I get bouts of depression but I've learned to cope much better. I used to administer some cognitive behaviour therapies to patients on the stroke ward where I worked, and just reading a lot about it really helped me apply it to myself, and where I can I try to challenge my own negative thinking, and that keeps me going. But I have bad days, and I have to explain it to girls I'm with because my right arm is covered in scars from self-harm inflicted when I was younger.
It might be harder to break out of that spiral of negative thinking with bipolar, I don't know. I've not worked with anyone with bipolar and I don't have it myself, but I guess reasoning away my negative thinking is how I try and deal with it. For instance I'm meeting this girl later today, we've been talking all over Christmas, chatting on and off, lots of phone calls, but there's part of me, in the back of my mind, that's constantly telling me that I'm not worth her time, that she doesn't really want to go out with me, that I generally have low value, as a human being. I have to sit there and say to myself, 'Why would she be going out with you if she didn't want to spend time with you?', she wouldn't say yes, she wouldn't smile when she sees me, she wouldn't spend the evening cuddling me, if she didn't want to be there. Then, thinking like that can help me get back on track...
Sometimes it can be really crippling though. It's not just with dating of course, it's with anything, it was the same when I was doing my PhD, I felt like I didn't deserve to be there, that I was worthless and I'd never measure up, and it's hard to deal with that sometimes.
For me, it's just about finding someone that's understanding of that type of thing. That's why I tend to date girls that have had quite a rough life, because they tend to be able to relate, they don't freak out about the self-harm. I tell them I'm not depressed anymore, but I used to be, and that sometimes I still have bad days. They tend to be pretty understanding of that and it doesn't really impact my dating or relationships all that much. I mentioned before that the girl I'm dating, her mother died when she was young, her father tried to commit suicide and left her to care for herself. My ex, she was orphaned when she was born, abandoned by her mother. The girl I dated before that had ran away from her parents as soon as she was 16. I find people like that, are very understanding, but also very strong, because of what they've been through.
I don't know if any of that helps you but sometimes I know it can help just to hear about the experiences of others, so I thought I would share some of mine. Feel free to talk about anything you like here, I'm sure many of us are happy to listen or offer advice if you need it.
