Am I being a big baby or is my friend being an asshole??
- Thread starter Thewonandonly
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You're being a baby, I'm not even going to read further than this.
this is about the OP still wanting to be friends with the dude
I didn't say they did, I'm just giving suggestions. Any of those people would know OP better than people on this forum. And probably be better equipped to give advice.
Unfortunate situation OP, but you can't really expect others to not pursue someone they're interested in just because they think you might be too. Even with some of my closest friends, I can't say they wouldn't do the same as your friend did. Having wanted someone for longer doesn't hold a lot of cache I don't think.
I hope I never say anything this fucking horrible in pursuit of internet cool-guy status. Jesus.
I hope I never say anything this fucking horrible in pursuit of internet cool-guy status. Jesus.
Yeah. It's not thinly vieled "woe is me" dating thread about a guy who didn't get the girl but the cooler, more confident, muscle man did. Like, there's a lot of nice guy language in the OP. People are ribbing on him because of that. He seems like a good sport about it all.
I'm just referencing another on-going thread and his trolling argument from earlier in the weekend. Just jokes.
That's all. No malice at all.
I mean, he made it pretty clear it's not like that.
He's free to be upset with the friend and JUST the friend.
I had kind of a similar situation as OP this winter, with my ex getting together with my roommate. The difference was that I was fine with that, but I couldn't get through the depression and pain of the breakup fast enough so I was dealing with that while they were together. However, it became shitty when my roommate pretended they weren't a thing and gaslighted me over it, even though I later found out they were anyway. Then they broke up and he took advantage of me while I was drunk and my ex was staying the night, giving them trauma, but you know. It was still in their rights to be together and I'd had my shot.
Honestly, OP, get over it as fast as possible. The best man stuff is douchey, but if he'd let you and her get together, he'd be in the same emotional position you are right now because he also had interest. And expect your ten year friendship to die too, because all friendships do. In fact, I'd get it overwith sooner rather than later.
Honestly, OP, get over it as fast as possible. The best man stuff is douchey, but if he'd let you and her get together, he'd be in the same emotional position you are right now because he also had interest. And expect your ten year friendship to die too, because all friendships do. In fact, I'd get it overwith sooner rather than later.
I think it's disingenuous to say that's controlling. Look, they're free to do what they want. I'm not going to physically stop someone. I'm free to react how I want. That's life. You're free to react differently. See how different people have different sensibilities?
No. I concede. Playing poker is more physically taxing than any other sport.
I've never believed a friend should have the power to tell me who I can or cannot like. Feelings happen and are not for anyone to own. Thus I don't think your friend has done anything wrong. And as others have pointed out, you've never owned her, so nothing will be changing for you.
It's embarrassing how quick some of you are to jump to a completely wrong conclusion just to remind everyone how great of a social activist you are.
I don't see anywhere in this OP where the guy thought he was 'owed' a date or that this woman's desires didn't matter. Instead because some of you feel the absolute need to point out how righteous of a person you are it has to be taken there.
What I see is a thread about two friends trying to sort out amongst themselves who should make a move on a girl.
I don't see anywhere in this OP where the guy thought he was 'owed' a date or that this woman's desires didn't matter. Instead because some of you feel the absolute need to point out how righteous of a person you are it has to be taken there.
What I see is a thread about two friends trying to sort out amongst themselves who should make a move on a girl.
I don't believe in "dibs" but what I will say in a situation like this this, if you are interested in someone who you know your friend is also, you should be straight up with them.
i'm out of the loop on this but it's hilarious. my bad; carry on gentlemen
Having only read the OP.
Your friend was an asshole.
However, he's acknowledged he feels like an asshole, he should apologize.
It's up to you if you that's enough.
However, he shouldn't have to stop dating her, because that's ruining a perfectly good relationship and she has autonomy too.
Your friend was an asshole.
However, he's acknowledged he feels like an asshole, he should apologize.
It's up to you if you that's enough.
However, he shouldn't have to stop dating her, because that's ruining a perfectly good relationship and she has autonomy too.
That's a messy situation not helped by the lack of honesty. If the friend explained everything as it went it might have been a bitter pill to swallow but I'm sure OP would have taken it on the chin.
Some of you just like hearing yourselves talk.
Some of you just like hearing yourselves talk.
Interesting you said she's a Friend, but the minute she's single... You get ready to swoop in, and your friend beats you.
You are being a baby in my view. If she's a friend, be a friend. Your spare best friend was already on the in.
You never were cheated from a journey you never left on.
You are being a baby in my view. If she's a friend, be a friend. Your spare best friend was already on the in.
You never were cheated from a journey you never left on.
But how many of us can say with a straight face it wouldn't bother us if a friend, an actual close friend, got with someone they knew you were interested in.
As long as he doesn't take it out on the girl, he's fine, but I think he's allowed to be upset at the friend. Doesn't have to end a friendship, but there was a more delicate way to handle this.
Though this story is reminding me of two high school friends that stopped talking over a girl. Friend 1 asked her out, got rejected. Friend 2 asked her out, got rejected. Friend 1 refused to even be in the room with Friend 2 after that because "he knew I was in love with her". Lead to a lot of fun awkwardness because we were all in the same friend group and they got invited to the same parties and just stayed on opposite ends of the house.
Years later a third friend got with her, and Friend 1, though jealous, was cool with it because I guess this didn't feel as much like a stab in back to him.
Phrasing.
You aren't going to care about this when you're a little more experienced.
If she wanted to date you she would have chosen your date over his. That "yes... well actually" or "yes, but" is a way of letting you down easy. You didn't get a date "taken" from you, it was never going to happen.
If she wanted to date you she would have chosen your date over his. That "yes... well actually" or "yes, but" is a way of letting you down easy. You didn't get a date "taken" from you, it was never going to happen.
I don't think any of my friends would ever do this. Seems pretty fucked up.
Not digging through the thread to see if you've given more context though.
Not digging through the thread to see if you've given more context though.
Well-spoken my ass
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