I was a long time lurker on the thread of the other forum so I kind of know a little about some posters here, I always wanted to read your opinion to my problems but I couldnt post (I was banned ><) so Im gonna rant here a bit I need to let it out lol
To the point and TLDR:
Any tips on how to deal with insecurity regarding serious(and non serious) relationships and the loneliness that comes with avoiding them?
Context (wall of text sorry, im kind of venting here as well):
I am 25, male, and have never been on a serious relationship before, Ive hooked up A LOT though (I use to go to clubs a lot), I do fine with women I guess but Im very insecure (even though you might not be able to tell if you saw me at the clubs lol).
When I was a child my parents would constantly fight (not physical from what I can remember), my mom would cheat on my dad a lot (I didnt know about this until I was more mature and found out this was the root cause of everything, I dont know if my father cheated back though) and well they divorced when I was like 10 and their relationship has been very bad even until the present. After the break up I would barely see my father (I live with my mom), like 2-3 times a year at times and I remember that in one of my birthdays (I was like 12 or so) he didnt even call me or anything and well that obviously affected me even though I kind of "shoved it under the carpet" at the time (I think, because I have blurry memories from my childhood and I dont really remember much) and didnt make a big deal out of it (for the record, even now I dont value my birthday much, I dont like celebrating it if that says something to you).
I believe my past experience from watching my parents relationship fail miserably made me develop commitment and insecurity issues, Ive experienced personally what a failed relationship can do (abandonment from parent and related issues which clearly affected my personality, behavior and thoughts).
I've had fair number of chances to get in a relationship with some women Ive met, but after I notice that things are getting serious I would usually take distance from them and fade away slowly even though I liked them at the time.
I believe I'm scared to get in a serious relationship with someone for them to dump me later because they found someone "better", I have hobbies I consider "boring" for a potential couple (gaming, reading on the internet and gym) and it doesnt help that im not too confident in my sex game in terms of endurance (I try hard though, but theres so much I can do right now).
Thing is, I've been hanging out with someone I met in a club in mid september or so (which is like the second time Ive been seeing the same person for this long), we see each other usually at weekends only though because of time constrains (+ Im too comfortable in my house doing nothing during the week tbh, Im kind of lazy which I know is not good but cant help it right now), Ive slept at her flat like last 4 saturdays, we talk a lot and Im kinda feeling like this is developing to something more serious. I like her but im still scared to try for something serious.
I admit im really insecure towards fidelity in relationships, im scared to give my all to someone and then get stabbed in the back to the point that I run away from relationships and dont even try, and well that have made me very lonely the past years (+ I dont have many friends, I barely see my father, etc), to cope with that I went a lot to clubs (previous to meeting her) and hooked up a lot but after some time I was still lonely and I understood that momentary romance is not a fix for that.
I would like to experience what is like to be in a serious relationship but im really insecure towards that. In my mind I would never cheat on my couple, I would prefer to break up before cheating but I dont know If that would be reciprocated obviously. I know that cheating is very easy, my experience in clubs have taught me that lol, and that actually feeds more to my insecurity and makes it harder for me to consider a serious relationship. Theres also the fact that I wouldnt want to be a controlling person in a relationship, I would like my partner to do whatever she wants without me deciding anything but I understand that insecurity can lead to controlling behavior and I dont really want that.
What would you advice me to do to get a handle of this insecurity and loneliness?
(BTW Like a year ago, for some months, I went to a psychologist for something not related to this but we ended up reaching this insecurity, which was a root issue for a lot of things in my life, I understood more about myself thanks to the sessions but I didnt feel like i made much progress since the understanding, it was everything too vague for my liking so I stopped going after a while.)
I hope I made sense, english is not my main language so im sorry if some wording seems weird. I mostly wanted to vent, I know this might be ignored because of the length (I tried hard to make it short but also wanted to let out lol) but if someone could advice me i would appreciate it, thanks and have a nice day.
