I don't know about that. What if OP isn't comfortable with being super thirsty online?
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My partner is posting risqué pics on Instagram and I don’t know how to feel about it
- Thread starter darz1
- Start date
EDIT: Fuck it, I'm assuming this topic is near to you. Pick better targets; you're firing blindly.
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Your entire post was about how people shouldn't push their own experiences on other ("Different people have different boundaries."), then you go on and ignorantly do the very same thing by assuming that an allosexual perspective is (probably) the one the person you just tried to educate about must have. Unlike the person you quoted, you were pushing your own world view on others. The person just explained about their experience and suggested to think about it. Not blindly follow or change their attitude.
And no, I was not trying to educate you. Go educate yourself. About time I guess. What I did was pointing out the double standard/flaw in your post. That's it.
Your example was, is and always will be bad in this context. You cant admit that and that's fine. Not many people are capable of doing so.
This is such a strange thread derail. His use of 'probably' was not out of place. That is such a mild qualifier and the correct one.
It feels like some weird cry for validation. Like, "Look at me! I have sex outside my relationship and we're fine!"
Cool? Good for you. *Finger guns*
I'd take it as a good sign if she's telling your about these DMs and showing them to you. Not blocking some of the creepy ones is weird though, I gotta say.
An ex of mine from some years ago would tell me about dudes who'd approach her (she's fit and sexy af, still is to this day) at parties or in the club if I happened to be somewhere else or at a different party, it was a good sign and I didn't appreciate it as well as I should have back then, it took a couple of "wake up slaps" for me to stop being an idiot, but it was too late.
An ex of mine from some years ago would tell me about dudes who'd approach her (she's fit and sexy af, still is to this day) at parties or in the club if I happened to be somewhere else or at a different party, it was a good sign and I didn't appreciate it as well as I should have back then, it took a couple of "wake up slaps" for me to stop being an idiot, but it was too late.
Coming into this thread was worth it for posts like these. I chuckled.
you should be careful what you wish for op, probably
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If you're happy that's what matters, but this compromise feels weird?
Making a second account dedicated to posting sexy pics feels like a step away from an OnlyFans account and almost worse than mixing them in on her regular account.
Making a second account dedicated to posting sexy pics feels like a step away from an OnlyFans account and almost worse than mixing them in on her regular account.
Nah you just tried for some kinda gotcha and missed and just kept doubling down, stop going after them
Glad a compromise was found on this.
I don't think I'd ever have the patience to have a partner who likes to cultivate a social media personality as a hobby. Seems exhausting.
I don't think I'd ever have the patience to have a partner who likes to cultivate a social media personality as a hobby. Seems exhausting.
I don't use Instagram, but do many influencers post sexy pictures and pictures of their kids? I would figure they would want to keep the kids off the feed to keep the fantasy alive.
I don't know, call me crazy but that sounds like some gaslighting manipulative bullshit to make you out as being unreasonable for feeling the way you do.
That's because it is. Along with the general dismissiveness of his feelings.
Happens to my wife, she shows me the creepy ones, we laugh and then she deletes/blocks them.
So I do find it strange that isn't being actioned in your case. If your in a marriage, you both have boundaries that you accept and respect. I know you shouldn't have to say this, but might be good to let her know how you feel and I hope you get the response you both feel is right.
So I do find it strange that isn't being actioned in your case. If your in a marriage, you both have boundaries that you accept and respect. I know you shouldn't have to say this, but might be good to let her know how you feel and I hope you get the response you both feel is right.
Maybe bring in flowers randomly and cook dinner now and then. I think you may not be doing what you say you're doing nearly as much. My first marriage ended due to this. Never take anything for granted. FB posts and liking them constantly might be frustrating and not tenable long term, but the other things I mentioned will make up for that.
And again, as to your second paragraph, don't ever take anything for granted, it's a mistake we all tend to make.
If someone needs validation from strangers to provide them happiness or fulfill some need, that's very much a bad thing. That's not healthy behavior. Especially when that need takes precedent over their own husband's wishes.
It sounds like a good compromise to me. But her saying the risqué Instagram photos were for him was still a lie and part of the underlying issues that required a compromise in the first place.
I agree with this, if my wife started doing nsfw pics and putting them on Insta against my wishes, that would be the end of the relationship for me tbh. If she the feels the need to be validated by strangers, to me that's a huge red flag.
Seems like OP has come to a compromise anyway, good for him.
Set up boundaries my dude, every relationship needs them. There are some great books on the topic. Also, go to marriage counseling. My wife and I go and it's great to get an unbiased third party perspective on things. Counseling is like exercise for your relationship so don't be afraid to go.
edit: I see you've reached a compromise but if any part of this still bothers you don't sit on it, make sure and tell her. It'll only build resentment if you don't.
edit: I see you've reached a compromise but if any part of this still bothers you don't sit on it, make sure and tell her. It'll only build resentment if you don't.
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Her complete dismissal and getting defensive at your feelings at the situation is unnerving and completely uncalled for. Relationships are about compromise, and it seemed as if the original compromise was "partner does whatever she wants and OP just has to put up with it". The actual end result is a bit better, but it still doesn't really resolve the issues at hand. She's still doing whatever she wanted in the first place (thirst-trapping), just now it's on a separate account which can cause its own problems. As long as she's transparent (which it seems she is, a pretty good sign), I'm sure things won't go too poorly if this "compromise" works out, but it still seems like she still just got the outcome she wanted and you're finding a way to pretend to be okay with it. Hopefully you don't see things the same way and actually are fine with the end result, though.
As Sgt Advance Wars already said, that is not entirely honest of her. It seems obvious she likes the attention of other men, of them saying she's sexy. If she really just posted them for you, why post them online? And she wants to continue doing so, even when you said you weren't comfortable with it. So it isn't for you.
Now, you might be a bit insecure (but if your wife is posting sexy pics online it makes a lot of sense to feel a bit insecure), but that is completely unrelated to the fact she just likes the attention of other guys.
I don't wanna go all armchair psychologist on her, but it's pretty telling she got mad about this part. Sounds like she isn't honest to herself either. Like she doesn't wanna admit she likes the attention. And that sounds like the core of it all to me. How much attention does she need? Is she willing to openly communicate about that, and are you comfortable with how much she needs, without feeling to insecure? And to reiterate, it absolutely doesn't sound strange to start feeling insecure when thousands of guys thirst over your wife posing in her underwear.
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Hell no she should be doing that whilst in a committed relationship. She's posting seductive pictures online for other men to comment and fan over, but also having active conversations with them in the dms?? No way would I stand for that. Total disrespect and obviously craving attention from other men. You instinctively know all of this is true aswell op.
Some clear boundaries need to be set, because this will haunt you going forward because its not right. Sure she can do what she wants, but so can you. Let her know what's up and how it will affecct the realtionship, because it will. If she tries to say you're insecure or whatever, don't fall for it. That's manipulation. Everything you said you feel is just common sense. Stay strong op. If you're being faithful and respectful on your side of the relationship, then so should she
Edit: Glad you worked things out op. Keep an eye on things going forward
Some clear boundaries need to be set, because this will haunt you going forward because its not right. Sure she can do what she wants, but so can you. Let her know what's up and how it will affecct the realtionship, because it will. If she tries to say you're insecure or whatever, don't fall for it. That's manipulation. Everything you said you feel is just common sense. Stay strong op. If you're being faithful and respectful on your side of the relationship, then so should she
Edit: Glad you worked things out op. Keep an eye on things going forward
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Hmm sounds like she might not be as committed to the relationship as you are...or her sense of the boundaries of the relationship might not be in line with yours...Forming friendships with people complimenting the pics online seems to cross that boundry.
Sure, but if that becomes a motivating factor, I don't think that is necessarily healthy. Like our culture is rife with narcissism, and I think it can be difficult to get perspective on what is or isn't healthy. I suppose it depends on how and why people do it. It can be motivating, but it can also become a motivation in and of itself. No doubt that our culture largely promotes manages images of life over lived reality, and see that all the time on social media...So yeah, it can feel good, but whether it is healthy on not depends.
Sure, but if that becomes a motivating factor, I don't think that is necessarily healthy. Like our culture is rife with narcissism, and I think it can be difficult to get perspective on what is or isn't healthy. I suppose it depends on how and why people do it. It can be motivating, but it can also become a motivation in and of itself. No doubt that our culture largely promotes manages images of life over lived reality, and see that all the time on social media...So yeah, it can feel good, but whether it is healthy on not depends.
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Honestly weird how OP comes to a compromise with his partner and people are still intent on finding a way to paint her as a bad person despite only having half the story.
Sure, but as you say it depends on factors we can't determine. The point I was making was around OP not understanding how it could make her feel good.
I've always found this quite curious a situation, brought on uniquely by social media.
If your partner was to send a picture of themselves in their underwear with a suggestive pose directly to another person, I think that would be pretty universally a big uh oh.
However if your partner indiscriminately 'sends' a sexually charged picture of themselves out into the wide world and to followers that they know are attracted to them it can be considered more of a grey area.
Like everyone has said, it's her choice if she wants to do that but also completely within your rights to not be okay with it. You need to both come do a decision either way.
If your partner was to send a picture of themselves in their underwear with a suggestive pose directly to another person, I think that would be pretty universally a big uh oh.
However if your partner indiscriminately 'sends' a sexually charged picture of themselves out into the wide world and to followers that they know are attracted to them it can be considered more of a grey area.
Like everyone has said, it's her choice if she wants to do that but also completely within your rights to not be okay with it. You need to both come do a decision either way.
OP, glad you talked with your partner about this and I'm hoping the compromise you arrived at eases your insecurities.
I'm not sure this question has been posed by another person, but I would ask yourself has this affected the intimacy between you and your partner? Like, I worry that maybe she's withdrawing from being intimate with you and instead sharing intimate pictures with her Instagram audience. Though this could be something where she wants to build her confidence and that in turn improves the intimacy between you and her.
I'm not sure this question has been posed by another person, but I would ask yourself has this affected the intimacy between you and your partner? Like, I worry that maybe she's withdrawing from being intimate with you and instead sharing intimate pictures with her Instagram audience. Though this could be something where she wants to build her confidence and that in turn improves the intimacy between you and her.