One thing that says a lot about a person is how they react when they feel they're being disrespected.
Most people don't react universally to disrespect; they have double standards that dictate their response. So for example, when a random person on the street is rude, you usually just brush it off, versus a family member who you might clap back and argue with. If a retail employee seems cold or rude, you might say something to a manager or you might not, depending on your mood or your personality. We all react to disrespect differently depending on the circumstances.
For many privileged people, they react extremely angrily to various marginalized groups because they subconsciously (or actively) view those groups as lesser people who are not only being disrespectful but also sabotaging the basic social order by criticizing and being rude to their betters. When you look at Trump, he doesn't usually get upset when Cryin' Chuck Schumer or Crazy Nancy or whatever he calls her say something he considers rude, because he ultimately just brushes it off, it's just "political banter." He'll complain and then get over it within 24 hours. But black women like Maxine Waters, they reaaaaaaaally get under his skin. There's a long documented history of Trump totally losing his shit any time a black person says something he doesn't like. It's transparently obvious that he views them as lesser people and that they should know their place.
Trump is an extreme example, but many privileged people do some version of this. They don't accept marginalized people so much as they tolerate our presence. They have generously agreed to let us into their white, male spaces and work alongside them as equals, but that tolerance can be revoked any time they see fit, and occasionally they like to remind us of that fact. This usually manifests as the idea that we must ask their permission before engaging in any sort of sociopolitical action. Women complaining about sexism are tolerated only as long as men agree that it is a true example of sexism. Black people can protest police brutality only if white people agree with it. We must make sure we ask permission from our superiors to ensure they agree with us, and if they don't, they will swiftly smack us down and turn tail, supporting those who would seek to oppress us. "If only you'd been nicer to me, I wouldn't have voted for Trump" is the rallying call of hundreds of thousands of white men who voted for Obama but swapped to Trump in 2016. "If only you'd shown the proper respect and deference to your betters, I wouldn't have to take this extreme step."
Everyone has a little box around them and if they step outside the box, they get slapped down. But that box is A LOT smaller for women (and other marginalized groups) than it is for white men. We must constantly walk on eggshells lest our betters decide that we have stepped out of bounds and immediately revoke the tolerance they have so generously offered us. So a woman gets annoyed with a man on Twitter. She feels disrespected and tells him to stop talking to her. She has committed an Offense, one that cannot be tolerated. We can dress it up, and convince ourselves it was simply a customer service matter. This important, valued employee is being terminated immediately without recourse because she called a guy an "asshat" on Twitter. You all brush our hands off and say "Well, them's the breaks, I guess" and move on. Just like you do whenever there's an aggression against anyone marginalized. There's always an excuse. There's always an explanation. The excuses aren't meant to placate the marginalized, they're meant to placate the privileged who might otherwise feel bad. "Well, I'd be really concerned about this, except it turns out it was justified, so...whatever. Back to my video games!"
Bigots need useful idiots to serve as their sword and shield in their war against the marginalized. It's easy to be a useful idiot. All you have to do is buy the company line, say a few things about tone and civility, and then go back to your video games. It's easier that way. Don't think too hard about it. Just play your games.
