From my experience its mostly just down to each woman having totally different things that work for them. And for some women, they are not really even sure what works for them.
I've been with a girl that would literally pass out and lose consciousness from repeated orgasms. And I've been with a girl that only had orgasms every other month, was just not that into physical contact in general. I was doing the same routine for both.
The difference can be mental even. Romance, eye contact, timing. Some need toys in addition to their partner and that can be fun if you both get used to it. Its just going to be completely different for each person.
If you were asking what she liked and were receptive to what she said, none of the blame is on you in my opinion. She wasn't open about it at all and deceived you. She didn't communicate what she likes and work on that with you. How could you work on it if she didn't tell you what was happening? It doesn't mean you'll run into this with every partner.