as cliche as this sounds OP, this is very true.
Also it is okay to feel resentment and jealousy at times, but as you said you are also humble for whatever help you have got so far. So use this to motivate you big time.
When is it ok to be resentful?
- Thread starter BladeoftheImmortal
- Start date
as cliche as this sounds OP, this is very true.
Also it is okay to feel resentment and jealousy at times, but as you said you are also humble for whatever help you have got so far. So use this to motivate you big time.
But afaik you didnt have a car there, so on your commute you could still work. Even then you have the experience in China. You had a family there that, I suppose, at least seemed to appreciate you more.
You could have changed jobs or even look for higher paying teaching jobs (like I said Wall Street English, Xindongfang, EF etc. that pay more).
Life isn't fair. Make the most out of it though.
You could also just do what Chinese who are living outside of China do. Kaola/Taobao shop and sell foreign brands to China.
Yo OP, I feel you man and I'm in a similar situation. My father is a workaholic who projects. I am the smartest of my siblings and the 2nd most accomplished out of them so from my parents perspective, "I should be" working to the point of depression and be a politician or a rich lawyer with his own big law firm because that means success. The main source of my resentment is my dad bullied me into going to lawschool and that nigga ain't even give me tuition money so I've had six figure debt since 2010.
I have two siblings who have always struggled with school and one of them has been a complete do nothin' for most of their lives. My parents paid for their weddings, cars, rent, helped out with homes, etc... Any large amount of money my dad's given me, he's also gave the same amount to my siblings. So they get to build with that money while I get to throw it into a hole. If I died today, creditors would pathetically be suing my estate for my PS4 lol. I'd say the two funniest slaps in the face was my dad sold a building and promised money from the sale to me. A month later my sister gets engaged to a dude she met off the internet and knew for less than a year. Guess where "my" money went? The second insult, years ago I gave my dad legal advice on one of his buildings and I followed up on it recently. Not only did he not take my advice, but he ended up losing $400k on the building sale. Fool practically pissed away money that could have covered my debt.
At the end of the day OP, you just have to do you and grind. I'm not expecting shit from my parents and realize if they wanted to get me out of that ditch they would have done so already. I just gotta build with the money I have and I don't let it affect my relationship with my siblings. Ultimately it was my parents decision to throw everything at them.
How is your relationship with your siblings? If they didn't do anything to your personally, please don't allow that resentment to negatively affect your relationship with them. Sorry about the current job prospects but you just have to grind and do you. Just grind grind grind, I know law graduates whose first job out of school was janitorial services until they got the job they trained for.
I have two siblings who have always struggled with school and one of them has been a complete do nothin' for most of their lives. My parents paid for their weddings, cars, rent, helped out with homes, etc... Any large amount of money my dad's given me, he's also gave the same amount to my siblings. So they get to build with that money while I get to throw it into a hole. If I died today, creditors would pathetically be suing my estate for my PS4 lol. I'd say the two funniest slaps in the face was my dad sold a building and promised money from the sale to me. A month later my sister gets engaged to a dude she met off the internet and knew for less than a year. Guess where "my" money went? The second insult, years ago I gave my dad legal advice on one of his buildings and I followed up on it recently. Not only did he not take my advice, but he ended up losing $400k on the building sale. Fool practically pissed away money that could have covered my debt.
At the end of the day OP, you just have to do you and grind. I'm not expecting shit from my parents and realize if they wanted to get me out of that ditch they would have done so already. I just gotta build with the money I have and I don't let it affect my relationship with my siblings. Ultimately it was my parents decision to throw everything at them.
How is your relationship with your siblings? If they didn't do anything to your personally, please don't allow that resentment to negatively affect your relationship with them. Sorry about the current job prospects but you just have to grind and do you. Just grind grind grind, I know law graduates whose first job out of school was janitorial services until they got the job they trained for.
You might have a marketing degree but it seems like you have zero experience in that field. Why would someone take a chance on a person who finished their degree a decade ago and hasn't used it? You need to be thinking on what you can do with education and the people that are in China are offering you advice.
I must have missed it but why did you leave China? Moving somewhere else, even if it is back "home" is never a good idea if you have no income.
I must have missed it but why did you leave China? Moving somewhere else, even if it is back "home" is never a good idea if you have no income.
A couple of things from scanning through:
1) I am very curious to know what your brother did with a fine arts degree, my first guess is always teaching, but I guess it could be something else?
2) So I am an accountant and as I have generally found, there are so many people getting marketing degrees that marketing departments will push their applications to other departments with underemployment. For example, one of my friends at the accounting firm I work at is a marketing major. They don't exactly do accounting, it is something far more simpler, but it is well outside their major. Essentially, marketing is a far more competitive field than most people realize.
1) I am very curious to know what your brother did with a fine arts degree, my first guess is always teaching, but I guess it could be something else?
2) So I am an accountant and as I have generally found, there are so many people getting marketing degrees that marketing departments will push their applications to other departments with underemployment. For example, one of my friends at the accounting firm I work at is a marketing major. They don't exactly do accounting, it is something far more simpler, but it is well outside their major. Essentially, marketing is a far more competitive field than most people realize.
Im not even in China but I can see what Chinese in Germany are doing to earn money. Often they register a business here, set up a Taobao shop and lately have cooperations with Kaola and set up a taobao shop.
While BladeoftheImmortal is still looking for a fulltime job, he could also work as a 1to1 teacher part-time or translate stuff to english. There are so many part-time jobs that you can do outside of China if you have a few connections.
OP
OP
Because you don't get experience unless someone gives you a chance.
Edit: I did very well in school. Took care of myself independently for 8 years in China and am very competent. I can learn on the job just like everyone does.
Last edited:
That is all well and good but you need to understand how people think. You are not a new graduate, you are an old graduate with no experience. You might not want to hear this but you are seen as lower than a new graduate as your education can be dated now.
I was in a similar position as yourself, having lived in China for 5 years. I had to move to some not attractive locations back home as I needed to build up my career back home.
In all honesty, you should probably head back to China if you could and work on making your employability attractive for positions back home.
Sorry about all of the shitty bootstraps advice you're getting in this thread. Sounds like your family has been blatantly shitty to you and has offered privilege to your brother while giving none to you.
OP
OP
I have a lot of experience. How do people switch careers? You show competency in one area and then that translates into others.
It's not always the case for some, but from what you could gather from many people's experiences in life, one thing to take away is that sometimes trying your best is not enough. Sometimes people won't care. The reality is, people are not always using the same compass as you. People, if you need them that much, will become useful only I'd you can schmooze them up a bit. ;/
Either way I hope things turn around for you mister Blade!!
Either way I hope things turn around for you mister Blade!!
My family is the catalyst for my mental health issues that affect me every single day of my life. I used to hate and resent them for it. As I've gotten older, I realize that they will never understand it or me in general for that matter. They will never make up for lost time or any of the pain they have caused me my entire life. So I have let it go. What's the point of me even holding on to something so inherently negative that will never change?
I've moved forward in my life not giving a shit what they say or do, and if they decide to ever step up and change or make some positive effort, I'll welcome it. But I sure as shit ain't holding my breath or losing any sleep over it anymore. It's nice to let it go and accept it like that. Grudges just make life more painful and frustrating than it already is.
I'm not saying this is applicable to every single person, there are people you should work things out with, when and where you can if it's a health situation, of course. But if there is a pattern of shit like my family? Drop them and all the negativity associated with it, and just put a wall up for it.
I've moved forward in my life not giving a shit what they say or do, and if they decide to ever step up and change or make some positive effort, I'll welcome it. But I sure as shit ain't holding my breath or losing any sleep over it anymore. It's nice to let it go and accept it like that. Grudges just make life more painful and frustrating than it already is.
I'm not saying this is applicable to every single person, there are people you should work things out with, when and where you can if it's a health situation, of course. But if there is a pattern of shit like my family? Drop them and all the negativity associated with it, and just put a wall up for it.
People switch careers often with relationships, but an employer sees you being in China for I don't know how long and just worked there as an english teacher, which every native american can become there. No project manager, no marketing manager, no team leader, no engineer etc.
A HR person wont just think "Oh. You showed competency in english teaching. That means he can also become a project manager!" That is not how it works unless you know someone inside HR/company. They would employ someone who freshly graduated or has experience in that particular area.
Your strengths would be that you lived in China and can speak Mandarin, so you should look for jobs that have a connection with that country or where they need Mandarin.
Like I said. You could also check out what other mainland Chinese are doing. The Taobao/Kaola thing is quite big and I know people, at least in Europe, who can earn up to 10k € each month with that. Of course you need to learn logistics, how to market your stuff on taobao/Kaola/TMall, invest money, customs etc.
Resentment is one of the worst feeling a human can have. Unlike anger, which will be diffused after a while pride and resentment will just grow bigger.
To answer your question, you are allowed any emotion. But to my advice feed both the pride and the resenment you carry on you to anger or determination, else it will eat you alive.
To answer your question, you are allowed any emotion. But to my advice feed both the pride and the resenment you carry on you to anger or determination, else it will eat you alive.
OP
OP
I did business English training at corporations and University English. I didn't teach kindergarten
That doesn't matter for an employer I guess. Because to an employer that still looks like you did it because you were a "native", not because of your qualifications. That is why it is important to work for Xindongfang (New Oriental), EF English, Wall Street etc. The big names, that employers outside of China also might know.
I am not saying your qualifications are bad or worthless. Not at all. Just that an employer will see a guy that had a bachelor years ago, didn't work in that field and most likely forgot everything (which might not be true), went to China to teach english (like so many native speakers) and might not even know how the "American job world" works.
That is an excuse. I went through grad school full time while working PT, working on campus 16 hours a week, doing a 16 hour per week internship and graduated with a 4.0 average. I was also married and had household and pet responsibilities.
You can go to school and work as well. Many people work FT and go to school FT.
You can feel upset and resentful or you can accept it for what it is and move on and live your life. A career or life coach might be able to help you get on track.
That's the kind of thinking you have to get over. I look at a lot of college and grad school colleagues who are doing better than me, hell, even high school people. Some folks get a better break, meet the right people at the right time, have a better support network. Some get there by working harder than you, some genuinely get there easier than you do.
I think there's genuine cause for grievance with your family based on what you've said, something that should be talked out with them once you're in a better place, but you can't get caught up in feeling bad about what other people get in life. Let them do their thing, let you do yours.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
So step one is to stop doing that. It sucks that you didn't get things you needed, but that's where the thought should end. Someone else getting something ain't got shit to do with you, and you'll only worsen your own life by letting yourself be chained to these thoughts.
So step one is to stop doing that. It sucks that you didn't get things you needed, but that's where the thought should end. Someone else getting something ain't got shit to do with you, and you'll only worsen your own life by letting yourself be chained to these thoughts.
OP
OP
that's what I've thought about. just get my chinese friends to lie for me.
You could go through a contracting agency. I know they have some for marketing in metropolitan areas. Get the experience, move on from contract to contract until you have a great amount of experience and then hit it big with a good job offer.
If you're confident in your ability to learn rapidly and deliver, and can't catch a break with the basics, then obviously embellish your CV to get your foot in the door. Interview is better than no interview, but don't go buck wild. You only risk having to deliver what you say you can, so the variance between that and the truth is on you to navigate.
Sounds like my coworker. His brother moved back home 10 years ago when my coworker lived with the dad helping him out. The dad was the former comissionee of the state police in a state in New England. His pension every year was just about $100,000 a year and he just passed away two years ago. No money left over. The brother spent all of it on his addictions.
Told my buddy all the time that was elder abuse and to do something about it but he just whined everyday as a 45 year old. It pissed me off cause the dad was getting ripped off but so were the tax payers. Anyway the dad never had a bad word about that son. That's how it goes sometimes. Dude was a total fuck up by his dad favored him or loved him more or was just ashamed /sad so he just fed into the addiction.
Told my buddy all the time that was elder abuse and to do something about it but he just whined everyday as a 45 year old. It pissed me off cause the dad was getting ripped off but so were the tax payers. Anyway the dad never had a bad word about that son. That's how it goes sometimes. Dude was a total fuck up by his dad favored him or loved him more or was just ashamed /sad so he just fed into the addiction.
I understand, op, and i know the resentment you're talking about firsthand and there's stuff I'll never forget from my family. Also can agree with some of the criticism. Both issues point to the same solution which is just don't rely on those people for anything, even if you think you "deserve" it. It's lucky for the people with support but it's better not to rely on anyone in the end
OP
OP
Which is a great sentiment but everyone in the world has to rely on others at many points in their life.
You sound like you've got your mind made up about how the world works. But evidence is demonstrating that the world doesn't work that way. Now what?
I get that you're frustrated, but that doesn't get you work or put food on the table. So what's the new plan?
OP
OP
Whatever you're doing now seems to be working perfectly, then, I guess. No need to change anything. Carry on.
What kind of relationship do you have with your siblings? Because if it's similarly toxic I would actually suggest just putting some space between you and your family while you figure out how to get your career going. Right now it sounds like your family interactions inevitably end up highlighting how little support you're getting from them. Things like resentment and jealousy thrive on becoming a negative feedback loop. If interacting with them only remind you of this you're not going to enter a headspace to get your foot in the door in the career you want.
Nothing wrong with being a self-made person. Getting to enjoy the fruits of your labor ends up feeling all the sweeter: you will have succeeded on your own with no one's help.
Nothing wrong with being a self-made person. Getting to enjoy the fruits of your labor ends up feeling all the sweeter: you will have succeeded on your own with no one's help.
OP
OP
I don't get what you're saying. I'm saying I need help. Everyone gets help in their life. Relying only on yourself doesn't. I have been relying on myself and it hasn't gotten me far. I'm trying to get someone to give me a chance to do more but no one has. You'll have to explain yourself better.
I do wonder then how people manage without family to rely on, either because they are dead or never had one to begin with.
In my country the social welfare would kick in there, unless you have parents who are capable to cover for you. If they refuse then they will deal with it (albeit I honestly dont think your parents sound like they are capable to cover many costs, given the description of the house), but in general that's how things go.
Your family is helping you, they give you a roof over your head etc. From there on its up to you to get back on track.
OP
OP
I'm saying everyone relies on everyone. To Grant you the loan that helped you start a business or go to school. To give you an interview instead of skipping over you. To recommend you instead of someone more qualified. To raise you instead of leaving you to die. No one walks this world on their own. And those that do don't get much. Saying get it on your own is fine to say but i can't get anywhere on my own if HR won't even let me talk to the person that does the hiring.
It's never ok to be resentful over other people's money. I have a group of friends who are cousins and never speak due to an inheritance feud their parents started . They used to all hang out now never do. What a waste .
Best to just ponder lessons and move on when necessary. Sometimes people treat you bad and you learn and move on. Your resentment eats you and you alone.
Best to just ponder lessons and move on when necessary. Sometimes people treat you bad and you learn and move on. Your resentment eats you and you alone.
That's such a nonsense!
You can live a great life without a loan or starting a business. And school you are done with already.
They give the interview to the best people, if you indeed are not among those then put effort into improving. As people pointed out too much time has passed since you last had been working in that field.
Get experience in your field even if not paid, your parents are giving you free living so you do not have to worry about those costs. Or look for another field, but you werent too happy about that in the past.
You are complaining that you have nothing, "not much" is more than nothing. So get yourself together, stop feeling sorry for yourself. From "not much" you can work your way up to "more".
You receive plenty of help, but you dont see it because you are jealous of your siblings. Be more grateful.
Sounds like you're waiting for someone to help and give you experience. That isn't working. You need to do something else, or you're not leveraging your existing relationships well.
What aspect of marketing are you looking to get into? If you got a degree a decade ago, how up on the latest marketing strategies (including things like SEO, content marketing, and social media) are you?
You can be resentful but you also need to accept your situation as it is now. Your family haven't helped and they are not going to, so accept that as your reality. The current job market is as good as it gets. Don't be afraid to just throw your resume out there. Someone recently gave me this simple advice - if they need to fill a position and you happen to be the best candidate for the job, even if you are not a good candidate, you will get the job. So keep applying, you only need to succeed once to be in a much better position, and failures cost you absolutely nothing.
One other thing, being resentful and jealous are two different things. You can resent what your parents have done, but your siblings wanting and receiving help isn't something to be resentful of, it's in fact actually what you would have done in their situation.
One other thing, being resentful and jealous are two different things. You can resent what your parents have done, but your siblings wanting and receiving help isn't something to be resentful of, it's in fact actually what you would have done in their situation.
They most likely intend to turn the cars and trailers into money? Maybe using parts of one to fix the other or something...
That's what it sounded like. They're not cars in great condition, at least.
OP
OP
you know that isn't true at all. They don't always choose the most qualified. Or the best for a position. Most of the time they choose the person that had help from someone already in the organization.
You need a new perspective. This sort of view is toxic and won't help you out of the hole you are in . Your family is not going to suddenly decide to prop you up and even if they did your lack of experience so far off from college is troublesome. you need to adapt....
I have never seen someone get a job because of connections despite lacking qualifications/experience/up to date training. Sorry to break it to you but its entirely up to you to get a better qualification that's not outdated
I think he's lost interest 😂
He's looking to the stars now
https://www.resetera.com/threads/so-another-species-discovers-our-technology-in-the-future.104607/
You're right in that networking definitely can be the difference between getting a job and not. But it's not an insurmountable and, above all, working on building connections to eventually move yourself up to that position is going to help you out Immensely.
Moving countries is always tough because of the lack of connections that way. You essentially start from scratch. I think it's better for your mental health to identify the factors inhibiting your progress more than fixating on what your parents give to your siblings or how other people who aren't in a similar position in life got their jobs. And I don't mean that to say "suck it up", because you're definitely allowed to feel the way you feel. Sometimes you gotta vent. Just don't let it become a chronic thing that actively starts working against you.
In this particular situation I want to say I'm not saying I'm leaning one way or the other, but I want to add. When I was in college I was literally told by one of my professors that "Its not what you know it's who you know" whether it be by extra curricular activities, you going above an beyond, internships, etc. So that sentiment does hold some credence atleast IMO.