OP
OP
He said if it was up to him the server would get nothing. A mandatory gratuity was added to the bill as we were a large party. I assume that gratuity was between 15-18% of the bill.
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Is it rude to leave an additional tip when someone else is picking up the tab?
- Thread starter texmechanica
- Start date
I think you did the right thing but in somewhat of the wrong way, in that you could have just said you needed to go to the bathroom and then sneaked the tip on the side.
On the other hand, even though it may have been rude towards your potential father in law, it's good that he was subtly shown that his entitled, arrogant petulance wasn't actually supported by all or ok, and that he was indeed being cheap. Sometimes people just need to be politely reminded of these things instead of having yes men and women around them all the time, and at least this incident would have acted as one of those low key reminders.
Seriously, how clumsy are you and your dinner guests? As long as you have a napkin each, you're good to go. If you need more napkins in case of a spill or accident, simply ask for more. Otherwise what you're proposing is something that increases the potential for waste, and for unnecessary restaurant overheads.
And no, if you asked for 100 napkins that would be completely ridiculous and I wouldn't be surprised if a restaurant owner or waiter simply told you no, unless of course you had some sort of extreme emergency. A restaurant is selling you food and a good service, not bulk orders of napkins.
On the other hand, even though it may have been rude towards your potential father in law, it's good that he was subtly shown that his entitled, arrogant petulance wasn't actually supported by all or ok, and that he was indeed being cheap. Sometimes people just need to be politely reminded of these things instead of having yes men and women around them all the time, and at least this incident would have acted as one of those low key reminders.
Seriously, how clumsy are you and your dinner guests? As long as you have a napkin each, you're good to go. If you need more napkins in case of a spill or accident, simply ask for more. Otherwise what you're proposing is something that increases the potential for waste, and for unnecessary restaurant overheads.
And no, if you asked for 100 napkins that would be completely ridiculous and I wouldn't be surprised if a restaurant owner or waiter simply told you no, unless of course you had some sort of extreme emergency. A restaurant is selling you food and a good service, not bulk orders of napkins.
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I forgot about this pro tip. I've done this before and the server has always been like ridiculous appreciative.
You should have done it discreetly dude, your GF is the one you have a relationship with, not the waiter. Now you're likely gonna have to deal with the fall out from this every time you see her family.
I'm with you OP would have done the same thing. I would have even mentioned that he "he did bring us napkins that went unused" when explaining why I was leaving extra money
This is why everyone should work a mandatory 6 months or something in the service industry. You're not rude, your girlfriend's dad is a jerk off though.
I go out to eat, I just don't go out assuming I'm gonna knock my entire meal all over everyone at the table.
Well agree to disagree then, I can't speak to your own life experiences. And people ask for extra napkins for different reasons and it's not an odd request. Here it was just 6 extra napkins and the waiter was questioning it - why?
The waiter and you guys are making a huge deal out of someone wanting extra napkins as if they were an alien first time eating at a restaurant. OMG EXTRA NAPKINS, HOW DARE YOU?! NEVER HAVE I EVER USED MORE THAN A SINGLE NAPKIN WHEN EATING FOR ANY PURPOSE!
Like c'mon, this is not a big deal, and the waiter shouldn't have treated it as such. End of.
OP
OP
Bruh, one napkin per drink spilled? This is why I ask for 300 napkins at each meal.
are you honestly saying it only takes 3 napkins to clean 1 spilled drink? 4 atleast.
And the dad shouldnt have asked for extra. You ask for extra after you use what you're given. And he WAS given extra without hassle, by the waiter who OP said did a great job. He wanted DOUBLE EXTRA. And never touched them. Then wanted to remove any tip from the waiter. I would like to know why he asked, but now I know. He anticipated many many spills.
Maybe you didnt read it right. The waiter didnt question the 6 extra. He questioned the "no, that's not extra ENOUGH" from the dad after he brought out the 6 extras with no fuss
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The issue isn't necessarily that he asked for napkins, rather that he acted like an entitled, cheap and petulant child, refusing to give the server tip and complaining about him, all because he was audacious enough to ask him if he was sure he wanted even more than the extra he'd already been given. Lest we forget the server still bought the extra. The irony of course is that as the server rightly assumed, they did not need the extra napkins.
Moral of the story, don't ask for more napkins than you actually need, and only if you need more, ask for more. Certainly don't act like a jerk just because a server asks if you're sure you want more, when you already have more than you even need.
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Lol, "shouldnt have asked for extra". Wtf is this stupid rule of yours?
Ever eaten with kids for example? You need extra. And if one of the guests has some handicap or similar that causes extra spill, you need extra too. The one to make that call is the customer, not the waiter.
He didnt need them. Ask when you need them.
I say he shouldnt have asked for extras, as in, with the benefit of hindsight, we all know he shouldnt have. Because they weren't used. I dont care that he asked for extra. Neither did the waiter. The second extra got the sideeye lol.
Yes I've eaten with kids, I have a couple. We use the napkins at the table, and ask for more when needed. Usually not needed.
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I've left a larger tip when my mother has paid the tab, mainly because her tips tend to be a bit stingy
On the napkin issue, we have a toddler, there is an assumption that when you ask for extra napkins and you have young children, you bring more than one. I've never not tipped because the waiter only brought one extra napkin, I have quickly responded back and requested more napkins alluding the the potential mess of a toddler.
Wet wipes yo. But yeah, kids need more napkins. The (hypothetical) kid could have had 6 extras. Not everyone at the table needed 2 napkins presumably.
So about $200 for the meal plus $30 gratuity, and you come in to save the day with $9 in shrapnel to show him up, and you don't think it's rude?
Just pay for the meal next time and give a generous tip.
You both were rude. The father was rude for what he was going to do to the waiter and you were rude to the father with how you handled it. Giving extra tip to the waiter was fine but the way you went about it was rude to the father even if he deserved it.
He upset his gf and her family and could have avoided this by discreetly tipping the waiter. He just needed to say he needed to go to the bathroom when walking to the car go back inside, tip the waiter, and go to the bathroom to close the loop.
There's nothing wrong with chipping in with the tip, there's something wrong with someone expressly saying he doesn't want it and you doing it anyway.
And for what?
A measly $9 will not magically make the day for a waiter, whom you will never see again. Yet you are going to have to deal with your father in law for the rest of his life. You need to figure out where your priorities are OP, and kiss up to the in laws.
And for what?
A measly $9 will not magically make the day for a waiter, whom you will never see again. Yet you are going to have to deal with your father in law for the rest of his life. You need to figure out where your priorities are OP, and kiss up to the in laws.
Servers live off of tips, they make MAYBE $2 an hour without them.
I think it's rude to do that when someone else is paying, but in your circumstance, the dad was being an asshole over something so small and petty. You did the right thing, whether that was laying it out in front of him or giving it secretly to the waiter.
Now, the dad is clearly a petty guy, so he will hold this gesture against you most likely.
Now, the dad is clearly a petty guy, so he will hold this gesture against you most likely.
He was an ass and you might have some drama come your way.
You probably would have been better off by going back in after the fact (or say your going to the bathroom or something) and giving the waiter the money directly out of sight of the father. That's what my ex did one time her dad took us out to eat (there were 8 or 9 of us) and he got mad that he didn't get a whole fish for his meal. The menu clearly said it wash half a fish, but he got mad at the waitress and left no tip. So my ex gathered up money from the rest of us after we got up from the table and went back into the restaurant and gave her the money.
You probably would have been better off by going back in after the fact (or say your going to the bathroom or something) and giving the waiter the money directly out of sight of the father. That's what my ex did one time her dad took us out to eat (there were 8 or 9 of us) and he got mad that he didn't get a whole fish for his meal. The menu clearly said it wash half a fish, but he got mad at the waitress and left no tip. So my ex gathered up money from the rest of us after we got up from the table and went back into the restaurant and gave her the money.
Close a loop? I guess what I am asking is what exactly happened here that would make anyone upset?
Yup and in this case the father could've also easily told OP to pay the bill himself.
Ah, right. In which case his opinion would probably mean quite a bit from the perspective of the OP's wallet.
The father was rude, but you realize you're making a public statement by putting extra money in front of everyone. Think about what you're trying to accomplish here. I'm not saying theres a right or wrong way, just think about what you want to prioritize. What you did was recenter the conversation around you and the father on top of just rewarding the waiter.
Damn what a weird thing for them to complain about in the first place. Personally I think you did the right thing. Them getting upset at you too is just petty and unnecessary drama imo. I can't stand when people make a problem out of everything. He doesn't lose anything by you paying extra. If his pride is hurt then that's on him and his own insecurities. *shrug*
This is YOUR tip, from your pocket. Dad has no say in this transaction. Not rude at all, he shouldn't care what you do with your money, if he feels offended by it, that isn't your problem. If he doesn't want to feel emasculated, maybe he shouldn't have been a dumbass.
When we were travelling in the states I felt my friends were being very very stingy at times. We went to a lovely fish restaurant by the USS midway and the waitress was absolutely the best. Making sure we had what we needed at all times, even brought us a complimentary drink. However, one of our party had to rechoose their meal because there wasn't any more.
This then led to the rest of our party feeling that this was the waitresses fault and at the end it came to close to 200 USD. They felt a tip of 10 was enough due to the issue with the order.
I didn't agree with this and slipped another 20 in with the money as I offered to bring the bill to her.
I don't agree with excessive tipping but the fact the restaurant was out of a certain dish was not the waitresses fault and she couldn't have been more apologetic for it.
This then led to the rest of our party feeling that this was the waitresses fault and at the end it came to close to 200 USD. They felt a tip of 10 was enough due to the issue with the order.
I didn't agree with this and slipped another 20 in with the money as I offered to bring the bill to her.
I don't agree with excessive tipping but the fact the restaurant was out of a certain dish was not the waitresses fault and she couldn't have been more apologetic for it.
No, everyone has to share a single napkin at the table. No extras or everyone gets offended. Just politely ask for it when it's your turn.
