Honestly, if people can't even be bothered to find good pictures that help display them as potential dating material, they are not ready for dating and just want dates to fall on their lap with zero effort. No one is owed dates, you work for them.
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Truth. There's a good business opertunity in taking dating profile pictures for these guys though.
Get a tripod and visit interesting places. Use your phone to snap pictures. Camera? Better
Family? Have them take pictures
Interesting spot/location? Ask a stranger to snap multiple pictures of you.
My personal favorite, if you're going out on dates and visiting interesting spots/location, ask your date to snap pictures with your phone.
All of the above can be done easily. You just have to ask or buy a tripod, hit up interesting places, and snap pictures. You can make it an activity for the day/multiple days.
Get into the habit of getting pictures taken of yourself. Then you can bank them and select the best ones
I don't know what photogenic actually means. Does it mean you can smile? Im sure you're attractive to someone. Have you ever got a match? Do you have even just one friend or family member who can take a picture of you when you're out and about? A daytime photo in a city or the countryside would do. Or just get strangers to take your photo in tourist spots.
Yeah, having no photos is such a weird excuse. Just work on your self-confidence. Im not the greatest looking guy - also thinking not photogenic, but I don't give a flying fuck about that, and I've had the pleasure of dating very lovely women. Keep yourself healthy, have a haircut, dress like you care and the women will care for you.
Yeah I didn't really meant hours, more like 10+ mins besides foreplay time idk.
And well the process of finding someone that doesn't judge bc of that is just scary, makes me insecure. If I think about it logically it might also lead to a higher probability to be cheated on which hits my confidence and insecurity even more.
Yeah thats a big part of the issue, sex doesn't really satisfy me right now and makes me feel bad about myself which leads to insecurity and fear of forming relationships.
And yes you can satisfy your partner by other means but is not the same imo. In my mind it should be balanced, if you do a really good foreplay but lack heavily on the other part then they will still be left craving for more (and you too).
Right now sex is not fun/enjoyable for me and is not like I'm asexual, I definitely have a desire for it but my problem ruins the fun and makes it feel like a chore bc 95% of sex time I'm the one "putting effort" on satisfying my partner, which shouldn't be the case if I were fking normal, it should balanced and I shouldn't be thinking on it like a job. In the bed I'm not selfish at all and always put in effort to satisfy my partner but man it starts to feel like a tedious job after a while.
Regarding dating these past weeks I have been getting to know someone and she wants me to go to her home to have sex, she has said it literal a few times and I'm just anxious as fk about it bc I don't want to be a disappointment.
She's 20 and I know I shouldn't judge but by the way that she has talked to me, and the vibes that I perceive from her she's not looking for anything serious and just wants to have fun (my guess ofc) so I don't really expect much patience and understanding from her tbh which makes me even more insecure about going for sex with her. Tuesday is her bday and asked me to go to her home that day and well I'm just feeling insecure rn bc she also has been building it up for quite a few days already.
This problem is a legit curse, it sucks. It doesn't help that my libido has gone down and now I have a hard time to be able to go for a 2nd round, at least last time that's what happened (diff girl which haven't messaged me at all since then), couldnt get it for a round 2 (I was kinda drunk and jerked hours before so I guess that factored in but still).
It means that you look good in most of the photos that you take. I don't think it's necessary about being attractive (weird I know). I know people that are ok looking but they look really good in most of the photos that they are part of, and is not like they are the ones taking photos of themselves, they just know how to angle themselves/pose (w/e) for the photo for them to look good, is a weird skill lol
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Thanks! She already mentioned us meeting up again, so it's going pretty well.
Penetration is my least favourite bit about intimacy with my partner, because it is often uncomfortable if not downright sore. I would much rather spend lots of time on foreplay then only have a few minutes of actual sex than 15+ minutes. I'm sure plenty of other women feel the same. The key is communication. My partner knows I get sore easily and is always gentle and attentive. Maybe the best thing to do is to communicate how you feel about sex with your partner?
What should someone include in Tinder profiles? I'm about to make one, but don't know what to write. I see a lot of people with really short bios, or no bios at all, but my friend is adamant about me writing a "proper bio" for mine. For context: I'm a gay male, not looking for hookups but also not too serious about this since idk what I'm going after I graduate in April.
That's not really that unusual of an attitude, and I think you're right. You can spend hours in bed together and only have minutes worth of actual penetration.
C
Could be good, could be bad. Just keep dating other people and dont invest too much.
Yes, all excuses and lies.
I never like how I look in pictures. Never have. So I usually shy away from the camera at family events and don't ever take selfies. I don't go out a lot, but made a point of having people take my picture when I did go to a couple of interesting places somewhat recently, and have been using those. They're okay.
I'm going to try to get more, but don't know when I'll be out with friends again.
I get the odd match, but they're usually few and far between.
This is all easily said but not so easily done. It comes easier to some than others. I try, but I have shit self confidence and am a bigger person. Working on it, of course, but it's not simply easy done like it is easily said.
At the end of the day, a long-term relationship is hard work. If you can't even take the effort to get over being self-conscious about photos and upload some standard photos of yourself, then you probably aren't ready to handle a relationship. A successful relationship requires a lot more vulnerability than a photo with a smile or what-have-you. And the world ain't slowin' down while some of us try to catch up. Excuses, valid or not, slow us down.
Oh, I have pictures that I used. And ones I will use going forward. I just don't like them. I lost some when I deleted my accounts, but they weren't anything too special.
I'll use my event photos.
I'll use my event photos.
I had two dates yesterday. I was pretty lukewarm on one, but thought the other was fun. She seemed extremely nervous though, so it was hard to tell if she was into it or not. She eventually relaxed a bit, so that's a good sign.
What I really want is a second date with the girl I saw a week and a half ago but has been sick so we haven't been able to. We're texting each other nearly every day at this point - sometimes me starting, sometimes her - so the mutual interest is there. Stupid flu!
What I really want is a second date with the girl I saw a week and a half ago but has been sick so we haven't been able to. We're texting each other nearly every day at this point - sometimes me starting, sometimes her - so the mutual interest is there. Stupid flu!
I mean if I had a girlfriend I would talk about that with her considering there would be more trust there but talking about this with someone that you are just getting to know might not be the best if that person isnt looking for anything serious, which is my case right now. She just wants to play around from what I can see so its more difficult for me in this case to open up. And well it sucks that right now sex is looking like a chore to me because of this, is pretty depressing that I have a desire for it and at the same time I avoid it, all bc of this.
You can keep it to a sentence if you want. As mentioned previously, on Tinder your pics really are more important than your bio. A clever bio can definitely help though.
I started off with something dumb like: I think pineapple pizza should be banned.
Just to be lame, then I state some interests and my job.
My bio is also short, but it starts off with "I feel fucking fantastic all the time". And let me tell you, the positive feedback on that line is crazy high. Not a surprise though, women love positive attitude. It does so much.
The weirdest thing happened, I've been learning Korean since October and I've been trying to meet people locally to be friends. I only met girls but didn't think it would be for dating until last Tuesday, I met a girl who is about the same age and we really got along. We hung out more and we ended up dating now, she said she wants to go back to Korea though because some things happened today.
I'm not sure what I'm doing but I like her too so I think I can see how it goes. I had a Coffee Meets Bagel date last week which was way worse than any hangout I had with this Korean girl so far, but didn't actually plan to date so I was surprised it just suddenly happened.
I'm not sure what I'm doing but I like her too so I think I can see how it goes. I had a Coffee Meets Bagel date last week which was way worse than any hangout I had with this Korean girl so far, but didn't actually plan to date so I was surprised it just suddenly happened.
Don't like feelings
Feelings complicate things
I like spending time with her, I spend a lot of my time with her, we went on an actual date that went well on Saturday, but like...fuck feelings
It's really not mate. I've got to be honest i was very sceptical about Tinder dates turning into actual relationships but what i observed changed my mind about that.
One of my best friends met her boyfriend on Tinder and they're in a strong relationship since then.
She was feeling weird at first but realizing the fact that it is actually not weird - at - all is not hard.
No it's weird because I don't like having feelings at this stage
I'm autistic. Social skills are a struggle for me. But I want to date. I want to meet people and feel less lonely. I just do not have the social skills or the confidence, nor do I have any clue where to start to gain those. When I was younger I had more confidence, but the lack of social skills led to me being... really fucking creepy if I'm being honest. Realizing how bad I was took my already-beginning-to-sink confidence out back and shot it dead. But I have no idea where to start to rebuild my confidence or my ability to interact with people.
All of my social skills comes from years of practice practice practice. I have had minimal opportunity to practice dating. That doesn't help either.
All of my social skills comes from years of practice practice practice. I have had minimal opportunity to practice dating. That doesn't help either.
I'm also on the spectrum and have a similar back story. I know how difficult the dating scene can be. So I'll start off by saying this, that you recognise your flaws is a perfect start. It means that you can learn to work on them and overcome them. If you want to work on your social skills then consider applying for a small, part-time job that has you interacting with other people on a regular basis. Volunteer to work on the checkout of a charity shop, or try finding a small, quiet pub to do some bar work, where you can build a rapport with the regulars.
Don't beat yourself up for being autistic though. You don't have to wear the fact on your sleeve when getting to know people, unless there's something they should know about you, like having an aversion to being touched. Otherwise just let that detail be something you save for telling someone if you end up in a serious relationship with them because, frankly, it's not that important. Don't be afraid to let your passions shine through, and don't beat yourself up for every little faux pas that you make. Believe it or not, but you potentially have the advantage of being able to come across as unique, quirky and interesting. I've managed to start a few conversations on OKC by sharing silly little pieces of trivia with people who mention similar interests to me on their profile.
Good luck with the dating scene Oni! I truly hope it goes well for you.
So I'm thinking of finally giving online dating a try. The thing is that I'm disabled and use a wheelchair pretty much full-time. Do I need to address that any further than a body shot that will inevitably show me in my chair? Just in terms of my profile. I'm used to fielding some wacky questions in real life and I dunno if I need to address anything preemptively here.
the bolded seems to be enough in my opinion
putting preemptive answers to stupid questions, while probably justified, would make you come off as bitter to many
Just answer the most obvious question that people will ask or perhaps want to ask in your profile. Simple with no life story "I have to use a wheelchair because...". My dads life partner is in a wheelchair and he met him through online dating, so having a disability does not disqualify you from being able to find someone through online dating.
About the whole picture thing. If you don't have enough friends to take pictures of you or don't do enough things or go enough places to have some decent photos, that just shows an underlying issue that is going to continue to be a problem in dating.
You can make it a mission to dress up and go to a bar with a friend with the intention of taking dating pictures and while that may get you some good ones, it's not gonna fix the long term problem that you don't socialize or get out or do much at all, things which will greatly limit your dating opportunities.
Really you should be trying to be more social and do more interesting things, go more interesting places to round yourself out as a person and just to enjoy yourself. The potential tinder pics are just a bonus rather than the goal. You want to be doing these things where you're having pictures taken.
You can make it a mission to dress up and go to a bar with a friend with the intention of taking dating pictures and while that may get you some good ones, it's not gonna fix the long term problem that you don't socialize or get out or do much at all, things which will greatly limit your dating opportunities.
Really you should be trying to be more social and do more interesting things, go more interesting places to round yourself out as a person and just to enjoy yourself. The potential tinder pics are just a bonus rather than the goal. You want to be doing these things where you're having pictures taken.
sure but some of us do all that without taking pictures of themselves
before the whole internet dating thing caught on with the general population taking pictures of yourself all the time was considered quite the narcissistic thing to do, so not everyone is in the habit of snapping pictures all the time. those of us would need to make a concerted effort to take pictures when we're out and about
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Sexting girl went quiet on me. Not sure if because travels or the spark is gone (we hadn't exchanged pics in awhile) but I'm a tad concerned but not surprised it came to this.
I was fine with waiting for her to come back to our home state to meet up and hook up and have this casual thing but I think I was an ends to a mean.
She got off and found something better.
I'm done messaging her. It's a lesson not to sext so early on when you're just getting to know someone.
I was fine with waiting for her to come back to our home state to meet up and hook up and have this casual thing but I think I was an ends to a mean.
She got off and found something better.
I'm done messaging her. It's a lesson not to sext so early on when you're just getting to know someone.
this sounds much more like a managing-expectations-with-distance/travel-issues problem (been there) than a texting-too-early problem
I'm glad you've brought this up because it's also something I've wanted to raise for a while but without directly quoting someone looking for advice. Whenever we answer what the recomended profile picture are and the reply to that is "I don't have any friends, any friends that will help me take pictures or I don't go,out and do activities or go to bars" I'm just thinking to myself then why the fuck would any woman want to date you? If all you do is game/anime what's the relationship proposition? Sit on the couch with me and look at the TV and have sex sometimes?
This again leads into that you've got to be a rounded person, get out, be sociable and take risks to try new things. A girlfriend is not going to transform you into and activity packed social darling by her presence. That's the lie some of these guys tell themselves "If I had a girlfriend I'd do all this stuff" but the reality is they would do it a few times and then just retreat back to thier comfort zone, she gets bored and dumps them.
Best bit of relationship advice I ever was given was "You've got to take your girl out for the day regularly" doesn't matter where you go, just out to a park or bar at the bare minimum. Going with her to the supermarket doesn't count for example.
No i am talking about me in general. I wasnt dating until my mid 20s and then i got into a long relationship where i was often used and it lasted 9 years too long before I had the guts to end it.
Well yeah of course provided you're actually a nice person that's being actually nice and not a dreaded Nice Guy that's being nice to get something out of it.
Self proclaimed "nice guys" usually never are. You've just already played the "I was used card" just like TheBeardedOne.
Fine dont believe me if you want. But speaking in general about nice guys and dating.
"Asking for a friend", sorry I missed that in your one sentence post.
I mean her phone could have died or she's out of service but we were talking daily and now it's at a standstill. I'm probably miss reading the situation.