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Loneliness - Kurzgesagt
- Thread starter Kenzodielocke
- Start date
OP
OP
having been through severe social anxiety and depression a few years ago, and coming out the other side, I can honestly say they are extremely accurate about the behaviour you go through and the hostility you misinterpret the world with once you end up in a bad place like that
kurzgegast are really good and, unsurprisingly and thankfully, have handled this delicate subject really well
kurzgegast are really good and, unsurprisingly and thankfully, have handled this delicate subject really well
Man, there's a lot linked to loneliness that I didn't know. Assuming the worst about other's intentions and declining invitations are two major problems for me.
My week has been stressful as shit, and it's mostly because I have (or rather feel like I have) no one to talk to about problems, so I let them bounce around in my head, inevitably leading to catastrophizing and helplessness. Doesn't matter how much I know about how my mind works and what strategies to use—once it's in the zone it's hard to get a foot in rationality-wise. I've always been lonely, but this week in particular has been particularly efficient in reminding me. (No, not because of Valentine's Day.) This video nicely sums it all up.
I like that they addressed that "you can be filled with bliss by yourself, and hate every second surrounded by friends." So many people conflate people being alone with loneliness. Some seek it, and prefer it.
Some of what they've described in that video applies to me. I think back when I was a kid, and I really feel I completely lacked social self-awareness back then. That changed as I grew older and more isolated. Also what they describe about avoiding social encounters altogether.
I did feel lonely back in high school, but now I'm at the point where I don't want to seek connections at all. They kinda address that in the video—where the world will start reflecting how you see it when you enter a negative feedback loop—but the fact is that seeking casual, social encounters is no longer an enjoyable experience. Every social encounter of mine has been embarrassing and made me feel less of myself. I don't need that anymore.
Some of what they've described in that video applies to me. I think back when I was a kid, and I really feel I completely lacked social self-awareness back then. That changed as I grew older and more isolated. Also what they describe about avoiding social encounters altogether.
I did feel lonely back in high school, but now I'm at the point where I don't want to seek connections at all. They kinda address that in the video—where the world will start reflecting how you see it when you enter a negative feedback loop—but the fact is that seeking casual, social encounters is no longer an enjoyable experience. Every social encounter of mine has been embarrassing and made me feel less of myself. I don't need that anymore.
Outside of my one 'friend' (who is really more the guy I sit next to during class) and my family I haven't spoken informally to anyone in weeks. If it weren't for the daily calls with my Mum I could potentially go days without saying a single word to anyone in any capacity. I know that only I can get myself out of this hole but any time I try the defensiveness and the laziness kicks in and I'm back at square one. It doesn't help that my self-image is so low that I can't even take a photo of myself for Grindr lol
Having practically my entire childhood life be filled with rejection and loneliness means I've kind of gotten used to it. There's only so many times you can see 'friends' plan something behind your back (or in front of you), not reach out or simply not talk to you anymore before you just get numb to it. Though sometimes the loneliness can really 'spike' and it just leaves me feeling absolutely horrible; I see a friend group doing something fun on Facebook or a couple in a loving relationship and I just wonder what the hell's wrong with me that I can't experience that myself. It's even worse knowing that it's a legitimate health hazard.
What the video doesn't really touch upon is the societal implications of loneliness which does make sense considering the channel takes a more scientific stance on what it covers. One implication is that I honestly think a lot of the 'alt-right's' power (amongst other groups such as Incels, MGTOWs, etc) comes from how it offers a place for lonely young white men to feel 'part' of a group. I've been on that side of the fence before (though never to an extreme, and I got out of it before I ever had the chance to vote on anything) and it's very, very easy to fall in with those sorts of groups because, unlike the left, acceptance comes by default instead of through a long list of actions/circumstances one must hold.
Having practically my entire childhood life be filled with rejection and loneliness means I've kind of gotten used to it. There's only so many times you can see 'friends' plan something behind your back (or in front of you), not reach out or simply not talk to you anymore before you just get numb to it. Though sometimes the loneliness can really 'spike' and it just leaves me feeling absolutely horrible; I see a friend group doing something fun on Facebook or a couple in a loving relationship and I just wonder what the hell's wrong with me that I can't experience that myself. It's even worse knowing that it's a legitimate health hazard.
What the video doesn't really touch upon is the societal implications of loneliness which does make sense considering the channel takes a more scientific stance on what it covers. One implication is that I honestly think a lot of the 'alt-right's' power (amongst other groups such as Incels, MGTOWs, etc) comes from how it offers a place for lonely young white men to feel 'part' of a group. I've been on that side of the fence before (though never to an extreme, and I got out of it before I ever had the chance to vote on anything) and it's very, very easy to fall in with those sorts of groups because, unlike the left, acceptance comes by default instead of through a long list of actions/circumstances one must hold.
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Because I have depression, and don't want my body to punish me for it.
it's already shitty enough being lonely, i don't want to physically break down as well lol
Yeah shit fucking sucks, I've been lonely and depressed for years and it seems like no one notices or cares. There's nothing worse than knowing that your own stubbornness and unwillingness to get help is the reason why you're going gray decades before your parents did
OP
OP
I personally thought this video was more uplifting than making one feel down. But I am at a different place in my life now and I can see how that video might affect you negatively.
They mention often their videos induce existential dread and anxiety. However, the intentions are good and ultimately, their message is uplifting.
I'm a big fan if their channel. Wish I had the means to give them actual financial support because what they do is brilliant.
You can't cure the symptoms without addressing the underlying cause of it. Most professionals are going to continue to push you towards socializing in some way because that's really the best way to cure loneliness. Yes, doctors currently can give you medication that may lessen the effects of loneliness, but it might not be enough and you're going to have to solve the issue with some therapy and socialization.
I kinda had more of a science-fiction level procedure in mind. Something that could untangle the mess evolution made.
Anyway, I'd rather perish. Fuck my brain. Thinks it can kill me to get what it wants. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
Yeah this hits a little hard. I guess I'm pretty lonely, but I'm typically a very introverted person - I enjoy being alone.
Lately it's been more difficult and it's gotten to the point that I'm telling myself that I'm not great company as I can't seem to enjoy being alone anymore and therefore I can't be good company for anyone else, so I keep to myself and don't reach out to other people.
Then I also question why should anyone else have to burden the responsibility to fix an others loneliness? To give up their time/ energy etc. to spend it with me...
Yeah... it's a vicious cycle...
Lately it's been more difficult and it's gotten to the point that I'm telling myself that I'm not great company as I can't seem to enjoy being alone anymore and therefore I can't be good company for anyone else, so I keep to myself and don't reach out to other people.
Then I also question why should anyone else have to burden the responsibility to fix an others loneliness? To give up their time/ energy etc. to spend it with me...
Yeah... it's a vicious cycle...
I've always been good at keeping a running conversation with myself such that I rarely feel lonely, but lately I've definitely isolated myself way too much, due to a large combination of factors that became it's own cycle. It starts to really get to you, especially when you question yourself for pushing people away. Thanks for the video OP, was actually pretty motivating in a way that articles aren't.
OP
OP
Because that is what evolution intended, the stronger ones help the weaker ones to get as strong or stronger than they were before. We were gathering strength in numbers, not individuals.
And these days, it's very easy to be alone, feeling lonely. But yeah, I understand that view and for that we can always try to get professional help.
Yes, but is that how things actually work in this era, on a societal level? Or is it more common for the stronger ones to actually beat down the weaker ones to reinforce their status?
I have the kind of introversion that prefers a lot of me time while enjoying social events in measured doses (just spent a whole weekend at a con and had a blast, making random connections with people standing by you in line or sitting next to you in panels, hanging out with a friend and making a new friend with a cousin she brought along with her). I also have tremendous trouble getting motivated enough to put myself out there in the dating pool, so it's hard to tell whether I feel lonely in a general sense. I definitely would like to have a significant other and could probably stand to be closer to the people around me, as I've always had a preference to keep folks at arm's length.
Nothing is wrong with you. Social media is there to make you feel connected even when you really aren't connected with such person on a personal and physical level.
OP
OP
Personally, I won't consider those people strong. They are hurting society. It is devious.
The process of consciously analyzing your experiences and figuring out how your brain paints your living experiences in lesser light before they even happen and how your understanding of things is essentially broken because of it were such revelatory things that by and large my life is SUPER improved today compared to, say, 5 years ago. I'm a lot more comfortable and loneliness only really comes up when i stop having a good perspective and those bad habits come back up again. Not to mention how much of a benefit that change was to other people.
They aren't strong at all. The problem that I have with those who push those away that are different is that they're also trying to protect themselves, whether it be insecurities or whatever.
I come across these types all of the time, and that's mainly because people try and do the same shit to me. That video explains why I am the way I am to some degree. I'm a pretty gregarious black guy, I stand out in crowds (obviously), have a voice that is pretty fucking deep and orchestral and I'm open to speaking what I have on my mind if I need to, but that doesn't save me from any sort of social criticism or social undermining. All through university, I had the tendency to turn people into fucking savages because I would say something that they didn't want to hear unknowingly. I was making more enemies than friends, despite me being a relatively nice person.
The underlying problem that this video doesn't address that well is that all of western society is polarized to criticism or anything that has an adverse effect, leading people to group together with those who share only the same experiences. If you go against that grain, you are going to be cast out, gaslighted, social media blackmailed, extorted, ect.
People aren't bad, and that is said by someone who has received terrible apathy and fakeness, but if you do one thing or say one thing that they don't like, they will either act like you don't exist, or they will do everything in their conscious power to shun you into a shadow.
It's crazy how fast the pendulum can swing.
Based on all of the experiences I've had from childhood to now, I'm content with being on my own sometimes. I don't take energy from direct interaction with people that much anymore. I find that being around people is enough. Whether it is a coffee shop, a busy street, I prefer that interaction. Other than that, I'm steady doing my own thing and cutting through the bullshit.
I do get people that follow along what I'm doing, but I honestly don't pay them much attention because they start to attach their own ideas onto what I'm doing.
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That's a nice thing to say but I can't really believe it. The social media example was just that, an example; I'm nowhere near as focused on sites like Facebook or Instagram (I don't even have an account) to think they're the source of how I feel. I've been constantly fucking up social relationships and ending up alone for as long as I can remember.
All fair, though you don't have to be focused on these sites to feel the effects of them.
It has seeped into how we interact in person.
Keep pushing, shit happens. I've fucked up a catastrophic amount of relationships, but I keep moving on. Depending on where you live, there's a new face to meet every day when you walk into the streets or go into a store. One failed relationship or attempt to reach out means nothing in the grand scheme.
As cruel as it may sound, you should take away some of the value you have for others. It will make rejection a lot easier, because most of the time the people doing the rejecting don't take time to think about who they've rejected because they didn't have to make an investment in doing so.
I was lonely for years. Kept trying to go out with friends do things with other people and it never helped. I finally accepted i didn't really like being around other people, started spending long stretches of time in nature and haven't felt lonely in a very long time. Socializing and other people just amped up my anxiety and when i went away so did it.
Thanks for the kind words but, to be honest, I doubt they're going to change much. I've heard similar things so many times before and I've tried so many times but, as I said, it never ends up in much improvement. That's not you, that's me lol
Watching these two back to back was a HUGE mistake.
I've temporarily forgotten how happy I am in life for the pointlessness of it.
It is an interesting idea, philosophically speaking I'm not sure we would be considered human (as it's commonly known) if we could just ignore the physiological effects of loneliness.
This is a great video. It's interesting that loneliness is a biological mechanism to make you crave social interaction and to seek out relationships in order to increase survival chance. I know this is true because that raw biological impulse strikes me randomly from time to time for seemingly no reason at all. It is really annoying to be honest.
Consciously, I don't care that I spend most of my time alone, but my body says otherwise. The best solution is to somehow retrain the body to stop feeling sad when you have little social contact. That impulse to be social was useful during our hunger gatherer days, but is mostly just a hindrance now, at least when it comes to the personal life.
Consciously, I don't care that I spend most of my time alone, but my body says otherwise. The best solution is to somehow retrain the body to stop feeling sad when you have little social contact. That impulse to be social was useful during our hunger gatherer days, but is mostly just a hindrance now, at least when it comes to the personal life.
I do wonder about the societal effects that would follow. Would humanity as a whole even function without that carrot-and-stick in their brain?
All my friends are long distance now. The last one who was close by left to work in a different state. Loneliness sucks.