Oh, aight. I didn't realize someone has touched someone before and not been told to get the fuck away.
Yeah OP your roommate must just be crazy.
Was/am I being sensitive?
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Oh, aight. I didn't realize someone has touched someone before and not been told to get the fuck away.
Yeah OP your roommate must just be crazy.
And to a different lot of people it is weird.
Which is why it's a good thing to know how someone will react to contact before going for it.
It's not a big deal. If y'all were closer she might have been cool with it but you aren't and she's going through a break-up. Let it be.
Person was in an emotional state and they might act more agressively than they mean to when they maybe just wanted to say "nah thanks". Some here are making a big fuzz over her being super mean. Just say "hey sry for the shoulder thing before, didnt mean to be annoying" and she will probably go "yeah sry for getting pissed" and everyone will be glad and happy.
there's not much to this.
there's not much to this.
You live with her, doesn't mean that you're a friend, let alone a friend she can talk her personal life with. Given that, it could be said you also invaded her personal space by touching her.
(of course, the above may be incorrect - but you've not given us enough context on the nature of your relationship with her in the OP, so that's on you).
(of course, the above may be incorrect - but you've not given us enough context on the nature of your relationship with her in the OP, so that's on you).
It's okay man, sometimes people react reflexively to being touched when they're having negative emotions. Don't take it personally but also don't do it again if a similar situation arises.
I've been in a similar situation here, I come from a place where human contact is much more socially acceptable. When I moved to where I am I didn't find out for a while that not everyone's okay with that until a couple people reacted to it, one time more poorly than the other.
It's not a good feeling, but I wouldn't take it too personally as others have said - she wasn't in a good emotional place. In the future though it's just worth remembering that not everyone is alright with human contact
yeah, you're not close enough for a shoulder touch yet. that's gross. don't do it.
Sounds like you want to be more than just roommates. Would you want your bro to know you were there if he ever wants to talk, touches shoulder
I don't think you necessarily did anything wrong, for many people that would have come across as a nice gesture, however she could be going through something extra emotional or have issues with people she doesn't know super well touching her. She might have overreacted but whatever, some people are just weird about touch. If this was me then I would personally play it cool for a week or two then try to have a quick chat in a comfortable open room and apologize if it unintentionally upset her that day (even though your gesture were coming from a nice place in mind) and ask how you can make her more comfortable going forward and see how she reacts, if she is willing to explain herself or apologize back to you.
Don't fucking touch people.
End of story.
I've been assaulted and robbed and literally if anyone touches me I get flash backs and I might flip shit.
PTSD sucks.
End of story.
I've been assaulted and robbed and literally if anyone touches me I get flash backs and I might flip shit.
PTSD sucks.
what exactly is gross about a shoulder touch while saying sorry?
if that alone is enough to make you uncomfortable, why have roommates in the first place?
she may have snapped slightly because of emotions during the situation but you guys are overreacting
OP already said he comes from a culture where that's socially acceptable. While it's necessary to adapt your social behavior depending on your new surroundings, calling someone "gross" for something like that is a stretch.
You're fine. Just feel sorry for the emotional state she's in and look past it. She'll get better.
it's socially acceptable in america, too. it's a consoling thing.
have you not seen this at funerals? is it gross when those strangers do it?
Nothing at all unless he was previously handling uncooked chicken.
That's why I said culture, not country. You have to remember America is a big place with lots of very, very different types of people all around. Depending where you are, certain types of behavior are more accepted than others.
Sounds like she overreacted but you can understand her emotions. Still, general rule of thumb is don't touch anyone who isn't a close friend.
I would find it a little weird considering your acquaintance level relationship, OP. Especially if you hadn't been part of the conversation up to that point and just interjected with what you said and a shoulder touch. Don't dwell on it and try to be more aware in the future.
As someone who really doesn't like being touched unless I welcome it, probably would have done the same.
There was a time when people would be polite regardless of their inner turmoil.. especially to strangers or aquaintances. I think it all goes back to parents not enforcing basic manners like please, thank-you and especially "yes/no m'am" and "yes/no sir." When I was a child, every parent would drill these into their kids so there wasn't the same peer pressure to manner-lapse as there is today. I have to remind my kids daily on sir/m'am because they rarely hear it outside of the household.
You're implying that she was being rude when her housemate touched her out of nowhere? And enjoy raising your kids in the 50s, sir.
!!!
plenty, i'm sure? not everybody at a funeral knows the deceased; people do come to support another person, you know?
why? just say thanks like a normal person. i get not liking unwelcomed physical content but come on.
Y'all are now talking about what people should feel about being touched mates. That's not the point, the point is allowing space for different people to react differently to the same thing.
I didn't call someone gross. I called the action gross. If she reacted poorly to it, then she's not okay with that, and you can't just say "well in my culture we're okay with it" because that's not the important part of the equation.
I think everyone may be overthinking this.
You mentioned you were washing dishes. Were your hands still soapy and wet?
You mentioned you were washing dishes. Were your hands still soapy and wet?
Ok, cultural differences coming up. Where I live in almost everyone is called by their first name (of course parents are mom or dad or whatever) or full name, calling them by their title or using terms like "sir" or "m'am" would sound condescending, in cases it's used as "fuck you".
For what its worth, i don't think you did anything wrong. It's a bad time for her so its best to give her space talk to her in a few days.
lol this is actually a good question. OP may have had weird-smelling, wet sponge hands.
Yeah, people offended that they can't just touch anyone regardless of aquaintance level is nuts.
This.
Seriously, who cares? You tried to be nice, she doesn't want it, end of story.
Things will be awkward a few times after this, then you both will pretend like nothing ever happened (which absolutely is the case) or even forget it (which should be the case, because again...who cares?).
Even if she chooses to be petty as fuck: You approximately talked to her once every week. You can live without that, easily.
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