Here's my insta. I mostly post about shows I go to (which is a lot of them). It's good stuff!
So what is the general feeling you folks have about the nature of (male) gay dating culture?
I'm not gay, so the only interactions I've had with it have been from the outside and fairly fleeting, but it's always struck me as being extremely aggressive and off-putting. Is that an inaccurate perception?
The common "gay men in conflict" stereotype is one of passive aggression, but given the level of testosterone involved, I'd assume that a lot of interactions can be violently as well as sexually charged in what might be considered more "traditionally" masculine way as well, and I'm wondering if that holds true at all.
Your outside context makes you feel you are seeing something different or unusual when really it's a lot of the same shit hetero couples face. A lot of people you meet at a club or on a dating app are kind of assholes just looking for a selfish indulgence. Sometimes that's all you want too so the feeling is mutual. But hook-up culture isn't really that different between gay or straight couples.
Gay dating isn't any fundamentally different than straight dating. It accommodates all kinds of different styles, personalities, and expectations. Gay men have fleeting hook ups. Gay men have personal and intimate first dates. Gay men do all the things regular cishet people do when they're dating and there is nothing consistently aggressive or violent about gay male courtship. Hook-up culture has a language that might be faster-paced than some people prefer but this is true whether the parties are gay men or not. Male sexuality is not naturally "violent" or "aggressive". It's pretty harmful to operate under the assumption it is.
What makes gay dating different than straight dating is honestly just availability. Gay people from small towns with smaller populations of eligible partners may go much of their young lives unable to connect with somebody sexually. Then maybe they move to the city or go to college and suddenly all these gay people have options and it's almost overwhelming. This shared impulse to finally just indulge freely with another sexual partner can make gay coupling seem rapid. But straight people go to college and have tons of sex too. So it's not really that different, is it?
But outside of these environments it can be harder to meet someone. Sometimes you can tell somebody is gay just by looking at them, but not always, so you can't just assume everyone you meet is a possible romantic partner. This is why some people rely so heavily on gay clubs, gay bars, and gay dating apps. At least you know everybody in there is gay. You can be more forward with each other. When you waste so much time in the real world just trying to figure out if someone is gay or not it's refreshing to just be honest about what you want and what you're looking for. This might be why gay people see more forward to you. By the time two gay people are finally talking to each other they may want to just get to the point.
Gay people are also just as vulnerable and susceptible to gender roles as straight people too. So the hot guy at the club looking for a piece of meat might act the same regardless of their sexuality. You are probably used to seeing these guys approaching women. The difference is that now these two hot guys looking for a quick lay are talking to each other instead. The energy may seem different to you even though it isn't. There's just twice as much of it.
But in general, no, I wouldn't generalize gay men or gay dating as aggressive or violent. This kind of characterization makes gay men seem predatory or perverse, which are some lousy stereotypes to have to contend with. What I think you're seeing are the ordinary hook-up archetypes just in situations you are less familiar with which makes them seem more alien than they really are.
If the general thought here is that gay dating and straight dating is the same, then wouldn't a reasonable extension of that thought be that it would face the same issues of "toxic" masculinity, but perhaps even moreso?
I've talked to a few guys over Insta but in general I'm just bored with it all. No offense to any of you here, obviously, but I'm just so sick of dudes haha. Thank god I'm already married.
I'm just so sick of guys wanting to hook up immediately or sending unsolicited dick pics etc. We're definitely open but I can't just find a dude and sleep with them. I'm not programmed that way. I've been more than clear about it but it's just like PLEASE STOP. And then apparently I'm being a "tease" by not putting out immediately. idk - it blows. And not in a good way.
I know, I know - that's just how dating apps work. But I'm about to just wash my hands of all of it and retire back to being a monogamous husband.
Welcome!
What languages do you speak? I would love to learn French myself.
I speak four: spanish, catalan, english and korean. I have been having a hard time with the last one because I get too embarrassed to talk, but I know the grammar pretty well... ^^" I learnt a bit of french in high school, but now I just remember the basics, although I can understand it more or less okay. I'd like to brush up on it but I'm not the best at organizing my time. I remember when I practiced speaking my throat would get coarse 30min. in because of the phonetics (mostly the french r).. that was painful lol
What about you? Anything besides French?
Anyone else work in a hyper masculine work environment? Recently a topic of discussion came up that makes me uncomfortable but I know I shouldn't say anything because then they'll treat me differently and I don't know its worth it because I won't change their minds.
I worked in the automobile industry. We all wore suits and drank at work everyday; like the last bastion of a boys club. I just kept my head down and didn't talk about my personal life much. It sucks, but you're correct, you'd be "other'd" instantly.Anyone else work in a hyper masculine work environment? Recently a topic of discussion came up that makes me uncomfortable but I know I shouldn't say anything because then they'll treat me differently and I don't know its worth it because I won't change their minds.
Pretty new to ERA (more or less). Making time for my anticipatory anxiety of going to the gym byyy answering the OP questions, yay
- Your gender? Your sexual identity? Ciswoman, she/her (they/them too, I don't mind)
- Your sexual orientation? Lesbian
- Where Are You From? Spain
- Favorite Type of Music? K-Pop, Post-rock,
- Profession or Career interest? Branding (graphic design)
- Favorite video game(s)? Final Fantasy X, or Bioware games.. Celeste is up there too
- What are your hobbies (other than gaming)? Learning languages, soccer, Marvel movies..
Anyone else work in a hyper masculine work environment? Recently a topic of discussion came up that makes me uncomfortable but I know I shouldn't say anything because then they'll treat me differently and I don't know its worth it because I won't change their minds.
I work around trains. The people I work around the most come from Asia originally and older than me by quite a bit, so you can probably guess their views on LGBTQ+ people. Guy from the Philippines has been telling the guy from Vietnam that "his newborn isn't a boy, its a gay. I'm serious send me pictures of his hair and eyebrows I can tell you if he's gay." It just makes me a little uncomfortable but I don't feel like its worth doing anything.Welcome, welcome. Always good to see another Bioware fan around.
What type of work environment and what was the topic, exactly?
Yeah. That's ehat I feel like would happen.I worked in the automobile industry. We all wore suits and drank at work everyday; like the last bastion of a boys club. I just kept my head down and didn't talk about my personal life much. It sucks, but you're correct, you'd be "other'd" instantly.
Anyone else work in a hyper masculine work environment? Recently a topic of discussion came up that makes me uncomfortable but I know I shouldn't say anything because then they'll treat me differently and I don't know its worth it because I won't change their minds.
I work around trains. The people I work around the most come from Asia originally and older than me by quite a bit, so you can probably guess their views on LGBTQ+ people. Guy from the Philippines has been telling the guy from Vietnam that "his newborn isn't a boy, its a gay. I'm serious send me pictures of his hair and eyebrows I can tell you if he's gay." It just makes me a little uncomfortable but I don't feel like its worth doing anything.
Yeah. That's ehat I feel like would happen.
She grabbed me and initiated the kiss. Every thought in my head melted into incoherence and my balance gave out. We avoided crashing through the wall at the last second lol.Do you guys remember your first [gay] kiss? How did it happen? What's your story?
I was seeing the guy for about a month, and we had slept in the same bed a couple times. One night he asked me for a goodnight kiss, and I said sure. Das it. lolDo you guys remember your first [gay] kiss? How did it happen? What's your story?
Do you guys remember your first [gay] kiss? How did it happen? What's your story?
Do you guys remember your first [gay] kiss? How did it happen? What's your story?
Were you on a date?She grabbed me and initiated the kiss. Every thought in my head melted into incoherence and my balance gave out. We avoided crashing through the wall at the last second lol.
So, you were dating and even shared a bed yet you didn't kiss for a month. That's patience! :OI was seeing the guy for about a month, and we had slept in the same bed a couple times. One night he asked me for a goodnight kiss, and I said sure. Das it. lol
WHOA! A castle. It does make it interesting :PMy friend lived in a castle tower - no joke. She had a boy she wanted me to meet and we climbed to the third story of the tower and he kissed me. Wasn't special, wasn't great, wasn't romantic but it's interesting I guess.
I think I remember this from the old forum. He wasn't/isn't gay?I was 20 and I had come out recently. One of my best friends always asked me about my love life and knew I had no experience at all. Also he knew I had a big crush on my then best friend. So, one day we were in my car, only the two of us, at night, because we were going to another friend's apartment. He asked me if I wanted to kiss him. I said yes. He regretted it at first and said it was a joke, but I insisted a bit more, so we kissed, for a very brief moment. It was definitely the worst kiss of my life, plus he was smoking moments before and I hate that smell.
I'm pretty sure there are some movies that start exactly this way :PWith a man? When I was 21. Quite late, but I was in hiding because of my religious background. But the ironic part is that my first gay kiss was with the local imam.
He always visited my parents to fix their tv and computer. I was alone with him this one time. I tried to help him with the tv screen. Our faces got very close together and he suddenly kissed me.
I kissed him back because I always thought he looked very hot. We had a "thing" going on for like two months. But he was married and had three kids at that time, so it was best to end it.
With a girl? When I was 9 or so. She wanted to kiss me and I let her. Didn't feel anything special.
I was girls exclusive until my 21st year. Until Allah sent me the Imam. :D
Were you on a date?
WHOA! A castle. It does make it interesting :P
I was very conservative during my early dating times, lol. That guy and I actually still have a bit of a fire going, even though we are seeing other people casually, but still haven't done anything past making out. It's sad, actually.So, you were dating and even shared a bed yet you didn't kiss for a month. That's patience! :O
Nope, first time visiting (we had already resolved to date).