-
Ever wanted an RSS feed of all your favorite gaming news sites? Go check out our new Gaming Headlines feed! Read more about it here.
-
We have made minor adjustments to how the search bar works on ResetEra. You can read about the changes here.
TransEra |ERA1| We're People, Okay?
- Thread starter SweetNicole
- Start date
- OT
I've seen arguments that 'wanting' to be trans but feeling you aren't is just another form of dysphoria. Sometimes I have days where I feel ridiculous and 'not trans enough'... but if I wasn't trans why would this bother me?
That's not to say you are or aren't trans - that's not for anybody to decide except you. but it might bear looking into and, honestly, with your stated depression and anxiety issues maybe it's worth looking into counselling or therapy... maybe with someone with whom you can bring up gender identity?
That's not to say you are or aren't trans - that's not for anybody to decide except you. but it might bear looking into and, honestly, with your stated depression and anxiety issues maybe it's worth looking into counselling or therapy... maybe with someone with whom you can bring up gender identity?
Don't be sorry, venting is good, I didn't mean to say you shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry if I came off as dismissive.
Huh, that was an interesting read. I count myself as genderfluid, but I spend a loooooot of time wondering if I'm actually just full on trans and in denial, and stuff like that just makes me wonder harder, LOL.
Gender is hard! My identity is somewhat fluid (I'm trans fem for sure, but am I enby or a trans woman? Or both?) and sometimes I wonder if I identify as enby just because of hangups about, say, my appearance or acceptance or whatever. The important thing is, whatever you are, it's valid.
Yeah, that all sounds pretty close to where my own head is at. Thankfully I've gotten over a lot of my feelings of inadequacy regarding the validity of my identity as I currently understand it, but I'm sure if I ever get to the point that I'm just "You know what, I've been a trans woman this whole time" I'll have a whole bunch of next level shit to work through, LOL.
It did, to be honest. "Can't help, go find a therapist".
I think the main reason why the genderfluid label always felt inappropiate for me was because I was focused on the words "male" and "female". Like, genderfluid people might sometimes feel male, sometimes female, sometimes something else, right? But yesterday, I saw a post on Reddit of a person who said they're genderfluid because they sometimes feel masculine and sometimes feminine. Would that still count? Because sometimes I definitely feel feminine.
However.. it's not quite the same. The way I understand it, a GF person might feel feminine/female one day and then presumably present accordingly. But for me, it's the other way around. If I dress in a somewhat feminine way, I feel feminine. I don't wake up in the morning and feel feminine/female/girly. Which again leads me to doubt that I'm GF..
I think you are trying to drill all of this down into neat checkboxes too much and then disqualify yourself from the labels.
I would view them mostly as a way to give a rough context for other people regarding your feelings and behavior. If you show up super masc one day and super femme the next I would probably think you are gender fluid or gender non conforming.
And whatever you actually tell me would take priority
Just curious, what would have to happen for you to think that someone is a CD?
If by CD you mean crossdressed then that they present in a feminine way while identifying as a cis man.
But I see that under the umbrella of gender non conformity.
Sorry, it's just that this shit is tricky and I'd rather not say anything that could have negative effects. From your posts I don't think you're cis, that's not how this reads to me. No cis person spends this much time questioning. It's easy for me to read your depression as being a result of not transitioning, since I was depressed for a long time and it turns out I'm trans and transitioning and embracing that instantly turned my life around. But you're not me, so.
But I'm a rando on a forum and I don't know you, nobody here does. So ultimately it's good to vent and I can give my interpretation and validation but my best advice remains "see a therapist".
This sounds accurate, too.
You didn't ask me but my answer is: someone would have to tell me that they are a cross dresser. It's not for me or anyone else to decide what kind of presentation makes someone a woman or a cross dresser. It's purely up to them.
As for gender, I still struggle with it almost daily. I don't feel like A Woman or A Man because I don't know what the fuck that means. I'm a person. All I know is it makes me a lot happier to identify as a woman and have others do the same. But overall I'm still unhappy with the binary and I'd rather just be me and live in a genderless society where gendered pronouns aren't a thing. It's easily the better of two bad options, to me. I know I could identify as enby, but to me that doesn't change the material reality where I will get gendered on a daily basis, and I don't want to explain to everyone I meet that I don't have a gender and that yes, that is actually possible. That must be fucking exhausting.
As I mentioned a few posts ago, I identify as genderfluid, and I would indeed describe my experience as sometimes feeling masculine and sometimes feminine if pressed to be strictly accurate (I'd normally be just as likely to say I feel male or female). Though really I would say I bounce around somewhere in the middle with a lean of varying degrees toward one or the other. I'd say I was bigender before agender of third gender, because I definitely experience both genders as far as I'm concerned rather than something that is neither or nothing at all, but it fluctuates, so I'm pretty comfortable wearing the GF label.
And not to be glib, but gender really is hard and complicated. In my experience, it can be difficult to determine whether expression is driving identity or identity is driving expression sometimes. Yes, I will pick from my women's clothes when girlmode waxes, but throwing on those same clothes when I'm closer to the middle will also move me in that direction too.
Well, like I said, that's strictly in my own personal experience. And most of the time I expect it really is identity driving expression, but I can't deny the existence of a positive feedback loop or something when indulging in one identity or the other increases how much I'm identifying.
Yesterday morning, I woke up and was lying in bed for a while. And out of the blue, I was like.. "Yeah, I'm probably genderfluid". The bolded part is the biggest hint. However, today morning, it was the opposite. Again, I was in bed, and I was thinking to myself.. "Actually, I don't feel like that at all. I'm probably a CD". Sigh..
Ah, I don't think my depression is related to my gender. It's mostly caused by my loneliness and my social anxiety. I feel like my depression is actually preventing me from exploring my identity further. If I was happy, I would probably experiment more and go out dressed up more frequently. Which I haven't done in months.
This gives me a bit of hope.
Same. I'm actually collecting gender-related quotes which may be helpful for me to find my identity.
Might be a chicken and egg scenario. My depression was also caused by loneliness and anxiety but those were caused by me not loving myself because I didn't realize I was trans and that's why I was unhappy which is why I didn't want to put myself out there. I got happier the instant I tried on a wig and could see a future for myself as a girl. That inspired me to start transitioning pretty much immediately, because for me, going back in the closet would be slowly killing myself, which I had been doing for over a decade by being unable to take control of my life because I couldn't see a future for myself (because I wasn't, really, myself).
Again, this is not me saying this will also definitely be the case for you, but it's always worth exploring and experimenting. Nothing is going to magically make you happier without you doing anything. Whether that be seeking out a therapist to start that process or deciding to just try living as a woman part-time, or something else.
I am putting myself out there. But without much success. Online dating is a shitshow. Hardly anyone ever replies. Of those who do, 90% ghost me within 3-5 messages. I have barely any dates. And there has never been a second date, even if the first one went really well.
It's not much better with friends and acquaintances. I have stopped asking them about going out together, because I know that they will be "busy" or "have other plans" and so on. None of that would change if I were to accept myself as trans and transition.
Why assume I don't do anything? I have two therapists. One of them I'm seeing weekly.
my bad, i assumed you weren't since therapy came up before and you didn't mention it. i'm probably projecting my own past situation too much. that's why i was hesitant to say much in the first place.
For what it's worth your experience in that regard mirrors my own pretty closely.
It's almost weird that it took being out as trans before I found a partner who is not embarrassed to introduce me to her friends and has parents who actually like me.
it took me coming out to find a partner at all. I was never in a relationship because I couldn't imagine wanting to date me before I came out (at 30 mind you so I spent a long time alone). I came out to myself, started transitioning, and found a partner I'm still with all within like 3 months. And her parents even like me!
I'd love to know how you went about starting out trying to meet people, cos I'm definitely of a similar mindset, and don't really know how to start putting myself out there whilst still just starting my transition.
I used OKCupid, and tinder mostly. Tinder is a cesspit but I did get two dates from there I think. I met my gf on OKC. idk how it is now, or in your area, but back then OKC was generally a lot more queer-friendly partly due to the filtering options but also the general audience. I'm just glad I'm done with online dating apps.
I did meet a cute trans girl from OKC once. Had cocktails, got along pretty well, went to my place, watched San Junipero and made out. It was great.
A month later, I asked if she'd like to meet again. She was like, sorry I'm not feeling well at the moment. Two or three months later, I asked again. She was like, yeah I'd love to meet you again!! And a few days before the date, she cancelled because again, she wasn't feeling well. Or at least that's what she said. I didn't ask a third time. Never heard from her again.
🙄
A month later, I asked if she'd like to meet again. She was like, sorry I'm not feeling well at the moment. Two or three months later, I asked again. She was like, yeah I'd love to meet you again!! And a few days before the date, she cancelled because again, she wasn't feeling well. Or at least that's what she said. I didn't ask a third time. Never heard from her again.
🙄
Don't take it to heart, a lot of people are super flaky when it comes to online dating. 99% of all my conversations went nowhere.
FWIW, I'm supremely jealous of anyone who is going out fully en femme, because that is something I'm still working my way up to. I used to just be good with wearing some eye makeup and women's clothes that could read as masculine at first glance (even at my most girly of impulses, I'm still a t-shirt over jeans person) and hoping it wasn't too noticeable, but then I almost died of COVID and came out the other end hellbent on coming out of the closet to fucking everyone and wanting to drop god only knows how much money on a wig, makeup, and padding to make shit happen.
I rarely post on the forum but recently there has been a surge of trans related topics that make me frustrated (both at the creators/developers) and the posters who are dismissive. Then I found this thread so... hi.
I want to comment on the depression point that was mentioned earlier because I can definitely link mine with dysphoria. 1 year into HRT, I can feel it fading away and I feel more confident. I've fallen into a slump again as I have to find a job in the middle of the pandemic but I keep in touch with a local trans organization that will hopefully help me find a place where I can be myself in contrast with my previous job (middle-high school teacher) where it was impossible. Also, though I have presented myself as a woman online for like a decade, I only recently came out on my Twitter and to my acquaintances because it kept gnawing at me. Now I can discuss trans related issues openly and weed out people who are not okay with my existence.
I want to comment on the depression point that was mentioned earlier because I can definitely link mine with dysphoria. 1 year into HRT, I can feel it fading away and I feel more confident. I've fallen into a slump again as I have to find a job in the middle of the pandemic but I keep in touch with a local trans organization that will hopefully help me find a place where I can be myself in contrast with my previous job (middle-high school teacher) where it was impossible. Also, though I have presented myself as a woman online for like a decade, I only recently came out on my Twitter and to my acquaintances because it kept gnawing at me. Now I can discuss trans related issues openly and weed out people who are not okay with my existence.
I sure got my hopes up, though, because she was one of the incredibly small number of people I actually met.
She's also part of the group I mentioned in my rant, and frequently attends their meetups..
How does one start HRT? I generally don't know what I am (maybe gender fluid?) but transitioning to a less "locked in" me is what I want. I don't even have a GP or anything, so I guess what I'm asking is what are the steps? GP, psychologist, etc....? How much is it usually? I don't want surgery (well, as of right now) because I don't want to go under for anything unless we're talking tumors and whatnot.
Also hi 👋
Also hi 👋
It depends on where you are from. I think in the US you can start anytime with informed consent.
In the UK you tell your GP who will refer you to a GIC, they would do a psychological evaluation before sending you to an endo. The wait times for the first appointment is about 3 years.
Here in Germany I directly went to a therapist who wrote me a letter for the endo after half a year of treatment. It took me 8 months from calling for an appointment to receiving my first dose.
In the UK, there are also numerous private options which can have high~ish fees to start up (about £500-1000) but then depending on if you find a GP who is willing to operate on a shared care agreement, can be essentially free after that. These private clinics usually have waiting lists in the 3-6 month timeframe, which is still too long, but much better than the NHS
I'm in Ireland and really want to start testosterone, would GenderGP be any use to me? Any advice would be great.
Reddit - Dive into anything
www.reddit.com
I'm not sure how up-to-date this still is(esp. during the current pandemic) but hopefully its useful
I'm really not sure. I think it would depend mainly on your age, and perhaps how helpful your GP is willing to be, but you can ask here https://www.gendergp.com/ask/ and you'll get an answer in around 3 days.
Wow thanks!Reddit - Dive into anything
I'm not sure how up-to-date this still is(esp. during the current pandemic) but hopefully its useful
Earlier today, I made a Grindr profile, and I intentionally did not upload any pics in girl mode. I am sick of people only being interested in my feminine side. I am sick of having to dress up in order to find sexual partners. Once again, I thought I was "over it".
And then I watched a porn vid with a gorgeous trans girl, and I couldn't stop daydreaming about being with her AND being her. And now after I came, I'm back in "fuck dressing up, fuck makeup, fuck girl clothes" mode. This is so fucking frustrating.
And then I watched a porn vid with a gorgeous trans girl, and I couldn't stop daydreaming about being with her AND being her. And now after I came, I'm back in "fuck dressing up, fuck makeup, fuck girl clothes" mode. This is so fucking frustrating.
Hey everyone. So thanks to a thread on etcera the other day I've been thinking more about where I stand gender wise a lot. I still kinda feel like I don't really belong posting here? I've been trying to post here off and on for a couple days in the thread.
I'm not really sure what else to say, I'm still learning. Sorry this is a weird post!
I'm not really sure what else to say, I'm still learning. Sorry this is a weird post!
I think it's perfectly fine to post here when you are questioning or unsure.
Hi, welcome!
You can send a PM on here to Robin for a discord invite (there's a link to her profile in the op)
Depression. It's gotten worse. I don't even want to leave the house anymore. I've stopped taking antidepressants months ago because they didn't do anything. I'm considering quitting my therapist because nothing's getting better. I wish I didn't have any feelings whatsoever, because being happy is apparently not possible anyway.
But it's not really gender-related, so I'll stop here. I just had to get this off my chest. Sorry.
That could absolutely be gender-related. From the outside, it seems like you've been trying to stop yourself from transitioning for a long while instead of just accepting it and going from there. Social pressure is very much real, but it seems like you'd be happier with yourself if you just stopped fighting it.