I wonder if that 13 year old is more likely to turn out violent because his parents are abusing him. Advocating for child abuse is not a good look.
Is physically reprimanding your kids child abuse? (i.e. spanking, whoopings)
- Thread starter AnansiThePersona
- Start date
Most definitely. Was beat my parents as a kid and still feel raw about it (I'm 26). I will never hit my kids, ever.
lmao the fuck? At that point you'd call the police and do some soul searching on how you fucked up as a parent.
Probably from the spankings.
I wouldn't take issue with it to deter doing something dangerous - to communicate that doing something might result in physical pain. I vaguely recall being really young, getting into an argument with my brother, and using (non-sharp) scissors to jab at my brother's hand. That to me should be a verbal reprimand and a spanking. Then at some point the insinuation of one works. Then you reach a point when the logic alone prevents you from doing something.
Anything beyond inflicting a brief sting of pain, or doing so for trivial things, is something I would disagree with.
Anything beyond inflicting a brief sting of pain, or doing so for trivial things, is something I would disagree with.
Yes it is!
I've seen some really fucked up things from parents. Just last week when I went grocery shopping I saw a kid around 3 years old crying and yelling "please wait for me" as his parents drove off in their BMW leaving him behind. They went in a small circle around the parking lot but the kid couldn't see them and when they came back the mom told him "oh now you actually want to come with us huh?"
What is wrong with people?
I've seen some really fucked up things from parents. Just last week when I went grocery shopping I saw a kid around 3 years old crying and yelling "please wait for me" as his parents drove off in their BMW leaving him behind. They went in a small circle around the parking lot but the kid couldn't see them and when they came back the mom told him "oh now you actually want to come with us huh?"
What is wrong with people?
Last edited:
Apologies to both for being overly nitpicky here. But generally slapping is not forbidden because any physical correction is inherently bad, but because parents cannot hide their abuse behind a correctional slap "that went a bit too far" anymore. So it's not to consider a slap abuse per se, but to consider abuse not a slap.
In addition, science deals with averages, so putting any kind of sustained slapping together (as well as people who are confident to self-report it) will skew towards actual abusive relationships, so naturally the no-slap group scores better. At the same time not all kids fall within the standard deviation from the mean.
This is some very contentious stuff so let me put the disclaimer that these remarks do not excuse slapping in any way or form!
You don't suddenly inherit a rowdy 13 year old. You have 13 years of nurture to coach and parent that behaviour out of them. If you have been spanking them for 13 years though....
Man, if only there were a way to prevent those pesky violent teens that keep assaulting us from manifest themselves randomly in our lives
FYI I'm not a parent and I'm also not advocating hitting people of any age.
But growing up in Glasgow there's thousands of teenagers who do this. Like, seemingly almost all groups of teens are violent and you need to steer clear of them. It's not always the parents that make them like that, but the friends they make at school.
I don't know the best answer to this. I don't want to blanket say "it's child abuse" but it feels like it doesn't work.
As a kid, looking back on it now, I was pretty terribly behaved and my mother would give me a smack once in a while but my father never ever did anything like that. They didn't beat me up or anything. We are talking about 1 hit when I really stepped out of line.
I don't recall that it ever stopped me though. I was misbehaving right up to my teens but then the misbehavior really escalated in my teens and I really never got a grip on my life and my behavior until I started working, really.
Sure I turned out OK now but I wouldn't say it was related to getting a clout from my mother once in a while. If she had beat me up for real would it have made any difference? I doubt it. Probably would have made me worse.
However, I have some serious resentment and long lasting anger built up over punishments that were not physical and, in my opinion, have had a profoundly negative impact on my life. They employed punishments that were sometimes highly humiliating and embarrassing and I think those fed into some seriously bad behavior.
People also need to consider psychological abuse here too. There are parents who won't hit their kids but for sure will do things that are still strange and unusual punishment that simply gets a pass because it isn't physical punishment.
As an example, if a parent completely humiliates their misbehaving child in public could this actually do more long-term damage than a smack?
As a kid, looking back on it now, I was pretty terribly behaved and my mother would give me a smack once in a while but my father never ever did anything like that. They didn't beat me up or anything. We are talking about 1 hit when I really stepped out of line.
I don't recall that it ever stopped me though. I was misbehaving right up to my teens but then the misbehavior really escalated in my teens and I really never got a grip on my life and my behavior until I started working, really.
Sure I turned out OK now but I wouldn't say it was related to getting a clout from my mother once in a while. If she had beat me up for real would it have made any difference? I doubt it. Probably would have made me worse.
However, I have some serious resentment and long lasting anger built up over punishments that were not physical and, in my opinion, have had a profoundly negative impact on my life. They employed punishments that were sometimes highly humiliating and embarrassing and I think those fed into some seriously bad behavior.
People also need to consider psychological abuse here too. There are parents who won't hit their kids but for sure will do things that are still strange and unusual punishment that simply gets a pass because it isn't physical punishment.
As an example, if a parent completely humiliates their misbehaving child in public could this actually do more long-term damage than a smack?
I got some rare treatment with the "Holzlöffel" (wooden cooking spoon). My parents feel bad today, it happened in the 70s.
Looking back, I deserved it and I don't feel bad about it. It was a common - even if misguided - last resort of education and it didn't and doesn't feel like "child abuse" to me.
Actually overall I enjoyed a great loving education and I turned out to even be the pacifistic "turn the other cheek" guy. It has neither anything to do with my parents having violent tendencies nor with educating me that violence is a solution for anything. So IMO it should be seen in context to determine if it is an abuse.
Hahaha, amazing.
Like I'm against physical abuse, but not all problems with kids can be solved with consistent work around managing their emotions....
Kids are kids and can be arseholes at times.... (I know, I have 3)
Yeah man.
Been abused quite a bit as a kid.
Confused that with discipline for years, didn't realise how messed up I was from all of it too.
Shame. Most of my problems came as a result because of that abuse, both minor and major.
Been abused quite a bit as a kid.
Confused that with discipline for years, didn't realise how messed up I was from all of it too.
Shame. Most of my problems came as a result because of that abuse, both minor and major.
Last edited:
there is a line between discipline and abuse.
if you are being a dumbass and hitting your sibling or some shit dont be surprised when a chancla comes flyin at you. Your parent shouldnt be hitting you tho for something like forgetting to load the washing machine.
taking things away and all that can work but I always looked and usually found my shit so whatever, just meant I had to go put it back when i was done using it.
you have a lot of spoiled brats these days tho cuz no one wants to spank em and the parents dont want to do anything "wrong" by em. Its a private matter tho, shouldn't be something talked about in the open at work tho.
if you are being a dumbass and hitting your sibling or some shit dont be surprised when a chancla comes flyin at you. Your parent shouldnt be hitting you tho for something like forgetting to load the washing machine.
taking things away and all that can work but I always looked and usually found my shit so whatever, just meant I had to go put it back when i was done using it.
you have a lot of spoiled brats these days tho cuz no one wants to spank em and the parents dont want to do anything "wrong" by em. Its a private matter tho, shouldn't be something talked about in the open at work tho.
It's funny how some think if you don't spank your kids they'll turn out "spoiled".
Makes me think you're more fucked up than you realise.
Plenty of children make it through childhood without abuse and are better for it, there is no argument for beating your kid.
It's sick, simple as.
Makes me think you're more fucked up than you realise.
Plenty of children make it through childhood without abuse and are better for it, there is no argument for beating your kid.
It's sick, simple as.
I was never flat out struck, but was physically disciplined a multitude of times. For me the worst part was the constant fear you had to live in which didn't do me any good at all. I will never sanction violence towards kids, not only because it is wrong and isn't proven to work, but also because there are other methods.
You learned not to do things your parents didn't want you to do. Some of those things you did might not be dumb. I got hit once for not cleaning leaves off the ground fast enough ...I was 8. So I didn't learn a lesson. I just learned my dad was a dick most of the time we didn't do it his way to the letter.
Parenting doesn't begin at 13. If your child's that far off the rails, you messed up a long time before that point.
I'm on the side of not hitting children, but I think there's a lot of loaded language being used in this thread. A simple spanking is not beating your child up.
I was beaten daily as a kid for the slightest discipline infraction real or imagined and it really fucked me up so yeah it is abuse and all the people saying it isn't are lazy thinkers.
Around 10~18 friends have a shit load more influence on you as a kid then a parent has IMHO.
But then again do kids these days even come out to play. When I was like 10 we had no internet and I had limited game time and had to play outside.
Boredom is one hell of a motivation to look up the limits what is acceptable like putting things on fire and shit. I'm from a rural community I guess city kids have a different childhood experience.
Of course, making your child scared of you is a terrible attempt at discipline that is very likely to affect them mentally for life and does a poor job of actually teaching discipline.
Well, it's certainly hard to teach someone that violence is wrong by violently assaulting them.
If what you do to your kids would land you an assault charge if you tried it on a adult, what kind of insanity could make you believe it's fine to do to a minor?
I dunno if spanking is okay or not, but "getting anger out" is not what is involved. My parents didn't spank me because it made them feel good, they hated doing it.
Last edited:
My dad used to spank my brothers hard when they cried in Church in the 80's. My mom made sure that shit never happened again. Pretty sure he was spanked for any little thing when he was a child though, which reflects on him on how he acts today about stuff.
Otherwise, my family never really did anything bad. A loud talk to usually worked and we understood. I guess I have good parents *shrugs*. Never was grounded, never had anything taken away and never was spanked. Helped I had good siblings to follow though.
Otherwise, my family never really did anything bad. A loud talk to usually worked and we understood. I guess I have good parents *shrugs*. Never was grounded, never had anything taken away and never was spanked. Helped I had good siblings to follow though.
People who don't hit their kids have a much lower chance of getting kids like that. 13 year olds destroying property and assaulting people is what you get when you normalize violence.
Do you think spanking them is going to fix this? Seriously?
Or was it spanking them instead of getting them actual help before this point that was part of the problem, hmm?
My Mom was crying when she hit me. Honestly the smack wasn't the thing that hurt the most, but it still woke me right up
It would have been much less impactful if she did it more often, definitely
Your parenting is failing if you require to use any physical actions in order to try and teach/educate/discipline.
Abuse including spanking is illegal here.
Damn happy it is too.
Always heartbreaking seeing kids with bruises in school.
Damn happy it is too.
Always heartbreaking seeing kids with bruises in school.
Ah, the old "fear = respect" nonsense. You should join a motor-gang. And buy a dog. But you probably already have one.
You don't happen to be Austrian?
And wow, what a horribly abusive mentality. Discipline and respect can be taught without your pathetic violence against children. But hey, if you really only beat your children when warranted, you'll never touch them anyway.
Yeah. Totally buy a few books about how to parent, you'll be an expert once you read them
How is that sarcastic post related to what Audioboxer said? I don't see the connection.
It's not nonsense. It's worked for generations across many different cultures. I do have a dog. As for the motor-gang, no thanks. Not worth the risk. I've seen many bad accidents. You're either dead or never the same. Please don't encourage this.
I know you've been dogpiled, but it's a point worth labouring:
I'd wonder how i messed up so bad my teenager needs to express their anger through destroying my home in an exaggerated and scary tantrum and the only skill I possess to manage the behaviour is to physically hit them.
It's not abusive. Not at all. Violence? Nah. And yes, it is warranted at times.
I mean, your word against the relevant experts in child development and education. "It's not abusive, it just fits the working and legal definitions of abuse". What a joke. Advocating literal violence against children, crazy. I'm glad lots of countries would have you locked up for the actual act of beating your kids.
Edit: and hah @ "Violence? Nah", how is beating not violence? I guess I'm falling for some troll nonsense.
That is very easy to say, even if it is true.
Unfortunately many parents don't teach any discipline at all nowadays.
You're not teaching respect. Preventing people from acting up due to a physical threat isn't respect. It's fear.
You're not teaching discipline either, you're teaching them to cover their tracks better so they don't get beaten
Again, it's not violence. And these so-called experts never actually have children of their own. I guess it's their word against literally thousands of years of natural child-rearing. I guess my people must be doing something wrong since our children grow up to be doctors, mathematicians, lawyers, engineers, and artists. I'm glad I live in a country that won't lock me up for smacking my kids.