• Light/Dark

Never falling in love, how common/uncommon is it?

Status
Not open for further replies.

fireflame

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,275
I often ask this question, because I don't find any true answers and I guess it depends on people, but how common/uncommon is it to age without really falling in love with someone. I tend to be ina paradoxical situation where I am someone both very sensitive and at the same time experience a form of emotional detachment. If I am going to meet someone new, my first reaction would be to analyze the person I meet and figure what are the qualities and flaws of that person, figure if I have common points or not, and if that person is or is not reliable.

But I have the feeling most of peoplei know who fell in love did not spend a lot of time analyzing(some people feel in love early when they were 16, and sometimes that love last) or met at university,,etc. Being 32 I sometimes wonder if romantic love is not a convenient invention to promote relationships, but I see them happening and I don't get why? My brain processes the data but it feels like a complete strange event to me. Mentally, I feel in a bunkerized state where anything news will be reviewed in terms of threat level/benefits/risks.

I also consider many situations I know of where relationships did not end well at all. I have also in mind a quote from an author that wrote the question of life is the question of pain you inflict to other(and implicitly the pain you receive).
 
Thorn

Thorn

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
24,446
28 and never been kissed nor ever felt any romantic feelings here.

Personally I find the concept of Love at first sight to be bunk.
 
tino

tino

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
1,561
While I believe in the concept of "love" and especially parental love to their children, "falling in love" was not really a standard thing until the society allow social movement for love and physical movement for the new working class.
 
Dark Knight

Dark Knight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,489
The Almighty Tria said:
As someone who fell in love at first sight with my soulmate (literally, it hits you the first nano-second you see the person), this is a load of shit.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Load of shit? Coming from someone who believes in a soulmate? I don't think you're in a spot to be ridiculing others so harshly.

It's all chemicals, man. Love is a word to describe an instinctual attachment and emotional bond, and it's fine to romanticize it as much as you want, but don't mock others while making audacious claims about the soul.
 
isual

isual

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
667
love is all chemicals. same thing with depression and anxiety.

only get together for financial gain and/or you want kids.

5 star general. AS, BA, MA, LD. shiet
 
Addi

Addi

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,354
Take the term "fall in love", there's a fall, a risk involved. You seem to analyze everything in an objective manner as a sort of defence mechanism.
It might sound corny as hell, but you have to let yourself fall in love sometimes, it's not always something that happens by itself.
 
Last edited:
julia crawford

julia crawford

Took the red AND the blue pills
Member
Oct 27, 2017
35,868
I love my friends. I love them very much.

Hard to love someone else in that way though.
 

Deleted member 13328

Avenger
Oct 27, 2017
5,247
I never thought I would fall for someone, I've dated for years, hooked up with alot of people, I thought I never would catch feelings for anyone.

But here I am, 34 years old and fell in love with my girlfriend, I fell hard and fast.

Edit: I just want to add that I did not fall in love with her at first sight, it took a while, I was attracted to her physically as soon as I saw her, but it took a couple of weeks for me to fall in love.
 
Vincent Grayson

Vincent Grayson

Member
Oct 27, 2017
5,930
Mount Airy, MD
I think that would be tragic, to never truly fall in love.

I'm maybe on the opposite end of the spectrum. Loving people comes easy to me, and I'm currently in two loving relationships that I can't imagine life without.
 
Dark Knight

Dark Knight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,489
CrazyAndy said:
Ditto. I mean you maybe fall in love at first sight with the way someone looks but how can you fall in love with someone you know absolutely nothing about?
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
What love at first sight means is "this particular member of the human race has an above adequate visual aesthetic for me to form the base of a future relationship upon" and nothing more. There's nothing wrong with using the term, but the idea that you fall in love with the essence of this person upon seeing them is a ridiculous notion. Your brain is programmed to look for a set of ideal evolutionary traits in potential mates.. saying you fell in love at first sight is basically just admitting someone passed that threshold for you.

And if you fall in love with them even after a couple sentences worth of a conversation exchange, that's not longer "at first sight."
 

PatMan

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
978
I pity those who have never been in love or had someone love them. It's the most important part of the human experience.
 

Deleted member 135

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
11,682
Dark Knight said:
Load of shit? Coming from someone who believes in a soulmate? I don't think you're in a spot to be ridiculing others so harshly.

It's all chemicals, man. Love is a word to describe an instinctual attachment and emotional bond, and it's fine to romanticize it as much as you want, but don't mock others while making audacious claims about the soul.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Ow_the_edge.jpg


You are approaching the incel event horizon here man.
 
Dark Knight

Dark Knight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,489
SG-17 said:
You are approaching the incel event horizon here man.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Haha, am I wrong though? When did being factual become being edgy...

edit: and I do have a woman that I am very much in love with, so it's not like I'm turning my nose up at the concept of love itself, just did not like that poster's attitude
 
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
61,159
Thorn said:
28 and never been kissed nor ever felt any romantic feelings here.

Personally I find the concept of Love at first sight to be bunk.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
Have ever pursued a relationship? It takes time. Not everyone gets infatuated easily. I personally rarely get crushes.
 
Thorn

Thorn

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
24,446
PatMan said:
I pity those who have never been in love or had someone love them. It's the most important part of the human experience.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Does Storge (familial) love count? I got that.

I've long come to terms ill never be intimate with another in the eros sense and I feel fine.

entremet said:
Have ever pursued a relationship? It takes time. Not everyone gets infatuated easily. I personally rarely get crushes.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Nope. Zero interest. especially not when I'm a 4/10.
 
Hero of the Wild

Hero of the Wild

Banned
Nov 27, 2017
680
It's really easy to get into a relationship with someone due to attraction more than anything, and you aren't really compatible with long term with them. You can end up trapped in a terrible relationship, get married, have kids etc... but never really truly love that person.

I made that mistake and married a girl from collage and spent 8 years with her, married and had a kid and all that. Didn't love her at all and she certainly didn't love me. At the time I thought I did. But I didn't.

I'm now engaged to someone I do love and she loves me. The difference between relationships is insane. Having someone who cares for you as much as you care for them. You can trust them with anything. Rely on them to look out for you etc. That's what love is to me. Not just looking at a stranger and saying ohh she is pretty I'm in love.

No one wants a partner that doesn't even know what they want from a relationship.
 
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
61,159
Thorn said:
Does Storge (familial) love count? I got that.

I've long come to terms ill never be intimate with another in the eros sense and I feel fine.



Nope. Zero interest. especially not when I'm a 4/10.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...
I mean, what does attractiveness have to do it? Is every couple you see Tom Brady and Giselle? I see this all the time online. People brining up their attractiveness as if only super beautiful people pursue relationships.
 

VAD

Member
Oct 28, 2017
5,599
Falling in love is easy and super common in one's life. Now, being in a healthy and during relationship, well...
 
SliceSabre

SliceSabre

Member
Oct 25, 2017
4,556
30 here. I have certainly had people that have fallen in love with me. But I can honestly say I wasn't in love with them nor have I ever been in love with another person. Sometimes I think I'm too personal/independent/selfish to ever fall in love with another person because I will never allow myself to get that close to another person.

I love my family, but that's a totally different thing of course.
 
Phoenom

Phoenom

Avenger
Oct 28, 2017
1,330
Been in love once, close to twice though I stopped it the second time. Really really wish it would happen more often.

and to have those feeling reciprocated would be handy too.
 

Deleted member 8860

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 26, 2017
6,525
Being aromantic and/or asexual is not unheard of, but there aren't good statistics (or even definitive diagnostics) for either.

Dark Knight said:
It's all chemicals, man. Love is a word to describe an instinctual attachment and emotional bond, and it's fine to romanticize it as much as you want, but don't mock others while making audacious claims about the soul.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Everything human beings are, think, and achieve is "all chemicals, man". Pretty glib way to shut down any discussion.
 
Culex

Culex

Member
Oct 29, 2017
6,978
I read somewhere that "love at first sight" is not all bull. There was a study I know I read that people react to certain symmetries of the face and that actually helps guide finding a mate.

Totally from my point of view - my wife is the person who stood out in the crowd for me, not because she was the most drop dead gorgeous, but for some reason, she did.
 
Gakidou

Gakidou

Member
Oct 30, 2017
1,612
pip pip cheerio fish & chips
I don't know if anyone has worthwhile statistics on 'how common' it is, but there's been a big social push to understand different types of sexuality and different ideas of love which might help you find something to relate to.

The truth is, everyone's got their own inner definition of what qualifies as love, AND what they want out of a relationship! It's all quite intersectional with the idea of sexual identity. It's not as simple as are you gay/bi/straight, are you also sexual/demisexual/asexual? romantic/aromantic? monogamous/polyamorous?
You don't have to magically know the answer, but basically whatever you think sounds like you, there's probably people out there who identify as like-minded.

Here's like a little telegraph article I found that has a handy guide: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/s...-and-questioning-a-guide-to-the-brave-new-wo/

To me, 'love' is merely the opposite of hate. You enjoy someone, you want to be around someone, you feel invested in their life. Doesn't matter how fast it happened or if it ends someday.
I recommend not 'pitying' someone who claims to have never known romantic love, nor judging ones who have gone for it and had a relationship that ended badly.
 
Powdered Egg

Powdered Egg

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
17,070
No such thing as love at first sight lol, that's lust or attraction.

Of my two friends who've never been in love, they happen to be the biggest narcissists I've ever met. One cheated on every partner, including the current wife and the other willingly doesn't date but is objectively doing the world a favor by not doing so lol.
 
PaulloDEC

PaulloDEC

Visited by Knack
Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,506
Australia
Don't rule out the possibility that you'll have to feel many months of "like" before you start feeling "love". Some people get there very quickly, others get there very slowly.
 
Pimienta

Pimienta

Member
Oct 25, 2017
1,840
I have felt this irresistible sexual attraction, but I can safely say that I've never fallen in love with anyone. I'm in a similar position from you OP.
 
Tuorom

Tuorom

Member
Oct 30, 2017
11,018
I don't think what you're saying is something uncommon. I know that I am very picky when it comes to women. I'm 25 and it takes a particular personality to first get me interested and if I see some traits that I like then I usually get a crush.
What sucks is I catch the feels easily, so it has been nothing but some high highs then low lows as they tell me they only want to be friends a couple days after I show interest in a relationship.

Falling in love at first sight is just a strong emotional reaction to observing both a beautiful person (in your eyes) and recognizing the traits you are looking for. You aren't exactly in love with the person, but the things you notice are the things you really appreciate and so you get the feeling.

OP you just gotta put yourself out there and take risks. Life is only worth living because of the relationships we forge with others.
 

ChrisJSY

Member
Oct 29, 2017
2,071
MrS said:
Savage but entirely correct. The notion of a 'soulmate' is absurd, frankly.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Soulmates until your are not soulmates.
Give it time, statistically quite high.

People delude themselves in relationships and act irrational like that; they don't understand what they are doing.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.