I live in Germany and none of my friends ever made a homophobic joke. Maybe I just dont understand what you mean. Can you give me an example?
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I'm getting really fucking tired of straight guys that make gay jokes
- Thread starter Spinluck
- Start date
God this is the worse, I literally had a straight guy ask me to "chill" at his place for the weekend because his roommate was gone, right after coming out to him. We're good friends not tho lol.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. If people are saying it was happening, it was happening.
Oh, I had a straight friend who play-flirted a lot
Ended up being a bit of an asshole who'd somehow always end up arguing against LGBTQ issues when they came up in group chat
Ended up being a bit of an asshole who'd somehow always end up arguing against LGBTQ issues when they came up in group chat
The point of what I was saying is regarding the level of arrogance and the conceited mind state that straight men have to think they're some sort of desirable target for gay men. Hence, this attitude leading into their "gay fear" complex. Im pointing out how straight guys remove a gay man's autonomy in attraction as if they are attracted to gender solely and not the wealth of categories involved in choosing a mate.
We agree it seems but i just found it irrelevant to my point entirely wether if gay men are attracted to straight men in general.
I think the point is more that being attracted to someone doesn't mean you're going to hit on them.
While acknowledging that some men clearly have ego inflation issues if they think every gay man would be attracted to them lol.
I legitimately think a lot of straight men don't know how unattractive they are because they don't have to deal with the withering male gaze being turned on them lol.
That's what Im saying tho, Guys like to act like they're the baddest thing out there for gay men while they piss and moan about how they'll fight any gay person who hits on them.
Its like "stfu, wholetime you ugly as shit boy" lol
I'm not denying OP's experience. I'm stating I'm unclear if I've personally seen it recently because maybe I'm not sensitive to it or if it's just not something people I know have done recently. Some examples of what OP is talking about would be appreciated (unless it's still a sore subject or we are talking about incredibly blatant behavior).
Edit: actually OP has yet to give an example but multiple posters are assuming it must be related to assuming that cause he's gay, must be attracted to them - to the point where I can only assume this is the go to "joke" for some straight guys. i.e. Even if it's not what OP is thinking of, enough gay posters on this forum have experienced this. And yeah, that sounds incredibly frustrating.
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No homo and pause have to be the most annoying "jokes" to ever exist. I used to work in an office and people would be having serious conversations and throw that in there like it was completely normal.
Showing mutual respect and love between two male friends? Unheard of I tell you! /s
Yeah I get what you are saying and you are right, but it's also important to point out to straight men that a gay man politely hitting on you isn't the end of the world as well. Obviously you know this, but there are multiple facets to this issue and someone may think "alright, gay dudes don't all want my dick" but still get offended and angry when a gay dude does hit on them.
I honestly haven't heard the pause one. No homo has been a thing for like 15 years.
What about joking about being gay? Like a joke that is the opposite of homophobic. Anyone want to share their opinions on that? I never really saw that as being derogatory to lgbtq but would that be offensive if you heard someone doing that? I guess it's not really different wether you say something stupid like "no homo" or not, right?
It's the same exact joke, just depends on what part of the country you're in. Like this...
Hmm I have gay cousin and he jokes about being gay all the time. My family is Black and Black people tend to make fun of Black stereotypes. He also applies that humor to gay stereotypes.
Hmm, yea I never heard that. I wouldn't have caught what he meant if it wasn't brought up.
There is nothing wrong with gay people joking about the experience of being gay.
My distant friend happened to met a gay friend (Let's say his name is Red) and whenever we were chatting with other people in circle during in fan event, like similar to Anime Expo. One time my friend made a few, harmless jokes about Red being gay and his sexuality -- sometimes others were chime in as well. Red, in fact, didn't mince with those jokes; he enjoyed it. :\
I can't make a sense with this normality at all. Knowing Red, in my hunch, that he probably hate it but keep quiet or whatever the reason he has. And yeah, as a straight human, I also hate when the jokes does to gay people.
I can't make a sense with this normality at all. Knowing Red, in my hunch, that he probably hate it but keep quiet or whatever the reason he has. And yeah, as a straight human, I also hate when the jokes does to gay people.
wtf this is a thing? why? are they unsure about their own sexuality? ego?
In my anecdotal experience THIS is far more prevalent. Not to undermine the OP's issue. I know one person who calls others "gay," but no one even reacts to it. He also makes "your mother" jokes fairly regularly and rocks the same haircut he did in the 90s.
But yes, on the flip side of this trans jokes are a very regularly thing. Almost every time gender comes up at all, be it on the news or a random form. Pretty much if anyone uses the phrase "how do you identify?" you will get a trans joke. Most people, I believe, find the question itself absurd as it should be obvious in their eyes.
I understand your frustration, but I also wish people would understand that these types of behaviors can not just disappear overnight. Even if you convince a large number of people to stop behaving a certain way, you're not gonna convince everyone everywhere. Only over time where society has time to evolve, and new generations learn to not label people and think differently of others for stupid reasons can this kind of behavior disappear completely. It's really naive to think it'll go away completely just because some people have evolved. People are assholes, and they're not just gonna stop all their asshole ways when not that long ago, their shitty behavior was still accepted by too many people.
to be honest, i'm bisexual and enjoy being play-flirted with by both men and women
i can see why it would be frustrating for someone looking for a more serious relationship though
actually, now that i'm think about it more maybe it would be nice to not have to always try and parse whether someone is just messing around or is genuinely interested in me
but also i like a t t e n t i o n though...
i can see why it would be frustrating for someone looking for a more serious relationship though
actually, now that i'm think about it more maybe it would be nice to not have to always try and parse whether someone is just messing around or is genuinely interested in me
but also i like a t t e n t i o n though...
So... what jokes specifically is OP talking about here? Cus this thread seems to be all over the place.
I'm a hetero and my friends (all hetero) and I all jokingly flirt with each other. Is this what we're talking about? Or is it the pause & no homos? I'm just confused by this thread.
I'm a hetero and my friends (all hetero) and I all jokingly flirt with each other. Is this what we're talking about? Or is it the pause & no homos? I'm just confused by this thread.
I can relate as a straight dude because I keep meeting men who do it and then have to have the internal battle on whether to make things awkward or not and tell them off.
Usually it's an awkward smile that's supposed to let them know I don't approve.
I mean I played "gay chicken" all the time, but that was my way of kinda stepping through the water and letting myself get comfortable before I came out as bi. Ultimately I think what's important is intent, I cant speak for everyone on that but it's just a major part of my personality. I'm playful flirty with men and to die that down feels like a limit on my personality, not saying I'm necessarily proud of it but it's something I actively do naturally. Now I know we are talking about stright men here but.... if you didnt know before I came out you might have a major problem with me, or hell you might have a problem with it now.
Oh but no defensive for gay panic jokes or punching down, that shits just toxic masculinity.
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Still see these slurs being used by kids everyday. At the park. When I pick up my son from school. It's getting better in media but that's about it really. Don't hear as much older people use the slurs as much as I did about 10-20 years ago. I guess it's slowly getting better? Still sucks regardless
It shouldn't be if you've experienced what OP is talking about.
A few words on the #nohomo phenomenon from my experience as a gay guy:
When I started college I decided to enter this students association to make new friends and because it's good to have volunteer work listed on your resume. I loved it at first and they sent us to a freshman training for all the new volunteers. The trainers were two straight dudes and as they were listing the "values" of the association they added "it's OK to be gay" at the bottom of the list, as if saying that was supposed to trigger laughter from us... and it did. They also would say "no homo" whenever they made physical contact with each other, and the others still laughed at it, but it just made me feel uncomfortable seeing as being gay was mostly just comic relief for them. Like, I don't believe they're homophobic - nor do I believe they were ill-intentioned - but it struck me as extremely ignorant of the struggles gay people have to go through, especially while they're still in the closet.
I just wish they would stop mentioning it altogether instead of cracking jokes at gay people. This happened almost 2 years ago and I'm considering leaving the association because it feels like a massive frat party and I hate the forced social component they're trying to push, but I'm starting to go off-topic here.
When I started college I decided to enter this students association to make new friends and because it's good to have volunteer work listed on your resume. I loved it at first and they sent us to a freshman training for all the new volunteers. The trainers were two straight dudes and as they were listing the "values" of the association they added "it's OK to be gay" at the bottom of the list, as if saying that was supposed to trigger laughter from us... and it did. They also would say "no homo" whenever they made physical contact with each other, and the others still laughed at it, but it just made me feel uncomfortable seeing as being gay was mostly just comic relief for them. Like, I don't believe they're homophobic - nor do I believe they were ill-intentioned - but it struck me as extremely ignorant of the struggles gay people have to go through, especially while they're still in the closet.
I just wish they would stop mentioning it altogether instead of cracking jokes at gay people. This happened almost 2 years ago and I'm considering leaving the association because it feels like a massive frat party and I hate the forced social component they're trying to push, but I'm starting to go off-topic here.
The whole "no homo" thing perpetually fascinates me because it is often both homophobic and a yet also a critique of homophobia at the same time
It's bizarre
It's bizarre
My straight male friends always seem to weed themselves out over time. They either wanna play around and "jokingly" suggest I'm interested into them all the time, wind up ranting about the ess-jay-double-u's, or just go right for the kill and ask if they've got "f-word privileges". Amazing how many of them can't handle themselves around a gay guy.
It's homophobic, plain and simple. We don't all make gay jokes.
Hm, I suppose. Maybe I'm a snobby elitist or something but I think I've had the privilege to mostly avoid mouth breathers since high school, so I guess my memory of what the OP is talking about might be a little hazy. But I feel like even in high school it was usually more the 'wink wink nudge nudge' kind of thing than anything overtly or transparently homophobic. But I was also sort of a hipster in high school and idk not the most homophobic demo I guess, I mean being gay is at least mildly punk rock.
That does sound like privilege. Most people making those are coming from a place of ignorance at best and homophobia at worst.
How is it a critique of homophobia? I've always seen it as a less funny variant of "that's what she said," which is itself pretty hit or miss.
"No homo" jokes only really work when someone says something intentionally homoerotic first, like "I'll suck your dick."
And even then, the implication of "no homo" is still "I wouldn't want people to think I'm gay." It wouldn't work if being gay was seen as a positive thing.