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So is anyone else as terrible at dating as I am?

LookAtMeGo

LookAtMeGo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
7,136
a parallel universe
cosmicblizzard said:
I think there's a huge difference between a 33/34 year old guy with game and experience compared to a 33/34 year old virgin who have never had a single date in their life. This is what the mindset is for a lot of people on this site and elsewhere when they talk about the "window closing"; the sneaking suspicion that there's "something wrong with you" and that it's a massive turn-off. Looking to settle down or just continuing to be a player well into your 30s isn't some abnormal thing and know one would judge you for it when it's apparent you know what you're doing.
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I'm just injecting some positivity in here. Could just agree with them and be like "yeah, youre right. Windows closing at 24. Youre doomed bro"

If you read my post a few up from this one, I'm well aware lots of people have it harder than me when it comes to issues preventing them from meetimg women. Id rather take the "its never too late, dont give up, work on yourself, do what you can, theres someone out there for everyone" approach to conversations like this rather than the the pity party on display you see so often around here.

I empathize, I get it. Some people have a hard time and feel hopeless. But a defeatist outlook aint guna change anything. People are free to complain though.

Ive been down, hit rock bottom, been suicidal, but Ive bounced back and faced major challenges head on with a positive attitude and I'm doin pretty good now. That can be true for anyone facing problems with meeting women as well.
 
PS9

PS9

Banned
Oct 28, 2017
5,066
You're too focused on finding a serious partner instantly, you need like 3 girls going and you'll probs end up long term with one of them if you want. Also stress less.
 

Deleted member 18360

User requested account closure
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Oct 27, 2017
2,844
Sai said:
i can't date anyone i wasn't friends with first
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I'm sort of of two minds about this. If you're friends first you can gauge their character and develop trust and stuff under low pressure, but if the other person is really direct with you about what they want, then if that is tested a bit, that can build a trust that their intentions towards you might be somewhat consistent or reliable, lol.
 
entremet

entremet

You wouldn't toast a NES cartridge
Member
Oct 26, 2017
61,799
CrocM said:
Focus on creating good friendships. It is easier and often leads to good relationships.
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Isn't this the classic losing strategy, at last in male/female relationships? I know there are exception, of course. But there seems to always be issues with this, such as sincerity and honesty.

It just seems that if a guy into a girl he should be direct about his motives.
 
Sai

Sai

Prophet of Truth
The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
5,801
Chicago
umop 3pisdn said:
I'm sort of of two minds about this. If you're friends first you can gauge their character and develop trust and stuff under low pressure, but if the other person is really direct with you about what they want, then if that is tested a bit, that can build a trust that their intentions towards you might be somewhat consistent or reliable, lol.
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Haha yeah it definitely doesn't work like that for a lot of people, but it's just what I've found through my own dating life (I've gone on dates and stuff but only dated 2 people what I would consider seriously, and both were friends of mine before we started to date.)

I mean, I guess a part of dating is making a friend with someone, but then gauging if both parties want to make it anything more than that.
 

Deleted member 18360

User requested account closure
Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,844
Sai said:
Haha yeah it definitely doesn't work like that for a lot of people, but it's just what I've found through my own dating life (I've gone on dates and stuff but only dated 2 people what I would consider seriously, and both were friends of mine before we started to date.)

I mean, I guess a part of dating is making a friend with someone, but then gauging if both parties want to make it anything more than that.
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Yeah 'exploratory dating' sucks, committing to a date basically means that I've already decided that I like them. But for some reason the categories of friend and lover don't have a lot of overlap in my mind. Maybe because I'm used to my own feelings being chronically ambiguous, so it's comforting if something about the situation (such as the other person) isn't.
 
CrocM

CrocM

Member
Oct 25, 2017
9,995
entremet said:
Isn't this the classic losing strategy, at last in male/female relationships? I know there are exception, of course. But there seems to always be issues with this, such as sincerity and honesty.

It just seems that if a guy into a girl he should be direct about his motives.
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I wasn't talking about female friendships. Male friendships.
 
One Eyed Willy

One Eyed Willy

Member
Oct 30, 2017
3,324
I was terrible at dating, the worst person ever until I dealt with my insecurity and jealous nature. Once I learned to love myself and find happiness, dating was easy as fuck.
 
Cryptosporidium

Cryptosporidium

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
7,624
canada
Admiral Woofington said:
Some of us aren't even putting in much effort to find someone besides very passively swiping right on tinder and chatting with some people there. I've had some first dates that neither of us pursues further due to my total lack of interest, but ultimately I've realized I need to date a geek if I want the relationship to go somewhere but I don't go out of my way to find someone. I thought that when my confidence shot up after losing essentially all the weight I've gained since college I'd become more proactive, but nope it just helped my confidence and I feel healthier. That's it.

At this point it's not necessarily healthy to be this uncaring as I'm growing older, but something happened to me between high school which is where I cared about this stuff and now. But I'm not unhappy being single as I've been single basically my whole life. And my type of work is so time consuming I just want to get home and relax.

So yes, there's always someone with a worst track record. Be it laziness or something else.
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Yo BB, gimme them digits and Ill show yous a real man
 
InteractiveSoftwareUser

InteractiveSoftwareUser

User requested ban
Banned
Oct 25, 2017
472
I'm about your age and honestly, I imagine being interested in loli-anime stuff (that your avatar looks to be taken from) would be a near instant deal-breaker for every woman I know. Is that hobby something you've been open about with the women you went on several dates with?

Or am I out of touch? Not trying to be a dick but I'm under the impression that a grown man being into very ANIME anime is extremely off-putting to most women IRL.
 
Wrapped in Black

Wrapped in Black

Member
Mar 10, 2018
8,788
_id said:
Call me crazy but some women like when you are an asshole to them it's worked for me plenty of times. First don't over compliment them tell them that they look nice and that's it. Don't use words like beautiful and gorgeous and fine. On those sites guys tell them how gorgeous they are all day so they don't really need to hear it from you and hell its not like some of them aren't already big headed enough so keep the compliments to a minimum or none at all.

Next I wouldn't even mention that I have my own place and a career maybe you're sorta flaunting that to them and you don't want them to want you for the wrong reasons so I'd Dutch on all dates or let them cover the bill, again you wanna come off as an asshole but not too much of one.

And lastly come off as if you don't really need them make them feel as if they are replaceable. Never overreach for their attention if you guys are texting and she doesn't reply to your text don't send a second one make sure every text is a reply to hers. And when she does text you never reply right away and when she asks why you are responding so slow say you are busy dealing with important shit. Try the asshole approach it will work trust me.
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L

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Ravelle

Ravelle

Member
Oct 31, 2017
18,170
Holy shit, the post Wrapped in Black replied to is by the same person that got banned just today making a thread and for being horrible towards women.
 
DragonSJG

DragonSJG

Banned
Mar 4, 2019
14,341
_id said:
Call me crazy but some women like when you are an asshole to them it's worked for me plenty of times. First don't over compliment them tell them that they look nice and that's it. Don't use words like beautiful and gorgeous and fine. On those sites guys tell them how gorgeous they are all day so they don't really need to hear it from you and hell its not like some of them aren't already big headed enough so keep the compliments to a minimum or none at all.

Next I wouldn't even mention that I have my own place and a career maybe you're sorta flaunting that to them and you don't want them to want you for the wrong reasons so I'd Dutch on all dates or let them cover the bill, again you wanna come off as an asshole but not too much of one.

And lastly come off as if you don't really need them make them feel as if they are replaceable. Never overreach for their attention if you guys are texting and she doesn't reply to your text don't send a second one make sure every text is a reply to hers. And when she does text you never reply right away and when she asks why you are responding so slow say you are busy dealing with important shit. Try the asshole approach it will work trust me.
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LMAO. Such satire
 
Aske

Aske

The Fallen
Oct 25, 2017
5,694
Canadia
Exellus said:
Something I've heard more than once is that "I just didn't feel a spark." That or after a good (or so I think) first date, tons of talking etc. I just never hear back from them. I've heard another say that she still has feelings for an Ex, but she never told him. The most random shit.

I've had people's fathers have heart attacks right before a date. Or their uncles or any close relative. This has happened more than once. Like, terrible things happening to people just before meeting me.

I've had things start off super hot and then people get too "busy", like 7 days a week can't find free time busy. This happens a lot too.

At this point it's making me really self conscious about ever little thing about myself.

Am I too short? Too heavy? I'm 5'5" and 160. I'm 32. My hair is starting to thin, is that it? Am I too boring? Am I too forward? Am I not forward enough? Should I try to hold hands on the first date? Should I go dutch or pay for her meal? What even is a good first date spot?

I feel like a statistician just throwing random experiments out there and playing the numbers game to see what sticks at this point. But the problem is, the well is running dry, no one seems interested anymore. Even the 30 year olds group, who want long-term, etc.

Fuck man.
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Most important thing is to care less about all this. Gaining confidence is the most important upgrade (and most attractive). You can look like a bag of asses, and some woman to whom you are attracted will be into your looks. But you need to be confident.

Always go dutch. Paying for the other person takes away their agency (some people feel like they owe you), and/or makes you look like you're trying to make them to like you with money. That's a huge turn off.

I know it's easier said than done, but remember that every human is an individual with unique tastes and preferences, that it's a numbers game and it only takes one, and that you are your own best friend. If you get rejected, the chemistry wasn't there. It has nothing to do with you as a person, or the person you went out with. You're awesome, and eventually the right person will connect.
 
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