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The first draft of The Phantom Menace was damned decent, WHAT HAPPENED?

El Bombastico

El Bombastico

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
36,058
http://fd.noneinc.com/secrethistoryofstarwarscom/secrethistoryofstarwars.com/thebeginning.html

I mean, just look at this concept art:

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Holy shit, Obi-wan wearing badass dark clothing like Luke in RotJ, and not just the same fucking shit Owen wore on Tattooine.

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An older, more tolerable Anakin.

And Jar Jar:

Star-Wars-Jar-Jar-terryl-whitlatch-portfolio-4-large.jpg


Well, okay, Jar Jar was always gonna be shit. But the rest. And the story itself. From the link at the top:

It is only Obi-Wan who is sent to investigate the trade dispute. Qui-Gon doesn't appear until much later. Obi-Wan's characterization was essentially what became Qui-Gon in the final film, having many of the same lines and mannerisms.
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Jar speaks normal English, but is very child-like and emotional.
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There is more racial tension between the Gungans and the Naboo. Amidala tries to prevent Jar Jar from entering her ship. Obi-Wan argues and wins the point, but Amidala insists that the Gungan be kept in the droid hold. Racial prejudice had been considered a factor in the fall of the Republic for a long time. It was mentioned in the second draft of A New Hope, which stated that the founders of the Empire incited race wars.
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Outside, Padmé thanks Anakin for helping them. Anakin admits that he was seeking a way to enter the podrace without losing his vehicle to Watto, who can claim ownership over everything that Anakin possesses. By this reasoning, Anakin displays more unusual wisdom for a boy his age in saying:

ANAKIN: We're helping each other. That's the natural way of things.
Padmé asks Anakin if slavery is natural too.
ANAKIN: Of course not. But the stupidity of many creatures is.

Padmé confesses that she has never met anyone like Anakin. Returning the sentiment, Anakin leans over and gives Padmé a kiss on the cheek. They then watch the sunset together, until Obi-Wan arrives and sends Padmé inside to help Shmi set up the sleeping arrangements.
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Anakin seems to have little problem accepting change, although he clearly expresses a desire to remain on Tatooine with his mother. Also, in this conversation, Anakin reveals that he has already encountered Obi-Wan in his dreams, where he learned that the stranger was a Jedi.
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Qui-Gon Jinn's first scene is here on the landing platform on Coruscant, standing alongside Palpatine and Valorum. In this draft he is called "Quigon Jinn." When describing Jar Jar to Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan describes Jar Jar to Qui-Gon as "a Gungan who has been very helpful to me." In introducing Qui-Gon to his Jar Jar, Obi-Wan says, "He is my mentor and good friend."
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The Jedi Council agrees to test Anakin, but Yoda warns Obi-Wan that, while the boy's existence was foreseen, he is too old and his future is "blank" and dangerous. Qui-Gon takes Anakin to "the tower" for testing, while Obi-Wan stays back with the Elders. Mace Windu tells him, "Anakin will be returned to you after the test. He is your ward now, Kenobi. You realize there is little chance he will be accepted. You must decide what is to be done with him."
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Amidala and Jar Jar have a more in depth discussion about the relations between the Gungans and the Naboo. Neither knows how the rift came about. Jar Jar tells her that he believes that his people maintain their army to protect themselves from the Naboo.
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Maul and Sidious confer after the Queen leaves Coruscant. Sidious orders Maul to follow the Queen to Utapau and "finish it".

SIDIOUS: If you can't destroy the Jedi, avoid them.
MAUL: I have no doubt now that I am stronger than the Jedi. They will be destroyed.
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Upon returning to Utapau, the entire Trader's blockade is found still in place. In order to avoid the battleships, Obi-Wan proposes a plan that relies on the Force skills of Anakin. He tells them to "come out of lightspeed between the blockade ships and the planet," which both Panaka and Ric Olie argue is impossible. According to Ric, "The calculations are too infinite even for the most advanced computer."

Obi-Wan believes that Anakin's innate connection to the Force will enable him to "sense the proper moment to come out of lightspeed." Anakin takes the co-pilot's seat and straps himself in. Obi-Wan says to him, "Think of yourself racing...take the controls. We're heading toward a planet... Concentrate. Stop right before the surface."

Anakin closes his eyes and does so. The starship exits lightspeed just above the surface of the planet, and the amazed captain flies the ship into Utapau's atmosphere, using - at Obi-Wan's suggestion - the cloud cover and the cloaking device to conceal their landing.
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Jar Jar is an intentional hero during the battle. He leads his troops with courage and displays quick-thinking. At one point, Binks finds himself face-to-face with a destroyer droid. Jar Jar reaches for his pistol, but the weapon is knocked from his hands before he can fire it. The Gungan resorts to grabbing a handful of mud and throwing it at the droid's single eye. While the destroyer is blinded, Binks makes his escape.
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As Maul wades through the droids, cutting them down in his quest to kill Kenobi, the Jedi uses the Force to hurl droids at his enemy. Finally, they stand face-to-face.

OBI-WAN: Your style of fighting is old, but I understand it now.
MAUL: You learn fast.
OBI-WAN: You don't bother to learn.
MAUL: I don't have to.

Before Maul can act, Kenobi lashes out and cuts the Sith warrior in half. He studies his fallen enemy and says: "Learn not...live not, my master always says."
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Meanwhile, Anakin and Padme spot on heavily-armed battleship, and believe it to be the command ship. They prepare to attack the pilot's tower, but the tower's deflector shields prove incredibly strong. Padme orders two pilots, Teeter and Potts, to attack the ship's shield generator. They are successful in damaging the shields. Then, while Anakin pilots the ship, Padme serves as gunner. Despite the heavy flak surrounding them, Padme remains focused on her objective. As the deflector shield fluctuates, she fires several missiles, which destroy the control tower and cause the chain reaction that obliterates the command ship.
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Now, granted, there are still a LOT of problems with Episode I. Its still based on stupid taxation and shit. Jar Jar is still annoying (though it seems far less so). Anakin bulding C-3PO is still a dumb contrivance. Anakin is older but we don't know how old so his crush on Padme might still be gross. There's still the boring ass senate meeting. Darth Maul is still flat although he has more dialogue meaning that he ALMOST has a personality.

And yet, it all seems to flow so much better. Obi-wan is a headstrong, witty snarker, no just some bland young guy always in the background. Anakin has actual insight and personality than the annoying "Yippee!" little brat we actually got. Padme/Amidala actually has a character arc in regards to her treatment of Jar Jar.

I have to wonder why Lucas changed so much of this? Looking at TPM now compared to what this first draft actually was, it feels like a bastardization. Like Lucas lost faith in so much of the concepts and just dumbed it down as much as possible. Instead of a badass black gardbed Jedi order, we got a bunch of bland, desert clothing. Instead of a conflicted, angsty teenage Anakin, he's just a generic mop top kid. Instead of Jar Jar and Padme representing racial tensions and how to overcome them, she became a cardboard cutout and he a caricature straight out of Amos n' Andy.

Just makes me sad we didn't get this. Its not perfect, but I know it would've been better received than what we got (at least plot wise, acting...yeah).
 
Futureman

Futureman

Member
Oct 26, 2017
9,406
I can't believe people who died before '99 didn't get to experience Jar Jar. What a cultural milestone.
 
Sulik2

Sulik2

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
8,168
That sounds ridiculously better. Feels like Lucas wanted to make it into more if a kids movie.
 

Deleted member 19066

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
3,826
Qui Gon looks like a half ninja, half fremen.

Lucas, after all that time and success, still had no idea that Star Wars was already marketable as a straightforward science fantasy flick. He didn't need to add cute kids and comic relief characters.
 
DrArchon

DrArchon

Member
Oct 25, 2017
15,485
Lord Vatek said:
Honestly it still probably would have been crap, just a different flavor of crap.
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It certainly wouldn't have helped the direction, seeing as Lucas would never not be at the helm, but at least the idea would've been better. Maybe?

A lot of this just comes across as fixing dents and scratches when the engine is about the fail.
 
Bluebot

Bluebot

Member
Oct 25, 2017
643
Japan
El Bombastico said:
The site says circa 1994. Lucas threw it out and wrote the current shitty draft around 96-97.
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I wonder if he changed the story because he felt that he couldn't pull off the original version. If I remember correctly, he wanted a few other directors to take the chair, but all of them thought that he should take the reigns.
 
Nazo

Nazo

Member
Oct 25, 2017
2,831
I could have gone my whole life never seeing a naked Jar Jar. Thanks OP.
 
Sandfox

Sandfox

Member
Oct 25, 2017
24,743
I don't have a problem with Anakin being a kid, but they should've made Padme 3-4 years younger.

Sulik2 said:
Feels like Lucas wanted to make it into more if a kids movie.
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Pretty much. All of the changes seem to be in favor of making it more appealing to kids, which makes sense from a business perspective imo, but sucks for older fans. I enjoyed the movie as a kid and it introduced me to the franchise, so it would be hypocritical/dumb for me to act like I hate that decision now.
 
chrisPjelly

chrisPjelly

Avenger
Oct 29, 2017
10,500
Wow. Aside from naked Jar jar and the literal race wars, this sounds much more focused and cleaner.
 
OP
OP
El Bombastico

El Bombastico

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
36,058
Sandfox said:
I don't have a problem with Anakin being a kid, but they should've made Padme 3-4 years younger.


Pretty much. All of the changes seem to be in favor of making it more appealing to kids, which makes sense from a business perspective imo, but sucks for older fans. I enjoyed the movie as a kid and it introduced me to the franchise, so it would be hypocritical/dumb for me to act like I hate that decision now.
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And in the end he FAILED to appeal to kids. According to the Toys that Made Us documentary, sales for TPM mechendise took a nosedive after the movie actually came out.

Nazo said:
I could have gone my whole life never seeing a naked Jar Jar. Thanks OP.
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Don't act like you're not curious ;-)
 
Window

Window

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,284
This thread needs a NSFW label.

Just reading the excerpts in the OP, Maul sounds even worse if he gets one shot by Obi Wan actually. Some other things sound better. The designs certainly look better (but they may look ridiculous in real life however that's never stopped Star Wars before).
 
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sphagnum

sphagnum

Banned
Oct 25, 2017
16,058
Lucas felt that it would not be believable that a 14 year old boy would have such trouble leaving home rather than wanting to leave, and he also wanted Anakin to be a perfect little kid to contrast him with Vader's total darkness. Hence he was de-aged.

He probably cut out the more overt colonialist/racist narrative to make Padme not racist. The underlying stuff is still there, just kind of obscured.

Qui-Gon was brought in earlier because otherwise he has nothing to really do. This ended up kneecapping Obi-Wan however.

The black outfits aren't as good as the robes they settled on.
 
Maximus

Maximus

Member
Oct 27, 2017
3,586
Overall a much better narrative minus the issues of not explaining how Palpatine becomes supreme chancellor and Anakin becoming a Jedi with no debate. Shame it got changed into what it was.
 
Lowblood

Lowblood

Member
Oct 30, 2017
5,199
Using the Force to predict when to leave light speed is a way cooler display of his ability than the "Golly gee, I just accidentally destroyed the entire fleet by slapping at the controls of this ship" display that we got.
 
TheXbox

TheXbox

Prophet of Truth
Member
Oct 29, 2017
6,567
Anakin reads like a character from Dune, alarming wisdom and prescience in the body of a child. Padme is bolder and Obi Wan is a fully-fledged protoganist. The world is darker and feels closer to the tone of the OT. It's not perfect, but the shooting script sure seems like a dramatic, baffling departure from the original draft.

This shit right here:
Upon returning to Utapau, the entire Trader's blockade is found still in place. In order to avoid the battleships, Obi-Wan proposes a plan that relies on the Force skills of Anakin. He tells them to "come out of lightspeed between the blockade ships and the planet," which both Panaka and Ric Olie argue is impossible. According to Ric, "The calculations are too infinite even for the most advanced computer."

Obi-Wan believes that Anakin's innate connection to the Force will enable him to "sense the proper moment to come out of lightspeed." Anakin takes the co-pilot's seat and straps himself in. Obi-Wan says to him, "Think of yourself racing...take the controls. We're heading toward a planet... Concentrate. Stop right before the surface."

Anakin closes his eyes and does so. The starship exits lightspeed just above the surface of the planet, and the amazed captain flies the ship into Utapau's atmosphere, using - at Obi-Wan's suggestion - the cloud cover and the cloaking device to conceal their landing.
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That actually resembles proper character development.

What the fuck happened?
Soapbox Killer Returns said:
The story of episode one is not the problem with it.
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The story of Episode I is literally the only problem with it. It's a bad script. There's no protagonist, the plot is nonsense, the characters are boring, and it ultimately contributes very little to the six-part canon Lucas engineered.
 
I KILL PXLS

I KILL PXLS

Member
Oct 25, 2017
11,552
Never read that before. Almost all of it does sound better (older Anakin, less anooying Gungan talk, more interesting race relations, etc), though I'm not a fan of Qui Gon coming in so late. He's one of the better parts of the actual movie.

Also man. I really wish they had stuck with the ROTJ style black outfits for the Jedi instead of going the Tusken Raider/Tatooine citizen route. The concept art for that looked so good.
 
OP
OP
El Bombastico

El Bombastico

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
36,058
I KILL PXLS said:
Never read that before. Almost all of it does sound better (older Anakin, less anooying Gungan talk, more interesting race relations, etc), though I'm not a fan of Qui Gon coming in so late. He's one of the better parts of the actual movie.
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Obi-wan IS Qui-Gon here, more or less. He has his personality, and is not the bland wood stump he became in TPM.
 

Deleted member 40133

User requested account closure
Banned
Feb 19, 2018
6,095
What happened is the same thing that happens when I have too long to tinker with an essay. I tinker it into crap...and then I atleast go back to my original and works out well. Lucas didn't end up doing that unfortunately. Not that the draft version is a masterpiece or anything
 
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