the other hand, do not have learning disabilities that I know of (besides maybe some number dyslexia) and did really well in school (was gifted, won scholarships etc)--BUT I also am probably on the autism spectrum so I can't handle social stuff so I basically have same job as my husband (which is fine but probably not what is "expected" of me). You win some, you lose some.

Don't let it limit your entire world. There's more to the world than being able to learn in a typical way.

 

[myojinsoga]

Hey! Please don't be too hard on yourself.

This society creates unhealthy ideas about being 'normal', but it's all nonsense. Please don't let it affect you. I've spent a few years as a support worker for people with various learning disabilities. The incredibly valuable thing I learned was that the value of a person, the value they can bring into the lives of others, is completely unrelated to whatever condition they might be living with.

You have all the same powers to bring joy and love to others, and in some ways you will also have unique advantages. This is what truly matters in life, and you need only concern yourself with creating happiness for yourself and others.

Labels can be useful as a quick means to communicate a complex idea. But in human society they can also end up implying a lot of unhelpful meanings, just due to historic convention. I'd advise you to steadfastly not allow those meanings to affect you - and as hard as it may sometimes be, to not be concerned by the way other people seem to be affected by them.

You can if you wish view yourself as a teacher - educating those who don't yet seem to know, about the truth I described above. That you and other people with LDs are equally and uniquely valuable people.

The other helpful thing about labels is that you can use them to find information and research. And through that you can gain insight into conditions like yours, and use it to take responsibility and control for your encounters and experiences in the world. If you know you like or don't like certain things for example. Or if you know you need things to work a certain way. It's all information, and it all matters. You can use that information to make things run a lot more smoothly for yourself.

If it helps you to let others know what you like or what you need, or what you struggle with, then you can do that. But you have no responsibility to immediately apply a label to yourself for the benefit of others. It's supposed to help you gain power over a condition - not to give others an easy weapon to hit you with.

Your coworkers fucking suck.

 

[JonnyDBrit]

To OP:

They work the same job as you, don't they?
Chances are they have learning disabilities or other issues too so they don't really have much to rag you on about lol. At least you're more self-aware now and can possible compensate for your weaknesses. In fact, you're even married! You're ahead of many people.

My husband also apparently has a learning disability. Though it honestly may be adhd lol. He's got some inability to focus on things like filling out forms. But besides those issues he's also a great guy and hard worker. I on the other hand, do not have learning disabilities that I know of (besides maybe some number dyslexia) and did really well in school (was gifted, won scholarships etc)--BUT I also am probably on the autism spectrum so I can't handle social stuff so I basically have same job as my husband (which is fine but probably not what is "expected" of me). You win some, you lose some.

Don't let it limit your entire world. There's more to the world than being able to learn in a typical way.

Click to shrink...

I mean... just because you work somewhere doesn't mean the rest of the workforce must have similar disabilities to you. The OP's coworkers are just asses for using the slur.

Also if you do turn out to be on the spectrum, that does count as a learning disability. These things don't have to be 1:1 about academic ability (though they do often impact it as a consequence), just how you take in info and develop over time.

Still, you're definitely right that it does not inherently preclude the OP from many things. As you say, both they and you (and your husband in turn) are married, which a lot of those who are neuroatypical often question if they're even capable of. In all instances as well it seems like some kind of successful employment has been found, which is very much not the case for most with such conditions. Trends already being bucked here

 

[Baladium]

I told co workers and they just called me the 'R' word and laughed.

Click to shrink...

Look into getting into the trades like being a plumber or electrician - good money there and no need for a degree

Click to shrink...

Just a guess, but judging by the open name-calling and insulting language, chances are OP is already working some type of blue-collar job. Insufferable jerks kinda come with the territory with those, moreso than other job sectors. (Feel free to correct me if I'm mistaken, OP.)

 

[Prax]

To OP:

I mean... just because you work somewhere doesn't mean the rest of the workforce must have similar disabilities to you. The OP's coworkers are just asses for using the slur.

Also if you do turn out to be on the spectrum, that does count as a learning disability. These things don't have to be 1:1 about academic ability (though they do often impact it as a consequence), just how you take in info and develop over time.

Still, you're definitely right that it does not inherently preclude the OP from many things. As you say, both they and you (and your husband in turn) are married, which a lot of those who are neuroatypical often question if they're even capable of. In all instances as well it seems like some kind of successful employment has been found, which is very much not the case for most with such conditions. Trends already being bucked here

Click to shrink...

Usually when people talk about learning disabilities they mean "don't do well in school". I'm sure there are all sorts of processing disabilties that don't hamper traditional education but other aspects of life, but I guess I was using it in colloqial sense.

Anyway, his coworkers are either similar problems, parallel in problems, or maybe too dumb morally or intellectually anyway. They are in any case, the same level as him (or maybe even worse lol).

A lot in living a good and fulfilling life is feeling like you have agency in it. So OP, don't think of it as a curse you can't do anything about. Be proactive, work around and make up with your weaknesses, make good choices knowing your limits and knowing that limits can also sometimes be broken through. In that way, even something like a learning disability can be just another Neat Factoid about you, making you more interesting, not any less of a person.

 

[JonnyDBrit]

Usually when people talk about learning disabilities they mean "don't do well in school". I'm sure there are all sorts of processing disabilties that don't hamper traditional education but other aspects of life, but I guess I was using it in colloqial sense.

Anyway, his coworkers are either similar problems, parallel in problems, or maybe too dumb morally or intellectually anyway. They are in any case, the same level as him (or maybe even worse lol).

A lot in living a good and fulfilling life is feeling like you have agency in it. So OP, don't think of it as a curse you can't do anything about. Be proactive, work around and make up with your weaknesses, make good choices knowing your limits and knowing that limits can also sometimes be broken through. In that way, even something like a learning disability can be just another Neat Factoid about you, making you more interesting, not any less of a person.

Click to shrink...

I'll drink to that.

(I mean, I won't, because I hate alcohol but you get the gist)

 

[Prax]

I'll drink to that.

(I mean, I won't, because I hate alcohol but you get the gist)

Click to shrink...

(lol me too. alcohol tastes nasty)

 

[Itaremustbedangeres]

And I'm not sure how to feel.
I always felt I was normal, besides my social skills, but it explains alot about myself.
I didn't get told what I have but it effects my writing ability (on expressing my thoughts) and social skills.

I've been feeling differently about myself now and I'm not sure how I'm suppose to feel. I told co workers and they just called me the 'R' word and laughed. I just feel like I hate who I am even more, feel lost and I've lost faith in myself even more.

I'm at a loss.

Click to shrink...

Don't even get into that mindset. You're normal. Everyone's different and you're no exception. Sure it's a bummer to learn about your disabilites but you'll be able to adapt to it and learn to cope with it in time now that you know you have it. Also fuck your co-workers. Don't listen to them. They sound like 15 year old edge lords.

 

[hombremalo]

Not your fault, but never tell you co workers about that kind of things, nothing good will come out of it.

 

[Camstun187]

Never tell co-workers anything about your personal life, OP.

It always comes back to you in some fucked up way.

 

[carlosrox]

Hey, don't beat yourself up over this and don't let something like this define who you are or what you're capable of.

I've suspected for a very long time now that I have...some kind of learning disability; ADD, ADHD, whatever you wanna call it, and I'm quite sure I have something along those lines and probably other mental issues, but I don't hate myself or anything for it. I actually asked my mom not too long ago if I ever got tested as a kid for anything and to my surprise she actually said yes (I didn't expect her to say yes cuz it only confirmed there may be something "wrong" with me AND enough so that I got tested) and even more surprising was that whatever test I supposedly got didn't turn up anything. And...I am "normal", but...I know I'm..."not normal". Hard to explain...I think I feel you on this subject.

Your co-workers probably didn't intend to be malicious but that's a really stupid thing to say especially if you're feeling vulnerable about it. Just tell them it is serious and it's not a joke/laughing matter and if they're decent people they'll be like yeah sorry I didn't mean it. If they double down then they can go fuck themselves.

Take some time and talk with people you trust if you're feeling down.

Don't lose hope, find ways to deal with this. I could listen to my own advice!

Look for uplifting, positive, and constructive stuff on the matter on Youtube/Google.

Give it some time and take care of yourself.

 

[myojinsoga]

To OP:

Click to shrink...

:lol

This is the perfect attitude imo

 

[healbite-maritima]

I would if I could. I don't have an education past high school so I'm stuck in shit jobs. I've been wanting to get an office job for a while but it's hard without a degree

Click to shrink...

Calling you the R Word is straight up harassment. If you have an hr department, you should report it. If not, tell your coworkers it's not okay, and try to record them saying it. And then go to your boss. Stick to your guns and stick up for yourself.

I believe in you!

 

[Alastor3]

And I'm not sure how to feel.
I always felt I was normal, besides my social skills, but it explains alot about myself.
I didn't get told what I have but it effects my writing ability (on expressing my thoughts) and social skills.

I've been feeling differently about myself now and I'm not sure how I'm suppose to feel. I told co workers and they just called me the 'R' word and laughed. I just feel like I hate who I am even more, feel lost and I've lost faith in myself even more.

I'm at a loss.

Click to shrink...

How is the disability called OP?

I learned 5 years ago (im 30 now) that i had dysorthographia and that's why my grammar is so bad in both my French and English skills.

My parents when to a doctor way back in the days in primary school because my French was so bad in class but the disability wasn't really well known back then so nobody could pinpoint why i was so bad at it.

The funny thing is... i decided to study creative writing anyway because i love stories so much ahahahah

 

[names2hard4you]

Don't let a label define who you are, and get rid of that shitty circle of people you are in. You lived up until now not knowing and hadn't you known, you would have kept living the same way as before. I'm sure it has come as a shock, but you are who you are, and that's totally okay. Life's too short to be feeling sad, be proud of who you are and how far you have made it in life!

 

[Golden]

What specific learning disability do you think you have op?
Two points :
1.some learning disabilities don't hold you back, so you aren't necessarily *retarded", just different.


2. If it is a learning disability that has held you back, and impacted your career choices, then your colleagues are the ones who should be considered ""retarted", as they are stuck doing the same job as you but have no excuse.

I hope you feel more positive, you can't change the cards you are dealt, just yet to be the best version of yourself that you can.

 

[Infinite Ukemi]

I'm in the same boat dude. Only really learned about my learning disability recently. I told a co-worker about it and the response back was "Wait you didn't know?" Like damn, it's hard not to feel that "r"word creeping up in your thoughts sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 9971]

Welcome to the club it sucks thankfully my adhd meds help with it and i am able to learn again. But yeah for a decade i went without em and failed college like 5 times..... with these meds ill try college once more otherwise ill just climb my way up through retail or work in a pub 🤷‍♂️

 

[Threadkular]

If people wouldn't mind sharing the disabilities I'd appreciate it. I grew up in a place where this stuff was always hidden and never given a name outside of the R word so it always helps me, and I've gotten some speculation later in life from others that I might be on the spectrum (I'm highly sensitive though). I think we once had these tests when I was in Catholic school and I remember having to be re-tested but I think my parents got involved.

Of course no worries if you don't want to share.

 

[Deleted member 4452]

Cause it's how my brain works. I always worry and let things affect me more than I should. I also always think the worse thing possible that can happen will happen.

Click to shrink...

Look at it this way. You've coped through life 'while feeling normal' in spite of this. You've done well for youself. Be proud of who you are. Of course, depending on which specific LD it is, you could get some help if it's available for that if you want.

 

[Deleted member 4292]

I just wanted to say thank you to those trying to make me feel better. It's has helped a bit and I'm hoping I can just move on like I was before.
This community is fantastic and thank you for the support.
I'll get a revaluation when I can. See if it still holds true and find out what I have.