Man Marries Daughter's Bridesmaid and Childhood Friend, Daughter Demands House, This Leads to the Worst Advice Column I've Ever Read

[Drowner]

The house came from his wife's parents

It's literally generational wealth

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Oh yeah I see your point. What's an alternative to generational wealth? Like, people have to donate their money to charities when they die? I guess that could work. Maybe allow a small amount to be given to your children, to spare them from poverty? Which shouldn't be necessary b/c our government should be funding welfare programs to prevent people from struggling, but since they're not maybe allow a small amount to be inherited? I guess what I was getting at was that millionaire's setting their kids on a path to make millions more is unfair

 

[excelsiorlef]

The issue of inheritance and the father's wife being his daughter's childhood friend are entirely separate issues. They should not be conflated.

Also, I agree that this story feels made up as clickbait.

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You absolutely cannot seperate them here.

 

[Jarmel]

There's an additional emotional element of the daughter being attached to the house she grew up in (understandably), and that was passed down from her mother's parents to her parents and then growing up thinking that it was likely going to end up with her as an only child. And the weird equivalence added here where creepy dad is claiming new wife has a similar emotional claim. Which is laughable.

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In which case she and her lawyer husband can probably try to work out a deal where they buy out the new wife's share.

 

[excelsiorlef]

In which case she and her lawyer husband can probably try to work out a deal where they buy out the new wife's share.

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The wife has "loved" the house since she was a child

 

[Jarmel]

The wife has "loved" the house since she was a child

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Then she can buy out the new wife.

 

[excelsiorlef]

Then she can buy out the new wife.

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Good luck with that

 

[Leafshield]

In which case she and her lawyer husband can probably try to work out a deal where they buy out the new wife's share.

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Yeah, I think that's for the best here. Daughter's fear of being frozen out entirely was a rational fear that kicked this off though, as, if it wasn't addressed at all and left unsaid for another 30 years or whatever, she stood to lose any inheritance at all given her bridesmaid/new stepmother is of a similar age. It's only dad's attempt to do what's 'fair' that's even bringing the element of shares in here at all.

 

[Drowner]

You absolutely cannot seperate them here.

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Why not? She's his wife now, same as she would be if she had never met his daughter

 

[Disco Infernal]

Generational wealth is bad unless it's a means to please your new wife who grew up playing with your daughter in the house

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[Stone Cold]

She isn't owed shit, he was gifted the house outright by his deceased wife's family, it's still his house. What his daughter is doing (not letting him see grandkids) is just as fucked up, if not more fucked up than what he is doing.

 

[FliX]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

 

[boontobias]

Estate planning is super important and should be handled professionally and proactively. Not through threats of withholding contact with grandchildren lol. Although like any advice column we're only getting one side of the story.

 

[Melody Shreds]

She isn't owed shit, he was gifted the house outright by his deceased wife's family, it's still his house. What his daughter is doing (not letting him see grandkids) is just as fucked up, if not more fucked up than what he is doing.

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How is what she's doing more fucked up than fucking and marrying her childhood friend whom he's known since she was a literal child.

 

[excelsiorlef]

Why not? She's his wife now, same as she would be if she had never met his daughter

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Because we're talking beyond nuts n Bolts legality

 

[excelsiorlef]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

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It's beyond kinda creepy come on.

 

[Leafshield]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

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I mean…. It's a bit beyond 'maybe kinda' creepy isn't it?

 

[RoninZ]

What a piece of shit father to do that to his daughter

 

[excelsiorlef]

She isn't owed shit, he was gifted the house outright by his deceased wife's family, it's still his house. What his daughter is doing (not letting him see grandkids) is just as fucked up, if not more fucked up than what he is doing.

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Nah

 

[Rosebud]

Is it kinda creepy? Maybe.

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It's very creepy

Like, imagine any child you know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future?

 

[Drowner]

Estate planning is super important and should be handled professionally and proactively. Not through threats of withholding contact with grandchildren lol. Although like any advice column we're only getting one side of the story.

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I wish they'd get the daughter to write in with more details, ha. Like if it turned out that the wife/daughter's friend was actually really close with the father/ husband when she was growing up, and he was grooming her only to later marry her, well actually I wouldn't think she's any less entitled to his property but I would be appalled at his grooming, which would make the story more interesting. As it is, it reads like he had met her when she was a kid and then they just happened to hit it off later in life, them having met when she was a kid doesn't really seem relevant to their relationship, aside from making the daughter feel uncomfortable, which is not nothing, you'd think the father/husband would have done a little more exploring before settling with her, so as to prevent his daughter from feeling uncomfortable. But what do I know- I've never loved someone. Maybe when you meet the right person, other factors are less important.

 

[excelsiorlef]

How is what she's doing more fucked up than fucking and marrying her childhood friend whom he's known since she was a literal child.

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And hooking up with her at his daughter's wedding

 

[Stooge]

1) Pretty sure this is bullshit.

2) The fake dad would be a creep.

3) Inherited wealth is shitty anyway and has created generations of fucking useless rich shits who contribute nothing to society while people starve - you should only get that house if you can cough up like a 50% tax on the value of the property.

4) Using your children as leverage is also shitty.

5) Cutting off your creep ass dad and shitty friend however on grounds of them sucking seems fair. Just don't use the kids as bait for financial gain.

 

[Apath]

You absolutely cannot seperate them here.

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Yes you can because the morality of whether he should or should not have married his daughter's friend does not change the fact that her father would likely remarry at some point and the house is his to do with as he pleases. So regardless of who his wife ended up being, the issue of inheritance would come up.

 

[Darknight]

You absolutely cannot seperate them here.

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I think you can and should.

Let's say he found someone else and married them and in this situation it wasn't a close friend of hers. The daughter would still be in the same situation of being at risk of not getting anything. So different person, but same end result. Are we saying that in no situation does the second wife have rights to anything? Are we saying if they had a child, that that child would be instantly disqualified and never having a chance because another kid came first and their parent died before the second child came into existence?

I think you have to separate the two scenarios when trying to discuss how to proceed in a general sense. Otherwise, we're just making up criteria of who qualifies and who doesn't and that to me seems to get dicey. Who else doesn't qualify? Mom's best friend? Mom's worst enemy? Mom's sister? Dad's best friend? New wife who is 10 years younger? New wife who is 20 years younger?

Don't get me wrong, what the dad did is gross, but how it impacts the rights to the house I'm not sure should be solely based on simply the fact on details of who the new wife is and any future children involved.

 

[Sensei]

Lmao if this situation happened to me i would simply have to kill my dad haha. this is crazy

 

[RecLib]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

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He knew her when she was in middle school when she regularly visited the house enough to fall in love with it. This is beyond creepy and into very potential grooming territory. Adults should not date children they were around regularly enough to influence. This is a full stop statement come on dude.

 

[excelsiorlef]

5) Cutting off your creep ass dad and shitty friend however on grounds of them sucking seems fair. Just don't use the kids as bait for financial gain.

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I don't get the impression it's about financial gain, I think she has a sentimental attachment to the house, creepy Dad outright says she offered to let weird ass hopefully former best friend live in the house, she just wants to make sure it's hers and that she doesn't lose it.

There's no talk of selling

 

[Drowner]

Because we're talking beyond nuts n Bolts legality

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You'll have to elaborate if you want to get your point across to me

 

[Rosebud]

Yes you can because the morality of whether he should or should not have married his daughter's friend does not change the fact that her father would likely remarry at some point and the house is his to do with as he pleases. So regardless of who his wife ended up being, the issue of inheritance would come up.

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We don't know if the daughter would react the same if she wasn't her childhood friend, probably not because this situation is unique

 

[Jarmel]

Because we're talking beyond nuts n Bolts legality

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My dad has a million dollar home that I largely grew up and have good memories. If he sold it when he was 85 and spent every single dollar on a coke fueled binge, that is well within his rights and I wouldn't begrudge him it. I would be annoyed for a few months but it's his. Same if he received a bunch of money from his mother-in-law, my grandmother. Unless that money was specifically noted and allocated for me, my grandparents gave it to him to use however he chooses. It isn't my money or property, and it would be wrong of me to assume that, until he's dead and the will kicks in.

 

[Merv]

House should remain in her mother's bloodline. ie go to her daughter.

Everything else is irrelevant and is only used to make it more salacious. Age of new wife, new wife's relationship to daughter, ect, doesn't matter.

 

[UnderSiege]

Like, imagine any child you know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future?

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Imagine a child you don't know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future? Let's hope you wouldn't in either case.

 

[Darknight]

There's no talk of selling

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To be fair, we don't know what the daughter's intentions are. We only have the perspective of what the father was told by the daughter. For all we know is she could be manipulating the father because she knows that the house is worth 2 million and is trying to do whatever it takes to make sure she gets her share. So saying how meaningful it is could simply be words used to convince the father when the reality is she wants a cut of that 2 million.

 

[AuthenticM]

excelsiorlef What is your stance on the morality of excluding the guy's new kids from the value of the house in the exclusive favor of the current daughter?

 

[Drowner]

I don't get the impression it's about financial gain, I think she has a sentimental attachment to the house, creepy Dad outright says she offered to let weird ass hopefully former best friend live in the house, she just wants to make sure it's hers and that she doesn't lose it.

There's no talk of selling

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"sentimental attachment" to an $850,000 house or whatever is ridiculous. People move all the time. Leave her a necktie or some photos or something lol

 

[FF Seraphim]

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.
Is it kinda creepy? Maybe. Is it something I would do? No. Is it complicated? Absolutely. Is this going to destroy all relationships involved? Very likely.
But beyond that I find especially the columnist advice relatively even headed…
🤷🏻‍♀️
He could also be marrying a 45 year old and still get kids, age really doesn't seem to factor in imho. He might even adopt children without marrying…

Click to shrink...

This is how I see it.
I think the daughter would react the same if he even married someone who was 35 opposed to whatever age his daughter and friend is.
I think the daughter didn't realize her dad might remarry and have more kids and now that she thinks she may lose the house she is going to withhold her dad seeing her child. Yeah it may be creepy that the dad married the daughter's friend. However, I think the daughter would have had this issue no matter who he married.

 

[Rosebud]

Imagine a child you don't know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future? Let's hope you wouldn't in either case.

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Hell no, but in the OP's case it can enter grooming terriroty

 

[Stooge]

excelsiorlef What is your stance on the morality of excluding the guy's new kids from the value of the house in the exclusive favor of the current daughter?

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I mean the general issue is inheritance is dumb as a concept.

 

[Cipherr]

Whether or not these stories are fake doesn't even matter. The way they bring out defense forces for some of the most absurd stuff is worthwhile.

People are REALLY messed up. And I just think its of some value to be reminded of that by discussions like this.

 

[Raftina]

Estate planning is super important and should be handled professionally and proactively. Not through threats of withholding contact with grandchildren lol. Although like any advice column we're only getting one side of the story.

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The mechanics of estate planning, as well as what is possible, should be handled professionally. The general plan of what to do is a personal decision within the family. If a lawyer gets involved in the latter, it would be as a trusted mediator, not an estate planning professional.

 

[excelsiorlef]

You'll have to elaborate if you want to get your point across to me

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The house has direct ties to her mother's side of the family, it's her childhood home that from the letter he suggests she clearly cares about.

Look if he wanted to sell it, maybe that's a different story

But there's no talk of selling from anyone

Ultimately obviously legally he can do whatever, morally he should give it to her for a myriad of reasons, including that it's lineage is to his dead wife's family.

Then when we add in the other option is the childhood friend of your daughter that you hooked up with a her wedding and then rushed into an engagement and moved her in and who has said crazy shit like I've loved this house since I was a child

Then the house especially should go to the daughter

 

[Morrigan]

Yeah this story is probably fake blah blah blah but we're all arguing as if it were real, so can we cut the crap please

The father is a creepy piece of shit and the house should go to the daughter. It's 100% cut and dry to me. I don't even think the daughter is out of line for using the grandkid as leverage, simply because the dad is a huge creep and I wouldn't want my kids around him anyway. If anything he's lucky he gets a chance to see his grandson in exchange for only giving up the house 🤷‍♀️

She could like just be happy he found love again after losing his wife of at least sixteen years from cancer instead of extorting him over a house.

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lmao

He shouldn't give it only to her. He should put in his will that the rights to the house go to all of his children in equal shares. The children that he would have with his new wife do not deserve to be punished because their father is a creep. I think it would be severely morally wrong to exclude them from the inheritance. I also think that the current daughter should have a moral compass attuned enough that she can see this as well.

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Nah you're being way dramatic here, his children wouldn't be "punished" by not having access to that house. "Severely morally wrong", c'mon bro.

Also you keep saying to split the house but outside of selling its money values, there is no realistic way to split a house among two families. The daughter doesn't want the house's financial value in money, she wants to live in the actual house because it has sentimental value.

I honestly find the moral outrage a little baffling.

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Fucking hell, is this for real? He knew her since she was in middle school

The dude's a creep and very likely a groomer 🤮 And you say this? This is a disgustingly dismissive post and I'm frankly disappointed.

 

[Rosebud]

People are REALLY messed up.

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Seriously...

excelsiorlef What is your stance on the morality of excluding the guy's new kids from the value of the house in the exclusive favor of the current daughter?

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They also won't have a share when the dad marry his new kid friend

 

[excelsiorlef]

excelsiorlef What is your stance on the morality of excluding the guy's new kids from the value of the house in the exclusive favor of the current daughter?

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They shouldn't have kids and if the wife knows there's no dream home maybe she won't be fucking stupid and have kids with a 50+ year old creep and father to her supposed friend

 

[Zippedpinhead]

I wonder if the daughter would be behaving the same way if the father was just trying to sell the house, as opposed to the whole marry her best friend thing.

Just curious. Legally it's one thing, and in practice it's another.

My mother in law has half sisters that are my wife's age so what do I know… nothing that's what. Family is weird and can be terrible and ultimatums never work out. Just bad all around.

 

[Dodongo]

Wild how many people are leaping to defend the man whose completely edited, biased version of the story involves him fucking a childhood friend of his daughters he saw regularly when she was in middle school.

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It's creepy as shit

 

[Merv]

Imagine a child you don't know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future? Let's hope you wouldn't in either case.

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Nah, this isn't true. 10yr gap between 25yr old and 15yr old is criminal and immoral. 10yr gap between 45yr olf and 35yr old isn't shit. What makes this weird is that he knew her as a child and they had a differnet power dynamic prior to them hooking up. If a 50yr old and a 25-30yr old hook up outside of that situation it's not a big deal imo. This is assuming it there was no other power dynamic going on where the older individual was a superior to the the younger in some way. Even then 25-30yr olds are mature and can make their own decisions.

If the young partner is closer to 20, that's when it gets questionable.

 

[AuthenticM]

Also you keep saying to split the house but outside of selling its money values, there is no realistic way to split a house among two families. The daughter doesn't want the house's financial value in money, she wants to live in the actual house because it has sentimental value.

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I'm sure she doesn't, but the fact is that the house has value, and that value is transmissible. Both legally and morally.

They shouldn't have kids and if the wife knows there's no dream home maybe she won't be fucking stupid and have kids with a 50+ year old creep and father to her supposed friend

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You're not answering my question.

 

[Disco Infernal]

It's very creepy

Like, imagine any child you know right now. Would you think about marrying them in the future?

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No. And I doubt he did.

 

[The Albatross]

I'm convinced the slate relationship advice column is fake but it's bonkers every week.

I think the advice is good from the writers perspective. He can't change the insane demand by his daughter to disavow access to his grandchild unless he gives her his house, that's ridiculous. He can only control himself and getting a will and putting his wishes in the will makes perfect sense. Can't change other peoples reactions to your choices. It's fucking wild to date your daughters friend and marry her but not that crazy, probably not all that unusual like, in the grand scheme of crazy relationships

There's very valid feelings. Daughter wants the house and is pissed at dad and friend. But that sort of ultimatum is fucking nuts from the daughter. Give me your house or never see your grandchildren again? Da fuq. The gall of the daughter not just to try to hold her kid hostage for a house, but also prevent her own child from having a relationship with their grandparents, esp if there's no abuse or illegality here. It'd still be weird as hell… esp when the friend starts acting like her kids grandmother…… that'd be awkward as fuck if the new bride tells the baby to call her Nana. 😂

I think dating someone 25 years younger than you or w/e is weird, I'd never do it because I'd dread having to put up with a 25 year old as a old fuck but not that crazy. The lines about remembering her as a teenager is weird, it doesn't mean he was lusting after a teenager. I remember a college roommate had an 12 year old sister when we started, Yknow, guys little sister, the baby, and then for his 30th bday party his little sister was in her 20s and pretty much every guy to a tee was like "… wait… that's your sister… wtf…" doesn't mean anybody was lusting after a 12 year old but we were all taken aback at the moment. Now… none of us married her so… that might change things….

This is average drama for slate advice column tho. Every week is gsngbusters.