Am I being a big baby or is my friend being an asshole??

[TelluricTokoro]

My current gf and I ended up together because my best Friend wasn't sure about pursuing her, so I stepped in instead.

If she chose your boy, that's who she chose. It's not like she really wanted to choose you and chose him accidentally.

My advice to you is simply be a better prospect next time. Your friend is probably more confident, more straightforward, and probably not bothered by rejection as much.

Dating ain't sweet, bro. There are no rules for honorable engagement.

 

[Z-Beat]

Yes. He has no obligation to not ask her out and she has no obligation to go out with you. You can't lock people out of asking other people out, especially when they didn't initiate. On the other hand, texting your friend "You know that girl you like? Well she's single and asking me out! Sucks to suck!" is pretty douchey

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

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Ouch. That's probably the most brutal thing I've read all day.

 

[SABO.]

You're being a big baby.

 

[Van Bur3n]

Also how old are you and your friends? It's pretty weird to be like an "official" couple within the span of a week. You might still have a shot. Ask Bailey out again and see what happens.

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Exactly so.

Fuck it, OP. I can't stand to see you like this. Moping around on the internet saying everything is fine. Well guess what? IT'S NOT. You just got fucked. And not by her. By your 200 pound beard man of pure muscle best friend who is good looking. I won't stand for it.

OP, there is still time. Time to stop the key from turning. Time to still win back her love that never actually existed for you in the first place, but still. Go to her. Confess your feelings. STOP THE WEDDING. YOU are the best man.

 

[Nephtis]

Some of the language he uses in the OP suggests that he feels a date was 'taken from him' or that he would've had a chance with her had his friend not tried to date her.. when she is the one who started flirting with his friend. That isn't a healthy mindset to have

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I think the friend started flirting with her, saw she was reciprocating, and told him that *she* was flirting with him. Maybe to wash his hands off it and say "hey bruh, not my fault".

I don't think he feels entitled to it. Feeling that he had a chance at dating someone and being angry because someone sabotaged his chances doesn't mean one feels entitled to something.

 

[Rampage]

The friend was being a jerk by making it a competition.

 

[Jombie]

I would personally never get involved with someone a friend expressed interest in asking out. It's a bit of a dick move, yeah. And people here are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

 

[FUME5]

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

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Damn.

 

[yado]

Y'all need to stop with this friend code shit.

From what the op says, his friend said that SHE was flirting with him on Facebook. So that indicates that op was never a likely candidate for her in the first place.

Secondly, just because you're my friend, if a girl you like is showing interest in me (not in you) and we hit it off, I'm not dismissing the chance at something good just for your feelings.

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I expect a random acquaintance/casual friend to do whatever they want, if they're interested in each other that's ok. But a best friend? Someone who knows you're interested in this girl and the effect it would have on you if they started dating? That's not ok.

 

[subpar spatula]

I think the friend started flirting with her, saw she was reciprocating, and told him that *she* was flirting with him. Maybe to wash his hands off it and say "hey bruh, not my fault".

I don't think he feels entitled to it. Feeling that he had a chance at dating someone and being angry because someone sabotaged his chances doesn't mean one feels entitled to something.

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Man, you're just trying to remove her agency. Like, even though the OP said what Eric texted, it's still not right that she initiated it?!

Like, this is weird. She flirted with him.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Y'all need to stop with this friend code shit.

From what the op says, his friend said that SHE was flirting with him on Facebook. So that indicates that op was never a likely candidate for her in the first place.

Secondly, just because you're my friend, if a girl you like is showing interest in me (not in you) and we hit it off, I'm not dismissing the chance at something good just for your feelings.

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Different people have different sensibilities. And friendships are established and terminated often based on those sensibilities. I don't think anyone is "wrong". But my sensibilities? I'd just not be friends with a person like that. Just have different standards. Just like no one in my crew would ever date or smash one of our sisters or ex's.

 

[Woolley]

She did nothing wrong but your friend is a dick.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

I think the friend started flirting with her, saw she was reciprocating, and told him that *she* was flirting with him. Maybe to wash his hands off it and say "hey bruh, not my fault".

I don't think he feels entitled to it. Feeling that he had a chance at dating someone and being angry because someone sabotaged his chances doesn't mean one feels entitled to something.

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Except that his friend didn't 'sabotage' anything. If she wanted to go on a date with him, she would. Clearly she would rather go on a date with someone else. It happens.

 

[subpar spatula]

Different people have different sensibilities. And friendships are established and terminated often based on those sensibilities. I don't think anyone is "wrong". But my sensibilities? I'd just not be friends with a person like that. Just have different standards. Just like no one in my crew would ever date or smash one of our sisters or ex's.

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So you would legit de-friend someone who slept with your sister? Sounds super controlling.

 

[Brinbe]

lol just let it go bro. you're not owed shit by anyone. she made her choice.

that shit is actually painful to read in how entitled it is.

the only problem you may have is with your 'friend' because he knew how you felt, but that's just between you two.

 

[Nephtis]

Man, you're just trying to remove her agency. Like, even though the OP said what Eric texted, it's still not right that she initiated it?!

Like, this is weird. She flirted with him.

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I mean, it's not like she's here to tell us what happened. All we know is what his friend told him.

 

[SolidNivram]

Really nasty situation and the main issue here is your attitude. You waited too long and your "second best friend" is a douche.
Move on buddy, focus on your social skills and building better friendships. There is plenty of other girls out there.

 

[nanskee]

For a lot of men there are no rules when it comes to women although I'm pretty sure it's the same in the opposite senario.

Personally, I wouldn't do that to my best friend, unless it's 100% apparent that shits not going to work and I receive the ok

But again, most people it's fair game. I agree, you can't own someone and you shouldn't be angry tbh

 

[Moff]

Man, you're just trying to remove her agency. Like, even though the OP said what Eric texted, it's still not right that she initiated it?!

Like, this is weird. She flirted with him.

Click to shrink...

she didn't just flirt with him, she wants to date him, and no one is criticizing her for that.

the question is if she coincidentally initiated flirting with the one friend OP talked about her, I don't buy it, I also think that this is just the way OP's friend framed the situation to make himself sound less like a dick.
You're right, tough, that I am just assuming this. OP can clear this up if he wants to. To me that is an important detail,

 

[subpar spatula]

I mean, it's not like she's here to tell us what happened. All we know is what his friend told him.

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OK? So, we should be accepting with the OP is saying from his perspective. What purpose is there to discuss how it actually initiated without any evidence? It just says more about your thinking process than Eric or Hailey's.

she didn't just flirt with him, she wants to date him, and no one is criticizing her for that.

the question is if she coincidentally initiated flirting with the one friend OP talked about her, I don't buy it, I also think that this is just the way OP's friend framed the situation.
You're right, tough, that I am just assuming this. OP can clear this up if he wants to. To me that is an important detail,

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It's not important. Like, is it conceivable to believe she likes his friend more? Like, she may have sought him out or whatever. Eric says she was flirting with him. There's no reason not to believe him.

 

[Thewonandonly]

the op:



also the op:

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Haha ya I mean I would get my ass handed to me. But I've never been in a fight so Mabey I need my ass kicked :P

 

[passepied joe]

you're a loser

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lolol wow

 

[Nephtis]

Except that his friend didn't 'sabotage' anything. If she wanted to go on a date with him, she would. Clearly she would rather go on a date with someone else. It happens.

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Oh totally - I just think that the friend knew about OP's issues with building up the confidence to ask someone out, and took advantage of that. In the end it's all up to her, yeah, and she doesn't owe anyone anything, but it's also not that difficult to see it's a dick move to do something like that (on OP friend's part)

 

[TheGreatMightyPoo]

I think your friend's an asshole.
Get better ones.

 

[Medalion]

Pat Benatar was right... Love is a Battlefield

There are no allies on that battlefield... it's a battle royale... every one for themself

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Don't date your coworkers bro. Your friend did you a favor. Also, don't trust anyone, you basically sold her to him.

Also, that story was hilarious. Thank you.

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

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AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

[Deleted member 3815]

Thank fuck someone understands. I'm not mad at her at all. I still talk to her at work and we're pretty cool together. I'm glad she is happy with him I just wish I would have had a date before he swooped...

Click to shrink...

You need to stop with the self-pity as it's doing nothing but dragging you down into a cycle of self-pity. You need to move on, build some confidence and find someone else to date rather than obsessing over the one girl.

You were never entitled to the one date as if you want to get a date, you need to work for it.

Yeah the responses are always some "women don't owe you shit you don't own them ra ra ra" type thing when really it's more about the buddy knowing his homie liked a girl and him going for it anyway. Not everyone is a "milady" type that hates on women for friendzoning them. Especially in this situation.

Nothing to do with the girl herself, no one is saying she is a dick for doing this or anything or that she "owed" the OP anything.

If my buddy likes a girl and I know it I'm not going to try and date her purely out of respect for him. If she's not interested in him that's obviously fine and his problem, I'm still going to stay out of it though.

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The girl was flirting with the best Friend, if the dude clearly likes her then he isn't obligated to step aside just so the OP can have his chance.

 

[Deleted member 31817]

I mean I get that the feeling sucks but yeah

You're wrong

 

[low-G]

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

Click to shrink...

Could be worse. What if talking about it gets them off.

Personally I wouldn't be friends with a dude that could and would just swoop down and seduce any woman I'd be interested in.

 

[Landy828]

At least you didn't bring your crush to a party and your brother took her home afterward.. and stayed the night. My middle brother did this to my youngest brother.

My middle brother has now been married to her for 6 years.

Little bro still hurt'n.

 

[Astral]

I think people are being too quick to saying OP is a dick because he thinks he owns her. It sounds to me like he was telling his friend how much he liked this girl for a while now and when she's finally single his friend starts dating her instead. I think it's kind of a dick move but he's not necessarily in the wrong. I'd be pretty upset too.

 

[Nephtis]

I will echo what the others said too - dating anyone from work is usually a terrible idea, so maybe in the end it worked out better for you OP. Hopefully you'll be able to work out your issues (pun intended) and find someone that will appreciate you. Take this as a lesson learned, and think about what you need to improve about yourself before you're ready to approach someone.

 

[Deleted member 11413]

Oh totally - I just think that the friend knew about OP's issues with building up the confidence to ask someone out, and took advantage of that. In the end it's all up to her, yeah, and she doesn't owe anyone anything, but it's also not that difficult to see it's a dick move to do something like that (on OP friend's part)

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I still dont think it's taking advantage. It doesn't sound like she was ever interested in OP but she was clearly interested in his friend. If she was never going to go out with OP in the first place, how was his friend taking advantage?

I just feel like that's a toxic mindset for OP to have. Better to just wish them the best and move on.

 

[Moff]

It's not important. Like, is it conceivable to believe she likes his friend more? Like, she may have sought him out or whatever. Eric says she was flirting with him. There's no reason not to believe him.

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She obviously likes the friend more. But that's not what this thread it about. The question in the title is not "is my co worker an asshole", it's clear to everyone that she did absolutely nothing wrong.
the question is "is my friend an asshole", and as I said already: If my friend told me about a crush at work, I would not try to date her, I would try to help him to date her. so it is important if he initiated the flirting or if she did.

 

[Olaf]

Friend is an asshole, but the blame is on you for not acting fast with a woman who seemingly recovers from a brealup immediately.

 

[Lackless]

The friend's not a dick. He's a confident guy and generally, girls are attracted to that. He wants to find a partner just as much as you and he saw an opportunity. And OP, I don't like how you mentioned that he's more attractive than you. Don't think like that. Be fucking confident no matter who you are. Get out there, bud, and find a better girl. There's probably 20 in a mile radius of you but you're not going to find them being nervous.

And for anyone who goes the "why do men have to do all the work while the girls just wait for guys!" route that I've seen countless times before in discussions like this, my answer is 'tough shit'. That's the society we live in and fighting it isn't going to have a good end-game.

 

[Medalion]

This is why you don't talk to anyone, even your friends about your crushes... the ones you have potential feelings for
because they could at any moment stab you in the back... and they have every right to pursue for any reason that person, it's all fair game

 

[K' Dash]

Move on OP.

 

[neon/drifter]

Your "friend" is a jerk for turning a girl into a competition.

You're a "big baby" because in the end, the woman is her own agent and is free to do what she wants. Your feelings in this particular case don't matter because you were never obligated to anything, not a date, not anything.

Also, after further reading of this matter. If I'm reading this timeline correctly, as soon as she became single, the first person between you and Eric that she chose to flirt with online was Eric. Not you. So by that evidence there, she was more into him for the most part anyways.

So in a way, she wouldn't have been worth your time anyways!

So this is basically a noir film.

 

[wizard]

They violated the code but strike while the iron is hot, theres waiting for the right time/moment but you got in your own head.

Shoot your shot, dont put pussy on a pedestal.

 

[Deleted member 4034]

Friend is an asshole, but the blame is on you for not acting fast with a woman who seemingly recovers from a brealup immediately.

Click to shrink...

Again, coworker. Him doing anything with her was never going to end well.

 

[Volimar]

"Sorry Bailey, we can't be happy together because my friend liked you first."

 

[subpar spatula]

She obviously likes the friend more. But that's not what this thread it about. The question in the title is not "is my co worker an asshole", it's clear to everyone that she did absolutely nothing wrong.
the question is "is my friend an asshole", and as I said already: If my friend told me about a crush at work, I would not try to date her, I would try to help him to date her. so it is important if he initiated the flirting or if she did.

Click to shrink...

It isn't important because Eric says she initiated. Done deal. There's no conspiracy. It's just saying more about you than the actual situation.

If 2 people like each other then it's not an issue. Move aside, set aside your pride, and let them do their own thing because feelings have to be reciprocated. You're not understanding this.

 

[DonNadie]

Yes, like other people have said you weren't owned a date and its time to move on. However your friend was really shitty and I honestly would reconsider calling him a friend.

 

[Thewonandonly]

Why didn't you suggest earlier than Friday then?

Click to shrink...

That was the only day I had off for a while since I just got back from vacation :'(

 

[Deleted member 4461]

You don't stake claims on women. You aren't owed shit. Your friend moved in and you didn't, that's that.

Click to shrink...

Look, no one owns a woman, FACT.

Still, there are things you typically don't do just because it's flawed. Like you don't go after your friend's ex the moment they break up. Sometimes even longer than that if you know they're still not over it. That's for women AND men.

As for this case, OP... your friend is kind of a dick, but you really didn't say anything when he "challenged" you. So it's both of your faults; get over it.

Personally, I just don't compete over anyone, so I can't relate.

 

[Last Jon Standing]

Sorry, OP, but you're completely in the wrong there. "That girl is flirting with me and she's interesting but I won't flirt back because my friend likes her" isn't a thing, so Eric just responded adequately to something Bailey initiated. Most importantly, women don't wait for men to get brave and ask them out, and other guys certainly won't wait in line for their turn. Just ask the girl out next time and worry about confidence later. If she says no, at least you got some practice; if she says yes, you're gonna get more confident anyway.

Now it would be a different case if Eric said he'd be your wingman and help you with the girl or something and ended up dating her and avoiding you, like it happened to me in my teens.

 

[Olaf]

Again, coworker. Him doing anything with her was never going to end well.

Click to shrink...

It can happen. My parents met when they were working at the same company. They were there together for close to 4 years before mom found a better job.

 

[CaptainBojangles]

I get that it could be frustrating for sure. As others have said, clearly you aren't owed a date because you saw her first.

That being said, probably a dick thing of your friend to do, but it happens all the time. I've had friends go out with other friends' exes. Shit happens. You get to decide if you're cool with that or not.

Moral of the story: Don't talk up a girl to a single friend unless you're dating.

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

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Brutal

 

[Nick Nehidnyk]

just try not to think about how they probably talk about how sorry they feel for you after fucking.

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You're not mad at him. You're mad at yourself for not being as good as him.

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I guess the best man won...

You need to be the best man next time, you know, a man that is more secure, confident and direct about what he wants, and knows to take chances, and learn to deal with rejection after it happens, and not keep worrying about the posibility of it happening to the point of paralisis or something like this will keep happening to you.

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half of the people on this site think they're either dave chapelle or dr phil, jesus christ