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Am I being a big baby or is my friend being an asshole??

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Thewonandonly

Thewonandonly

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
4,263
Utah
So there is this girl at my work her name is bailey. Well I've been telling my second best friend about her for like 3 months about how cute she is and all that stuff. I talk to her but she has a boyfriend so I don't flirt or anything. Well they break up and she starts dating people again.

I'm very slow with girls and it's something I'm getting over but I always get so nervous. Getting some confidence by working out has helped this but still a little bad. Anyway about two weeks after she starts dating I get her number.

Well that same day my buddy Eric text me "hey bro bailey has been flirting with me over Facebook". Allright, thanks for the warning, thinking he was telling me this so that I know she is out looking for people. Nope then he messaged me "let the best man win". Well fuck you I think, I've been talking about Hailey for ever while you never seemed interested. Eric is a good looking guy so a lot of woman message him and try to get with him. While me I gotta work for it becuase I'm not 200 pounds of pure muscle and a lumber jack beard to top it off.

Anyway I don't work the next day but the day after that I see bailey at work. So I go and ask her if she would want to go to dinner on Friday. She say's "ya" then a couple seconds later " o wait actually I'm seeing a movie that day". Well she went on a date with Eric to that movie...

Now a week later their efficially dating. I saw both them at the gym and didn't say high becuase I'm pissed trying to act like I don't see them. He does the same thing then tells my buddy he saw me at the gym. So he know there is tension between us. He messages me saying he feels like an asshole and I say it's all good man. I still want to be friends with him becuase his one of my best friends, but then again I have never wanted to kick someone's ass so much in my life.

Anyway am I in the wrong or him. It's been 3 years since my last date so I really needed one but I feel like it was taken from my fingers... Also thank you for letting me rant :)

Edit: there is a lot of mysconsiptions in this thread. I don't feel like I was owed her. I dont feel like I was owned anything. I feel like a date was taken from me becuase she said yes but then said she remembered she had another date which good on her you know. I just really fucking wish one of them was me...

Edit 2: JESUS CRIST I don't think I owe her no where near that. I had a date plain and simple I could have went on one. This girl that's friends with her told me she would go on a date with me, it was going to habben. I should have asked for another night but I just caved and walked away let Eric have his chance at her. I'm more mad at myself then anything and that's why this whole situation has been on my mind the whole month and has really fucked up my vipes...
 
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Bucca

Bucca

Member
Oct 25, 2017
3,246
You don't stake claims on women. You aren't owed shit. Your friend moved in and you didn't, that's that.
 
davepoobond

davepoobond

Member
Oct 25, 2017
14,680
www.squackle.com
no attempt to reschedule? you're basically in a competition for her attention, so not sure what your game plan was if you were actually serious about trying to date her
 
Dark Knight

Dark Knight

One Winged Slayer
Member
Oct 25, 2017
19,350
You made the classic mistake of being a long-term admirer.
You just gotta go for it or don't, waiting around never works. Also she wasn't taken from you, there's a good chance she was never interested in you because you didn't have the gumption or confidence to pursue asap.

I guess it's kind of mean for your friend to date her if he knew about your crush, but it's not like you were going to do anything besides wait for some imaginary perfect opportunity.
 

Torres

Member
Oct 29, 2017
265
I mean, there's usually a rule among mates to not romantically pursue the same person, but hey, if they're dating and happy together then that should be respected. Especially if your bud told you he was going to pursue her. Seems like she liked him more than you so it's hard to say whether you had a chance or not, especially since dinner can be pretty platonic.
 
Jpop

Jpop

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
2,655
One - You don't own someone.
Two- You were talking the girl up to your friend.
Three - Your attitude is toxic.
 
Jadow

Jadow

Member
Oct 27, 2017
2,970
She decided this by herself OP, can't control her feelings, your friend even warned you before hand. My advice to you is if you want to build some confidence by working out and stuff, do it for yourself not for the benefit of others.

You are probably mad at yourself and not so much your friend, cool off and just fix your relationship with him.
 
Eduardo Corrochio

Eduardo Corrochio

Banned
Feb 6, 2018
794
A little bit of both.

Also, some posters need to cool their fucking jets insinuating the OP thinks he's "owed" a date or that he "owns" her.
 
Darkmaigle

Darkmaigle

Member
Oct 25, 2017
10,570
You don't own this woman, and also expectibg your friend to put his life on hold for you is really the more disrespectful thing here.
 
joseranulfo

joseranulfo

Member
Oct 26, 2017
67
Acapulco, Guerrero, México
I guess the best man won...

You need to be the best man next time, you know, a man that is more secure, confident and direct about what he wants, and knows to take chances, and learn to deal with rejection after it happens, and not keep worrying about the posibility of it happening to the point of paralisis or something like this will keep happening to you.
 
Moff

Moff

Member
Oct 26, 2017
4,799
this hasn't anything to do with "dibs" or "owning" someone, if I know my friend has a crush on someone I don't make a move on that woman. It's about not hurting a friend, especially if he has troubles dating anyway, jeez...
Some people here live in a weird antisocial bubble.
 
shaneo632

shaneo632

Weekend Planner
Member
Oct 29, 2017
29,052
Wrexham, Wales
How old are you? lmao

The whole "let the best man win" shit needs to fuck off back to the 90s where it belongs, but you missed your shot, dude.
 
MrNewVegas

MrNewVegas

Member
Oct 27, 2017
10,729
Lmfao at claiming a stake because you talked to her first


Lmfao at your best friend not actually caring about you.

Good luck OP. I'd drop the friend and drop the ownership mentality.
 
Seesaw15

Seesaw15

Member
Oct 27, 2017
8,823
Don't try and kick your friends ass OP. Nothing worse than getting a reluctant ass beating by your friend.
 

fallingedge

Member
Oct 25, 2017
5,833
Eh. I mean it sounded like you liked this girl but didn't try to do anything while your friend took the next steps. At least he made his intentions clear to you but it all sounds messy to me.
 

Deleted member 13496

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,409
Moff said:
this hasn't anything to do with "dibs" or "owning" someone, if I know my friend has a crush on someone I don't make a move on that woman. It's about not hurting a friend, especially if he has troubles dating anyway, jeez...
Some people here live in a weird antisocial bubble.
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Yeah the responses are always some "women don't owe you shit you don't own them ra ra ra" type thing when really it's more about the buddy knowing his homie liked a girl and him going for it anyway. Not everyone is a "milady" type that hates on women for friendzoning them. Especially in this situation.

Nothing to do with the girl herself, no one is saying she is a dick for doing this or anything or that she "owed" the OP anything.

If my buddy likes a girl and I know it I'm not going to try and date her purely out of respect for him. If she's not interested in him that's obviously fine and his problem, I'm still going to stay out of it though.
 
TheChuggernaut

TheChuggernaut

Member
Oct 25, 2017
23,218
Moff said:
this hasn't anything to do with "dibs" or "owning" someone, if I know my friend has a crush on someone I don't make a move on that woman. It's about not hurting a friend, especially if he has troubles dating anyway, jeez...
Some people here live in a weird antisocial bubble.
Click to expand...
Click to shrink...

Yeah, I would feel the same if this nonsense involved all guys. If your friend is interested in someone and tells you about it, you're being rude if you decide to ignore that and go for them anyway. The third person can do whatever they want obviously.
 
BringBackSonics

BringBackSonics

Member
Oct 27, 2017
45,384
Seattle
Eh. I kind of see it both ways, but he seems really into her and she is really into him that's the way the ball bounces.

It would be a different story if he knew you really liked her, but he didn't really care for her much and just wanted to hit and quit, that would be kind of a crap thing if he proclaims he is a really good friend
 

Marvelous

Member
Nov 3, 2017
350
Both, but for entirely different reasons. People have pointed out that you're not obligated a chance from this woman, so I won't pile on there. Completely separate from that, to me it seems like pitting himself against you and rubbing it in that you didn't have a chance with this girl is in poor taste. Deal with your friend's attitude as you may, but as far as anything involving the girl, learn from your mistakes and move on.
 

Deleted member 13496

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
7,409
TheChuggernaut said:
Yeah, I would feel the same if this nonsense involved all guys. If your friend is interested in someone and tells you about it, you're being rude if you decide to ignore that and go for them anyway. The third person can do whatever they want obviously.
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Exactly. Posters in here all ready to pile on the OP for some virtue signalling shit when the crux of the issue is between two friends, not the agency of the girl involved. She can do what she wants, nobody is saying otherwise or even implying she's at fault here.
 
Red Liquorice

Red Liquorice

Member
Oct 27, 2017
9,085
UK
Doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh if he went after this girl knowing you liked her, anyone would know that would make things awkward between you two. She's free to do as she pleases.

This does sound a bit like you put yourself in self fulfilling prophecy with regards to your low self-esteem and situations where you get confirmation that you're not good enough.
 
Volimar

Volimar

volunteer forum janitor
Member
Oct 25, 2017
38,766
TheChuggernaut said:
Yeah, I would feel the same if this nonsense involved all guys. If your friend is interested in someone and tells you about it, you're being rude if you decide to ignore that and go for them anyway. The third person can do whatever they want obviously.
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Then it shouldn't be framed like "He jumped at her before I could" as if he's certain she'd have gone for him, if only he had gotten to her first. There's no "missing your chance" here. OP could still ask her out, even if she's seeing someone else. It's up to her to decide who she wants to date and this mentality of "I liked her first so my friend should back off" kind of mentality is a holdover from when it was still acceptable for men to see women as prizes being won. I mean you can try to argue that that wasn't what he meant but:

"It's been 3 years since my last date so I really needed one but I feel like it was taken from my fingers..."

I mean come on.
 

Deleted member 41178

User requested account closure
Banned
Mar 18, 2018
2,903
You snooze you lose. I don't see anything wrong with what your friend did.

Let's be honest if she was interested in you she would have been making moves on you and not your friend.

Move on and let it be a lesson to you.
 
OP
OP
Thewonandonly

Thewonandonly

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
4,263
Utah
Dark Knight said:
You made the classic mistake of being a long-term admirer.
You just gotta go for it or don't, waiting around never works. Also she wasn't taken from you, there's a good chance she was never interested in you because you didn't have the gumption or confidence to pursue asap.

I guess it's kind of mean for your friend to date her if he knew about your crush, but it's not like you were going to do anything besides wait for some imaginary perfect opportunity.
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No o sakes her on a date and she said yes but then a few seconds later she said actually she was going to a movie. Now taken was a bad chose of words but I didn't mean she was taken becuase I know I don't deserve her. I just feel like that date was taken from me...
 
Medalion

Medalion

Banned
Oct 27, 2017
12,203
On the one hand... nobody has dibs, and ultimately it's the mutual decision that both people date each other....

so it really does come down to "May the best man win" and if the girl likes that guy over you, and the fact well... he had the guts to ask her out first or whatever... timing is crucial too in the dating world... you snooze, you lose sometimes
 
xxracerxx

xxracerxx

Avenger
Oct 25, 2017
31,222
Thewonandonly said:
No o sakes her on a date and she said yes but then a few seconds later she said actually she was going to a movie. Now taken was a bad chose of words but I didn't mean she was taken becuase I know I don't deserve her. I just feel like that date was taken from me...
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Why didn't you suggest earlier than Friday then?
 
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